People Magazine rarely takes a hard line on anything. When they run a story, it reads like it wasn’t only planted by a celebrity’s publicist, but as if the publicist had final approval. That’s why this new editorial calling for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills to be canceled in the wake of Russell Armstrong’s suicide is so powerful. People’s TV critic is taking a firm stand, and it’s as if a sweet old teacher who never scolds anyone suddenly gets dead serious and tells the class they’re on notice. It’s rare and unexpected, and it should get results. Here’s part of People’s story:
Bravo has set about trying to repair the tragic mess that is now season 2 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. The season, which was scheduled to premiere Sept. 5, will be reedited and possibly postponed in light of the suicide of Housewife Taylor Armstrong’s estranged husband, Russell. According to Variety, it’s likely that Russell’s presence – that is, his life – will be reshaped or reduced.
The fact remains that public interest in the show is now higher than ever. But, in a better world, Bravo would just go ahead and scrap not just the season but the entire series. And I say that as a fan of the show. The first season was one of the most entertaining things ever to come out of Bravo.
The death of Russell can’t be treated merely as an act of God or some incidental tragedy. His suicide by hanging weeks before the premiere was intimately connected with Taylor’s public and personal life. It may very well be that his death would have happened without press scrutiny, without Taylor’s overnight fame and the disturbing revelations about his abusive behavior, but the possibility can’t be eliminated. This isn’t a garnish of parsley that can be scraped aside and off the plate.
Russell, although unseen, figured heavily in the season premiere screening disc Bravo sent out to critics earlier this summer: At a dinner reuniting the Housewives, Taylor, 40, was openly distraught over the state of her marriage – weeping in the powder room – but assuring everyone she was doing all she could to save her marriage.
Lisa Vanderpump suggested that Taylor knew how to turn the tears on and off, and her husband, Ken, mocked marriage counseling. Even before Russell’s suicide, they came across as stupendously cavalier. How much of this will remain?
Even if Taylor were to quit the show and move to an undisclosed island, claiming the need to shelter her daughter and her own spirit, Camille Grammer and the others would still be required, somehow, at some point, to address the issue. Awkward, one might say. And if Taylor remains, as the show spills into seasons 3 and even 4, how naturally can she be expected to mourn and recover with women who are not so much friends as costars? Or even possibly hostile costars?
[From People]
This editorial is in response to a recent statement Bravo’s president gave to Variety stating that RHOBH producers wanted to re-edit the show in light of tragic events, and would probably not move back the September 5th season premiere. It did not sound like they were planning to ditch this lucrative member of the franchise at all, and as macabre as it is they just got a lot more press for the show.
I’m a RHOBH viewer and before we heard about Russell’s death I was looking forward to this season. It would be hard if not impossible to get the same guilty pleasure out of watching rich Botoxed people’s problems when we know that their problems go so deep that one of them is about to take his own life. I would not be disappointed if it was canceled, and it seems like the right thing to do. I doubt it will be, though. There’s a lot of money at stake and of course that’s what drives programming decisions, not morality. If it was the other way around we’d never have trashy shows like this in the first place.
As for how this will affect Taylor, I don’t think canceling the show will help her at all. As exploitative as this show is, it seems like all she has. She wasn’t shown with any other friends or family around her other than her daughter, and she had her charity work but for Taylor it was still all about her. I don’t want to sound critical in light of this tragedy, though. I do think the show helps her somewhat and will give her something to focus on.
Header photo is from 8/2/11. Photo of Taylor solo is from 6/20/11. Photo of Taylor and Russell is from 6/6/11. Credit: WENN.com
I HATE peep-toe boots…about as useful as a condom with holes in it. Make a firm decision ladies: peep-toes or boots. Not both. NEVER both.
Yes, cancel it. And every other “Real” of what-evers. And then all the reality shows, EVER. On EVERY network. Get back to (GOOD) scripted stuff, you lazy-ass network bigwigs.
Edit: Has anyone else noticed that they ALL have the same pain-faced “I’m really trying to make my botox and fillers smile” smile?
