Last week, Angelina Jolie and the kids left Vietnam, and headed to parts unknown. The kids got to spend about a week in Vietnam, and it was the first trip any Jolie-Pitt had made to the country since Angelina adopted Pax in 2007. Angelina and Brad try to start charities and introduce their adopted kids to their birth countries, although some of those birth countries get more Jolie-Pitt love than others – like Maddox’s birth country, Cambodia. Anyway, you can see some photos of Angelina, Maddox and Pax at the airport here.
Us Weekly reports that while the family was in Vietnam, Angelina arranged for Pax to meet his biological grandmother:
Reunited! During a recent family trip to Vietnam — the first since Angelina Jolie adopted Pax from an orphanage near Ho Chi Min City on 2007, the 8-year-old spent some time getting to know his biological grandmother Nhan Dung.
“It was a one day visit,” an insider tells the new Us Weekly, on stands now. “Nhan was looking forward to it after Pax had lived so many years abroad.”
Jolie, 36, and longtime love Brad Pitt arranged for Dung to visit Pax at the seaside Six Sense resort in Con Dao, where the gang stayed during their trip.
Earlier this year, Jolie told the Financial Times why she and Pitt, 47 emphasize educating their children about their native countries. “They are all learning about each other’s cultures as well as being proud of their own,” she said. “They all have their flags over their beds and their individual pride.”
In addition to Pax, the couple are parents to two adopted children (Maddox, 10, and Zahara, 6) and three biological children (Shiloh, 5, and 3-year-old twins Vivienne and Knox.)
[From Us Weekly]
“…After Pax had lived so many years abroad…” Does anyone else feel weird about that description? Like, Pax was just traveling as a student as opposed to being adopted and having a brood of five siblings and two parents? I was trying to remember what was known about Pax’s life before Angelina adopted him in 2007 – he was living in an orphanage, but did anyone know anything about his parents or extended family? Oh, well. I guess I should applaud Angelina and Brad for allowing Pax access to his extended family, who are apparently still alive and well.
Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.
This is awesome. One of my children joined our family via domestic (US) adoption and her birthmother didn’t want to meet us or have any contact. It makes me sad everyday for my daughter and I hope that one day she can meet her first family.
For adoptees it is important to keep that contact as it helps with the feelings of loss and neglect that many deal with. I like that this family seems to be sharply aware of the issues surrounding adoption and that they address them head on!
Maybe the birth mother of your child has a very good reason for not wanting to retain contact.
Oh, I’m absolutely certain she does. It’s just that it can be a very healing thing for an adoptee to have contact with their birth family and, where possible, it’s nice to see it happening.
Or it could be very traumatic depending on any number of reasons relating to how she got pregnant. I would think that in some cases, ignorance really is bliss.
Gig, your heart is totally in the right place! Unfortunately, finding one’s birth mom isn’t always a healing experience. I have a friend who tracked down her birth mom in Korea and met her. She only got to spend 2 hours with her, as the woman’s current husband has no idea she had a baby when she was younger, and was terrified of him finding out. This also prevented her from having regular contact with my friend afterwards. These circumstances really hurt my friend. She’s struggled with it a lot.
I’m not trying to dissuade you at all. Just be prepared for any outcome, including a negative one for your child. Being realistic about the possibilities can help your daughter avoid having expectations that may not be met. I know it can be easy for adopted kids to construct some kind of fairy tale around mysterious birth parents. Having seen what can happen when the reality and the fairy tale don’t match up, I would not want to see another kid let down like this. It’s great to find out who your biological parents are, but it’s important to have the right mindset going into it.
very admirable 🙂
and it also helps to have some contact in case some health issues come up…
In some places, the parents can leave medical information with the adoption agency regarding genetic diseases etc.
Empress Z! Just look at that face!
Ha ha ha she has the best dirty looks ever 😉
I bet she has a GIANT personality!! love those expressive eyes!!
Z is so fierce!
so cute! You just know Empress Z is “The boss of you!” to the other kids.
I had the same exact reaction to “living abroad”! Yes, Pax was on his Grand Tour, and then he decided to stay on and take the waters at Baden Baden.
The quote is made up, thats why it sounds wrong.
I know – “insider” means PR flack – but it’s funny as hell nonetheless.
That’s hilarious. Good one. Yes, he is also taking bracing strolls across the English countryside.
I think he is too young but it´s a parents choice
Perhaps you are right and I would totally agree, but since it is his GRANDmother, time is not on their side to meet. I admire it…hope it works out for the best for Pax. I admire the effort.
If true that must have been intense. Here’s what I know of the birth family. Pax’s bio-mom was a drug addict who gave him up. The family claims they couldn’t afford to raise him. I don’t know if they were able to visit the orphanage.
That’s nice. I find it’s kind of weird that they took so long to visit his country (Pitt said that they owed him a visit since they hadn’t been there in four years), especially since he’s the only one of the kids that have any memories of his home country that predate his adoption. I’d figure that since he was old enough to have had relationship with people there and memories that they’d would have visited much sooner.
I don’t know: I think adoption is fantastic! And the adoption of older children even MORE fantastic, but I imagine it’s also difficult for everyone to adjust to. So, I wonder if delaying the visit was because he was so much older than the other 2 when he was adopted. Maybe his parents thought taking him back “too early” would make him anxious that they were going to leave him?
