There’s a curious little piece online this morning at People.com – apparently, Mel Gibson’s lawyers (those poor, poor soul-selling bastards) are still playing the traditional-media game. They’ve dropped a sympathetic piece about Mel Gibson seeking therapy and one source even goes on the record with “Mel wanted to figure out how to extricate himself from this unhealthy relationship peacefully and calmly. Which is what he did. He’s coping as well as can be expected.” Oh, POOR MEL. In case you forgot, this is what Mel sounds like when in normal telephone conversation. So is People Magazine claiming to be pro-Mel, pro-abusing women with this one? You decide:
The troubled state of his relationship with girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva was not lost on Mel Gibson. “He realized how unhealthy the relationship was and recognized that they were in a bad place and he was getting his buttons pushed,” a friend tells PEOPLE.
So, earlier this year, the actor sought therapy.
Gibson, the pal says, “wanted to figure out how to extricate himself from this unhealthy relationship peacefully and calmly. Which is what he did.”
Indeed, the couple’s split around March appeared smooth on the surface, and in May the two signed a custody settlement for their 8-month-old daughter, Lucia.
Gibson’s lawyer Stephen Kolodny previously described the deal as “very generous support payments, joint custody and eventually 50/50 custody of Lucia,” while the Russian singer claimed that payments have since dried up.
But over the last few weeks, things have imploded in a very public way, with Gibson, 54, and Grigorieva, 40, locked in a bitter custody dispute and the superstar facing domestic abuse allegations and the fallout from leaked audiotapes in which Gibson berates and threatens Grigorieva during profane rants.
A source close to the case claims the tapes were recorded in February on the heels of a heated exchange in January.
Both sides agree they argued in January but differ on what exactly transpired. Grigorieva claims Gibson punched her in the face “more than once,” breaking a tooth and knocking out a veneer. Another Gibson source says the actor only “tried to stop [Oskana] from shaking their baby like a ragdoll” during the altercation.
And how Gibson is holding up amidst both the public and private drama? The actor is still in therapy and, says the friend: “He’s coping as well as can be expected.”
[From People Magazine]
So Mel’s team is still going with the defense that Mel only beat the sh-t out of Oksana because she was shaking the baby? If that was the case, why didn’t he huff and puff about that during the phone conversation? Mel’s lawyers and PR team are just as pathetic as him.
In other Mel’s-Team-Is-Scrambling news, yesterday Radar reported that Oksana had signed a contract that prohibited her from seeking out any kind of financial settlement from Mel. The gist of the story was that Oksana was probably going to challenge the contract, and that she really did want money. Now Radar’s sources claim that Mel offered Oksana $20 million, but it came with a 50-50 custody arrangement, and Oksana didn’t want her daughter to spend so much time with a deranged man:
Mel Gibson offered the mother of his illegitimate child almost $20 million to settle their bitter custody battle before it imploded, RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned. But Oksana Grigorieva rejected the massive cash settlement because she would have had to share custody of their eight-month-old daughter Lucia.
“Mel wanted Oksana to sign an agreement that would have meant Lucia spends 80 per cent of her time with her mother and the remaining 20 per cent with her father,” said a source, familiar with the case. “Over time, it could have increased to 50-50. Mel was offering a deal that would have landed Oksana almost $20 million over her lifetime, but despite the inducement, she couldn’t bring herself to sign the final agreement. Oksana thought that Lucia spending even 20 per cent of her time with Mel was too much — and after the incident on January 6, she became convinced Mel was not fit to be alone with her.”
Last month, as she prepared to launch her fight against Gibson, Oksana replaced the lawyer who masterminded the pact with the actor’s lawyers and installed her current legal eagle, Marci Levine. Yet despite Oksana’s claim that she was forced to sign the agreement against her will, the judge overseeing their custody fight upheld the original 80-20 parenting plan, said the source.
“Oksana is powerless to stop Mel from having visitation rights to Lucia,” added the insider.
The Braveheart star even had custody of his daughter on Friday, when the first tape of his disgusting and racist rantings was released to the world on RadarOnline.com. Had the Russian musician agreed to the $20 million offer, the tapes that threaten to cause one of Hollywood’s most spectacular falls from grace would have almost certainly never emerged.
Instead the battle has raged into a full-blown war with Grigorieva filing a domestic violence complaint against her one-time lover. Sources close to Grigorieva cite the co-habitation agreement and her reluctance to agree to the $20 million loot as proof she is not interested in Gibson’s fortune or tried to extort him.
Protested one source, “Oksana gave up her potential financial future in order to secure her baby daughter’s safety.”
