'08
The more 34 year-old singer Alanis Morissette talks, the more I like her. She’s incredibly quotable and she seems to be revealing genuine details about her life in a way that’s honest and not just geared toward generating the most press. I could be fooled, though, since she has an album out that’s not doing so well on the charts and is writing a memoir that will focus on problems that women face. Given the way she so openly talks about her life, I’m inclined to read that book when it comes out. Morissette recently revealed that she worked through her breakup with Ryan Reynolds by dating a lot and having sex but refusing to get in another serious relationship for a while. She doesn’t specify if she had sex with a lot of different men, but that’s what it sounds like.
She even banned herself from getting seriously involved with another man for 12 months after the break-up.
But Morissette admits she has enjoyed being back on the dating scene - because it meant she could have sex with different men without having to commit to any of them.The star, who now has a boyfriend, says, “No strings relationships have helped cure me of love addiction.
“All my life I’ve been in long-term monogamous relationships. I had to break that pattern by not allowing myself to have a relationship for a year, stopping myself from committing to men. I haven’t been celibate. I’ve had lots of dates and lots of sex, but I haven’t been pushing to turn a date into a relationship. This has been a huge thing for me
[From Contact Music via Fark]
Many of those self-help relationship books for women recommend that you date several men and not get involved for a while in order to make an informed decision about who is right for you. They also say that you should hold off having sex because that could end up emotionally tying you to a person who might make a crappy boyfriend. If you can keep your emotions out of it and both of you are single and know what you’re getting into you may as well get laid, though. Personally I had a hard time doing that when I was single and picked more than one lousy boyfriend due to good sex. I wouldn’t call it “love addiction” to seek out a relationship though, so much as human - particularly female - nature.
Alanis Morissette is shown performing in London on 6/21/08. Credit: Ben Yacobi / WENN
Written by Celebitchy
Posted in Alanis Morissette, Sex
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68 Responses to “Alanis Morissette: Having lots of sex without a relationship helped me”
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Good for her! It sounds to me she could just be enjoying a f*ck buddy or really long-term flings that are intended to end.
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Good for Alanis. Women need to get over the whole attaching emotions to sex bullshit. You should only have emotional sex when you’ve found a really good man who is worthy. Otherwise, just get laid, have fun and relax.
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Finally a strong independent woman telling what its like to be a woman..
Good for her.. Why should she be ashamed of doing what men have done forever… -
I’m Canadian! I love Alanis. She used to be considered a joke - due to some of the most hilarious pop songs and videos of the 80s - but she is highly respected now. Well, at least by me…
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That’s disgusting. I pity people like her who think that monogamy is a bad thing and that casual sex is the way to go. People like that, sadly, will never understand how much better it gets once you’ve been with someone long-term. After 22 years with the same man, I can guarantee that it gets much better the more time goes by.
Sadly, people think that a couple of cheap “O’s” from strangers is somehow satisfying; it really isn’t. But they will never understand that. At least they don’t know what they are missing.
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It’s not disgusting in the least. I applaud her! She didn’t turn into a permanent slut - she is healing herself. If this situation and those actions are what it takes for her to heal and to get on with the love aspect of her life, so be it. I’m sure that Lauri and others have all kinds of experiences they might not be the proudest of that have HELPED them make it through their lives.
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She’s 34 not 18, time to grow up
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daisy424, stop hating…. i’m 32 and totally agree with alanis. you only live once!
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Lauri: Some women don’t meet the right guy early in life and some women don’t ever meet him. That doesn’t mean they should sit at home and lock it up. Just because one way of living works for you, doesn’t mean it works for everyone.
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I am Canadian…and also love Alanis. I love her music and her attitude.
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I pity people like her who think that monogamy is a bad thing and that casual sex is the way to go.
She in no way, shape, or form said that monogamy is a bad thing. Hell, she has a boyfriend now! Get off your soapbox
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Lauri, are you a Catholic? What saddens me in the last post about Catholicism & Alanis is that women were posting about the religion. Not ONE of you commented on the back seat a woman agrees to supporting this religion. Being a woman & Catholic is the equivalent of letting someone give you a good kick up your rear. There seems to be a line forming for this. What gives?