” ‘Maybe his parents thought taking him back “too early” would make him anxious that they were going to leave him?'”
Yeah I was thinking that maybe that was the case.
If he was in an orphanage, wouldn’t his biological parents be dead?
@bluhare: Not necessarily dead; more likely abandoned by them. From what the orphanage told the Jolie-Pitts, the mother left the child with his grandmother and disappeared. The grandmother was unable to provide for him and took him to the orphanage. She may or may not have told the orphanage staff that his mother was dead.
Maybe HE didn’t want to go back until now. I highly doubt they spring these things on their kids without warning.
Love that last photo. Beautiful kids, all of them.
Love it too 🙂 they are all growing up
so quickly. All of them are precious.
As a mother of two adopted kids who know their extended birth families, I highly support this choice. It’s positive and healthy for everyone.
As an adoptee as well as an adoptive mother of four, having any contact with birth families is a huge benefit to understanding the whole concept. No matter how logical the reasons are, it’s still something ingrained in us that we were wrong somehow. Taking that mystery out of the equation has been a true blessing for all of us. And it’s so wonderful to have a relationship with my children’s first family.
While the sentiment is nice, this is such a bad idea. It’s hard enough for adopted adults to deal with meeting their genetic family, why do that to a 9 year old kid?
Nine year-olds can deal with it. I was 10 when I found out that my siblings were really half-siblings and that my family had a whole tragic past.
I was fine.
Do it at 15 and it will become a lot more dramatic, I suspect. Younger kids are better at rearranging their worldview because their sense of self isn’t so defined by outside factors.
The kid knows he’s adopted, so he’s not in for any surprises like you had. Presumably your parents were still your parents. So he’s met his dirt poor grandmother, how is he supposed to feel now? Grateful to his new Mommy amd Daddy for picking him? Guilty because he’s just been reminded that he lives so much better than his genetic family ever will? Worthless because his “real Mom” was a drug addict and his “real Dad” some nameless stranger, likely a John, since dirt poor women who need money for drugs don’t have many choices? A 9 year old kid shouldn’t be put in that position, even if HE asked to go there. All around bad idea.
Don’t mind Canuk. She hates Angie for existing.
I think having Pax meet his extended family was an excellent idea while he’s young enough to deal with it. As you correctly stated, if they had waited until he was going through the emotional traumas of adolescence it could have created all kinds of problems.
I think Pax already knows he’s adopted (lol). If this is true I am sure there has been written contact/ phone calls first.
Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s not ultimately good.
Who said that only easy experiences are good ? Life is made of experiences good and bad. That’s how we grow and mature into balanced adults.
Plus I don’t think that anyone who isn’t adopted could make a blatant statement like yours. It sounds arrogant to me.
You are not in their shoes to decide if it’s good or bad for them to be exposed to their biological family, roots or whatever, ,or when they should do it.
For all the stories that go around, many adoptees want to know and look for their biological parents. Not because they want to reunite, but because it’s part of their genetical heritage, identity to know their history. It’s human.
I for one think it’s better to do it the youngest possible but every adoptee have a different story and may feel otherwise.
In any case, if the child isn’t forced (he would have cried and I doubt Jolie would have force that visit on Pax), apparently agree and doesn’t have anything against it, why should you be the one to decide that it is wrong for him ?
Apparently he has no sign of trauma and went there knowing he will meet some of his family/relatives.
I think, that as an adopted child with two adopted siblings, I’ve probably got a fairly good grasp on what may go through the head of an adoptee. Having met my birth family as an adult because one of them was looking for me (I was NOT looking for them), I can also tell you that there is NO WAY I would have wanted my parents or anyone else making that decision for me, and especially not at 9 years old. And if I had asked to do so at 9, my parents would have been remiss in their parenting to agree to it.
When I did meet them, I found myself at a table with a whole bunch of strangers who looked like me, but they weren’t my family and I wasn’t their’s. As for genetics, I’m pretty sure that Pax knows he’s Vietnamese, Maddox that he’s Cambodian and Z that she’s Ethiopian.
I’m assuming Brange had contact with the grandma and sorted out any issues before they agreed to do it, including discussing it with Pax. My sister in law found her birth mother recently and her mother doesn’t want anything to do with her and her family. She isn’t coping well with this double rejection. I hope it went well for Pax.
I was just going to comment on how strange that comment seems! Its really like “oh, he’s off living with the movie stars, he’ll be back any day now”
also, I still can’t see the first comment on every thread…anyone else having this problem?
Having same problem. I think the weirdness of the comment may be due to translation?
If you’re on a mobile phone, scroll to the bottom right corner of the page and switch to the desktop version of this website. You should be able to see all the comments then with no problem.
Yes! We’re having lots of them! Mainly from iPhones and Blackberries! You are not alone….
Back on subject: a good idea in principle. Pax always seems to look sad to us – we just want to give him a cuddle and tell him it’s OK… Maybe the home visit was something he has wanted for himself…?
I guess his extended family couldn’t take care of him and that is why he was in the orphanage. Good for brad and angie for adopting him and giving him a better life. If they didn’t,he probably will still be there.
Aww, how sweet. Pax hasn’t seen his biological family in what? six years? And Jolie was gracious enough to set aside ONE DAY for him to see his grandmother and for her to get to know her grandson…
I was wonderful when you were going to show your hateful self and it didn’t take long. It must be so nice to hate so much….not
I bet if she had set aside a week, a month even, there’d still be people lining up to criticse. Good grief.