[From Radar]
“In order to secure her baby daughter’s safety”… or get a bigger payout. No, I actually understand Oksana’s motivations, and while I still think part of it is about money, I think it’s also about Mel being a crazy, violent piece of sh-t, and Oksana being terrified and wanting to protect herself and her child.
CB and I have talked a little about commenters’ reactions to these Mel and Oksana stories, and we both wanted to thank the women who have shared their stories of domestic abuse. It takes a lot of courage to leave those situations, and your stories have been heartbreaking and educational. It’s also surprised CB and I how many defenders Mel still has, even after more and more evidence of his violent insanity has come out. How is that possible?
Mel on February 4, 2010. Oksana on June 25, 2010. Credit: Bauer-Griffin.
Aww DIDDUMS
Testament of his GUILT.
I think what we heard is just the tip of the iceberg. There are videos too. and apparently he put his own daughter in danger when punching the mum with the kid in her arms.
He is as much as a woman beater than a child abuser.
Lock him in jail !
Oh she didn’t mind the child being around a deranged man UNTIL the relationship was in the toilet. Now all of a sudden she has a problem with it.
Great parenting on her part. Stay in an unhealthy relationship long enough to get recordings, possibly endangering the child, however when question of custody comes up later, say 50/50 is too much time with a sick man.
People have always been pro-Mel. He’s been on 7 covers of that rag. I remember reading a People magazine article about him back in ’96 and deciding I hated him. He came across (imo) as a religious zealout and just an overall small-minded d-bag. Needless to say, the past 14 years have confirmed my initial impression, just added woman-abuser to the mix…
People reported back in March “Inside Mel’s New Life” he was quietly building a life with her in one of his Malibu homes. This was after his “therapy” (which is probably his false religion counseling) and getting out of the relationship when it ended with a “blow-up” in April? I agree it’s all trying to give him a good image and trying to get sympathy from people because now Oksana is getting a great deal of sympathy! I do have to support her actions trying to prevent him from having any contact with the child and I hope the judge would rule in her favor.
I am not being hateful about the baby but I strongly feel Mel’s best interest would be to relinquish his rights to this child because even if he did get ahold of himself and become better Oksana will always be there “punching his buttons” and using the baby as a “wedge against him”.
If this is the best they can do, his team really dropped the ball on this. He should have come out and issued the Mother of all Apologies, say he was horrified at his behavior, blame it on his lifelong battle with booze and allude to a deeper problem, offer kind and apologetic words to Oksana even if he choked on them, cry some weepy actor PR tears and head off to intensive rehab. Oh, and give her what she wants to make this go away as quickly as possible. Lame attempts to explain this ugliness will only make him look worse, if that’s possible.
after listening to that tape – and i couldn’t get through all of it either – i don’t think it’s about the money anymore. you couldn’t pay me enough money to leave my child with someone who could go off screaming like that. no number of millions could make me do it. i would rather waitress in a diner in the middle of the desert for the rest of my life.
It’s true. He is coping as well as can be expected…of a racist, narcissitic, sexist, egocentric pig with moral double standards.
I truly believe that Mel is definitely not the maniac the media portrays him as, he is a man that is struggling with some personal issues. Oksana, on the other hand, must have known of Mel’s problems, and nevertheless, chose to have a baby with him. She is no saint, she must have planned this from the beginning, or if not, she was undoubtedly after his money. He helped her with her album as i read! This issue is not as simple as saying that she is good and he is bad. It’s horrible of him to have hit her, YES!!! But things are not black and white here, there is more to this situation than meets the eye. We don’t know what went on between them, what she did and why he reacted the way he did. He’s certainly a man who needs professional help, but he is not the evil monster the media portrays him as. People in this business are like sharks, soeone like Oksana can’t wait to prey on!
I hope he recovers well.
I mean, ‘He was getting his buttons pushed’?? For REAL? That is what his people are coming out with? Ask ANY abuser EVER why he behaved like he did and that is exactly what they’ll say. She made me crazy. She shouldn’t have made me so angry. She pushed my buttons.
Yup, if those buttons are labelled ‘has a personality’, ‘speaks’, ‘wears something I don’t like’, ‘Is around when I need a punching bag’, ‘Isn’t exactly who I want her to be’, ‘Annoys me by existing’ or ‘breathes’ then she pushed his buttons all right.
Classic abuser-blames-emotions-on-victim talk. He was helpless! He had no control over his actions!
Mel cannot apologize for the comments because his lawyers don’t want the tapes admitted as evidence in court. I hope he is in therapy because he needs it. At least he has family support. Some of his older sons stayed with him in Mexico since the breakup.
If that $20 million figure is accurate, it’s not likely that it is a cash amount. All the property taxes on Oksana’s house are included, no doubt.
it is absolutely no defense and i still think he is a horrible human being, but i do think that his chronicled downfall over the last decade is the result of a lifelong losing battle with alcohol.