Honestly I don’t want Bravo to cancel the show. Just take Taylor off after this season, simple solution. I am sure Taylor doesn’t even wanna come back for a another season after this. I really like the series and I think just taking Taylor off would be the right thing…not scarping the whole show. When I think about this too much, I kinda don’t even wanna watch the show. So maybe they should cancel it. I am on the fence.
I would be fine with the show being cancelled. But I don’t think that’s really necessary, I do however think they should edit out everything having to do with the Armstrongs and I think Taylor should be off the show.
Why is no-one calling Taylor out about her hypocrisy at being an anti domestic violence advocate while all the while being a “silent” battered, abused wife? Bravo could save the show if they just get rid of Taylor.
As much as I detest Taylor ( I reached this conclusion before the Russel tragedy)I do think she is suffering and probably inconsolable.
I think Bravo would be best served conferring with the family on the editing and meeting all of their wishes…if this scrapes the season, so be it.
Additionally, a trust should be set up for the 3 children. This would go along long way towards building good will with viewers and the family.
She looks like that Lea chick from glee in 5 yrs. I just can’t.
If you follow People’s reasoning then The Dark Knight should never have been released, as the sleeping tablets Heath Ledger was taking to combat the stress of the role directly led to his death.
Cut Russell & Taylor out of the show as much as possible, then allow the viewers to decide if they want to watch – at least it should serve as a warning about being swallowed up in the cult of materialism and fakery.
I think if Bravo were a decent network, they would cancel the entire season, and film a new one.
As for Taylor, I find her to be a despicable person. Even prior to the terrible events, I found her to be the most pot stirring, nasty woman on that show. I have no way of knowing if her husband beat her or what really happened in their marriage not on camera, but I do know that it is vile how all these stories are now leaking out about her dead husband, when nothing had been said until she filed for divorce.
Bravo needs to re-evaluate the Housewives franchise, and maybe take a look back at the original show, when it was about somewhat wealthy women, who got along, shared lunches, and gave us a glimpse into their homes and what seemed to be, fairly quiet lives. The original show, with all of it’s “children”, is no longer the program I once enjoyed. I find nothing interesting in the amped up, scripted story lines, the “feuds” that have gone way beyond what occur in normal peoples lives and the products that all the women plug endlessly on every show. The original O.C had women with problems, but also who enjoyed one another and weathered tragedies together. They were relatable once upon a time. Not any longer with hair pulling, bad singing, tables flying and vulgar insults lobbed back and forth. I don’t relate to that behavior, and I sure don’t want to see it on tv for entertainment, and I really do not think it is appropriate for Bravo or die hard fans to think we want to see a season where we know someone took their life. These reality shows are not reality to begin with anymore, so why try now with dealing openly with this man’s suicide? I don’t want that reality to entertain me.
Some of the characters on these shows have some real personel issues. If the situation was reversed and one of them commited suicide,would the producers “re-edit” scenes? Somehow I get the feeling that would not be the case. Reality television is the modern day version of watching people fed to the lions in ancient Rome.
As much as people enjoyed the last season, it seems no matter how creatively they edit this season, it will still have a huge creepy feeling. I seriously hope they cancel or forgo this season.
This may be the only unscripted part of the Real Housewives series, are you kidding?
Keep it. NOT because its salacious, but I think it will be an interesting exercise for her once she’s given some time to process everything. And I also agree that she has nothing financially to fall back on and i feel bad for her. \:
If she’s smart, she’ll use this as a platform for her own show and secure some income for a couple of years. (I know we think that’s exploiting the situation, but really, does she have a choice? She’s broke.)
Show must go on.
CB – Sorry! No offence intended. But if they’re not full booties, maybe they’re okay. Now, there is no bigger shoe-horse than me (according to my mother, I inherited it from my grand-mother) and I have the most bad-a$$ pair of peep-toe mules! I also happen to possess the most wonderful boots I’ve ever seen! *swoons* I do love a good pair of boots!
bagladey – With all due respect, it is very difficult to acknowledge to ONE’S SELF when one is being abused. Having to convey that to others is Fukushima-level difficult. Please, unless you’ve been there, don’t call out abuse victims.