You forgot to call Angelina a “concubine.” Are you feeling okay, Olivia?
Overdosed on haterade.
Hehe!
Pax did seem a little somber leaving Vietnam, but that’s probably due to him being the one adopted child who has momories in his country of birth before being adopted. So it is probably natural.
@Kaiser-About them headed to parts unknown…
There are stories here in South Africa that Angie could be headed this way for the climate change conference happening in Durban, don’t think there is much truth to this, but Leonardo is also said to make an appearance. Who knows.
Actually this story is not true. the Grandparents did an interview saying that this was a Lie and that this was not true. Another US magazine story that is completely made up. Regardless of it being nice. Pax was in an orphanage for 3 1/2 year of his life. He has a family that loves him 2 parents and brother/sisters. they also said that there were other stories in the tabloids that were lies and it was upsetting to the family.
So BS story.. not true.
but I’m sure not the none fans will jump on that and scream how dare they not see them. LOL. predictable and expected.
lisa – Where is the link to the story about it not being true? Because I didn’t find any specific or non-specific denials anywhere.
Here’s link:
http://english.vietnamnet.vn/en/arts-entertainment/15641/pax-thien-meets-his-grandmother-on-con-dao-island–us-newspaper-says.html
Unfortunately, the denial is tacked on at the bottom of the US Weekly rehash.
Kaiser – my daughter has that cat photo on her bedroom wall (cute!). On a serious note how can tabloids print made up articles and get away with it?
I actually hope it’s not true.
I’ve always had a lot of respect for Pax’s adoption. Adopting an older child from a foreign country must be exceedingly difficult, compared to a baby.
Remembered Madonna did the same a few years ago with David Banda meeting his biological father.
I remembered this because little David was quite shocked and didn’t really understand having two fathers.
i was adopted and i know my biological family. i really wish i didn’t know who my birth mother is though.
she had every chance to stay with me and be part of my life she just didn’t felt like it. she did the same thing with my older brother. i got lucky because i have an awesome family but my brother got stuck with her and had a miserable life.
i think the only thing i’d like to know from her is why just giving me up and not both of us.
I am sorry to hear your personal experience.
I know it’s not the right place and you are not obliged to answer my question but I wanted to know about someone who is personaly in your position : isn’t it better for a child to know his/her past, even if it’s a sad past than not knowing it at all ?
I was always into the premise that in order to get some balance, a child need to know his/her true identity, his family history. Today, i plan to adopt in the future and would love to have your stance about that specific question, if you don’t mind, of course.
I won’t answer on behalf on margaritachum, but I am adopted too. I have no need to know my background or my biological family – simply because they are not my family.
If people choose to know them, it’s fine by me, but I am very happy that my parents did not take that kind of a choice for me when I was 9.
i think a child should always know where they come from. even if it’s a sad story.
i always knew i was adopted because my biological mother lived with my parents until i was three.
i always thought it was the best decision ever to let me know that she was my mother but i also knew in my little mind and heart that she might be my mother but the other lady was my mom. you know what i mean? i was biological attached to one person but emotionally we had zero bonding and i think the sooner they know the better. because we always know that we belong there but we weren’t always there.
@ Camilla
@ margaritachum
Thank you both ! I appreciate your comments.
My oldest friend was adopted, she’s always wanted to know ABOUT her birth parents, mainly because of medical reasons, but to know why. But to her adopted parents are her family, they even call her on the day anniversary of the day the adopted her every year to say “Happy Gotcha Day!”
This is actually a reply to Kat. My computer doesn’t show a reply button on her post.
Your friend got some wonderful adoptive parents. I LOVE “Happy Gotcha Day”!!!
Thank you for sharing your story. If you don’t mind me asking do you have a relationship with your brother? Does knowing him out way the negatives of knowing what your mom is like?
i wish i had a relationship with my brother.
we know each other and we see each other often on the street (because we live close) or in the grocery store but we are not friends. we don’t have that brother/sister relationship. i don’t think we will ever have that. sometimes me and my hubby talk about that and it’s very sad to me because i just don’t know him. i know we have the same taste and we like the same food and things like that because his wife and his sister in law work with me and that’s how i get to know him a litte bit but i don’t think we will ever get closer than that.
i do have a brother and a sister because the couple who adopted me already had children. they are much older than me but are the best.=) and
in fact my niece, my nephew and i are very close because i’m not that much older than them. we always feel like brother and sister because she’s 22, he’s 20 and i’m 28.
Good for them ……he will never have to wonder about were he came from …and worry what he did wrong to get throw away…..like most adoptees do….
OMG, you did not just say that !! Thrown away???
I don’t know about any of the other adoptees here, but my parents made a point of telling us that anyone can just make a baby, but you have to really really want one to adopt. And that your birth parents loved you enough to let someone else give you a better life.
I grew up feeling very very wanted, not “thrown away”.
I’ve dated 3 different men who were adopted at birth. A strange coincidence, I know, but true. All 3 were glad their mothers had given them up, but still had issues of abandonment. How can you not wonder why your mother would place you for adoption? It’s human and natural. To what degree those feelings are resolved depends on the individual.
@hillbilly: I don’t think you know “most adoptees”.