I can’t read some of the comments on this site, they make me sick. This kind of thinking, there’s no smoke without fire, she must have done something to deserve this, she’s a golddigger, she provoked him- that’s called secondary victimization. She’s no saint, that’s for sure but it has nothing to do with his behaviour. I listened to those terrible tapes and I think he’s a sociopath, a very dangerous individual.It scared me even though it had nothing to do with me; Oksana must have been terified.
I couldn’t read all of this article because I hate Mel Gibson. They did have Dr. Nancy on the Today Show as well as Judge Shapiro waying in their 2 cents about Mel Gibson. Dr. Nancy said several times that Oksana was pushing Mel’s buttons, knew how to push them, and was purposefully goading him. She wasn’t defending Mel Gibson mind you but was showing that Oksana’s behavior is very passive and she (Oksana) knew how to push Mel into this rage. When I was watching this I thought, Man, she is basically writing his defense because all he needs to do is get a doctor to state he was manipulated by this woman and pushed and pushed and pushed to a breaking point… please note I don’t buy this defense at all. Yes, I think Oksana is probably crazy (she kind of reminds me of Nadiya Sulliman (sp?)) but I think Mel Gibson is the absolute scum of the earth who deserves to lose everything— fame, fortune, unsupervised contact with his children. I think to, the last 20 years of Mel’s antics show this was no isolated case. The man is an abusive alcoholic and he needs to be treated as such.
Overkill on this media coverage – is there not anything else to write about? It has been established that both parties are in desperate need of help, everyone has their own asshole opinion about it, time to MOVE ON!
I don’t think there are ANY angels in this story.
Mel’s completely screwed up…I can’t even catalog all his problems. One of them is probably a lifelong battle between his narcissistic self regard and small man’s self confidence issues. Fueled to red hot combustability by alcholism, racism, anti-semitism, mysogism…You name it…he’s probably got it.
But. Come on. She was in the game with him for some of his reflected glory and MONEY.
I find her taped comments very revealing. She’s definitely leading him on and creating a record for future legal rangling.
Oksana may have genuine concerns about Lucia, but there is something fishy about that Radar article. Everyone including TMZ, the judge, and Mel’s lawyer agrees that there was a mediated custody agreement signed in May. Mel’s lawyer stated that the agreement gave Mel visitation now and 50/50 custody in the near future. So what’s this talk about the May settlement not being “final”? Radar’s source claims that Oksana signed the May agreement against her will. The real story here is that Oksana wants the May custody agreement modified by the court.
can I just ask one question to all you people who are pro Mel? Why is it he hits her and threatens her and you are still for him and she is pushing his buttons…come on. Would you let your daughter or mother or friend be treated like this and if they were acting like Grigorieva would you still say she was pushing his buttons. I think not!!
Like always, all is well as long as the price is right.
Yes, Mel is a pile of crap. But that doesn’t take away the fact that she is a gold digger. Getting pregnant at 39 by a filthy rich alcoholic? C’mon, she knows exactly how to play the game.
Pardon me if it shocks some people but i personally think that if she didn’t record those tapes and that everything went undercover, he would have killed her at some point.
Maybe not today, maybe in a few months or years, but he would.
The kind of building in the anger, the palatable hatred and straight up disgust sound like he can’t even stand her to breathand live.
And again, no man will hit a woman who has a baby of a few weeks in her arms, let alone HIS. He despise this baby so much that he trade her safety, he is just a controlling egomaniac and want her to hurt the mother.
Have you seen how tiny a baby of a few weeks is ? How can anyone punch to the point of breaking the teeth and see the blood running while his victim who couldn’t defend herself was probably trying to protect even more the baby in her arms with blood running down her face ?
What an act of uterrly cowardice.
Even if you are drugged, that vision, the day after should have horrified you. You should have wondered, i could have kill my own baby if she had let her slip from her arms while i was punching her…or i could have punched my own daughter in the process by accident and kill her.
It didn’t even crossed his mind, not at the time, not now. He is unapolegic and said it : ‘You deserve it’…and the baby who was probably scared too, crying loud, hearing that kinda rage…yeah, the baby deserved it to, right ? He made sure that the baby deserved it to involving her ignoring her safety and putting her in a dangereous situation for herself subjecting her to unbeleivable tension even for a new born who is extremely sensitive to motherly moods and senses.
And now he has the nerve to say that he wants to be part of that baby’s life, yeah right !
What a despicable sadistic individual ! I hope that it’s true that the dentist kenw all about it wand would be obliged to testify. He sould have report it in January in the core of his profession.
