Two more reasons not to watch the Miss USA pageant

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This year’s Miss USA pageant is shaping up to be even more annoying than usual, if that’s possible. In addition to the standard fare of helmet hair, vaseline smiles, swimsuits and stupid questions that somehow always lead to the answer “World Peace,” the Donald Trump-produced cheesefest will also feature Donny and Marie Osmond as hosts.

Donnie [sic] and Marie Osmond will host the upcoming Miss USA pageant. The Miss Universe Organization says the brother-and-sister, song-and-dance stars will perform on the NBC Universal show April 11 from the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino on the Las Vegas Strip. The network owns the pageant with real estate mogul Donald Trump.

Pageant executives say the telecast will represent the first time Donny and Marie Osmond have hosted a prime-time show together since 2000.

[From Associated Press]

heathermills.jpg As if a Donny and Marie reunion wasn’t reason enough to send you screaming from your television set, guess who’s signed on as a judge for the pageant? None other than that one-legged lawyer-soaker, Heather Mills.

“Extra” has exclusively learned that Heather Mills has been booked as a judge for The Miss USA Pageant, scheduled to take place on April 11 in Las Vegas.

Mills was a contestant on last season’s “Dancing with the Stars.” She was just been awarded almost $50 million in her divorce settlement with Sir Paul McCartney.

[From ExtraTV]

I really don’t see how this show could get any worse, unless Donald Trump decided to compete in the swimsuit portion of the evening. I guess you could turn it into a drinking game- every time Heather Mills says something crazy, you do a shot. And every time Marie Osmond plugs her creepy dolls, you chug a beer. You’ll be wasted by the time the talent competition starts- which, if you think about it, is the only way to watch this crap.

Donny and Marie Osmond are shown performing at the Osmond Family reunion on 8/14/07, thanks to PRPhotos.
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19 Responses to “Two more reasons not to watch the Miss USA pageant”

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  1. Syko says:

    One legged lawyer soaker? LMAO!

    I sort of like Donny and Marie. So throw rocks at me. But I won’t watch it anyway because I love my computer much much more than I love my TV.

  2. geronimo says:

    Please someone somewhere tell me how Heather got this gig? Here in the UK, she couldn’t get TV work for love nor money. Is it on the car-crash TV principle? Is this on some really cheesy channel desperate for viewers? Was she booked to do it before this week’s excesses? So many questions! I’m really curious.

  3. Rianna says:

    She needs to hop along back to whatever hole she crawled from. Wooden that be nice??

    … LOL I just had to put that in there! Its too easy.

  4. Syko says:

    Geronimo, I think it’s the car crash principle. We just love to watch a train wreck.

  5. xanax says:

    Why did Donny & Marie have to crawl out from under the rock they were hiding? They are EVERYWHERE now!! I liked them 25 years ago (I was too young to know better) but for fuck sakes. And Heather Bitch Mills? How did she/it get involved with this? I’m with Syko, I’ll stick to my computer.

  6. geronimo says:

    Thanks, syko, I agree it’s the only thing that makes sense.

  7. Cindy Kennedy says:

    I see nothing wrong with Donny and Marie. They were great in the 70s they are great now. I love them!!!!

  8. Megan says:

    Haha I like the drinking game idea, I will definitely try that. Donnie is so hilariously funny.

  9. headache says:

    What in the flying fuck qualifies Heather Mills for judging pageant contestants? Breathing the same air as Stella McCartney??

  10. Kate says:

    The Osmonds aren’t perfect, and Marie seems to have had more than her share of personal problems, but the whole family seems to be made up of generally decent people who treat each other and non-family members well. They seem like grown-ups, so I have trouble caring if they’re a little hokey.

    Heather Mills, on the other hand, seems like she is the exact opposite. She used to be very involved in anti-landmine efforts, which certainly is worthy. I’d like to see her go back to that focus, but I have no confidence that she will. Her time now seems to be spent in self-justification. Bleah.

  11. OXA says:

    HEATHER MILLS IS A MEDIA WHORE THAT WOULD ATTEND THE OPENING OF AN ENVELOPE.
    I WILL NOT WATCH THE SHOW BECAUSE SHE IS ON IT.

  12. journey says:

    maybe heather and marie will get in a cat-spat? that would make the show worth watching! especially if in the midst of the hair pulling and cussing donny jumped in to try and pull the brit hussy off his little dumpling of a sister. a free-for-all at the miss america contest might ensue with all the contestants going at each other tooth, nail and spike heels. maybe the donald’s hair would even get mussed!

  13. frewt says:

    Oh geez, as if this craptacular event needed any less credibility they hire a judge who’s only tenuous link to the beauty industry was some suspect ‘sex manual’ modelling. Puhlease!

  14. Cindy Kennedy says:

    Marie Osmond is not the type to get into cat fights. Heather, sure.

  15. Sasha says:

    I hear Heather Mills doesn’t have a leg to stand on this show.

  16. Anne says:

    So shoot me, I kind of love Donny Osmond. He comes across as a nice guy that doesn’t take himself all that seriously. I mean, he was in a Weird Al video, for crying out loud. Called “White and Nerdy”
    (And I totally used to watch that Donny and Marie talk show way back when.)

  17. SailorAlphaCentauri says:

    See, Anne beat me to the punch! That’s exactly why I like Donnie: The crazy dancing he does in White and Nerdy cracks me up every time.

    While I’m not old enough to remember Donnie and Marie’s career, I don’t really have any feelings about them one way or the other.

    Heather Mills, however, needs to go back to her side of the pond (as the Brits put it) and stay the hell away from here. I don’t think she realizes that she’s yesterday’s news here in the U.S. and that nobody cares about her bitching. A judge called her a liar and she got less than she was asking for, so she needs to hobble home and leave the rest of us alone.

  18. SailorAlphaCentauri says:

    And forgive me for misspelling “Donny”. I think I spelled it the way that guy from NKOTB spelled it, so I don’t know what was up with that. Sorry!