I think you’re on point about one thing, though: However loving and sensitive the adoptive parents are about explaining to a child why his birth parents gave him up and why he is adopted, unless an adopted child is deep in denial there will most likely remain questions about who his birth parents are, what are they like, and did they really care about him. Sometimes with a teenager you can help by having him put himself in his birth parent’s place. I remember counseling a 16 year old adoptee who wondered why his birth parents gave him up. I said, “You’re 16 years old. Your birth father was 18 when you were born. Do you think two years from now you will be ready to take on the responsibility of having and caring for a child?” He said “No way!” As for meeting the birth parents, there are no hard and fast rules. Some adoptees feel no need to meet their birth parents. For some birth parents, their pregnancy and the child’s birth was a traumatic experience they want to put behind them and never have to deal with again. Some adoptive parents feel hurt by their child’s wish to meet his adoptive parents. You have to be sensitive to everybody’s needs and it’s not always easy.
I think Brad and Angie are handling this with tact and sensitivity and in Pax’s case it probably helped knowing he is not the only adopted child in the family so that he doesn’t have to feel like the odd man out in this situation.
Wow, seems like a divided issue here. I think its very healthy. If I had known my bio-mom earlier than finding out by having her call my house at 24 years of age out of the blue – perhaps I probably would not have put my father and step-mom through such crap growing up. I always knew there was something “up” and no-one wanted to discuss it apparently. Although all these children are probably loved unconditionally every day just as much as the biological kids, they know on the inside. Its strange to say but they know that something is missing. With that said, I did end up meeting my bio-mom and I wasn’t impressed – thank god for my step-mom! I love her to death – she will always be my MA! 🙂
My 17 year old cousin who is adopted was able to contact his birth mother with the full support of his adoptive family. He was adopted as a baby but has grown up knowing he was adopted. I think it helped him a lot that his adoptive parents are secure enough in their relationship to him as his parents, that they were not threatened by him wanting to contact his birth mother. Actually, now that he’s met his birth mother he feels closer to his adoptive family. He also takes pride in his mixed ethnic heritage (black/white/Hispanic) and discovered why he towers over his adoptive parents at 17 — his birth father was a 6’10” tall basketball player
“After Pax had lived so many years abroad…”
Yes it did feel weird! Like he wasn’t part of JP-family and it was just a temporary solution of some sorts =). It could be the translation though but still, his family are the JP’s and Vietnam may be his native country but it isn’t his “home” to return too y’know?
I would adopt children who haven’t got family anymore. Or wait until they realise and ask for themself to try and search their family to make contact. I wouldn’t encourage it since they have been put of for adoption for a reason and I feel like young children can’t really grasp what’s going on and could leave them scarred afterwards or thinking too much about it (like “why didn’t they want me?”). I would have trouble explaining because it’s such a delicate and adult situation to bring over to a child. I mean, years of not being in that country and being part of a family to then meet your biological family is a lot to deal with. Isn’t the identity of the family usually kept secret anyway?
EDIT: PERSONAL:
I have several friends who are adopted (Africa, Columbia, Haiti) and the circumstances were really sad (drugs, poverty), most of them love their family and do not wish to meet their biological family because they know why they’ve been put of for adoption and realise the love they get from their adopted family is not worth going through the search of the biological ones just for to look for answers that don’t change the situation anyway. For them the adoptive family is the only family they got and that’s what adoption is for anyway. One friend however, was treated bad at home and she ran away at 18. She feels like “nobody wants her and loves her”. Every story is different but the gist of my personal story is that these girls knew what they wanted because they were old enough to realise.
yes Queen Zahara!!!! – love the pic of her chatting away…soooo cute.
I get that it’s good for adopted children to have an opening to see their biological family, but it bothers me that the Jolie-Pitts children are always the ones targeted to do a meet and greet with biological parents who ditched their kids. For some reason, I don’t see the tabloids forcing Sandra Bullock to reunite Louie with his biological parents. Or Mariska Hargitay.
If Brad and Angelina want to do this, and has been advised by experts/therapists, fine. But some bull$h*t tabloid editor taking it upon themselves to mandate this… NO!
Oh please, the tabloids have made up far worse things mainly about Jolie and her children . Somehow Pitt is protected from bad gossip …. Cough pr team cough. People don’t buy tabloids to read about Sandra b or Mariska h.
I agree with you and I may add that in BP’s family, his sister who has two adopted boys from Ethiopia has taken at least one of them, maybe the two already to meet with their biological family. I recall seeing pics and info from a post that probably she posted and later deleted, but it was beautiful how she expressed the occassion, she talked to the elders and the boys played with their cousins as new friends, I do not remember well.
Of course is not mandated by any tabloid or crazy hater forum, they are doing what they thin is the best for the children, and then the cousins in MO probably get together with the JP children
and discuss it, it is nice. They are not singled out in their extended family.
Z is rocking those boots. I wonder if they have them in my size.
I am very offended by the poster who chose to categorise the birth parents as the “real” parents. The “real” parents are the ones who chose the child and brought them up with love and guidance and gave them the tools to succeed. I wonder if the poster who wrote that is adopted?
Yes I am adopted and that was in quotes because when you’re 7, 8, 9 etc and angry at your parents, you throw out (or think) lines like “I’ll bet my “REAL” parents would let me do that et al…”. Pax is in that age range and the comment was made in the context of what he might be thinking.
