Sinead O’Connor trolls for sex on her blog, finds suitable applicant (update)

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This is one of the most amusing things I’ve seen in a while. (That wasn’t written by Kaiser, natch.) The last we saw of 90s music sensation Sinead O’Connor, 44, she had gained some mom weight and grown her hair back in a very unfortunate style that Michael K at DListed described as “toddler hair circa 1978.” (We don’t have those pictures, you can see them here. That’s not what I’m calling amusing, that’s pretty normal apart from the way she’s dressed and her terrible haircut.) She currently has four kids that range in age from 15 25(?) to 4, who all have different fathers, and she’s living in her native Ireland.

Anyway Sinead needs some sex, desperately. She writes on her official blog that she needs it so bad that vegetables are looking sexy to her. Has that ever happened to you? Sometimes my electric toothbrush seems sexy with it’s sweet hum and vibrating power, but cold veggies just would not do the trick. Sinead posted a long message a few days ago requesting a guy who is hairy, employed, 44 or older and prepared to service her needs, basically. Here it is in its entirely:

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The man who runs my site will protectively suggest I may want to visit the bathroom for a few intimate moments and a subsequent cold shower before deciding to post this on the site but I will of course ignore him as it’s too late now and the her-moans are having the best of me.

I recently read of a woman in America who married and regularly humps her truck. I don’t yet own a truck but I’m beginning to understand her head space. And am worried I too may be so desperate for sex that within days I might run up the road and hump Bray Cab’s whole fleet in one hour. Forty quid clear-up afterward. Can’t say fairer than that. Except maybe a photo for their web-site. Which would be fine.

My shit-uation sexually/affectionately speaking is so dire that inanimate objects are starting to look good as are inappropriate and/or unavailable men and/or inappropriate and/or unavailable fruits and vegetables. I tell you yams are looking like the winners. I actually do know a woman who is a performance artist from America. I have a photo of her being escorted arm in arm by two uk police man onto a plane back home cuz she humped a yam in the middle of her show. I just know that’s going to happen to me if I don’t take drastic action.

Needless to say what I do for a living makes it hard for me to find men that only want me cuz they like my (legendary) arse. Yet I am in the peak of my sexual prime and way too lovely to be living like a nun. and it’s VERY depressing.

So I’ve been pondering on whether or not I should join some Irish dating agencies. Of course if I did it would end up in papers so I may as well save myself the registration fees. Besides which a friend of mine uses dating agencies and half the men actually have wives.

Am in desperate need of a very sweet sex-starved man.

He must be no younger than 44.

Must be living in Ireland but I don’t care if he is from the planet Zog.

Must not be named Brian or Nigel.

Must be blind enough to think I’m gorgeous.

Has to be employed. Am not fussy in what capacity generally but vehicle clampers need not apply.

Leather trouser- wearing gardai, fire-men, rugby players, and Robert Downey-Junior will be given special consideration. As will literally anyone who applies.

I like me a hairy man so buffed and/or waxed need not apply.

No hair gel.

No hair dryer use.

No hair dye

Stubble is a non-negotiable must. Any removal of stubble would be upsetting for me.

No after shave.

Must be very ‘snuggly’. Not just wham-bam.

Must be wham-bam.

Has to like his mother.

Has to like his ex and or mother/s of his children.

Has to live in own place.

I must end now as I have a hot date with a banana

Applicants can apply through my secretary at vampyahslayah@yahoo.com

[From Sinead O'Connor's website]

That was posted on August 20th, and in a follow up yesterday Sinead reports that she got laid! Yay! At least I think that’s what she’s writing here. Or maybe she had some fun on Skype. Either way, it seems to have taken care of her needs.

Search called off for now. Suitable man found. Hands down winner. No competition.. Thank you again to the sunday indo..

That position has been filled by an extremely sweet, kind, very respectful, considerate but absolutely FILTHY minded, un-inhibited RUDE sex maniac named John. and no.. I don’t mean John Waters.

Well good for her. There’s no need to resort to veggies. She has more details on her blog about her preferred sex practices, but I’m not going to get into it here. Let’s just say she’s a backdoor gal and leave it at that. Sinead O’Connor is a kinky bitch and she’ll tell you about it.

