I will not discuss Penelope Cruz’s hair in this post. I’ve already discussed my feelings on Penelope’s ever-changing bangs (trauma) situation here and here. I’ll just say that for the Pirates of the Caribbean 4 photo call early Saturday in Cannes, there were no bangs. And then they magically appeared for the Cannes premiere, hours later. I will, however, talk about Penelope’s dress. This junk is… just tacky. It’s Marchesa, obviously. I guess Marchesa’s designer, Georgina Chapman (wife of Harvey Weinstein), just built an entire collection of budget, unflattering, trashy-looking lace dresses (remember Rachel McAdams?) for the film festival and Harvey encouraged all of the young actresses in his films to wear the designs. Should I try to say something nice? Eh. The color isn’t horrible (but it’s not good either). Other than that, I hate the entire look.
I think Johnny looks really nice, though. I think Johnny and Penelope make such an attractive red carpet couple. They seem very at ease with other, so much so that I wonder where the hell Vanessa Paradis and Javier Bardem are. Maybe Pene and Johnny get some “freebie” time together, huh?
Here are some photos from the photo call earlier in the day. I don’t even like Penelope’s dress here either! It’s Stella McCartney. I hate the way the neck and the shoulders of the dress are cut. I find that style so unflattering on ALL women.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
There is NOTHING good about that dress. Fussy, overly complicated, trashy, and the colour is too sugary. Yuck.
I wish I could remember the blind item about Weinstein’s wife… there are many about him, to be sure, but I feel like there’s some scandalous reason she continues to get clients.
That said, I never understood your persistent rants about “bangs trauma”… until now. Hers completely ruin a wonderful face. She looked AMAZING hours earlier. Just… why?!
Too tight the dress is & the hair is matronly.
I think she just looks too “stuffed” into that monstrosity. Penny, you have a very young baby; you’re still nursing: don’t Spanx yourself to death for some God-awful creation by a famous producer’s trophy.
/rant
Johnny looks nice though!
How can she have bangs one day and no bangs the next?
I agree that these dresses are too tight. They look like they might burst at the seams.
She’s a gorgeous woman but these ill fitting garments detract from the look of glamour that she could pull off.
That Marchesa gown is awful.
The Marchesa looks like mermaid-hooker meets ice skating costume. Her boobs, while awesome, still can’t take enough attention from WTF is all wrong with that dress.
Stella’s designs seem to just be making a huge sucking sound ever since the Met Gala. Striking out all over the place.
Penelope is an easy target here, but what about Johnny Depp? He looks like a mob boss trying to escape a hit by dressing incognito in the oversized jacket and and pants of a 1940s butler. his sense of style in recent years makes me think he is suffering from premature senility.
Love the blue dress on her, the colour and fit really suits her, she looks beautiful in the shot with Johnny.
The close-up portrait in the blue dress is rather unfortunate as her eye looks really odd, but overall an absolutely beautiful woman
Not so keen on first dress either…bit ott!
I can’t stand the straps. Tulle straps makes everything look tacky. The dress probably would have looked better in a basic color like black or white.
I’ve never understood why Cruz is being pushed as some great beauty. She’s not a very good actress either.
Now see? I love the blue dress cut. For my figure, it’s always been a great cut, because my shoulders are one of my best features.
I’m not loving these bangs like I loved the previous ones. However, in profile, she looks very beautiful. I agree that the dress is kind of awful.
Penelope always looks lovely but I do agree about the dress and I think I have figured out Johnny….scarf with torn pants….no scarf with vest and dress jacket. He looks good. Need to confirm with @JohnnyDepp’sGirl.
She looks beautiful in the blue (possibly something to do with the dress color and having her hair down). The Evening gown ,however , (along with the bangs) are just terribly unflattering.
Forget Penelope, Johnny Depp looks like a fool in the last two pictures. His outfit is ridiculous, with his cowboy meets yuppie outfit. He needs to start dressing up like a grown-up.
Actually, I think she looks great in both, although the first one is rather
Barbie-doll. I like her with the bangs & without…but how does she make them disappear & re-appear? Are they clip-on?
Johnny looks much better than in recent appearances, but he looks like he has a pickle up his ass. Or like a small boy who was dressed up by his mama & is forced to pose for pictures…but he just ain’t gonna smile!
She is a beautiful woman with a beautiful body. The dress sucks, big deal.
Damn, what an ugly dress!!
P is a cracker, no doubt about that, dress is rotten however, and she has some serious underarm gizzard going on that 2nd picture down.
Depp is all forms of wrong. He’s like a little man doll.
Her earrings are fabulous.
Without that tulle probably the dress would be cute, but it’s over-exaggerated in any of its details.
The photocall’s dress is cheap, the colour is beautiful, tho.
As for Johnny, well, he’s beautiful no matter what.