I still want it cancelled, but I do think Taylor is going to need the money. Those $60K birthday parties don’t pay for themselves now, do they? 😉
I am actually getting very tired of Bravo. Most of their reality programs feature very boring, money hungry, fame wh*res. Everybody is just so fake that it is not even fun to watch anymore. Honestly, I think they should scrap this season of RHOBH and also fire Andy Cohen. Fact is, Bravo needs some new programming and Andy is not delivering. I watched about 5 minutes of that Dallas Show last night and quickly had to change it. Those people are insufferable and it seems that Bravo’s whole lineup, with exception of a few shows, Bravo is filled with insufferable people. Even Top Chef is losing some of its luster. What was once a groundbreaking network with a diverse lineup of shows is quickly becoming a very boring network with repetitive, shallow programming.
@Bellaluna – I deleted that comment about how I have similar boots. Mine aren’t full booties though, they’re more open, but they are booties with an open toe. (Not the same shoes I mentioned in the Zoe thread.) Anyway I felt guilty for jacking this thread with a story about shoes, since it’s a serious topic and all, so I deleted it.
Also agree how Taylor shouldn’t be called out for not disclosing her own abusive situation. I don’t blame her for that, it makes no sense whatsoever.
This is coming from People that reportedly paid $ 1.5 million for the Kardumphries’ wedding?
I agree with those who said all kinds of Reality Whatever should be canceled, including Dancing with the Hasbeens and Never Wases and associated former girlfriends. I don’t mind the cooking shows though.
I loved the first season and was really looking forward to this season before this tragedy. Now, I think these season either needs to be edited so that T/R’s relationship is completely removed without so much as a mention (which I don’t think is possible) or it needs to be completely reshot without Taylor.
And ITA with Bellaluna about peep-toe boots. Completely pointless and fug.
The original bellaluna@ I agree with you I say cancel all “Real Housewives” nothing but a bunch of fake fame whores.
Edit then air this season and don’t have Taylor back for any subsequent seasons. She is now seriously broke ass with all that debt her husband left behind so she doesn’t really qualify as a Beverly Hills Housewife.
I hate to be cruel but this is just business for Bravo and they can surely replace her for Season 3.
I viewed the previous season and I truly thought Taylor was one devious,manipulative social climbing beotch. I did not like how she and Kyle drove Kim to the edge. It appears to me that she drove Russell to the edge during the shooting of her 2nd season. I am not buying the abuse allegations. If she was truly abused she would have used it prior to Russell’s death to gain pity and win viewer’s hearts. I found it odd that she did not mention her alleged beating in June until after Russell’s death when he wasn’t alive to defend himself. I definitely will not be watching these ugly people in season 2.
Question: If you were an abusive, Sleeping With the Enemy Control Freak Husband, would you allow your wife to join a reality television show?
I think he was abusive, I think there is enough evidence to show the network covered up the abuse for their own gain, and their asses are lucky the dude didn’t do a murder-suicide with Taylor cause their asses would have been TOAST.
Capitalism at it’s finest people! The show has made huge bucks for everyone involved. People need to start taking responsibility for their own lives instead of blaming a TV show for ruining it.
deva, you might if you were 1.5 million in debt and needed any cash you could get
anon33–true.
on another housewives franchise note…
now, i only watch on hulu bc we don’t have real tv reception. nevertheless, it appears to me that theresa and joe gorga’s parents are pissed because joe gorga had to take on a huge mortgage to legally occupy that huge house his wife needed to get onto the show. hence, the complaints that he is always working. the gorgas are headed to bankruptcy just like the giudices.
i know bravo casts for entertainment value, but isn’t the bitchiness enough? must they cast people who are in process of crashing and burning financially?
@original bellaluna, I agree on all fronts. Peep-toe boots are the things of nightmares, and the only thing worse than peep-toe boots is reality television. I will stand right next to you and vote to cancel it all and bring back good, interesting, high-quality television.