Update: I don’t know how I missed this other post, saying the applicant has been disqualified! Thanks to all of you who pointed it out:

Sadly the chosen winner of the quest for man has revealed pregnant girlfriend. Therefore the campaign is resumed for anyone who is interested in applying… U may do so at @ iamwonderful@me.com

Must have sweet heart and filthy mind.

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Here’s Sinead performing in July, 2010. Credit: WENN.com

 

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91 Responses to “Sinead O’Connor trolls for sex on her blog, finds suitable applicant (update)”

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  1. mln76 says:

    Hilarious…but yeah kinda sad that she didn’t age that well gosh was she beautiful back in the day.

  2. Delta Juliet says:

    I looked at the header and thought “my God she looks just like my mother in law!” And then I read the article. Must go bleach my brain now…….

  3. Annaloo says:

    Her look reminds me of the moms in Park Slope.

    However she is an INCREDIBLE artist, I don’t really care what she looks like.

    Glad she got some nookie.

  4. Danziger says:

    I saw her live performance on 20th of August in our capital. She looked awful. What happened? And this post only adds to my craving for eye bleach.

  5. zephyr says:

    The search is back on.
    Update on her blog:
    *Sadly the chosen winner of the quest for man has revealed pregnant girlfriend. Therefore the campaign is resumed for anyone who is interested in applying…*

  6. Sarahkie says:

    Apparently the search is back on. Turns out that the man she chose has a pregnant girlfriend.

  7. michelle says:

    lol …desperate situation calls for desperate measures

  8. ladybert62 says:

    That blog was hysterical! Me laugh out loud several times!

  9. Iggles says:

    Omg! This was a hilarious read. I think it’s awesome that she’s so honest about it. You go girl! Hope she finds another suitable applicant!

  10. Ann says:

    Girlfriend is on some medication that makes her heavy. Be nice!

  11. Rose says:

    Jesus, she’s a 44 year-old SINGER, not a model. Seriously, sometimes people make me sick.

  12. Dorothy#1 says:

    HAHAHA Good for her! I think she has an amazing voice. BUT I thought she was gay?

  13. Kitty_Cal says:

    It’s rather sad to see her in such a state when only 20 years or so ago she was absolutely beautiful. Particularly in the video for “Nothing Compares 2 U”. (Never got why the title’s last two words were written in chat speak…)

  14. Runs with Scissors says:

    I don’t care what she looks like now, she literally changed my world view about art. She’s amazing. And her plea was hilarious!!

  15. MorticiansDoItDeader says:

    I’m sure she’ll find plenty of men who will “hit it” once, so they can say they had sex with Sinead O’Connor. That’s, most likely, what “John” was up to.

  16. Pyewacket says:

    I don’t mean to be rude, but electric toothbrushes and vegetables are not sex toys people. There are stores devoted to toys so you don’t have to use dental appliances or food.

  17. deva says:

    Honestly I thought that last pic (used for the thumbnail) was Sir Paul.

  18. mdf says:

    I fully anticipated she was gonna say John Mayer, not John Waters.

  19. Juliesunflower says:

    Wow!! I am speechless!

  20. jc126 says:

    Ugh, she’s looking for a hairy guy? Excess body hair creeps me out.

  21. Iggles says:

    Dorothy#1 – I thought so too!

    jc126 – Different strokes for different folks. I like men with body hair too!

  22. jesikabelcher says:

    My brain needs a good scrubbin!

  23. The Bobster says:

    There are so many things on Skinhead’s list that I got disqualified.

  24. LOVE ANGELINA says:

    OMG That was pure awesome. Loved it. She could be the Irish Carrie Bradshaw.

  25. karena says:

    The hair is unfortunate but she is getting older just like the rest of us. She is probably a size 12 maximum. If she got plastic surgery/botox ya’ll be bitchin’ her face is jacked! She is talented, funny, odd and I am glad to see her in the public eye again.

  26. Melissa says:

    @13 – the song title is in text speak because it’s originally a Prince song – her version is a cover.

  27. karena says:

    Actually I think her oldest child is more like 25. She was very young when she had him.

  28. regina says:

    OMG I love this. How do I start my own blog?!?!

  29. k says:

    @ Melissa: They didn’t have texting back then. Prince was known for using abbreviations in his titles/lyrics.