Azurea hit it on the head with the first dress, too Barbie-doll like. I don’t care for it at all.
I am digging the second, dark blue dress.
Johnny Depp. *wibbble* That man is so nom nom nom!
I’m curious to what necklace/pendant he’s hiding in that first set of photos, being that it is tucked beneath his shirt.
The back of that dress is so unflattering. Her ‘meat’ is hanging over like one of those Real Housewives who dress inappropriately for their age. Yuck.
Johnny is back to wearing a dong sheath, Kaiser. I thought he had given that up. And does anyone know where Vanessa is? They are in France, afterall. Shouldn’t she be there?
That is the finest I’ve seen Johnny looking in a long LONG time.
Penny, however, looks like a 6 year old playing princess.
Thanks to Marchesa I have a genuine hatred of tulle. Can’t she do anything without it? So her success is due to her husband and Stellas to her father. Would either of this women be where they’re at without them?
Weinstein’s wife seems bent on deliberately making all of the women who wear her designs look hideous. What is that thing made out of? A beaded curtain set and 9 yards of tulle?
I quite like the blue one, and I think the reason her bangs look a little off here is because they totally don’t suit the style of the dress. They’re very Audrey, and that dress is SO NOT Audrey. Mostly because, put simply, that first dress is just absolutely disgusting. I don’t mind Marchesa, when it’s done well (not so often anymore of course), but there is nothing redeeming about this. Anywhere.
Except maybe if you wanted to use the shoulder-pads as shower loofahs?
Love the blue dress and hair.
Hate the Marchesa and the fake bangs.
Her waist was so photoshopped in Vogue! She looks nowhere near that tiny!
Maybe in exchange for marrying him and putting up with his whorish, starlet humping ways, he makes sure that all the big time A-list actresses wear her designs.
Teh blue color is pretty but I don’t like the cut.
The lavender one looks like an ice skater’s cheap rip off of Mila Kunis’ lavender Oscar dress.
I don’t like the dress with all the tulle. Why cover up beading with tulle? And the bunched up tulle at the shoulders looks like a cheap bridesmaid’s dress.
I’d like the blue dress if it didn’t have velour on it (that is velour?). It looks a little weird to see that in the middle of May in southern France!
And as for the first dress, I’d like it if they tulle sleeves and train were cut out.
Also try not to call her Pene! I know it may seem like an affectionate nickname in English but it means penis in Spanish. That’s why the media here in Spain (where I currently live) refers to her as Pe and never Pene. Pe and Javi! 😀
What is that? Stella McCartney is only a high end designer because of her name.
Spun sugar mess.
When your dress is trying to making an alien creation out of your armpits to distract from “teh ugleh” you know it was designed not by a designer but a sentient being of pure evil.
And the blue dress is rank, but it has a nice profile and a good length. Penelope looks as beautiful as ever despite these horrors.
As for Johnny, didn’t ye receive the memo? He can wear whatever he wants, whenever he wants. End of. No discussion. No arguing!
Miss Cruz always looks good and even in this dress she may have missed the mark a little. Though she can and will never look as bad as Johnny Depp. Who always seems insistent on looking as weird as possible.
Love the Stella dress. That royal blue is beautiful. I like the shoulders, as cuts like that make my wimpy shoulders look a whole lot better!
That white jacket on Depp? He looks like an AWOL car valet.
If Stella’s last name wasn’t McCartney, she wouldn’t be dressing paper dolls.
The Navy Stella is a beautiful color, and the cut is very flattering. I think it makes Penelope’s neck look long and slender and her shoulders look quite delicate and lovely. My complaint: Is this a Cannes dress? No. It’s just not appropriate for summertime on the French riveria. Not really a Spring Dress either. Would be stunning as a Winter event dress.
The Lavender Marchesa is offensive. The first photograph looks like Penny has grown lavender public hair, its horrible. Horrible. A dress should never make you look like you are sporting a giant bush. Plus – I’m over nude dresses in general. Played out.
What a terrible mermaid looking dress! She looks better in the 2nd dress, but not by much. I don’t like the bangs either.
Johnny Depp looks ridiculous as usual. Have never understood why women swoon over him.
The first look is all together hideous!I like her hair on the second one….
It had potential, and parts of it looked nice, but the overall final product wasn’t great – especially when she looks so stuffed in. The back was really bad. If they’d toned down the lilac tulle everywhere, and maybe made it a bit darker colour, it would have been nicer. I did like the detailing underneath.
The second dress at first seemed good, but then I noticed how the cutout didn’t encompass her chest, so it did its job as minimizing that area, but it did it in a optical illusion that can be easily ruined and look tacky. If the dress had been all the velvet and she’d worn some nice necklace to make it interesting, it’d be much better.
that blue crap that looks like it was tossed out the back door of a remnant factory is stella mccartney? really? damn. i hate to say this, but what the hell is going on underneath her arms in the lavender trashy tulle mess?