Well said! This baby is what is destroying his life (Mel is a mental case that has gotten more severe and becoming deadly because Oks pregnancy put him between “a rock and a hard place” forcing divorce, scandal, damage to his precious image). I think Mel has an attraction/repulsion for the child as well as for Oksana. He does put the child in danger: psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual. Again I say, Mel needs to relinquish his rights to this child, give Oks some money, move her out of the house and then he will never see or hear from either one of them again and THEN and only then he can start his road of recovery, go into hiding or somewhere and get some GENUINE SINCERE help for an extended period of time.
Noticed HOW he said “you deserrrrrrrved it”
@ 21 (I can’t see your name, sorry) – well said. DESPICABLE.
And really….that statement “peacefully and calmly” – ??!! please.
Poor ole Melly. My heart bleeds for him.
*gag*
I didn’t realise there was therapy for being an asshole.
nnn – you are absolutely right – he would have (and may still) kill her! I personally know someone killed by her baby daddy and it is not pretty.
by the way, the victim of abuse is just that – A VICTIM – not the source, not her fault, not causing it….
Ogechi’s comments remind me of 2001, when i was dating an abusive bastard that would always tell the cops that would show up after neighbors called on our fights that i provoked him. i even had a cop once laugh at me as i was hysterically screaming and trying to explain to them what he had just done [punch me into a wall and shove my face against the door when i cried] the DOUCHE cop had the nerve to say that ALL puerto rican women are a “handful” and need to learn to be “civil”
so they left
bc i wasnt being “civil” and calm and bc i was not able to prove to them that i didnt ‘PROVOKE’ him into hitting me
yes, i get that oksana is probably a golddigging piece of shit, BUT mel is a GREAT ass, an abusive freak who SHOULD [but wont be] shunned by all civil society
but this is america, and people will always find justification for women abuse, even in 2010
its always the women’s fault for provoking, golddigging, conniving, staying, recording
never the men’s faults for not being REAL MAN enough to just walk away and be civil
nope, my fault his fists hit my face when i stood up for myself
pathetic
Kaiser and CB, you may be missing the majority view, which is not that Mel the Mad should be defended or that Gold Digger is to blame. It’s that the only innocent or angel in this story is the child.
I hate when people say “illegitimate child.” How is a child illegitimate? That doesn’t even mean anything anymore.
Welcome to 2010, Radar. Why dontcha step on in? Jesus. Pathetic.
I actually completely believe her. I understand why she recorded it. It was her ONLY way to get any level of safety. I understand it fully. I had to do it. And I was in a similar situation financially, but obviously on a much much MUCH smaller scale. Manipulative? Yeah, hell yeah–for a good cause. Good for her. Standing up for herself. I’d do it again a thousand, no a million times over. In the end it was my standing up and doing that and enduring the nastiness that ensued that kept me and my son safe and probably alive. So I feel for her and she has my full sympathy. Mel Gibson is totally insane. I think he would have eventually killed her. Would anyone really truly have been surprised about that?
And I just LOVE how anyone who is with ANYONE who has ANY money is automatically a gold digger. Maybe she loved him? 3 years before the baby came along. And she had her own career, her own home, her own money before him, but moved her and gave it up to be with him. Yeah, what a total gold digger. Because if you are with anyone with money you are automatically one, right? right….
Mel has a mental disease, he needs help. Hope he gets it. Too bad, I liked him, and I loved Apocalypto. This is the man responsible for Passion of Christ, so maybe he is salvageable, maybe.
“Oh she didn’t mind the child being around a deranged man UNTIL the relationship was in the toilet. Now all of a sudden she has a problem with it.”
Actually, the baby is only 8 months old now. They’ve been together over 3 years. This recording went down in January. Do the math. The baby was a few weeks old when she recorded him hitting her and verbally and emotionally abusing her. Why would he abuse her when the relationship was good? Duh. He’s a man who snaps. It’s not like we haven’t seen it before. A few times. People turn on a dime. He didn’t get his way, it didn’t work out (maybe it went downhill, he started hitting her, so she ended it, so he got even worse), and he became abusive and vindictive.
It amazes me that people will defend a misogynist, racist, woman-beating lunatic like him so they can hate on a woman they know really nothing about.
This isn’t directly related but speaks volumes about his values–he’s a total religious zealot who is also a total hypocrite. Doesn’t practice anything of his “faith.” Even had to start his own church to get away with the shit he does.
There is NEVER EVER EVER an excuse for hitting a woman NO MATTER WHAT. PERIOD.
OMG How can people defend him???
This is insane. Whether Oksana “provoked” him, or tricked him or played him or whatever..there is NEVER an excuse to hit a woman. NEVER
god i hate people today
Mel is going on the express train to hell and he’s getting what he deserves. That said, my husband and I were discussing how if anyone had recorded some of my conversations with my deadbeat ex husband, I might sound just as insane. When in the midst of a breakup with someone who has used and mistreated you, you can say some crazy shit. The hitting thing is another story altogether, but I think people can go temporarily out of their minds if they feel seriously betrayed.