I think its disgusting how his family is angling to sue if Bravo continues with the series. He signed a contract knowing he had soo many different abuse allegations and financial messes prior to the show coming into his life. And if anything, this seems to be his final/only way to control the situation. I think they should wait on the premiere for a few months or even until next year when things have calmed down.
I am into snark.
The show shouldn’t go on just so one of it’s idiots can have something to focus on. Go out and get a real j-o-b and some counseling, too. I have a feeling this season was a smear campaign on Russell (deserved or not) and now they’re not sure what to do with the shows already in the can. If they must continue with this series why not find a new set of plastic, self-absorbed, pseudo-wealthy women. How hard would it be to find five or six new women like that in Beverly Hills? Not very, I don’t think.
Nooooooooooooooo say it aint so.
I do not want Jiggy to be punished for Russel beating the crap out of his wife and offing himself. For once make it real and lets see some unscripted crap. They can let Brandy loose while Taylor heals and earns a living so she can feed and house Kennedy.
Westcoaster #9
Thank you for your comment. This is absolutely how I feel. Well put and concise!
I think the family should have some input. ITA, Jackson that they shouldn’t continue it because Taylor needs money or something to focus on. She has something much more important to focus on a daughter who just lost her father. I don’t understand the thought process behind the opinion to air the season then kicking her off. Why is ok to show events leading up to his death but not the aftermath.
To the people complaining about reality shows in general no one is making you watch or read about them. And executives that put them in their networks line up don’t do it out of “laziness” it takes the exact amount of effort to green light a scripted show compared to an unscripted one. They do it because they are cost effective and get consistently good ratings. I do agree that Bravo needs to do some recasting. The petty, multiple season long feuds aren’t entertaining and the ones who consistently make their air time into a commercial should go too. I think one or two season limits should also be applied it seems like at that point their fame and worrying about their image further remove them from reality.
These people were not forced to be on the show. They signed up for it. The fact that someone had underlying issues running simultaneously with filming is not the network’s fault. I don’t think the show should be cancelled…but edited, yes.
Bellaluna, yes on all counts! I can’t even stand to look at pics of these women, let alone watch a reality show about them. Reality shows need to go away!
Okay, read through the comments, here’s a few thoughts:
1. Some abusers are so arrogant and have their victims so terrorized into silence/isolation that yes, they would absolutely believe they could do a “reality” show and no one would find out.
My parents sat me down and gave me a big long talking-to about how they knew he was “hurting me” and “it wasn’t healthy” and “we’ll do whatever we have to do” to “get and keep him away from me.”
My response? A tearful whisper “He’ll kill you” and I never said a word about what he’d done to me.
Until he threatened to take my son from me. After nearly killing me 3 feet away from his crib, while he slept.
Now, I’m not on a reality show, but there are no words to express the shame I felt, having to detail EVERY. SINGLE. INCIDENT. OF ABUSE. AND HUMILIATION. Just to obtain a restraining order for my own safety. (Which aren’t really effective, BTW.)
I choose to think that working around (did Taylor actually work with them?) abused women helped her find her voice.
It takes a very profound, very personal moment to find the courage to stand and say “NO. This is NOT acceptable.”
No network in the WORLD would cancel this show now. Please. This tragedy means millions of dollars of free publicity, which means advertising dollars, which means money in the bank for Bravo.
The show must go on…without her would be nice. I couldn’t stand her whining anyway. Take Kim with you on the way out thanks!
What no one has really mentioned is that little girl. I think airing that stuff now her dad’s dead is bad taste at least. Frankly airing it whether he died or not is horrible given that there’s a five year old girl who probably sees it.
I’ve never watched these shows; my exposure to them is basically reading this site! But what’s with this woman’s smile. Is that really how she smiles or is it a smile she thinks makes her look good in photos? She looks like she’s baring her teeth, not smiling.
