Bret Michaels may be a nice dude, but he does not look like this

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Is this Bret Michaels’ real body? Um…what? NO. I’ll buy that he’s in good shape – but they stuck that bandana-toupee on a Chippendale’s body. He’s such a cheeseball! And yet… it’s all kinds of right. I know I’m all kinds of wrong for loving Bret Michaels, but the haters can suck it. He seems like a really nice guy! And like he’d be fun to hang out with. I wouldn’t hit it, but I would want to chill out with him and chat. Which is what happened during the Billboard Q&A – Bret just sat around saying cool stuff, like “Poison has continued to tour throughout our 25 years, give or take a few years off for drug rehab and fistfights” and “You’re either aging or you’re dead. So I’m embracing it.” Here’s more:

Every year, Billboard polls music industry experts to compile our Maximum Exposure list: the top 100 ways that bands, singers and rappers can get their music seen and heard, from rocking big awards shows to getting good love from iTunes. This week’s Billboard cover star Bret Michaels, who’s got a hot new VH1 show ‘Life As I Know It,’ landed at No. 30 on our list as the prime example of how starring in a cable TV reality show is one of the best ways for a musician to attain maximum exposure. In this Q&A, Michaels talks about just how TV has been good to him.

How would you say your career was going when you decided to do your VH1 reality dating show, “Rock of Love”?
I thought it was going great, actually. Poison has continued to tour throughout our 25 years, give or take a few years off for drug rehab and fistfights. I was starting work on my first real solo album, and I’d finished being a judge on season three of “Nashville Star,” which ended up as their highest-rated season.

Were you actively looking to get into TV at that point?
No doubt. I don’t bury my head in the sand about anything. I’m not the new kid on the block anymore. Writers always use the phrase “aging rocker,” and I’m like, “What other option do I have?” You’re either aging or you’re dead. So I’m embracing it. TV gives you such an opportunity to be exposed. That could be really great for your career or absolutely detrimental, depending on when the real you comes out.

So which part of “Rock of Love” was the real you, and which part wasn’t?
All of it was the real me. I like to party, I like to have a good time, but everyone who watched knew that I was a down-to-earth guy who tried hard to be respectful of other people. The show never crossed a line.

Were you worried that “Rock of Love” could harm your music career?
I thought that I have three generations of Poison fans, and this would open me up to a whole new generation. My fears about the show weren’t about music. I turned it down the first time they approached me, because their first idea was very retro. They wanted the 1986 Bret Michaels. My fans enjoyed the teased hair, the spandex. It was great, it was the time I lived in. Who knew that spandex tucked into cowboy boots would ever go out of style? But for some strange reason, it did. I’d progressed forward and I didn’t want to go back. I stood up for myself and said, “You need to let me be who I am right now in my life.”

How has reality TV affected your music career?
TV has absolutely made my sales go up, made my tour guarantees go up. TV has been a great addition to my career. But the key thing is knowing what to walk away from. I advise anyone-especially musicians-to be very careful not to just grab anything they throw your way.

What’s the premise of your new show, “Life As I Know It”?
The narrative of the show is simple: It’s an all-access backstage pass into my everyday life, about finding balance between my passion for my family, my relationship with [girlfriend] Kristi [Gibson] and being on the road. If you were to live with me for a couple months and go through all my emotions in a given day when I’m hands-on in my career, it is unbelievably mind-blowing.

Were you ever in talks with the “American Idol” execs to become a judge next season?
Yes. Not only was I in meetings with Fremantle, I made it to what they called the “top four.” We also talked a little about Simon Cowell’s new show, “X Factor,” and they asked me about being the host of a dating show they’re doing. But if there’s someone else that would give great career advice and be a lot of fun on TV, it’s Steven Tyler.

[From Billboard]

I even appreciate how honest he is about not getting the American Idol gig – and that’s interesting. I bet Simon Cowell keeps Bret in mind for other shows in development, and honestly, I think Bret would be great on one of those shows.

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Photos courtesy of NY Mag & Billboard.

 

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28 Responses to “Bret Michaels may be a nice dude, but he does not look like this”

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  1. truthSF says:

    Oh man, they completely drew his body on that cover, lol!