In fugdom news: I had a doll called the “Blythe” when I was a kid. It had the smallish body of a barbie with a GIANT head and HUGE EYES that when you pulled the string her eyes turned directions and colors. REALLY FREAKISH looking. (in fact I still have her and she goes for about $1500 on ebay…SWEET!) Anyhoodles, I think this Grigorieva broad looks JUST LIKE HER.
You do NOT punch a woman to stop her shaking a baby…you take the baby away.
Just shut up Mel…nothing you say is helping.
What if we operated on the assumption that Oksana is a shady, golddigging opportunist? That she manipulated the situation to get more money for plastic surgery or something that has nothing to do with her child? That’s she’s guilty of all the other things people are accusing her of? My question is, is it really relevant to Gibson’s abuse? Does it validate in any way what we’ve heard?
Gibson’s camp is going to bring out everything she’s ever done to discredit her. They want to give some members of the public a way of validating his behaviour somewhat. Maybe, in a few years, people will forget the details of what he did, and possibly forgive him.
Don’t get me wrong – I have a feeling that if I met Oksana I wouldn’t like her very much, but nothing validates abuse.
I can’t believe people are still saying that she pushed him to react this way. Abusers do not need anyone to ‘push their buttons’. Mel would’ve done this to anyone!
These recordings sound so much like my dad. This is how he routinely spoke to his wives and his kids. He has been married 4 times, each marriage ended b/c he found someone ‘better’. He then goes on to abuse her too because she’s done something wrong.
The people who are defending Mel should get a glimpse into my childhood and see what it is like to grow up with someone like that.
The smartest thing this woman did was to record his rants. I know most outsiders never knew what a bastard my dad was and they all thought he was a nice guy and his wife at the time must’ve done something. At least she can prove what Mel is really like.
I hope they throw him in jail and keep him away from that baby. Growing up with someone like that has longterm affects. I am lucky because I just deal with the memories and nightmares. I didn’t continue the cycle and got away from my dad. My little brother wasn’t able to do that. He became an alcoholic and dealt with things the same way as our dad. At 19 he ended up going to jail for hurting his 3 month old baby. I am not excusing my brother’s actions, he deserved to go to jail, but he would’ve been different if he hadn’t grown up watching his father punch women and kids. Every word Mel said in those rants we heard from our dad.
“Yes, Mel is a pile of crap. But that doesn’t take away the fact that she is a gold digger. Getting pregnant at 39 by a filthy rich alcoholic? C’mon, she knows exactly how to play the game.”
WHAT?????? I don’t give a damn if she is a gold digger. She could be a prostitute, a junkie, who cares????? This man is just insane dangerous, and she was damn right when she recorded their conversation.
Fact is the pedigree of the victim is irrelevant. Every 2 second a woman or a child die because of physical abuses of the male partner.
You can be a hooker, it’s still won’t justify that you deserved to be punched or abused because of your social pedgreee.
People act as if the same abusive act made in the same circumstances should have another connotation and meaning and should be treated differently because of the social pedigree of the victim. This, in a democracy where we all are supposed to be equal in front of the Justice.
If she is poor or a gold digger supposed or real, ok, she deserves it and let burry her or find excuses to the abuser. if she was not, ok let all empathy with the victim.
That’s where the problem is and that’s what is absolutely revolting.
Also, notice the biggest injustice and irony :
– people are more inclined to side unquestionnaly and console the woman who has been cheating on than the woman who has been beaten, raped and whose life is threaten making the victim the guilty one.
– People will automatically beleive all rumors, when it is an affair without having all the parameeters nor evidencee. The guy is the bad guy with the mistresss and they cheated, period and the victim is living the ultimate tragedy a woman can live.
– On the otherhand,when you are whoman who is beaten, abused, raped, people tend to automatically blame you, suspect you, laugh at you, mock you and find excuses to your abuser or want to wait for absolut evidences, meaning voice, (oh they even question the veracity of the vocal recording), pictutres (there too, they will ask if its not photoshopped), if you didn’t deserve it (nothing when you are cheating on, you never deserve it or nevr push that ‘butto’ than made your partner leave you)…though your trauma is like 1 millions times more heavier than the cheated one…like a victim would say, unlike cheating, when youre beaten, raped, physically abused, you are for it twice, trice because people don’t beleive you, because you have to explain and to justify like you are the bad guy. You live with that injustice and guilt and trauma for years though you should have been the one receiving the unconditional support from society.