Yes, cancel this shizz! The show is a front anyway…..Taylor had no money and they were in debt, so what merits them to be posing as rich with no money to back up the lifestyle. Fakes and frauds of Beverly Hills.
cut Taylor out of it and continue the show. period.
Honestly … I think Taylor is going to love the attention that Russell’s death will bring her …
This People article makes me furious. Thank God for the show because if not, Russell’s dirty little secret of beating Taylor would still be that, his dirty little secret and she would continue to be beaten. The show did not cause him to beat her, let alone cause him to spend way over his means (he did that even before the show). The man hung himself because he was backed into a corner, knowing that his crimes would be revealed soon and he was too much of a coward to face them and admit he was wrong. The show should air as a lesson to all women to get away from abusive relationships before it is too late. Its sick that the media is not focusing on that, and instead, sympathizing with a sick abuser. I’m glad he hung himself instead of committing a murder suicide in Beverly Hills.
AIR THE DAMN SHOW.
To be clear: I am not saying Russell wasn’t an abuser because he allowed Taylor to do the show.
But I do find it bizarre that people go on these shows with all their skeletal luggage loosely packed in the closet.
@ Flounder
“These people were not forced to be on the show. They signed up for it. The fact that someone had underlying issues running simultaneously with filming is not the network’s fault. I don’t think the show should be cancelled…but edited, yes.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Exactly.
Everyone knew what they signed up for. And they made the decision to do this show.
I do not believe suddenly cutting out the truth of the tragedy, makes any sense.
Use a little decorum and make a point to be honest with what happen. And do not drag it out.
It is an unfortunate end to a life. A life he could have gotten straighten out.
@nanea (#16) thank you.
It’s utter hypocrisy for People to get on the cancel RHWOBH bandwagon without also saying that all of this alleged reality TV (following personal lives and turning people into celebrities because TV shows them getting drunk, having sex or otherwise creating a series about their lifestyle) should be discontinued. They should also stop covering the “stars” of these shows as if they had achieved celebrity through some sort of demonstrable talent.
I’d like to cancel this ugly bitch’s face. These people give me nightmares…
Cancel. There’s no avoiding the suicide. Whatever enjoyment was taken from the snarkiness of this show is way overshadowed by the fact that a man is dead and several children are fatherless.
That’s not entertaining. That’s just sad.
They should definitely cut all of Russell and Taylors footage. They should not option her to come back. She needs to focus on her daughter and her issues. Granted the show & women on it are pretty pathetic. If its your cup of tea – I think airing the show with the other women is fine.
Here’s the problem with this whole “wives reality” mess: It’s not even approximate to “real.” These people are robbing, stealing and now, literally, killing to keep up with (or get out of) these unreal personas and lifestyles. Cancel them all. Now.
If they were truly rich and enviably-connected and could be painted as something to aspire to, then keep it on to show us all that the good life isn’t always good, it takes money to make money and rich and wealthy and married have nothing to do with happiness and class and family values. But, this is only making me have even more simultaneous disdain and pity for showboating wannabees. And even many of the more appealing cast members are wannabees because most of them wannabee married housewives and aren’t.
The latest post-Russell tragedy is The Hartwell’s marriage (RHOA cast). My daughter always says that Atlanta has the biggest community of unfamous famous people of any city in the world and these two are at the top of that list. But, together they were, seemingly, one of the more likable, stable and rational couples of the entire franchise, yet even they revealed this week that they are now separated. While Lisa Wu maintains it is not about their money problems, I’m pretty certain the show contributed immensely to their issues. I mean, when will the carnage of this franchise end? Do we have to wait until Kim Richards does a Lizzie Grubman thru Adrienne’s next White Party and none of the shows can get insurance?
Couples, people who are strong enough to withstand this level of examination and scrutiny usually do not invite and contractually obligate themselves to it. As well, really rich and wealthy people do not invite the world into their lives weekly because they don’t want to be Frank Sinatra Jr.’d or Lindbergh Babied. Bill Gates ain’t got no reality show for a reason.
