Naturally, the cast of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” was in attendance at last night’s VMAs, and honestly, I don’t even know where to begin here. Let’s just start with a rundown of the above photograph — from left to right, we’ve got Vinny Guadagnino, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Sammi Giancola, Deena Nicole Cortese, Paul “DJ Pauly D” DelVecchio, and Jenni “JWoww” Farley. Conspicuously missing from the group were both Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino and his abs, which is unfortunate because I really was looking forward to seeing some Abercrombie and Fitch on the black carpet. Alas, it turns out that The Situation got stranded in the wind and rain spawned by Hurricane Irene, so he couldn’t make the same private jet that the rest of the group caught on Saturday morning before the storm hit. That’s a likely story, of course. He was probably just getting some action and didn’t get out of bed on time, you know?

At any rate, the general tactic here for the “Shore” cast was the usual method of finding the tackiest clothing possible; but since this was the VMAs, the look needed to be even more extreme, and the fake tanning lotion arrived in a fetching shade called “extra orange.” Surprisingly though, the boys were relatively tasteful in their choice of outfits, but Sammi went positively Kardashian-esque with a tiny animal print dress, and Deena looked like the lovechild of a fruit-striped candy cane and a piñata. Meanwhile, JWoww had her implants out in full force last night; let’s take a quick peek at them before we go in for the closeup:

While I still believe that JWoww hasn’t had any plastic surgery on her face, I think it’s fairly obvious that some form of cosmetic tweaking took place before last night’s ceremony; specifically, a ton of botox. At least she did a better job with the falsies this time around though:

Now for Snooki, who donned an orange cocktail dress with a festive gold ornamental theme. I’m not sure how she sat down without snapping a few twigs.

That’s not all though. To fully appreciate Snooki’s look, one must witness the absolutely obscene amount of glitter at work here:

In closing, I’ll let DJ Pauly D spin us out with one of his tunes. It’s amazing how normal he looks compared to the others, isn’t it?

Photos courtesy of Fame