– You never are asked to justify your own deeds when you are cheating on…You are ALWAYS asked to justify yours when you are beaten, raped, abused including having a clean pedigree upon which you will build your innocence.
The Oksana/Mel story is exactly the same than the Robin/Mike Tyson, Rihanna/Chris and Nicole/OJ….and countless in anonimity
Nicole was constantly threaten by OJ who said he would kill her though they had children together. She constantly called the police and poeple constantlty came with the ‘goldigging card’ reference belitelling her claim…until the last tragic chapter of her life….
No one should EVER punch a woman, or man for that matter, in the face when they are holding a baby. Actually punching a person in the face, unless you are a boxer, is a bad plan in general.
So and this is just my opinion Mel should take a long walk off a short pier.
So there is no confusion about my previous post…
Mel Gibson is Batshit crazy and should be locked up. In jail. For hitting a woman. Period.
The rest is all commentary on the finer points of what can make people batshit crazy.
@Anne de vries 9:23 am comment: DITTO!!
Thank you!! Yes!!
Mel’s defenders (and/or the people who still retain an affection for him) seem more to be trying to understand the behavior of the person (Mel) who they’ve long identified with (and or loved).
It’s harder to love than it is to hate, especially when the person (ie:Mel) has fallen so far off the pedestal.
I honestly feel bad, not for Mel, but the people who really liked/loved/love him.
Mel is obviously bipolar, and off medication (if he was ever taking any).
My husband has been diagnosed as bipolar, and the rants sound just like this. (he has never threatened to “put me in the rose garden”).
The only thing you can do when a bipolar person is ranting is to stay calm. Once you start yelling or fighting back, which is what a bipolar wants you to do, it makes things SO MUCH WORSE! It’s almost like it feeds them.
Notice how Mel almost laughs when she finally gets mad? That’s what they want.
A bipolar’s rants are illogical and don’t make sense. Yes, they get worse when they are off meds and when life is general stressed them out.
It’s eery how similar some of the things Mel says and some of the things my husband says during a bipolar manic state. Things like having no friends, having no soul, not having anything in common, how they’re not loved, etc.
That said, I don’t blame her for leaving or for recording. I wish people in my life knew what I was dealing with, but then again, I wouldn’t want to put them through that pain or worse, judge me by saying I’m “pushing his buttons” or whatever.
I love my husband dearly, and go with him to his many doctors appointments to get him the help he needs. It’s exhausting, emotionally and physically. We decided not to have kids, as bipolar can be hereditary, and I don’t want to expose kids to that behaviour.
I can see why she decided after the baby was born to leave. She probably thought she could “handle” him and his moods, but with the baby, her priorities changed and she probably saw how dangerous he could really be.
That’s the end of my rant—thanks for reading.
Doesn’t domestic violence therapy, when dispensed by private or courts, actually cover a lot of this idea that it takes two types of people to make domestic violence occur? I am NOT defending Mel Gibson, because raging alcoholics are very scary; but also, she knew he was an alcoholic and a religious zealot. Mel Gibson was a RED FLAG. Didn’t this partnership just reek of disfunction from the start? She really was duly stepped into a horrific situation. Did she/does she “deserve” to be beaten. Of course not. But all women, not just the ones who chase multi-millionaires, must be prudent about who we allow into our lives, no?
I don’t get it. Why would she travel all over the world with him if she was so afraid? She could have left any time. Everyone has their breaking point. He found his and he has to take responsibility for that. Her responsibility was to leave. I would only have to be hit once, and I would be gone. I can take care of myself. I do not understand the victim mentality.
And about the racist comments, when people start condemning: the Black Panthers, La Raza, the Reverands’ Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and Jeremiah Wright, then I will be ready to condemn Mel Gibson for his.
@ anyhoo: nice post…i hope you are in a support group to share your experience with others. your husband is a lucky man to have such a caring partner.
as for mel/oksana, i have a feeling she either wanted more money or didn’t want him to have joint custody. and who can blame her? i wouldn’t leave my dogs in his care.
Thank goodness so many more of you are calling out this nonsense about Oksana provoking him and whatever other defense other’s are using to justify or excuse his horrific behavior. You are all restoring my faith in humanity…or my faith in the internet, at least. 🙂
“I would only have to be hit once, and I would be gone.”
you say this as though you haven’t ever been hit.
and until you have, you don’t know WHAT you would do. it’s very easy for someone NOT in that situation to say “just leave!”. it’s not always that easy to “just leave”. (as many on this site have related with their personal stories…ladies, thanks for sharing.)
perhaps Oksana thought he’d get better – maybe he even promised her he’d try. perhaps she thought that SHE could change him.
and perhaps most battered women are not as strong as you are. but that doesn’t mean they deserve to be hit, verbally abused or threatened. you’re essentially saying the abuse is her fault because she didn’t leave.
regarding your examples of other racists…I’ve seen PLENTY of people condemn those mentioned for their views. but, to use a cliche, two wrongs don’t make a right. just because someone else may get away with something doesn’t mean that everyone should.