  30. Mitch Buchanan Rocks says:

    It seems with her sense of humour that Sinead will find a good shag, and wow does she ever look like Christy Clark.

  31. lucy2 says:

    That’s hilarious, but probably embarrassing for her kids, especially the older one.

  32. Melissa says:

    @k – yeah – I know – I’m old! But to somebody younger, it looks like text/chat speak, but it’s just Prince. Always ahead of his time!

  33. Trillion says:

    She was pregnant when Lion and The Cobra, her first record, came out. Her oldest kid is probably more like 25 or so not 15. Male artists have so much more “permission” to age and gain weight. Do you think anyone’s ever commented on Van Morrison’s weight gain and hair?

  34. Trillion says:

    OH, and “has to like his mother” is brilliant. I’d be hesitant to date a man who had an antagonistic relationship with his mom. Bad sign.

  35. Runs with Scissors says:

    The Bobster:
    August 26th, 2011 at 10:21 am

    There are so many things on Skinhead’s list that I got disqualified.

    —————————————-

    The fact that you call her “Skinhead” would pretty much disqualify you from any woman’s list. I imagine you’re used to the rejection, lol.

  36. original kate says:

    “No hair gel.”

    well played, sinead…well played indeed.

  37. Jen34 says:

    Am I daft to find this sweet? I hope she finds a great guy soon, although I thought she was into women for a while. Right?

    Also, as another person mentioned, her oldest is more like 25. She started young. Love her.

  38. Feebee says:

    At first glance I thought it was Paul McCartney.

  39. Cait says:

    I’m with you, “Runs with scissors.” She was on the most influential artists in my early life. Such an amazing, passionate performer, and that voice…

    Yeah she’s a little older and more plush, but seriously,who cares what she looks like. She’s a cute older lady now, not a hot young thing. But wouldn’t you rather listen to someone with pipes like that, than someone who looks pretty and manufactured, and can’t sing?

  40. Truthful says:

    awww, she deserves a lil love, I hope it works out for her..

    ahhh, she likes what she likes..

    good luck to her!

  41. spinner says:

    She is only 44. She could look a helluva lot better than this.

    VEGGIE WHORES UNITE!!

  42. Nymeria says:

    Who gives a fiddler’s fart what she looks like?

    And the phrase “only 20 years ago” is laughable. 20 years is a long time. People age. It happens. It could even happen to one of us… *looks around like the people from the Thing movie*

  43. the other mel says:

    Her hair reminds me of Paul McCartney’s minus the bad dye job.

  44. Kloops says:

    I used to find her annoying but she’s now my new hero. Hilarious. But…. I thought she came out a few years ago?

  45. Embee says:

    Look how expressive her face is! I bet she’s a HOOT to hang out with. I’ll pour, Sinead, you just keep talking/singing!

  46. HotLatino says:

    Who would be desperate enough to have sex wih THAT? But then I’m gay and I wouldn’t even have sex with the hottest woman on Earth LOL but give me a hairy average looking dude anyday and I’ll be ridin him 24/7 hahaha

  47. knitter says:

    @Kitty_Cal: “Nothing Compares 2 U” was written by Prince, and he was spelling like that long before chat speak.

  48. Ellie says:

    Fat and ugly girls need lovin too!

  49. VeneficA Delirium says:

    I’m pretty close to hiring a male prostitute, so I understand.

  50. mary simon says:

    time has not been kind to Sinead.

  51. Gwen says:

    That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in a loong time :D

  52. hatsumomo says:

    I think some of yall need to go to a Passion Party if you are eyeing the veggies in the fridge. They are super fun and discreet and females only.

  53. blaugaro says:

    She is not a size 2 or 4, so what? She is talented, funny and intelligent. If you still prefer, let’s say, sofia palermo, over this woman, you need to read less gossip blogs and get a brain. Getting old ist normal and happens to all of us, even to those who have plastic surgery.

  54. blaugaro says:

    But the way, I am blind enough to think she is gorgeous. And I am not saying it to be nice. The red dress suits her.

  55. Kitty_Cal says:

    OK OK OK, I get it. Prince spells in short hand. I honestly never got the big deal with him. He wrote some pretty good pop songs (Raspberry Beret being the only one I’m particularly fond of…) He seems to have a big head for no great reason.