I regularly watched the BH and Atl shows but I’m just not interested in seeing a weekly trainwreck anymore, no matter how many lavish parties and conflict-free diamonds are flashed. Cancel all of the “Wives” shows as I couldn’t even get thru the first 15 minutes of last night’s BW reunion, either. None of it is entertaining anymore because it’s not an escape; they’re as screwed up or more than all the rest of us. I got too many problems of my own to be worried about meangirlbadattitudebotoxneedingelocutionlessonlackingtrophyfiancee Eveleyn’s daddy issues, too. I mean, if I were in her “circle,” she’d be fronting on me about my lack of a swag game, so why should I keep her employed to finance hers? These people just look like pathetic label and attention hounds now and I can’t quite find any other redeeming qualities in the concepts.
If you look at an old post I put up, I said something like Andy Cohen was on track to have to call the 911. If they keep filming the RH’s, he might have to keep them on speed dial.
I actually think Russell’s suicide has possibly opened our eyes to how toxic these reality shows can be for people. I think many may consider Russell’s suicide the beginning of the end for “reality” television.
bluhare, here’s the deal (and I totally agree with you about the daughter’s feelings):
This little 6 year old girl probably has internet access. If she doesn’t, chances are her friends do. And they WILL watch this mess. And they WILL read about it on the internet.
Now, having to explain to my son how awful his father was (a “relative” contacted him via Facebook) and why he’s not been involved in my son’s life; and WORST OF ALL, having to convince my son that NURTURE trumps NATURE (he was terrified he was like his sperm-donor) and my son is a WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL PERSON was the WORST EXPERIENCE in my life. (I can deal with a lot…A. LOT. but don’t hurt my kids. That, I cannot handle.)
That man (because my son is now, indeed, a man) is a wonderful human being! But the damage done (from before and right after he was born) is significant. (Damage done by someone who was only marginally in his life and nearly killed me.)
That poor little girl. I only hope Taylor gets counseling for the both of them.
And what I’ve read (he stopped taking his meds prior to suicide) just makes this all the worse.
I’m going to go out and buck the tradition which says you shouldn’t talk ill of the dead (and I’ll probably get sh-t for it), but it seems like Bravo is doing everything to scrap him from the series. Being a firm believer that people should not come up smelling of roses just because they died I’ll support this but let’s not suddenly gloss over the fact that this man was doing criminal activity (ponzi schemes) and could possibly have been domestically violent with more than one woman. Call a spade a spade but don’t try to make it seem like he was a saint.
Hopefully Bravo will just cut all mention of him all together (oh well for Taylor) and not give in to this public backlash which seems to be glossing over his bad qualities just because he hung himself which was apparently only because of his wife’s fame whoring. If anything it wasn’t just her that contributed to it, he had a hand in his own destruction.
It is not unusal for domestic abuse victims to hide their abuse. It is part of the cycle. In fact it is more the norm. I know people seem to despise Taylor but that fact alone does not mean she wasn’t abused. Truly nobody knows what goes on between two people behind closed doors. We may never know the truth.
I do think for the sake of the kids that they need to scrap the season.
Dani is right. My roommate was being physically abused by her boyfriend, and it took me several months to catch on. and I LIVED with her! I could hear what was going on through the walls. But as someone who has never had to listen to what a man beating on his girlfriend sounds like, I didn’t put two and two together until I heard her clearly say “You’re hurting me, stop it! Please! Stop it!” And then suddenly everything clicked. And I realized what I’d been hearing. And I was horrified.
But until that moment, I had no idea. They acted normal around me. Hell, the boyfriend even seemed like a nice person. It wasn’t until I confronted him about it that he showed what a monster he really is. He had so much psychological control over his girlfriend that she thought she deserved what she was getting from him. She never talked about it – until I brought it up. She also believed him when he said no one loved her or cared if she died, except him.
Was I naive in this situation? Hell yeah. But I’m not a moron. If it took me that long to figure out someone I was LIVING with was being abused IN OUR HOUSE, I can totally see how this woman might have been abused without anyone knowing. We can’t know what went on behind closed doors, even if we were in the next room. Let alone across the country viewing people through a screen.
taylor has goat teeth. other than that i have no opinion on this show and whether it should be cancelled.
