There are all sorts of stories about Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller’s impending divorce and how they’re both faring (poorly) as they head toward legally dividing their assets. Yesterday we heard that one of Charlie’s cars was found in the bottom of a ravine near his LA home, making it the second time in four months one of his cars was ditched near his house. Charlie claimed that the car was stolen from his mansion in a gated community after he left the keys in the ignition, a convenient excuse. TMZ reports that the surveillance videos from his property management company have come out and that they’re shadowy to determine the culprit.

Brooke Mueller is back in rehab
Charlie seems to have plenty of enemies so it’s hard to tell if there’s someone messing with his cars, if he’s lending them to friends as Kaiser mentioned, or if he abandoned them himself after having too much to drink. Whatever is going on with him, his estranged wife, Brooke Mueller, isn’t faring much better. She’s back in rehab for the second time since the split for what her rep claims is help with “stress management.” We’ve heard that Brooke had an alcohol and crack addiction, and that she’s been receiving treatment at home while she cares for her twin boys. Now she’s in an inpatient facility where she reportedly will be able to bring her twin sons, Max and Bob, 13 months.

Divorce papers have been drawn up and signed but are not yet filed
Charlie and Brooke have agreed on a divorce decree and have both signed the document, the full text of which is available on TMZ. It has not yet been filed with the court. Under the terms of the agreement, they will share joint legal custody of the twins, with Brooke to get primary physical custody and Charlie to get visitation on the first, third and fifth weekends of the month.

Brooke will get a whopping $55,000 in child support a month along with a settlement of $757,689.70 and a one million payout in exchange for letting Charlie keep the home. The paperwork stipulates that Brooke must receive more per month in child support than Charlie’s other ex, Denise Richards.

It also includes a gag clause for both Charlie and Brooke, with neither allowed to talk to the press about the either’s exploits. Brooke is ordered “not to disclose to any media sources personal information relating to Charlie’s sexual affairs or alleged drug usage” while Charlie must do the same. We’ll see how long it takes these two to file.

Charlie is trying to weasel out of jail time for Christmas day assault
Last, Charlie was all set to head to jail in Aspen to serve roughly two weeks in a cushy dorm-like facility with full days out on work release at a local community theater. The woman in charge of the work release program refused to sign off on the long hours and wanted to block Charlie’s smoking privileges, so his lawyer had the sentencing delayed. Now his lawyer is trying to change the plea bargain to get Charlie off with no jail time whatsoever. In exchange for going to jail without probation, his lawyer is trying to get him probation without jail. That hardly sounds the same.

Radar online quotes a source who says it’s all due to Charlie’s nicotine addiction. “Charlie realizes that any deal with jail time now means he can’t smoke. He says he can’t go without it. And Brooke is still not clean and needs rehab. That’s got Charlie worried about the kids so now he’s willing to take probation… Other people took care of the kids when both Charlie and Brooke were in rehab at the same time. But this time Charlie says he wants to be there for them. And he simply can’t deal without smoking so that clinches it.” I’m so sure he’s avoiding jail out of his deep concern for the welfare of his boys.