Celebitchy: July 23, 2006 - July 29, 2006 Archives

Jul
27

Jada Pinkett Smith claims to have seen "Suri"

Jada Pinkett Smith, Will Smith's wife, says that she's seen Tom and Katie's supposed daughter and that she's beautiful. Her quotes are much more believable than Leah Remini's, especially since she's a cult outsider, but I'm not buying it:

"She's one of the sweetest babies I've ever met in my life," Pinkett Smith says. "She's an absolute beauty and she's Daddy's little girl."

Pinkett Smith and her husband Will Smith have visited with Suri twice, both times at Cruise and Holmes's Beverly Hills mansion.

"She's beautiful and they're very happy and they need to be left alone," says Pinkett Smith, who described Suri while talking to PEOPLE about her participation in last weekend's Philadelphia anti-violence event, Party 4 Peace, run by pal Charles "Charlie Mack" Alston. "She's the cutest little baby. She's got a head full of black, beautiful hair."

I'll take empirical evidence over some actress/singer's word any day. Hey people, I saw a ghost of an old woman last night. She looked incredibly sad, had white hair in a bun, wore a long dress, and I could see through her. Now that I made that claim, that ghost must exist, right?

The Daily Mail calls the rumors that Suri doesn't exist "conspiracy theories" and says that they're "crazy" and "clearly inaccurate." It's not inaccurate to say she's never been seen, and it's easy to dismiss a good argument by labeling it a conspiracy theory without addressing its merits. It's not a conspiracy theory if it's true!

That same crappy article recycles a made up quote by Katie's dad, who originally was said to have complained about Katie's "Buff Brides" workout plan. They changed it around to make it sound like he was disagreeing with Scientology, but the original quote was about her fitness plan. I know it was fake because the article also featured a fake quote by Sue Fleming, the creator of Buff Brides and a family friend.

Here's the quote from the article:

"My daughter needs rest, relaxation and recuperation. It’s all down to Scientology and I simply can’t go along with what is happening."

Here's the original, totally bogus quote:

"My daughter needs rest, relaxation and recuperation. Katie is already doing exercises to build up her back and shoulders and I simply can't go along with what is happening."

The truth is that no one knows how Katie's parents feel about her involvement in Scientology, or about the fact that they supposedly haven't seen their grandchild. Maybe they realize that she doesn't exist and they're in on the scam. Regardless if Jada Pinkett Smith has seen the little changeling, why has nary a bandle been photographed by the ever-present paparrazi?

People can claim that the baby's being shielded by the Scientologist freaks, but wouldn't someone take her out for a walk at least once in the more than three months that she's supposedly been on the planet?

Jul
27

Wax Baby Shiloh revealed!

Now that the first wax baby has been unveiled at Madame Tussaud's museum, it's obvious why they didn't do it sooner. The thing looks like one of those creepy reborn dolls that people paint to look like newborns. My husband's aunt has one of those things at her house, and we took a picture of it because it fascinated us. We also put my then seven month-old son in the doll's bed after he fell asleep. (Before you think I dressed him in too-small clothes, those were his backup pants after he had an accident.)

Waxed Angelina looks like a female impersonator, but she isn't as bad as the wax version of Keira Knightly.

Now that Shiloh is immortalized as an infant, maybe Madame Tussauds can help Tom and Katie dispel those pesky rumors that Suri doesn't exist. She's over three months old and has never been photographed, but maybe Katie can bring her in for a personal wax session. A waxed baby Suri would do wonders to make her seem real.

Pictures from Celebguru and GossipRocks.

Posted to Angelina Jolie | Brad Pitt | Brangelina | Photos

Jul
27

"Paris Hilton is not a slut" Links

- Paris Hilton is not a slut, she just plays one while in public. [Gallery of the Absurd]
- Lance Bass comes out of the closet (Not that there's anything wrong with that) [The Bastardly]
- Scarlet Johansson before and after plastic surgery [Bricks and Stones]
- Mariah Carey was able to say goodbye to her dad before he died [Celebguru]
- Janet Jackson keeps McDonald's close to her silicone-covered heart [Mollygood]
- Natalie Portman strikes out at the paparrazi for pointing out her bad hair [Jordan is your homeboy]
- Katherine McPhee looks like Monica Lewinsky [I'm not obsessed]
- Britney Spears fired her lazy pool boy. Kevin's next. [A Socialite's Life]
- Denise Richards works at a gas station [yeeeah]
- The press doesn't get former Jeopardy star Ken Jenning's humor [Glitterati]
- Carmen Electra as a pussycat doll [BlogNYC]
- Penelope Cruz is delayed at the airport for three hours. [Celebrity Mound]
- The John Travolta diet keeps you thin with disgust [CityRag]

Header Image by 14 at Gallery of the Absurd

Posted to Links

Jul
27

Lindsay Lohan hospitalized - again

Lindsay Lohan, the hardest working cokehead in show business, had to be rushed to the emergency room for like the 15th time after getting heat stroke on the set of her film, "Georgia Rule."