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NAN~ I’m Catholic & I can asure you that I hold different views than Lauri. And so do many many others
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I don’t find it disgusting at all. You don’t close the door on a committed relationship - and yes, the sex is better when there’s caring and commitment involved - but this is not to say that sex without caring and commitment is bad! And sometimes you need to just pick up someone and do him because your ego needs it.
I’ve been divorced for 30 years, and in that time have never found anyone I cared enough about to give up my freedom and singleness. Should I have been celibate all this time, waiting for Mr. Right? I really don’t think so.
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What on earth makes you think I’m Catholic? I am most definitely not! I don’t claim any particular religion and haven’t been to church in years.
What I objected to was this:
“because it meant she could have sex with different men without having to commit to any of them.”
I just think that sex without commitment is gross. I’m not a prude; I certainly had my share of “fun” when I was younger. And now that I am in a long-term, committed relationship (married 19 years, dated for 3 before marriage), I can speak from experience when I say that committed sex is far, far superior to non-committed sex. There is just something about being able to completely let yourself go and really get into it because you know you can trust the other person without question.
Also, having multiple partners is an excellent way to pick up diseases.
I’ve changed a lot over the years, and now I believe that non-marital sex is just a bad, bad idea. This is based on my experience and by my observation of friends’ experiences. I am not insisting than anyone agree with me; I am just stating my own opinion.
And, BTW, even if I were Catholic, that wouldn’t make my opinion any less valid. We all the right to think…and believe…as we choose.
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Thank you for explaining Lauri. I see where you are coming from now
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Lauri, I can kinda get what you are saying, and all of us who are in a committed relationship will agree with you in the fact that sex is better when both partners are in love. However, I can relate to the idea that when you have been in a string of serious monogamous relationships that have ended badly, sometimes you need some random hook-ups to experience the other end of the spectrum. It also gives you some power, you don’t feel emotionally vulnerable to the other person, and that can be a healing thing.
Also, if I had not experienced some of the random hook-ups in my past, I wouldn’t cherish what I have with my husband as much as I do. I have a lot of friends who got married too young, without experiencing the different things that the world has to offer. The first time a guy other than their husband gave them a little attention, they found themselves loving that attention and cheating. But, for me, if a man flirts with me, I’m flattered and can innocently flirt back, but I know at the end of the day, that the person waiting for me at home offers so much more than some empty fling. I think that is something that you have to experience first hand, or the temptation is just too much for some people.
So, she took a sabbatical from her string of monogamous relationships to experience a different type of relationship (or lack there of) and in the end, it probably will make her more equipped to deal with relationships in the future. Therefore, I say “good for you, Alanis” -
We Canadians love Alanis and this is certainly one of the reasons why - not the sleeping around but the honesty and openness. Who hasn’t slept with a couple different guys before finding the one you want to settle with?
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@curlyfry: while I understand most of what you have posted and your opinion is certainly as valid as anyone’s, I do have to take issue with the notion that not having sex with other people before marriage makes one more vulnerable to temptation and cheating later on. Either one is committed or one is not, and if a person is shallow enough that they are willing to cheat, then they obviously weren’t very committed to begin with. It has nothing to do with previous sexual experiences…it has everything to do with the character of the person.
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I’m on the ‘good for her’ side.
Lauri - Got to say using words like ‘disgusting’ and statements like ’sex without commitment is gross’ is incredibly judgemental and is inclined to negate anything sensible you have to say. An extreme viewpoint, personal opinion or not.
Curly Fry, lovely post!
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Well, perhaps I came across harsher than I should have. Apologies to those of you whom I have offended. I still think that nonmarital sex is a bad idea, but again, that is just my opinion. I didn’t meant to imply that anyone who disagrees or acts different is a bad person. I guess I was a little harsher with Morisette because I just don’t like her in general. Bad on me for allowing my dislike to cause me to judge her more harshly than I would someone I do like!
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If a woman can handle emotion-free sex, then go for it. The problem is that for a lot of women sex and emotion simply can not be seperated. Women should be careful not to feel pressured into sexual freedom because of the latest “sex in the city” trend or because Alannis did it. If its good for some, it may be devastating to others. Casual unemotioanl sex can cause a lot of pain, guilt and shame, along with some pretty serious physical problems (STDs, unwanted pregs). I say jump into the ocean by all means, just make sure you can swim.