Have to say it – hate those bangs! Anyway, the purple dress — couldn’t they at least have found a beige zipper to put in the back? That just tops it off, as far as tacky. I can’t stand dresses with that “ice skater” fabric in them, in the bare spots. It might not show so much in photos, but to the people around here that see it in person. UGLY, STUFF!
I like the dark blue SM dress though. In fact, I really think that neck and shoulder style is flattering!
I may be in the minority here but I love the dress. What I can’t stand is the hair. No it’s not the bangs, it’s the “That Girl” flip. Anyone else grow up with Marlo Thomas as “That Girl” reruns when they were little?
Johnny always looks hideous when he is allowed to dress himself so I just ignore it. The hats, the glasses, the greasy hair… why? I get he wanted to dump the “21 Jump Street” image but it’s been 20 years – only those of us in HS in the late 80s remember that.
@azurea – yep clip on. I’m watching the Jerseylicious marathon as I type. I’m learning all about them and how to make them blend. I may be getting some for my Olivia Wilde forehead. However, I want a set that is longer than Pen’s. She may be channeling Audrey but that look died back in the early 60s for a reason.
@P.M.: Nope. Yup. Nope
I agree with Vera, the dimensions are there, but any notions of spinning them into something of quality were brazenly left unexplored.
Why does Johnny Depp look so mad in the photos?
Her facial expressions look like she KNOWS that this dress is too ugly, too tight, and has no business being worn. She is so pretty, but she looks older than she is.
She is amazing. The dress is for fun and celebration, she’s hot, so why not?
Completely tragic.
How on earth does that painfully unattractive woman keep getting roles? Certainly not because of looks or talent.
She must have pictures of people doing obscene things to farm animals. That’s the only reasonable explaination.
“Why does Johnny Depp look so mad in the photos?”
Because he is stuck standing next to a Penelope Cruz.
The rumors with Weinstein/Georgina Chapman is that their marriage was a business arrangement- she was a struggling designer, he was a powerful film producer (this was during the heyday of Miramax, when Harvey was calling a LOT of shots), and so she married him in exchange for his connections for her business. If you’ve ever seen a picture of her, she’s gorgeous and he’s…not. I suppose it could be a love match, and she could have fallen in love with his stellar personality, but from what I’ve read about the man over the years he doesn’t seem to have a stellar personality. And you have to admit, Marchesa is a really famous red-carpet brand considering all of their stuff is hideous.
Both dresses are nice colors on Pene, but the tulle monstrosity makes her look like she lost a bet.
Johnny looks cleaned up and leaned out- he looks good. I think his insouciant French style looks better in France.
Right nipple bead? Check. Crotch sequins? Check. Absolute disaster? Check.
I actually like this dress on her, don’t know if anyone else could pull it off. Her and Johnny look at ease like they’ve been friends for years.
Then again, she could look good just standing next to that hotness named Johnny Depp
The first dress looks like a prom disaster. What were they thinking with the see-through netting?
I love the cut of neckline on the blue dress. Beautiful. But the rest of it is horrible. I just don’t like velvet clothing…
she is a beautiful woman, i hope she is nice, if not, i take it back.
The only person who could reasonably rock that frock is RuPaul or maybe Alexis Mateo.
What happened to her armpits?!?
Horrible dresses.
I am speechless.
It’s awful. I’ve gone on and on about how I think she’s beautiful and talented, but this is just awful. There’s no defending it. *sad defeat*
Stella Mccartney should get another job.
Little known fact: the Marchesa dress comes with a humongous feather headdress PLUS the skirt is completely detachable. Movie star one minute… instant Vegas showgirl the next!
(And people say Georgina is a hack.)
I may be alone here, but I live that marchesa gown. I think it is breathtaking.
Oh god I am losing it over Johnny in his redic getup in the last pics. He is so amazingly attractive, and I love his crazy style. Both are beautiful people.
Just because you can force the zipper up doesn’t mean it fits! I think Marchesa shipped a boat load of samples and P’s stylist talked her into trying it. Horrible
Everytime I see Penelope Cruz with bangs, I think of Audrey Hepburn. Is it the intention?! To bring the old Hollywood Glamour/elegance.
I think it works!
ugh that dress is horribly made. It doesn’t fit at all and it needs a good hemline and NO ZIPPER IN THE BACK!!! jeez that looks so cheap…
Are her bangs clipped on? They look like a bad hairpiece from John Travolta’s collection. Seriously fug.
I’m not opposed to bangs but if you’re clipping them on, that’s just WRONG.
Johnny Depp looks awesome at both lol 🙂 Love him. she needs to stop with the fake bangs, they look awful and both dresses suck.