The New Yorker has a profile and interview with Hugh Hefner’s 24 year-old fiance, Crystal Harris. Without adding any editorial comments they manage to perfectly convey the ridiculousness of the situation. All it requires is a simple recounting of the details of how Hef and Crystal met, along with letting Crystal explain their romance in her own words. It’s like one of their dry cartoons – funny to some, depressing to others. I guess the takeaway details are the fact that Crystal wants a “romantic” wedding with “muted” colors (it’s better than a Disney theme) and that she dropped out of college to be Hef’s girlfriend full time.

How Crystal gave up college for Hef
A little more than two years ago, Harris was a senior at San Diego State University. She and a friend drove up to the mansion for a Halloween party, where, dressed as a French maid, she caught Hefner’s eye. Two weeks later, she quit school and moved into the mansion. “I was a psychology major, and I didn’t want to be a psychologist,” she said. “I thought it would be cool to come up here and just, you know, hang with Hef. School will always be there, I guess.”

On Hef’s proposal
The marriage proposal was not wholly a surprise. The subject had been discussed the previous summer. “He asked me, ‘If I were to ask you to marry me, would you say yes?’ And I said, ‘Of course,’ ” she said. “So then Hef’s secretaries measured my ring finger.” Coming after the departure of Hefner’s other two girlfriends, the identical twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon, the announcement elicited an additional line of speculation: Was Hugh Hefner in a monogamous relationship?
“Yeah, it’s just us,” Harris said. “I mean, Hef has, like, had sex with a lot of people throughout the years, and that’s not important to him anymore.”

On plans for a romantic June wedding with two dresses
She considered a possible reception dress and four bridesmaid dresses. (“One sister is in Idaho,” Olisky said. “She might need a sleeve.”) The palette was to be low-key. “We want to have everything very muted—on the tablecloths, silver and white, and maybe a blush underlay,” [Playboy publicist and wedding planner] Olisky said. “That way, it stays very romantic.”

Next stop: Hansen Cakes, on Fairfax. On the street, a window belonging to a different bakery briefly caught Harris’s attention. It displayed a cake in the shape of breasts in a push-up bra. “Wait, do we want a boob cake?” she said. Inside the Hansen Cakes showroom, cake replicas stood on banquet tables. Decisions on shape were made swiftly: round rather than square; four tiers rather than three; stacked layers rather than columns. Choosing a filling was trickier.

“Strawberry’s good,” Harris said. “Like, cake that has strawberries in it? So good. And Hef likes that kind, too. He eats the same thing every day. He has chicken-noodle soup every day at five o’clock.”

“Lipton’s,” Olisky said.

It was decided that white-chocolate shavings, an echo of the rosettes on the dress, would make the best cake décor.

“The whole theme of it is going to be very romantic,” Olisky said.

While Olisky took pictures of Harris eating forkfuls of cake, Monique Hansen, the shop’s owner, put a few pieces in a box for the groom. “I’ve been selling Hef cakes for years,” she said. “Hef’s had a lot of cake.”

[From The New Yorker]

See what they did there with the boob cake and Hef having a lot of it? He’s possibly on his last one now at 84 and it’s just as well. As far as the wedding details I’m sure we’ll see a full spread in People with the reception and wedding pictures. Crystal will also do a full spread in Playboy, her second, to be published in June. She calls it “kind of just a romantic, roaming-around-the-mansion type thing.” Isn’t that like any other day for her?

Photos are from Hugh Hefner’s Twitter account of a screening of the upcoming movie Take Me Home Tonight. Stars Anna Faris and Topher Grace are also shown.