Cancel the show. A suicide is not entertaining. If they keep the show on, I hope they do Public Service Announcements about suicide.
They should cancal all of them while they’re at it. Those obnoxious shows are the reason I took Bravo off my favorites list. Won’t watch it anymore.
@ CHristine said:
No network in the WORLD would cancel this show now. Please. This tragedy means millions of dollars of free publicity, which means advertising dollars, which means money in the bank for Bravo.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I agree. I don’t see them cancelling. The hard truth is it’s business to them, nothing more. I think Bravo should edit all of Russell out and as much as Taylor as they can. But I don’t think there is anyway they will cancel the show. To much money has already been spent and in Hollywood the bottom line is what matters most.
Bullshit. RHOBH is the best of the franchise because, aside from Taylor, all these women are actually filthy rich. Just take Taylor out of the equation and bring in more of that DuBois person please.
For my part whether they cancel or now I won’t be watching it. I just can’t enjoy the guilty pleasure with the thought of a suicide hanging over the whole thing. I think this whole cast has been more volatile then any others and it feels like anothe season may just bring alot more sadness then it’s really worth it
Shannon (and everyone else) – The emotional and psychological damage caused by abusers starts long before the physical abuse starts.
Once the victim is properly emotionally beaten into submission (victimisation), the physical abuse starts.
Yes, abuse victims believe they deserve it. Abuse victims have been told from the very beginning of the relationship that “NO ONE” loves you like I do; cares about you; will take care of you…ad nauseum.
The recovery from the physical abuse is usually the “simplest.” (Bones mend; stitches heal; scrapes and bruises disappear.)
It takes a long, long, long time for those psychological scars to heal.
@61 – Thank you Bellaluna for being the voice of reason.
Oh, Dani, no…I’m not the voice of reason, just the voice of experience.
I firmly believe the truth should be available. It’s easy for others to judge when they haven’t been on the receiving end of that particular short (abusive) straw. (YES! I was that girl in high school who was like “If he hits me, I’m hitting him back! I won’t tolerate that mess!” But you really don’t know what it’s like…until…)
But when you have…it’s a big thing. Like, life altering-ly BIG.
I SURVIVED. So did my son. THAT’S the MOST IMPORTANT thing.
And really, that’s all I cared about. I would have died to save my son. I think that’s what it comes down to.
(I had an “I’m so mortified I can’t look you in the eye” talk with a dear, dear high school friend and told her [almost] everything, so if I ended up “missing” or “mysteriously dead” she could go to my Mom and tell my story. So my Mom would get custody of my son. And keep him away from the abusive son-of-a-bitch.)
I only watch the BH version of the RH series because it’s local. It makes me feel better about my crappy life.
Taylor has no friends because abusive husbands tend to isolate their wives. Taylor was abused as a child, she was abused as a wife. Its a viscous cycle and she needs therapy. She is so hateful because she has never had any control. People like that are hard to be around. I feel for Taylor but I don’t know that I could be her friend.
I am sorry for the family and give them sympathy because suicide isn’t easy to go through but look at the big picture. THEY chose to do the show, no one forced them to and if they for some reason have a problem with that they needa look at that contract THEY signed.I didn’t hear them saying any of this when they were spending their 60,000 dollar paycheck per episode and investing in stupid shit. because I’m pretty sure the show wasn’t 100% of the reason he committed suicide. And if it was well…that’s their problem. Whether he did abuse her or not (not that it matters anymore)she should of kept it to herself and close family and stop trying to get a symphony to play sad songs for her and why mention it to the world? Bravo is stupid for making a show about housewives in the first place. ALL OF THESE GIRLS ON RHBH OR ANY OTHER HOUSEWIVE SHOW NEED TO SIT THEIR ASSES DOWN AND STOP GETTING INTO SHIT. HONESTLY, HOW OLD ARE THEY? EARLY AND LATE 30’S MAYBE 40’S AND THEY ARE SITTING ON A SHOW TALKING SHIT ABOUT EACH OTHER LIKE NO TOMORROW. GET A LIFE LET ALONE A J-O-B. Why cancel the show? Hate to say it but do you really think Bravo is going to throw a pity party for Russell Armstrong, weep and moan too, and cancel their bread winning show so they won’t get sued? Bravo makes so much money they could pay off that whole entire family and get on with the show. Business is business and to them this is probably just another bump on the log.