  56. ol cranky says:

    she had some very serious psychiatric issues when she was famous and for some time after so I don’t know if this is a friggen hysterical sign she’s finally matured or something related to her mental status

  57. fizXgirl314 says:

    time isn’t kind to anyone… you get old, then you die and rot… that’s probably not the kindest thing in the world. Good to see so many of you having good attitude toward a normal woman who hasn’t botoxed herself into oblivious. Besides, time still catches up with those botoxed bitches as well, they just end up looking creepy as hell…

  58. WhiteNoise says:

    Awesome. Bet she’s inundated with responses from people already in love with her just for that single blog entry.

  59. ZenB!tch says:

    It’s her hair and clothes that make her look hideous to me. She’s a tad overweight but not Kirstie Alley huge. She has beautiful skin but again the hair and the clothes… ick.

    I personally don’t care about hair as long as its not on the back, I used to be pickier but I’m older now.

    I do think the backdoor stuff is gross and TMI.

  60. gg says:

    okay that is TMI. Dude – hire a prossie.

  61. Juliesunflower says:

    Sinead should write a book; better still the script for the next sex and the city film. Nice blog – hilarious! Wish I had money to give her a tv show of her own; I’ll be rich!

  62. Ulysses says:

    Holy fucking shite. Actual Tweet from her twitter:

    “Because nothing compares, nothing compares to poo : )”

    “Me arse is killin’ me.. Enda was a bit ruffer than usual tonight.”

    …really you had to ‘tweet’ about that? She really doesn’t come across as very bright I’m sad to say.

  63. Amy says:

    I think she’s adorable! (Unfortunately, I’m straight and female, so of no help.)

  64. Miggs says:

    Maybe if she wasn’t so picky she’d find someone.

  65. Cherry Rose says:

    I would have totally loved to have sex with Sinead O’Connor back in her heyday.

    I think she’s aged pretty well and isn’t at a too bad weight for a mother of four.

    And she’s always had a thing for hairy men. Not really my cup of tea (there are exceptions yes), but hey, at least she’s not asking for a dude in their 20s like Madonna.

  66. Cirque28 says:

    I’m laughing at how her website lists one of her Twitter accounts as @datfookinhooer.

    Go Sinead!

  67. Stephie says:

    Well she was never considered shy. If you can ask for what you want, more power to you. (scary tho. jeez)

  68. wunderkindt says:

    She’s one really old looking 44 yr old! wtf happened?

  69. HotLatino says:

    @blaugaro Who’s Sofia Palermo?

  70. Ruffian9 says:

    Cripes people, she looks fine! Also, that blog entry made me laugh. Loathe though I am to Oprah-fy anything; You Go girl. Hope she finds the hairy, gell-less, snuggly sex machine of her dreams.As we all should!

  71. beth says:

    @datfookinhooer LOL

    she may no longer be the hot looking young thing but i like her for her refreshing honesty very, very much. there is still much of the same loveliness inside.

  72. Mtn Girl says:

    Sigh…Sinead is an artist with the voice of an angel, I don’t care how dowdy she looks and how much her attire is lacking…she sang PRINCE in the 80′s and put her own stamp on it. And ripped up a pic of the POPE on SNL, LIVE. Who does that and still has a voice that commands attention?

  73. Adrien says:

    Back in the day, Sinead was the only girl who looked good bald. She was the bomb but she was also self-destructive. She looks “wholesome” now, but I’m glad she’s Ok and doing well after bouts of severe depression and struggles with bipolar disorder and apparently she has now developed a sense of humor. Love her. Too bad I’m younger than 44.

  74. The Bobster says:

    The fact that you call her “Skinhead” would pretty much disqualify you from any woman’s list. I imagine you’re used to the rejection, lol.

    _____________

    No, only from the bald women’s list. Like George Costanza, I don’t mind being rejected by bald women.

    ~~~~I’ll never go swimmin’
    With bald-headed women~~~~

  75. coucou says:

    I will NEVER ever forget driving home one night listening to college radio as they played her first album “Lion and the Cobra” in its entirety…i was BLOWN AWAY…i took the long way home and kept driving just to hear the whole thing…this has never happened with any other album or artist…she’s very special and can do no wrong in my eyes, or ears.

