Michael Jackson’s underpants on eBay for $1 million

Today I made a list of all the things of Michael Jackson’s that I’d want. And it was a super long list. For once I’m not being sarcastic – the dude has some crazy stuff. Your own zoo? The bones of the elephant man? Jewel-encrusted toilet seats? I’m not actually sure the last one exists, but considering the other wacky things Jacko has admitted to having, a ruby-ensconced john doesn’t seem that far off. Plus it would make you feel really glamorous when you were using it. And also sort of like you had a rash. I digress.

Of all the awesome, auction-worthy possessions, I have to say the one I’ve always felt least likely to bid on is Michael Jackson’s underwear. Maybe that’s because I spend a good deal of my day doing everything I can to ensure I don’t think about Michael Jackson’s underwear. But someone out there clearly thinks the right bidder (collector? hobbyist?) can be found.

MICHAEL Jackson’s notorious tighty whities are up for grabs. A pair of size-28 Calvin Klein white briefs once belonging to Wacko Jacko will be auctioned on eBay tomorrow, with a reserve price of $1 million. The unwashed underpants have a sensational past. They were part of the evidence confiscated in 2003 by then-Santa Barbara DA Tom Sneddon, who wanted a DNA sample for his unsuccessful child-molestation case against the washed-up King of Pop. The briefs are part of a stash of Jacko artifacts offered by New Jersey businessman Henry Vacarro, who obtained them in a bankruptcy case. For extra authenticity, the briefs come sealed in an evidence bag and wrapped with police tape. Also being sold are the Gloved One’s handwritten note explaining why he wants an annulment from Lisa Marie Presley and a used half-ounce tube of skin-bleaching cream.

[From Page Six]

Wait, Michael Jackson uses skin bleaching cream? You mean he doesn’t look that way because of some genetic skin issue he got from his father like he said? I feel unfairly lied to. The listing hasn’t gone up yet, though according to reports (and there are a LOT of them) it will be online today. And by the way, never search for “Michael Jackson” and “underwear” or “underpants” on eBay. My little bit of free advice for the day.

Jacko’s underoos have quite an interesting legal history. I wonder if it comes with a chain of custody sheet or something. I’d throw in at least an extra (hypothetical) $25,000. And perhaps a pair of salad tongs or some other device for transporting the valuables. No offense to anyone implied: I don’t care whose used underwear it is, it’s used. Underwear. It requires tongs.

I’m going to be genuinely surprised if this nets the required $1 million. It probably will but the deal will fall through. I don’t care what kind of bizarre collector you are: I highly doubt you’re going to display Michael Jackson’s possibly criminal underpants that you won on eBay for $1 million. Mostly because it’d make you look stupid. For about 32 reasons.

Here’s Michael celebrating friend Christian Audigier’s 50th birthday on May 23rd. Images thanks to Fame.

 

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27 Responses to “Michael Jackson’s underpants on eBay for $1 million”

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  1. Codzilla says:

    Of course, if these are unwashed “evidence panties” then there’s a good chance they’ll be encrusted with … oh God, no! :oops:

  2. Jen (the other one) says:

    You know, say what you will about Michael Jackson, but his smile just lights up a room.

  3. geronimo says:

    Really funny write-up, JB, but singularly unfunny image now in my head. *shudder*.

  4. Syko says:

    Do they throw in skidmarks for free?

  5. Enonymous says:

    EWWWW. That is just NASTY. These celebrities really do think that the public are a bunch of morons that they would buy any crap that they might sell. The very sad thing is that there actually are some people with two braincells that they would prove these celebrities right. UGH. :x

  6. Baholicious says:

    MJ’s dirty underwear don’t just stand up by themselves, they moonwalk…

  7. vdantev says:

    People with that kind of money to waste on such things need to be removed from the gene pool for the good of the species.

  8. Kerri says:

    Well, considering used underwear is considered a ‘prohibited item’ on Ebay, I seriously doubt this story. And while MJ doesn’t own John Merrick’s bones, I totally would believe 100% that he has jewel crusted potties. Because that is truly weird. How would you take a seat on something covered in pointy, angular gems? :)

  9. sam says:

    He could have been using the cream on patches of darker skin if he did have a skin disorder to try and fade them to match?… or am i just too trusting?

  10. vdantev says:

    His face is mostly scar tissue now due to the extensive work he’s had done, which why it’s that color (or so I’ve read)

  11. Hollz says:

    Thank you for pointing that out Kerri, I wasn’t 100 percent certain about that.

    A quick ebay search brought up no results for “Michael Jackson Underwear” Michael Jackson Underpants” or “Michael Jackson Under-”. Creepy story, but Bunk. Creepy Bunk.

  12. Iris says:

    Okay, whoever made the “skid marks” comment is nuts because Michael Jackson is like the most effeminate “man” on the face of the Earth, therefore, I’d bet my neck on a block he/she/it doesn’t have any. Besides, I have yet to see anything resembling Michael Jackson underwear on eBay and this was two days ago.

  13. Nina says:

    Nothing I read about Wacko Jacko surprises me anymore… he’s so creepy, and he has that super soft piping voice that really makes you wonder if it isn’t some kind of Men in Black thing where the alien is this little pink thing hiding in Jacko’s brain. I saw an interview once where he vehemently denied having plastic surgery… it could be that the planet’s atmospheric instability is degrading the little pink alien’s body/space ship-thing. Creepy. Some of the things he does and collected are just not normal, not normal at all. His poor kids.

  14. gg says:

    Hilarious article, Jaybird! LMAO!

  15. looloo says:

    oh noo… wacko underwear… it’s the scariest adn most horrible thing i’ve ever thought of >.< [vomit] 8O

  16. Jeanne says:

    But are we sure the underwear is his? God help us if it’s trophy underwear. Does any of the underwear have Spiderman or Bob the Builder on them? Or Jesus juice stains? If that’s the case maybe we can finally get his perverted a– arrested!

  17. kawaii regatta says:

    you shouldnt feel lied to until you make sure you understand the facts (not dissing you, just a fyi.) he has stated that the story of him owning the elephant mans bones is untrue. also, people with the skin disorder that he has (and most likely his self) uses skin bleaching cream to even out the skin since the disorder leaves the skin blotchy.

    well now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

  18. i want michael jacksons underwear :D

    but any1 can say any underwear is michael jacksons i aint trustin thiss,

    michaels soo sexyy and adorable, if u wanna fink hes a child molester then the jokes on u cos ur lookin like a fool being to ignirent too take ur time and listen 2 him, its easy 2 judge sum1 wen u dnt kno them,

    i love u michael jackson, u saved my life :)

  19. The builder says:

    These celebrities have absolutely become impudent think that to whom that their smelly cowards are necessary. I in a shock.

  20. WACKO JACKO says:

    ARE THEY EDIBLE & WHAT FLAVOUR SAUCE

  21. Reason says:

    You stupid people. Stop believing everything you read.

  22. Chur says:

    He, hope to be “She”, represents one generation people.

  23. Steve says:

    That´s sick!
    People want to earn money with every single piece of sh..

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