Can’t get Fahrenheit 451 out of my mind…
@63 Bellaluna – I know what you mean as I have been down that road too. It has been difficult to read all the misconceptions about abuse since this story hit the internet. I have tried to look at it logically and I realise that people do not want to speak ill of the dead and I respect that. I just want people to understand that nobody truly knows what goes on behind closed doors with a couple. It may look different on the outside but that is the nature of the beast. I really am sorry for all involved how this story has played out. I just thank you for speaking out and sharing your experience. It is still hard for me to do so.
Dani, it will get easier, as time goes on. It’s been over 20 years for me. (But I still have panic attacks when I see someone who looks like him.)
I agree, it’s always hard when stories of abuse fly. The debate as to whether they are true or not takes off, and the actual ABUSE aspect is generally lost. And it’s also true that many people who have not been in an abusive relationship (and/or do not know anyone who’s been in an abusive relationship) just do not understand how it happens. And that’s okay. But it’s our job (as survivors) to educate them.
Now, I detest abusers. But I detest those who falsely claim abuse even more. It denigrates what abuse victims have been through, and “cheapens” (if you will) the whole sordid experience.
Love & best wishes to you, Dani. You WILL be okay. 🙂 You survived, and that’s the ultimate goal. (If you want to talk, CeleBitchy has my permission to give you my direct email address.)
@ the Original Bellaluna…Thank you for so articulately expressing the horrible affects of abuse.
and to those who say, “shame on her, she only brought it out after he died”, well, sometimes victims can only talk when the fear of continued abuse is gone. If you havent’ been through it, then maybe it’s best to just listen and support.
Now, having said that. Cancel these famewhores.
Bellaluna, I rarely talk about it because it has been my experience that most people judge you very negatively. There is this assumption that you are weak but it couldn’t be any further from the truth. Most people would not survive what I went through without turning to some vice or having a breakdown. We do have an obligation to speak out and your point is well taken. It has been baby steps for me but I do get a chance to advocate for women on a regular basis due to my job as a nurse. I have put my energy and experience to good use in that area. Thank you for your kindness and your courage to speak your story. Thing is you never know who you may have touched in a very positive way. 🙂
Dani, you keep on going and be the best nurse – and person – you can be! I’m sorry, but I do believe you will see more cases of abuse in your profession as a nurse. It will be hard, but you CAN DO IT. Hold yourself up as an example, if you have to. TEACH people that it’s not okay, it’s not their fault, and they will survive, if they can just have faith in themselves and be strong enough.
That’s your thing now…good luck and God bless.
John Wayne Lives, the emotional/psychological abuse is the most insidious. It’s sneaky and cruel and vile. And it does, in fact, make abuse victims think they deserve it. There is a pervasive “I’m the ONLY ONE who loves you” attitude.
It is awful and painful and isolating.
And honestly, death of the abuser is truly the SOLE feeling of comfort that he (or she) will NEVER hurt me again. (My former abuser happens to be in jail across country. I am slightly comforted he’s in jail, far away. Now when he gets out, that’s a whole ‘nother story.)
@ Dani and The Original Bellaluna.. Hugs Ladies, like my mother, you are heros in the world of women. Being strong enough to speak is being stronger than most people will ever know.
We have a right to stand and shout “NO MORE!”
@71 &72 – Thank you and couldn’t have put it any better.
“People” has made bazillions writing about famous suicides. I think issueing such a “proclamation’ is more than a tad hypocritical
What a fun adventure! Great pics as always!