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Good for her. Heartache can kill and sometimes you just have to do what’s right for you…..
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Thanks, Geronimo
Lauri-I’ve really been thinking about your opinion on whether or not sex before marriage is a bad idea. Obviously, there are health risks and morality issues (for some-depending on your beliefs). But, and this is a tangent–kind of stream of conciousness thought pattern–Part of me wonders about how realistic of an idea it is when, in today’s day and age, people live for such a long time. I mean, it was definitely easier back in the day when the avg. age of death was in your 30’s or 40’s. I think that in these changing times, we have become a society that (generally) has several serious monogamous relationships. And I think that is ok and natural.
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Fine, argue amongst yourselves. The core issue is how a woman would support the Catholic church. You cannot be a priest, merely a nun. People become priests & nuns because they are either gay or completely lacking in social skills. Sure, there are execptions. I would think a woman would transfer to another Christian religion of the Protestant denomination if she really loves Christ. BTW, Jews are not exempt from this but are more advanced like the Protestants.Why are Catholics so far behind? No suprise they are highly regarded in 3rd world countries and only 2 European countries, who need a kick in their economical butt.
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i don’t give a flying fig about alanis’ sex life, or lack of, or one night stands or whatever. just shut up & sing, girlfriend.
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I really don’t think the Catholic Church has anything to do with this story. I mean, feel free to bash away, but it isn’t the core issue at all
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Bohdi, what is your name on DListed? Please say it isn’t a certain Angel_!
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A genuine and insightful post, as always Curly Fry.
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I, like Laurie, have been in a monogamous relationship for 19 years now BUT I don’t think it’s ‘disgusting’ to have multiple sex partners. Laurie, you doth protest too much.
As for judging Alanis, she’s had monogamous relationships and is trying the alternative - I think it’s fabulous because she needs to break the cycle of picking cads some how.
Jagged Little Pill was a masterpiece, even though ‘Ironic’ drives me nuts because the situations aren’t ironic at all. In the early 90s though, I was just out of high school and almost wore that cd out. I’m Canadian but don’t feel that has anything to do with it.
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Lauri-
You say people shouldn’t have sex before marriage. Why do you think that’s bad? What about gay/lesbian couples? Should they not have sex ever, because, as you know, marriage isn’t legal everywhere for them.
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Thanks Jaundice Machine!!
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Kristin, generally people who disapprove of premarital sex will almost certainly disapprove of homosexuality.
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I was thinking that, but oddly, there are some people who think premarital is bad, but gay/lesbian is fine. I was wondering if she was the same.
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Long live the one night stand… you dont have to worry about them calling or you calling them, you dont have to worry about remembering their name or number haha..
and you realize if the sex sucked you dont have to do it again! -
@Syko: what do you base that statement upon? Have you done a study, or read one? Or did you just “decide” that you know what “most” people think/feel in a given situation? Just curious; it seems pretty presumptuous to me.
For the record, my personal opinion is that gay people cannot help that they are gay; it is part of who they are and that is how they are born. It is unreasonable and cruel to expect them to live their lives celibate, just because the laws of man say that they can’t marry.
But I do still think that sex, whether gay or straight, should be reserved for actual relationships where the two people are monogamous.
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Such attitudes that espouse having lots of casual sex is good to help women “decide what they want in a relationship” are to blame for the continuing increase in STDs and HIV cases among women. I don’t even need to mention the increase in teenage pregnancy in the USA (that group of 17 girls didn’t help). No one seems to make the guy wear a condom anymore. The new HPV vaccine has also lead to complacency (I got the shot I don’t have to worry about herpes so heck with the condoms). I would hope someone of Alannis’ age had the smarts to pack a box of condoms for each of those dates not to mention making sure each guy had his “papers” (lab report that says he is STD and HIV-negative).
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She’s talking about not giving herself over to a man completely. And how -by not committing to someone just b/c she has sex w/ them- brought her the personal power to do so.
The post modern sexual revolution isn’t about the ‘free love’ it was in the 60’s. It’s about a woman’s right to choose whatever is right for her.
I wonder if the day will ever come that women can have the sexual freedom of men and not be referred to as sluts and whores.
