As I was looking through the photos for last night’s premiere of Source Code, I grew more and more disturbed. I emailed CB and asked for her opinion. She seemed to agree with me, but we don’t really know what terminology to use when describing what is happening with Jake Gyllenhaal’s pants. My theory is that Jake wanted a slim-cut suit, and somehow he ended up with a traditionally cut suit jacket and too-tight, skinny-cut trousers. CB had two theories – either Jake’s pants are just too tight, for whatever reason, or he’s lost or gained some weight from when the suit was originally cut. It’s very confusing. All I know is that Jake’s pants are a hot mess, and I feel like if he moves a certain way, we’re going to have to cut him out of those pants.

It would be one thing if Jake was wearing skinny jeans. I mean, that would be bad. I hate the skinny jeans thing, on men and women, but it’s a particularly horrible trend for those people who are anything other than whippet-thin. Like Jake. Jake, for all of his sketchiness (IMO), had a nice body. He’s muscular and athletic and well-proportioned. He should just stick with traditional, classic suit cuts and not even mess with skinny-anything.

In other Gyllenews, Jake recently confessed something that makes his relationship with Taylor Swift a little bit more comprehensible. He said in an interview, “I don’t do karaoke or play Rock Band or Guitar Hero but I do play a little Wii Tennis while listening to Whitney Houston. I can’t play Wii Tennis without listening to Whitney Houston actually. I might mention that to Duncan (Source Code director Duncan Jones) as an idea for a movie because that’s right up our alley!” Oh, GOD. Girl, get it together.

Oh, here’s a little Matthew Grey Gubler, for the ladies. He was at the premiere too. Isn’t it funny that MGG looks so butch after we’ve been talking about Jake?

Photos courtesy of WENN.