    Sinead, in the immortal words of one of my favorite female prophets, Missy Elliott: Aint no shame, baby do your thing, just be sure you’re ahead of the game…get your freak ON!”

  76. Trillion says:

    coucou, that record seriously changed my life and my idea about what someone could do with music and what women could do in music. She’s a pioneer. I wonder if Sinead came onto the music scene today if she’d make it on a level beyond a small audience. And let’s not forget she was blasted for coming out against the pope for failing to address widespread abuse by Catholic clergy. Twenty some odd years later, look what happened! If only someone had heeded her warnings back then…

  77. Dingles says:

    She’s Sinead O’Connor. She can do whatever (or whoever) she wants and look however she wants to look.

  78. Jenn says:

    I remember the sheer brilliance of “Lion and the Cobra” and how lost she has seemed since then. Seriously, couldn’t she go on eHarmony or something? Four kids by four dads later, she might want to take a different approach. And I thought she had a boyfriend, too.

  79. Ms.JAPrufrock says:

    That is the funniest “Man Wanted” ad I’ve read in my life.

    She has always been a great spirit and it’s nice to see her sense of humor.I think she’s lovely.

    She used to be so intense. Watching YouTube videos of her early performances and interviews, I’m struck by her raw talent and beauty. I remember seeing her on the Arsenio Hall Show wearing a green mini dress with her shaven head. I was charmed by her shyness, her huge eyes, and beautiful Irish lilt.

  80. Xantha says:

    I have to agree with Jen34, I´m loving this post, honest matter of fact and so very much the situation many of us find ourselves in!! ;-)

  81. Andie B says:

    Yes, she looks dowdy but has obviously got a great sense of humour. I’d look rough if I had four kids with four different guys. That must be a bit of a juggling act. I think she has raised them mainly on her own as well. She has had mental health issues, but it looks as though she has got it together now. Probably hasn’t got the time or the inclination to go to the Gym, the hairdresser or to see a stylist. This lady lives life her way.

  82. Leah says:

    I don’t get why she looks so old, she is only 44. She needs to either shave her head again or style it differently.

  83. smh says:

    i’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for this woman, her album “i do not want…” was the very first cassette tape i had bought :) she had a good voice before it got all breathy due to years and years of smoking. and she has made a fool out of herself in many interviews when she was younger, and on manic highs similar to this one. she really needs her meds and to listen to “the guy who runs her website”, as she put it.

  84. Mikunda says:

    Well, at least she is honest and straight about it. Can’t say I don’t agree with her requirements and needs. I guess once you turn 40 things change dramatically $.e.x-wise – I guess it’s a swan song of sorts before all is gone and lost…

  85. master yoda says:

    At least she still has her dignity.

  86. Ruffian9 says:

    master yoda: Best laugh I’ve had all day

  87. Magsy says:

    OMG the Susan Boyle of Ireland. What are the odds???? Looks like Sinead keeps her stache under control though, don’t know about the beard. :-)

  88. Priscilla says:

    She gained weight because of her Bi-Polar Meds. God love her but this asking for sex is sad. Hope she meets a man that will just love her and they get married. I mean I sure love her regardless.

  89. Wayne says:

    Some one wrote “How did she get to look so old? She’s only 40″ Or she looks like everyones mom. Heh heh heh! She “is” a mom and I think she looks a very respectablæe 40. Maybe she hasn’t been using a sizeable fortune on getting her face stretched out and lipo, like so many others of her social stature. I wonder if she even sees herself as being in a higher social station? I’m ramblin.
    Anyways, I loved her when she was in her 20′s and fighting for a cause nobody else seemed to dare to, and I love her today for being pathetically painfully honest. I would apply to her cause ;-) except that I don’t meet her criteria. I don’t live in Ireland. Of course I might not be as good looking as all the other fashion model contributors and therefore not as choosy.
    “She was beautiful” is a true statement and still is. “She was a crazy young woman” might have been a true statement, and maybe it could still be. I am but a mere mortal and cannot judge such things nor do I desire to do so. I hope she finds what she needs without having to sort through too many crazy people. Of course that’s the challenge we all face isn’t it?

  90. Iris Hardemon says:

    Oh Carrie… that first image…. ohhhhhhhhhh!! (well, and the 2nd, 3rd and 4th! lol)