  2. LOVE ANGELINA says:

    *Gasp* WTF!?!?!?!?! No No No No No. Ewwwww. Like ok his face was fine, kept scrolling down, he doesn’t have a shirt on ok they must be going for a white trash theme, and then boom no effing pants!!!!! Billboard magazine has seriously, I mean seriously been smoking some ill nah nah. Who thought this was an awesome cover? This just baffles the mind. Blah.

  3. Me1st says:

    photoshop, it doesnt even look real

  4. Jennifer says:

    Well, I still love him, even if his body is massively Photoshopped. XD

  5. Sarah says:

    I’m not gonna lie, I’d still hit it (triple wrapped though) but that is so very much not his body. I love him. I think he seems like a cool guy.

  6. TQB says:

    He would have been great for Idol. Their loss. He proves that having a good sense of humor can make you rich and popular. Remember when he got smacked in the head at the Tony’s, and the producers were all “oh it’s just a fleshwound, he was in the wrong place, blah” and Bret was all, you seriously f’ed up my face, but whatever. I like him much more now than I ever did in the 80′s.

  7. malachais says:

    he’s a cool guy but this is overkill. I’m not sure what they were to do here.

  8. Praise St. Angie! says:

    “Who knew that spandex tucked into cowboy boots would ever go out of style?”

    um….I did.

    I can’t hate on this guy either…not a fan of his music, but he really does seem to be a very nice, sincere person.

  9. original kate says:

    that’s beyond photoshop, it’s straight-up anime. for realz.

  10. Cam says:

    @truthSF I know, right? He doesn’t even look photoshopped, it’s like somebody drew his entire body, including the face, ew.

    Kaiser, I know what you mean, he’s a cool guy… but no, I wouldnt hit it… hell no.

  11. Eleonor says:

    Did they put his head on the situation body?

  12. tar says:

    eeeewwwwwwwwww …. he looks like Mr. Burns!

  13. Johnny Depp's Girl says:

    LOLOLOL!!!! That is funny, truly! I would love to sit and chill with him too Kaiser, he would be cool for real. But, I wouldn’t hit it either.. not my style.

  14. Rachel says:

    I may have nightmares tonight. However, I’m sending the link to my sister who will probably spontaneously combust when she sees it. She’s like you, Kaiser. Loves this guy. Took her 38 years to see him in concert, but she finally did.

  15. Emma says:

    Never was into Poison but was very impressed with Bret on Celebrity Apprentice. He’s an all around badass of a guy, honest, sincere. I just wonder what’s up with the home life and why he doesn’t take his family with him when he goes on tour. His long-suffering ‘girlfriend (i.e. mother to his children) must be a real saint. She’s obviously in it for the long haul. He’s lucky to have her as a grounding force.

  16. Confuzzle says:

    Looks like something I’d find on DeviantArt.com

  17. flourpot says:

    Mans got a pretty face. He should embrace the bald.

  18. lucy2 says:

    I don’t pay much attention to any of the shows he’s been on, but he does seem like a nice enough guy.

    But that cover is HILARIOUS.

  19. Ashley says:

    i’d rather bone C.C. hands down.

  20. wunderkindt says:

    Bret is a sweetheart!
    Too bad that pic is obnoxious.

  21. K-Burrrd says:

    They could have at least photo-shopped poor Brett some quads while they were at it. And that nasty hunching thing he’s doing is creepy. Wish they would have had him holding up shockers instead of rockers. Now, THAT would have been cover-worthy, IMHO.

  22. Jag says:

    So they think that his abs start right under his nipples? That’s a very strange picture.

    I’m with you, Kaiser. He’d be cool to hang out with, but I wouldn’t touch him with a 10-foot pole sexually.

    He’d be better than Steven Tyler on AI, imo. Maybe it’s just the stories I’ve read/clips I’ve seen about Tyler, but he seems unstable and loud, and Bret comes across as nice and calm. Won’t be watching AI anyway, so it doesn’t really matter who they chose.

  23. dread pirate cuervo says:

    My reactions to this are “EW!” & “small penis”, in that order,