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DLR: Casual sex is not to blame for STDs and unwanted pregnancies, faith based sex ed programs are.
The HPV vaccine prevents HPV, not herpes.
Maybe you could use a comprehensive sex ed class yourself.
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Nan, its not me! I haven’t commented on DListed in a really really long time
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@Lauri - I never said “most” - and I don’t think what I said was any more presumptuous than anything you have said here, so lay off with the calling me out. No, I have not read a study, and no, I don’t have statistics. I’m basing my statement on my experience in life, which is extensive - just as you base your opinions on your experience in life.
I am just freaking tired of being the one that gets criticized on here for being opinionated. Maybe I need to just stop posting.
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NO! You can’t do that! I would have been posting away but I actually had a crap ton of work that required me paying attention
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Yeah, that’s the problem here too, Bodhi, these people expect me to occasionally actually do work. But I’m sick of being singled out all the time as the opinionated one. I think I’m going to lurk for awhile, or go do something else.
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Fie on them!
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How does getting plowed by strangers make a woman feel better about herself? Not that I’m complaining, but I’m curious.
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Also, having multiple partners is an excellent way to pick up diseases.
It’s called safe sex, idiot and anyone from 12 years old on is informed of this in school now. Your puritanical way of thinking promotes diseases. Ignorance being one of them. I hope to god you are old, if not god help you when your husband dumps you and you are out on your own. Really, this has nothing to do with any religion. Try to open your mind about how people really are, not your judgmental way you think they should be. You must be bitter and disappointed constantly.
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The fact that this conversation has ignored my post about the Catholic church is HEAVEN to me. Yeah! I will sleep well tonight.
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Syko, I think your posts are fabulous and I’ll be very disappointed if you simply lurk instead of continuing to post! So what if people call you out for being opinionated? They’re just intimidated by your intelligence and wit.
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why is alanis in the press so much lately? every word she says ends up on this site? does she have a new album out? theres been like 4 stories on her in the past week. i also cant believe some of the insanely prudish comments about premarital, exmarital, postmarital, duringmarital sex. who even cares about labeling a right and wrong time for sex or when its better and when its worse. its her business. i wouldnt want anyone judging me about my sex life. there are many more ways to get into heaven.
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Both myself and my bestfriend were cheated on and dumped after 25 years of marriage. So is commited sex better? No,no,no,no,no…….It’s all good and its all your own personal frame of mind.I have had it good both ways and bad both ways.
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I’m a Canadian living in New Zealand and I adore Alanis. And I can also relate. When my marriage broke up when I was 35, I did alot of dating. LOTS. And oh shock, horror I had sex. Lots of it. (condoms) And I think it helped me figure out how to configure the goal posts of being myself,single and oh forgive me all you puritancial ones, sexual outside of a “committed relationship”. Except I never was, I have always been in a committed relationship with, guess who, MYSELF. I’d been married at 21 and in those 14 years much had changed. So…I’m allowed to figure it out and so is Alanis.
Alanis is very typically Canadian. Open, honest,fearless and confident. No excuses, no apologies and in as much as is possible, few hangups. I got married for the second time on March 1st. To a kiwi. Who has no problem with me being who I am, who I was and who i will be.
Alanis you rock…Respect Keep it up girl…
Oh and Syko, more respect. Keep posting…
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“It’s called safe sex, idiot and anyone from 12 years old on is informed of this in school now.”
Nice name calling…shows the intelligence level of your thinking.
Anyway, if your statement were correct we wouldn’t have STDs abounding, as well as teenage pregnancies.
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“I am just freaking tired of being the one that gets criticized on here for being opinionated. Maybe I need to just stop posting.”
Excuse me? I was the one who stated an opinion different from yours and a few others…and I am the one who has been getting criticised by YOU. Paranoid much?
All of a sudden I am considered puritanical, etc..and even, apparently, catholic, just because my opinion differs from yours and a few others. Sorry…I thought that it was OK to not think exactly like everyone else.
I get it now. It’s okay to have my own opinion, as long as it is the same as everyone elses. Otherwise, I will get jumped on by you and a few others.