So you’re offended for no reason, obviously it’s the people who raise you who are your parents, not the strangers who gave you their genes.
@ Canuk thanks for sharing your story. I believe you have valid points to add to this. As you see the other adoptees commenting here have different experiences. However I think it would be great to refrain from presuming that Pax (or Maddox or Zahara) feel exactly the same feelings you feel. As someone who worked with kids many of whom were in foster care or adopted I can tell you that no two children have exactly the same issues.
I think it’s awesome the way they try and educate their kids to the ways of the world, the people that need help and be aware of the countries and cultures they where born in. They have the means to do that. Of course they live an uncommon life with all the luxury and travel, but they are also made aware of the people that need help and aren’t as fortunate at them.
I too was adopted. As far back as I can remember, I knew about it, too. When I was about seven I went through a serious phase of abandonment issues, not being able to comprehend why this woman would give me up, but keep her other children. It took me years to come to terms with it, seeing as how the woman who carried me, was now, through the adoption, my sister. She ran into trouble throughout the years and ended up losing some of her other kids, another sister had adopted the youngest, while he was still an infant. She also adopted her nieces infant child. Unfortunately for them, they felt it best for them to not tell them about their biological parents or adoptions. I say unfortunately because they were born two months apart, in the same year. They knew a day would come when they would have to tell them about their adoptions, however it was a teacher who put it together for them… This caused massive drama, that still goes on to this day, when either of them are mad at their parents, they scream things like “you’re not my real mom!” This destroys my sister. She saw what I had went through as a child, knowing and feeling inferior, and I guess she didn’t want to put her children through it… I don’t think she expected what it would mean to not tell them though. There’s also a bit of sadness and tension between me and her son, as he is biologically my half brother. He was always my nephew, in my heart and soul I feel that way, and we are currently dealing with his emotional needs and feelings of me not wanting him as a brother. He feels that I am his sister and I should treat him that way. My entire life I grew up with the majority of my sisters and brothers refusing to acknowledge the adoption, even going so far as to call my mother my grandmother to this day, and it pains me greatly. Knowing what I’m doing to him by being literally unable to be anything other than his aunt and his sister through blood, hurts just as much, because I know where he’s coming from. I also know that working through feelings like this and being able to accept who your family is, why things happened, and how amazing it is that the people in your life love and care about you when all you feel is worthless, is truly empowering.
Ah fuck, I’m rambling.
In short, *IF* this did happen, I applaud them in trying to find the best ways for their family and children to come to terms with their adoption in whatever ways they may need.
When I was 13 I found my long form birth certificate in an old trunk. It did not have my mother’s name on it. Neither did my older bro’s. I wasn’t supposed to be in that trunk so I couldn’t say anything. I could never figure out as a kid why I had 3 sets of grandparents and everybody else had two. I used to feel bad for my younger brother and sis cause they only had 2. I spent the next 6 years wondering what happened. Was my mother dead, did they divorce, was I kidnapped? I didn’t know. When I was 20 I finally asked my dad. I had been on my own for 3 years by then. My dad said she died, and that was all he would say. My grandmother on his side told me the truth about my mom dying on my first birthday 8 months pregnant and how badly it affected my dad. I thought I had done something. I knew I was a very bad child because my stepmother systematically tortured, abused, and starved me every day of my life. I was told 6 times a day how ugly and stupid I was, when I was 12 she added the F word and I became so fucking ugly and so fucking stupid. I’m 50 and I can still hear her say that. As far as my father was concerned, I had ceased to exist the day my mom died. I had exactly 2 conversations with the man I shared a home with for 17 years. I believed my mother had left because of what I was. I now know better, but I wish I had known about my mom. I might have believed someone loved me when I needed it most.
OT: I still have that old trunk. It was given to my ancestors when they arrived in Canada in 1766. It has gone to the oldest daughter ever since. My one and only is a boy so I will give it to my oldest niece, my brother’s daughter.
“I knew I was a very bad child”
Don’t ever believe that. I know how that feels but it’s not true. It’s so easy to believe the negative and stay on the ground but it won’t help and it will give the abuser more power. In general, the abuser is the weak one. The one with the insecureties. So they try to find somebody who can’t fight back to make themselves feel better and make you stay because inside they’re just bitter and lonely. It’s a classic tale of abuse. Make your victim feel worthless so they don’t have the strenght to walk away and believe they deserve the abuse. Make them believe they don’t deserve better.
Well YOU DO! You are not ugly or stupid. I don’t know you but reading your comments, I can say you don’t across as stupid. And beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you are a good person on the inside, that will shine through and puts way more gravitas in a relationship than looks. People who love you appreciate you for who you are not for how you look or what you have. Beauty fades, but what’s on the inside will be the most important thing people will remember. That’s your legacy.
“I’m 50 and I can still hear her say that.”
I hope you talk to other people about this because it seems you’re still struggling accepting what has been. You should seek help if it still gets you down, be it in on an internet forum for abused people or a professional.
I’m not a counsellor or anything but that story really touched me and if they say that the internet “connects” people than I want to reach out if I notice somebody sharing a story like that.