Mel needs a SCRAM anklet.
@PSA-
THANK YOU.
I was sitting here trying to respond to that for the last 30 minutes and could not form a coherent response. Thank you for stating what I felt so eloquently.
@serenity, you’ve never been there so u can’t say what you’d do. I’m a strong person but o went through it. They threaten you, your family, everything.
I just don’t understand the hate for “golddiggers.” so what? It’s not your money or your inheritance in trouble.
@ anti icon, who said that in counsilling, you’re taught that it “takes two.” No, that is absolutely not taught.
And for the rest that said it can be taken out of context, it’s just a fight. Those words were vile, no matter how mad you are, you don’t speak to someone like that. Ever.
” … he was getting his buttons pushed”? Are you KIDDING ME, People? GETTING his buttons pushed? lmao!
No, he has buttons everywhere and blames them for his actions. cheezes. This guy needs all the help available in the entire world – he is very, very confused.
@ anyhoo – God bless you for helping him get help and being proactive, and selflessly choosing to not have children because it might put them in danger. Oh how I wish many other people would think first before they pump out babies with their boyfriend of a few months.
Serenity: I would only have to be hit once, and I would be gone. I can take care of myself. I do not understand the victim mentality.
No. No, I imagine you don’t. It never starts with being hit. It starts with a really charming man, someone who can really ‘turn it on’, and with investing a lot into a relationship. Then very subtly he starts chipping away at your selfesteem. He gives you so much. You are lucky to be with him. Nobody else would put up with you. You could never make it without him.
And the occasional nastiness is usually made good with apologies and extra sweetness… until the next time. And anyway, it was kind of your fault, you shouldn’t have done (X, Y, Z).
In most cases the physical abuse doesn’t start until you well and truly believe, to the depths of your soul, that nobody else could ever possibly love you, because you are completely worthless, you could never make it on your own, you would end up in the gutter.
THEN the hitting starts. The first time it might be just a slap. And he apologises, and buys flowers, and you love him so much, and it was partly your fault too, you provoked him (right?) and he would never ever do that again. And what would you do without him? So you stay. And at some point ‘once’ becomes ‘hardly ever’ and then ‘only sometimes’ and you’re walking on eggshells to try to make sure you don’t provoke him. And when he’s made sure you’re dependent on him in every way, and that there is nothing left of your personality apart from the bits frantically trying to avoid setting off his temper (sorry, ‘provoking’) you might actually realise that you used to be a strong woman who was never going to put up with abuse.
Ending up a victim of domestic abuse has nothing to do with strength of character. It sneaks up on you. And some people are better equipped (by life, by circumstances, by their childhood experiences, by their environments) to extract themselves than others. But don’t judge those who don’t manage it, or take a long time to do it. You really have no idea.
anyhoo: I agree with Praise — your husband is incredibly lucky to have you in his life. Stay strong.
I only got through half of Mel’s first rant before I turned it off. It literally made me ill. That kind of boundless and unchecked rage is terrifying, and despite Oksana’s intentions in regards to the relationship, she does not in any way, shape, or form “deserve” that kind of treatment.
Honestly, at this point, Mel just needs to forget about saving his career and mending his public image. Both are shot to hell and there’s no going back. That said, I hope for his children’s sake that he gets some kind of help, but if he’s like every other celebrity and only surrounds himself with enablers, there isn’t much hope for any real change.
I believe that no amount of therapy can change Mad Mel and these tapes just exposed his true character.
thank you Anne de Vries, you explained it better than I ever could have.
Domestic violence therapy doesn’t victim blame, it holds people accountable, but considers power imbalance e.g. men often have more physical and financial power which they need to use more fairly. Imo he should be jailed and court ordered for domestic violence therapy separate from her, she should required to do her own counselling so she recovers and to ensure Lucia has healthier parents. Team Lucia!
I hate People Mag. Would never buy it and am sceptical of anything they say. I’m also shocked about the women who defend this pig. Like the ones on the Polanski thread who think we should all get over it for various reasons. Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy.
Poor ole Melly. My heart bleeds.
Anyhoo: Your husband is very lucky to have you. Please make sure that in all of this taking care of him, you are not neglecting yourself. I can’t imagine the damage his abuse must cause you even knowing it comes from organic causes.
Also, thank you poster who brought up the term “secondary victimization”. It is exactly that type of victimization that often keeps a victim in an abusive relationship in the first place.