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no lauri, i think it was your broad, general, sweeping, sanctimonious comment that bothered everyone. when you start off with a strong “thats disgusting” and “I pity people like her…” you are asking to have people jump down your throat because you are insulting the rest of the women on this comment section who do things differently than you. if you havent noticed, they are a bunch of smart, educated, generally together bunch, and your insults and sanctimony just irritate people. thats all.
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Yes, Bros. I share your opinion 100%, as well as all of the opinions, on all topics, of all others who post here. Absolutely.
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“The Queen doth protest too much, methinks. . .”
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Loooooove Alanis! I’m Canadian too, but the reason I like Alanis is because she is not afraid to talk about the things that make us all vulnerable as humans. She’s gorgeous and talented too! Ryan Reynolds (also a Canadian) is a total douche who has spent a little too much time in the tanning bed.
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You were critisized because you hit a nerve with all women in this thread that have done that at a certain time, not just because you posted anopinion that differed from everyone elses. It’s ok to have your own opinion on things, but saying someone is digusting and saying that you pity women like her is bound to piss some people off.
I do respect you for not being afraid to post your opinion though. I just didn’t like the way you said this particular one.I get what you meant by it though, and I respect what you said.)
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OOOOhhhhhh, sex is hella-dirty! NOBODY should have it, not EVER. All those hoo-has and wahoos all over the place, and the sweat and the grunting…. YUK. But if you MUST have the sex because you can’t afford in-vitro, then you should have it in the dark, and you should keep as many of your clothes on as possible. I like to wear a turtleneck, myself. Also, if it feels good, STOP IMMEDIATELY because it means you are fixing to die because Jesus totally saw what you were up to and has decided to kill you so you don’t go around telling anyone that it’s nice. Which it isn’t.
:x :x :x
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She comes off to me as desperate for someone/anyone to pay attention to her.
Thus, the current “diarhea of the mouth” about her past. And, if you believe she’s past the hurt of Ryan, then there’s this bridge I know of….I do think she’s in the letting go stage of him…now if only she and reporters could quit referencing him.
She comes off as a former child star, 90’s darling, now 30-something competing with (barely) teenage Disney robots. ((Sad, but she too was Madonna’s darling at one point.)) And, for some reason, she’s choosing to work the current modus operandi to sell her goods = TMI (too much info)
Either way, I like her music…which IS what she mainly sells to us consumers.
How about we just stick to that arrangement, Ms. Alanis? I’ll listen to your music to find out what you’re doing and you can tell your best buddies–not me-oh-average-nobody–what you’ve been doing with your life. That approach seems most respectful to both you and me.
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I’m recently single, definitely support the Alanis method, and plan to do the same…
I’m no slut, don’t get me wrong, but… perhaps a little… egotistical and want some attention and validation that was lacking in the relationship. and yes, i’m going to yoga, taking care of myself, too. i don’t think it’s wrong to want some boys to notice and remind me that my X will not be the last person i will love, and there are definitely people who find me attractive, and most exciting, who i find attractive, too. *shrugs*
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Whatevs to all the arguing. Alanis is amazing and I will always think so.
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This is all very well but what’s her music like ? All that matters is how good her act is.
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I f*cked her dude. And Lauri too. I’m the guy behind the reason she is against premarital sex. I left my j*zz in her shoes as a joke and then did her mom. Whoooohoooooo!
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i’ve been having sex with different men, yes its fun but the problem is even how much u wanted it an emotional free feeling, its difficult coz u dont just get attracted to him and i know deep inside i would still want to be a serious one but always ended as just sex alone. all the satisfaction in this kid of relationship is just temporary and after that, i really feel bad and pain deep inside. i feel im degrading myself but still i go on searching…
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Hi! The babes are here! This is my best site to visit. I make sure I am alone in case I get too hot. Post your favorite link here.
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This person is healing herself?? I hope so..she sure needs it. All I see is a self-absorbed person with no values, no standards and a total inability to understand what REAL love is…which isn’t “all about you” LOVE is NOT “getting laid”…sex was meant to be an expression of love and commitment to another person…not this twisted selfishness of using someone for pleasure only….. and the sad part, some of you idolize her. It’s no wonder society is in the shape it’s in….look who our role models are?
God help us.
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Are there any Canadians who post regularly on this site? Would be nice to see their feedback on this one.
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