I hope you feel good about yourself and that my comment isn’t too far-fetched…
I had a mother for a year. I believe she (to quote S. Meyers) imprinted on my heart. Despite my upbringing I am funny, generous, loving, kind-hearted towards children and animals and a tireless volunteer for children and senior organizations. One day when I was 30 I walked past a mirror in my home and glanced in. What I saw stopped me in my tracks. I don’t know why it happened that day, but it did. I looked in the mirror and realized that I was actually pretty. That revelation sent me to my first shrink to find out what other misconceptions I had been living my life with. I spent 2 years with Holly and became a new person. I was given the skills to deal with the trauma. I think Holly saved my life. I went 1 other time for a year after I moved from the coast. I don’t believe I’m ugly, I fight every day to believe I’m not stupid. I’m almost done a 2 years medical transcription course. It is complicated and at times quite difficult. I am doing very well in the course, but I still doubt my abilities at times. It’s depressing but it doesn’t get me down thank God. I spent years battling depression, now it rarely happens. Winters are bad for me, I suffer from SAD and Holly also explained that winter meant I was in the house more, therefore an easier target. My stepmother taught me only fear and pain. I love because I had a mother that did, if only briefly.
You were NOT a very bad child. You had a very bad stepmother. None of what you went through was your fault.
Oh dear you made me cry =). Some of the things you wrote, apply to my life too (even though I’m only 21) and I’m glad you grew up to be a strong, loving person who overcame adversity and even gives back to others! You’re an example for the many people out there who struggle because they had an unhappy upbringing and who keep believing the nasty things that was said to them. It’s so sad they don’t have other people to look up to or don’t feel they belong on this world.
Very happy to hear you had the courage to make your life better and sought help even though you say it’s still difficult sometimes but the good thing is you know how to make it better and to fight back. Many people don’t know that when you learn to hate yourself through others, you can also learn to love yourself. Even though it takes great effort and a good support system. I applaud you!
And doubting yourself is human and you must have doubt otherwise you’ll jump into everything that comes ahead of you without thinking of the consequences.
http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/08/25/doubt-and-fear-editar/
One of my fav writers.
Some parents and step parents have a lot to answer for. You had a wicked step mother. None of it was your fault.
Lady D, if your mother passed when you were one, why isn’t her name on your birth certificate?
Pax is the only Jolie-Pitt kid who looks CONSTANTLY pissed off, rarely smiles and always seems like he’s about to throw a massive fit. Love the little hater.
I have to agree @sway.
Pax seems restless a lot of the time, he is more of a rebel than Shiloh I think.
Thats good, the kids don’t have to all behave the same way.
Maddox is so cute! Look at that face^^
Just another thing, I understand people speak from their own experiences or values but every child is different. So what works for one person might not work another. Some adopted children treat their families like hell and don’t contact them anymore when they leave home some are confused and want to know their bio family but see their adoptive family as the real parents and some have the most amazing bond and don’t wish to meet their bio family. It’s important to look at the needs of the child first before you make a decision in their place. It might blow up in your face and it won’t be the childs fault. Some are bendable but some are very fragile. And you might not know that until you do something without their consent. People tend to make decisions for them because they think they know best with all their parental skills and life experience but children are unpredictable. I do think it’s important to talk about their roots and let them ask questions too but to go and suggest that visiting their bio family at a young age is a good thing, is a bit presumptious. Children are most of the time curious so they’re decision might stem from curiosity rather than really understanding the adoptive issue.
Ok, now I’m done =).
I just have to say that I’m blown away by all the comments from all the adoptees. Thank you so much for all the insight. I’m taking away from this that honesty is best for the children to work out issues of anger and abandonment sooner than later? Oh and I’ve always thought Pax is a happy rambunctious kid who dislikes paparazzi and feels secure enough to give them a piece of his mind.
All is well that ends well. Pax will get through this because he knew before hand that he is adopted
Knowing he’s adopted is all well and good. It’s how his adoptive parents help him deal with the fact that he is adopted that will make all the difference.
All is well that ends well. Pax will get through this because he knew before hand that he was adopted.
Your post moved me to tears, and your reply to NM was amazing. You are beautiful and a wonderful person. Keep your head up, I hear its snowing quite bad up in Canadaland already.
That was to #27 Lady D, apparently the reply button and I weren’t on the same line of thought.
Derpy thank you. I too found your post difficult to read. It sounds like a really sad childhood, complete with ongoing turbulence and trauma. I didn’t think you were rambling at all, it sounded like you were in pain. You also sound like you got your act together, congrats on that and stay strong. You may realize I’m ignoring your snow comment. It’s because I refuse to acknowledge its existence. When it comes to winter the bears have the right idea. You eat, you sleep, and you wait for Spring. My kind of winter.
I sincerely hope you eventually sent that woman to jail.
I’m sure that you already realize this, but only the weak need to prey on the vulnerable in order to make themselves feel bigger. You’re a thousand times the person that woman was and she knew it.
Fireplace, big down quilt, hot chocolate with Sambucca… Toss in the occasional hot tub and that’s the perfect winter
It was rumored at the time that Pax mother was a heroin addict hence why she gave him up.
People like Lady D (see post above) prove that just 1 good influence in a childs life can save them. More people should adopt and/or volunteer their time with needy kids. Its makes such a huge impact on a childs life.
Kim, actually the rumor was that Pax’s birth mother was a heroin addict who abandoned him with his grandmother, and his grandmother took him to the orphanage when she was no long able to care for him. At the time of his adoption the whereabouts of the birth mother were still unknown.