Gossip is discussion; it is not always about “defending” and choosing up teams. That is very sophomoric. Obviously, BOTH these individuals are a few notches away from maturity. I am not about to condone what Gold-diggers do either. Mel is and abusive alcoholic. Oksana is a manipulative gold-digger.
She doesn’t represent every domestic violence victim. She is one person whose story is unfolding. V
Anne de Vries – That is a very accurate description. God bless you with strength and support.
Anne de Vries, that was so heartbreaking.
Thankyou for sharing your personal story, it should really help people wake up to the reality.
Mel is biopolar we all know that As I said in a few other posts regarding this I to have lived with a member of my family with this hideous illness for years,
There have been hard and tough times and it does hurt maybe in the long run this will be good for Mel to actually get well again, It’s good that he has support from friends and family at this time, I wish them all well.
Being honest with each other this has not looked good by both parties I still can’t understand WHY any mother if so terrified would work on a joint custody agreement for so many months after the alleged abuse.
If she was so terrified as she claims Why did she not move out into her own home in LA David Foster bought her.
They have both known they were in a bad relationship so both in my eyes are equally guilty.
Debbie
She may have “pushed his buttons,” but come on now, part of being a functional adult is not reacting violently or aggressively when said “buttons” are pushed. And while alcoholism may be part of the reason for the violent aggressive reactions, it is certainly not an excuse for them. At what point should we expect Mel to take responsibility for his actions?
I’ve often thought of a friend of mine “why doesn’t she just leave him?”, and I’ve said to her for years “leave him leave him leave him”. She has always said “It’s not that simple”. I could never think why but Anne de Vries, you’ve put that into words so well.
Anne de Vries:
Awesome post that totally shows the insidiousness of domestic abuse. I have a friend in the early verbal stages and I KNOW it’s going to escalate, but she’s “madly in love” with him. It won’t end well, and that hurts so much inside.
Who friggin cares?
She’s obviously a gold digger.
He obviously has some mental issues.
You know who looks terrible here? Nancy Grace, Radar.com and any syndicate devoting more than five minutes to the story!
ENOUGH OF THE MEDIA OVERKILL ALREADY!!
She is a Gold Digger, he is a racist anti-semite, beats on women and ethnic minority to show he is tough. He is a lot like actors who start believing they are G*D. Anything they say and do is above the law. Mel is and always was a racist and anti-semite. Only a rag like People mag would print about this aged fart.
How weak is this chap he has to physically beat his wife or girlfriend to get his point across ! he picked her right, so he has to lay in the bed he made, dumb bunny. He has terrible communication skills and can’t empathize. He like other freaks in hollywood, have successfully used PR $$$ to mask their true self to milk our money. Do yourself a favour stop watching this idiot and his movies.
I have been thru a divorce, I know what it’s like to pay 90% of the bills while trying to help someone else better their financial ability, to contribute via sending them for higher education, to help our merry little brood while married. I know about money being “tight”. When one does all of this and get little appreciation for going the “extra mile”…I can see how things can get ugly and after a spell, just get plain fed up. There is NO excuse for EVER hitting a woman, though the thought has often crossed the mind of many a man, especially when the woman has no fear of such ever happening, they just seem to push the buttons more. It comes a time when one just has to walk away, and cool down, and that applies to BOTH parties. I’ve been in some rather heated debates with my X over things, but was smart enough to keep things civil(though the thought did cross my mind)and I had FAR less cash to lose. It’s called control and every man must have it, as well as women. Heated arguments are gonna happen, ESPECIALLY when there is a breakup, money problems, and a child involved. It’s just during our rants, our “crazy times” with an X…nobody was on the other side recording the conversations and using such to their advantage. Mel has anger management issues, no doubt, but he stands to lose alot to his X wife, with multiple children..and this woman is bleeding him dry as far as what is left. Hindsight is always 20/20 and sure Mel would have wished he kept his mess in his pants…and her, an apple between her knees. I feel for the child thru all of this..they didn’t ask to be here.
Im so sick of everyone hating this guy. White people like Mike Tyson, O.J. and Roman Polanski get the “benifit of the doubt.” SInce when are nasty words the most awful thing you can do? Sure, the guy may be a ol fool who left his wife (who knows what gos on in his life) but jeeze aunt Louise! Can we stop already! That woman recorded him, set him up, and THAT alone is slander and kind of low if you ask me.
The story of him punching her teeth out didn’t check out in court, as was the case with so much she said. Sure, it’s ugly and hopefully he’ll rise abouve it. But damn, do we all need to beat up on the guy.
P.S. I’m Jewish. I don’t hate Mel Gibson. If he wants to say, Sober, that he has a problem with me, who I am, THEN I will throw out the v.h.s’s.
Great site, though I would love to see some more media! – Great post anyway, Cheers!