Yeah, adoption is different for everyone. My roommate I lived with last year was adopted from Korea (by non-Asian parents) and she is very anti-adoption. She has a very difficult and estranged relationship with her adoptive mother who she believed adopted for the wrong reasons (and from what I was told, it seemed like the woman really wasn’t meant to have kids). She expressed interest in going to Korea to meet her birth parents, but she also had no illusions about forming a relationship with them (she doesn’t speak a word of Korean). So unfortunately this is a story of an adoptee who didn’t feel she was adopted for the right reasons. But everyone’s story is different.
Good for Angelina! I know several people up here in the PNW who have done open adoptions and they seem to work. No secrets, no shame, you know where you come from and you know where you are now.
This gesture on the part of Angelina is certainly in the spirit of open adoption. I hope Pax-“the quiet one”-and his biological family can stay in touch
Wow. I clicked on this post because I was in the mood for the Angelina bashing I thought would predominate, but I now want to thank all of you for sharing your stories.
Wow. This is a topic with a lot of passion behind it. I think what I’ve learned from the post and the comments is that each family has to decide for themselves what is best and the best approach. My brother adopted a little girl from Thailand and has two older biological children. In her bedroom are framed pictures of the foster family that raised her from birth. They have chosen not to tell any of us (family/friends) the story of her birth parents until she is old enough to be told first. They hope to return to Thailand for a visit when she is older. Currently, they include a lot of Thai culture into their daily lives in order for her to stay connected to both her birth place and her life today. It’s really beautiful to watch this family be so open to their daughter’s past and include it into her future.
Thank you for the courage to share your stories. Some broke my heart.
I want to adopt one day and your stories have given me some things to consider when we do.
I think Angie knows her children well enough to know if meeting the bio family is a good thing or not. Pax is adorable. Such a serious little boy but so so cute. Love these children.
My aunt & uncle tried for 10yrs to get pregnant without luck. So they decided on adoption as well, not making any particular ‘characteristics’ such as race/ect an issue. They got notice that there was a 14yr old girl in Hawaii that was about to give birth (to a girl). Of course they couldn’t be happier, but had to get there. But later that day, someone from another loc. in the continental US called to say there was a baby boy being born (to a woman who was 41yrs, who had a family already, & not intended to get pregnant. They had to give an answer…& they were so afraid the mothers might change their minds… they said yes to both.
They had discussed how they wanted to explain the children’s unique backgrounds, & wanted to be immediately honest with them. Especially when… when the 2 adopted were turning 2, my aunt found out she was pregnant. -_- After trying for 13yrs with no success.
Everyone’s situation is different.
I know two personal cases.
The first one, a friend of mine who was adopted. Our parents were friends so we kinda grew up together.
Her mum who is much older than mine had a first child then 5 misscarriages. Finally she decided to adopt. She adopt that beautiful blond babygirl and then 18 months later fell pregnant at the eve of turning 40 and could bear the child till he was born.
When my friend turned 3, her mum took her to their hensouse (they were living in the countryside) and show her that hen that just had eggs. She explained to her that she was the hen, her brother was the egg, then she show her another egg far away from another hen and explain that she was given a precious gift as another egg from a woman she will thank the rest of her life and that was her. That it happened when she lost so many eggs and that she was always sad until she was given that precious egg to love unconditionally.
That she chose that egg from her heart and that this baby was the baby of her hear not from her womb, that she was perfect, that she was the one she always dreamed of. That life brought her to her when she was devasteted and that she knows that the happiness she brought was the reason why she was given a second gift with a serene pregnancy.
Till this day, those two have the more fusion like relationship I have ever seen between mother and daughter. She learned the reasons why her bio mother abandonned her, has no bittered feelings and adore her two parents. She is the mother of 5 boys now and visit her parents two to three times a week.
Second case, a guy in his forties. He was borned in a married couple european/american with tensions from one part of the family, then for some unexplicable reason they abandoned him and he was adopted. They went back to the US and had a second son.
That guy was always disturbed by the fact that he was abandoned though his parents were from high social bcakground(ambassies, international teacher) and could tzke care of him.
When he became a father and had his own son, he couldn’t deal with it anymore and tried to find his biological parents. His mother was dead but he found his father who refused to acknowledged him…then he found out that he had a brother. They both found each other existence and his brother was shocked and mad at their father for hiding the existence of a sibling.
The father died shortly after and never gave answers nor accept his first son. This is the turning point of the trauma. This guy has been a donor for a few years and can’t stop that compulsivbe bahaviour. He will go to any site to help women so that their child at least has a physical image of a father. It’s compulsive. He has at the very least 30 children and counting.
I have tried to make him understand that the issue is related to all those lies and shady past and about him feeling always rejected, till this day by his biologivcal parents family while his brother is accepted.
I think that this is a case where if he knew that younger, trauma could be handled more easily with the help of his parents, thos ewho raised him, not that rich dysfunctional family who reject one of their own for reasons that even me can’t comprehend.
For me, he has gone too far and doesn’t even beleive in counselling. This is the worst case I have met so far and this is why I beleive speaking with the child, dealing with it at a younger age can diffuse future greater trauma through counselling, much love of the entourage at a younger age.
If I were that guy, I’d be wondering if that really was my father, or if I had been the result of an affair that my father later found out about. I can’t think of a single other reason that makes any sense.
He is the real father, he has acknowledged it to his second son when confronted, hence why sthe second son is shocked and mad at this shameful family secret. All the medical files that was done when my friend was born aslo prove it. And finally, all three, father and sons are the spitting image of each other. He was born with his father’s name.
There were tensions from his mum’s family who didn’t like her marrying an American, but still, i don’t understand why a wealthy couple abandoned their son, went to the US as a married couple and then had another son before divorcing while completly erase their first new born from their life.
I mean he is rejected by his biological mum’s family too while his brother isn’t.
The only thing positive about that mess is his younger brother who was so shocked that after considerations he went to europe to live with his new found brother and get to know him.
They look like twins, one american raised, the other european raised.
They are both mad at the family and the younger son think it could be guilt that has pushed their father and mother’s noble family in europe to not accept him because they put so much pressure on their parents to divorce.
I can’t see a reply button for Julia, but this is for you.
There are large pieces missing from that puzzle. Noble families don’t shun the first born and accept the second born from the same married couple.
I hate to ask it, but I’m going to anyways… Is he sure that his mother was his mother and didn’t possibly take into their home a child her husband had made with another woman? Back then, a scandal like that could have ruined the husband’s diplomatic career.
I’m not adopted but my nephew is. He’s an absolutely adorable little boy. People say how lucky he is but the truth is that we’re the lucky ones.
beautifuly said.
People need to understand that having children r biological or adoptive, who in future may come to have emotional problems, with drugs, love … that we are all likely to have, and not because we decided to adopt a child or have a child that life will be a bed of roses … will be hard work dedication, conflict …
Also, to anyone here who is Canadian and was adopted… At one point, at least up until the mid-60’s, probably later, an unmarried single mother who was still a minor COULD NOT legally keep her child without her parent’s consent and (if I’m not mistaken), some sort of guardianship agreement. I don’t know if all the provinces were the same but AB had that rule in place. That might be of interest so some.
aww, this family’s photos are qt.
The article header states this story has 106 comments. My computer is only showing 46 comments.
Hey love, it’s counting the replies to each comment, not just the main ones that have numbers by them.
Also, CB/Kaiser, is there a way to turn it off so the comments are threaded, and just show quotes within the comment? I find it frustrating to scroll up/down repeatedly upon refresh to figure out where the new replies are. Still love the site, though 😛
Co-sign Derpy’s comment. I think threaded replies are good when there are very few commenters, but when the posts get to around 100+ its just too chaotic and all over the place. Threaded replies don’t go well with long long threads and many comments. Please pretty please change it back?
106 includes the replies to the comments. The replies aren’t numbered.
Geez I feel dumb right now.:) Thanks to both of you for clearing that up.
i think it’s great that jolie/pitt are letting the children visit where they are from, it’s so important.
Its really nice to hear some of your stories and I am not an adoptee so I cant speak on that but can I just say with all the money she has why didn’t AJ give it to the Grandparents so they could remain together as a family, instead of adopting a boy who had his Grandparents and other relatives alive. They must have loved him very much if they tried to keep him as long as they could afford to.
I understand Angelina did a good thing in one way but there are so many kids with no families who are more suitable candidates than picking a child who maybe leaving a famliy heartbroken at loosing their Grandchild.
I am not only thinking of AJ but celebrities in general btw. They have the means to not only help that child but indeed the whole orphanage.
As I say I cant speak personally on the adoption issue but my own children adore their Grandparents and would be devastated to loose them.
@imelda Pax grew up in an orphanage for several years so no they didn’t try to keep him. There may have been more than one reason besides money that the family decided not to raise Pax including health, age , and social taboos against children born out of wedlock. It’s unfortunate that in a topic that has predominatley sensitive and enlighted comments there has to be at least one person playing the ‘ let’s blame Angelina for everything game’.
@min76 – no whats unfortunate is that if theres a thread and someone says something remotely different than the general consensus they are jumped on.
I acknowledged the sensitive stories shared by women on here to people they’ve not met. So no need to even bring that up.
There is nothing denigrading in my comments just genuine curiosity and I specifically said NOT JUST ANGELINA.
I accept also they cant save everyone but when they go to an orphanage to pick out a child and have the means to do so, why cant they help the orphanage and therefore the other kids who get left behind.
Thought it could be an interesting discussion but obviously not since its shot down at the merest whiff of anything untoward at AJ.
Fine Imelda I apologize. Still the fact is Pax was in an orphanage for several years so you were also incorrect in stating that the family tried to keep him. The choice for Pax wasn’t between his birth family and adoption it was between an orphanage and adoption.
I don’t think it has anything to do with “remotely different” opinions, its more when those opinions are wilfully malicious and/or based lies and myths. Opinions on acting and stuff are one thing. But judging someone way harshly and irrationally is totally another. 80% of people with a different opinion deliberately spread hate and misinformation to distort and smear. I therefore think the reactons of the AJ fans are completely reasonable under the circumstances.
Carrie: I agree with you.
Thanks for that me too! thought I had read the family couldn’t afford to keep him and sent him to an orphanage for that reason.
That said the question I posed was did she help the orphanage out I certainly hope so.
Another opportunity for me to go off on the current Brad Pitt… do I see nipples????
I don’t totally approve of Angelina, I do think she intentionally or not broke up a marriage, but she is growing on me.
I love her hair in the one picture she is in.
i doubt this. Highly. Cos it’s US… US Weakly. Really. Great if it happened. But i won’t take US Weakly word for it…