The 20-year-old actress was rushed to the emergency room Wednesday afternoon suffering from heat exhaustion. According to The Insider, she was taken by private car to an L.A. area hospital from the set of her new movie Georgia Rule.

“She was overheated and dehydrated,” says Lohan’s rep, Leslie Sloane-Zelnick, who adds that the starlet spent a couple of hours in the hospital after being given a Vitamin B shot. “She was filming in 105-degree weather for 12 hours,” she said.

Lohan is expected to return to the set tomorrow.

Though Lindsay was seen partying in L.A. the night before she was rushed to the hospital, friends claim she’s trying to turn over a new Lohan. A friend of the actress, 20, tells Us that Lohan’s new boyfriend, Harry Morton, 25 — who does not use alcohol or drugs — has had a profound effect on her.

I believe she was affected by the heat. I also believe she cut her foot on a teacup after taking a shower. Whether any of these hospitalizations were influenced by substance abuse we may never know.

She's been with that guy Harry for nearly a month and his time's just about up if she's showing up at parties in bikinis. It also can't work to his favor that he doesn't drink or do lines. You can't change Lindsay Morgan Lohan.

Here is Lohan outside of the Ivy restaurant on 7/23 and on the set of "Georgia Rule" on 7/18. She's acting all cat-like, stretching and spreading her legs. You can tell the exhaustion is just about to set in. [via]

Posted to Illness | Lindsay Lohan | Photos

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Jul
26

Avril Lavigne's honeymoon, 42 HQs

Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley are on their honeymoon in Portofino, Italy. Avril and Deryck were married in a fairytale wedding on a private estate in Montecito, CA on July 15th, 2006.

Avril has been rumored to be pregnant, with bloggers like us gleefully pointing out her tiny stomach bump. She's seen drinking wine in these candids, though, making it unlikely that she's with child.

Avril and Deryck enjoyed jet-skiing, sightseeing and some private cuddle time on a yacht. Their honeymoon hasn't all been casual fun. They were seen dressed up to attend a party.

Thanks to ALavigne.com.br for these pictures

Posted to Avril Lavigne | Photos | Weddings

Jul
26

Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt to be the first wax baby at Madame Tussauds

A wax figure of newborn Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt will be unveiled at Madame Tussaud's museum today. The famous baby will be placed in an African-themed manger display. Just like her philanthropist parents, little Shiloh is earning even more money for charity:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s daughter Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, has been chosen to be the first infant ever memorialized in wax by Madame Tussauds. The wax statue of Shiloh will be unveiled today. As sources claim the statue will be displayed in an ‘African-themed nursery’ where it will rest in a woven basket. Waxen figures of Brad and Angelina will also be displayed beside Shiloh.

Visitors to the NY exhibit will be allowed to pose with waxen Jolie-Pitt tableau and Madame Tussauds has announced to donate $1 from every picture purchased to UNICEF. That’s great a two months old baby is able to make so much of money for other less privileged kids. Shiloh’s first pictures were sold for $4.1 million and the proceedings were given to charity.

When the pictures come out, we'll publish them here. In the meantime, here are the first pictures of little Shiloh that you've already seen. The little wax baby must be based on these. Awww.

Thanks to Celebguru for the story!

Posted to Angelina Jolie | Babies | Brad Pitt | Brangelina

Jul
26

Is George Michael's gay wedding off or on?

Fresh on the heels of getting caught wanking a 58 year-old pot-bellied dude in a park, it was said that George Michael and his longterm partner, American Kenny Goss, have called off their planned gay wedding. The wedding was to take place around their tenth anniversary, sometime before the end of the Summer.

After the photos came out in Britain's News of the World of a disheleved and surprised Michael and his one-time hookup, umemployed Norman Kirtland, Michael's partner defended him, saying that they were putting the incident behind them:

However today while George kept his head down his long suffering partner Kenny Goss decided to stand by his man.

Visibily distraught Kenny, who answered the door at George's £5 million mansion, said: "George is not going to say anything today. He has already said what he wants. This is behind us. That is everything we are going to say on the subject. We are getting on with the rest of our lives."

Reports had the two cancelling their planned wedding, saying that they are "reassessing their relationship," but another story has Micheal insisting the wedding is still on, and making it obvious why hot Goss has stayed with his cheating ass:

But despite straying from boyfriend-of-10-years Goss, the former WHAM! heart-throb is adamant their civil partnership ceremony will still go ahead, joking his $1.8 million (£1 million) anniversary gift had set matters right.

He says, "I'd have to do something he dislikes before it was off." The couple are expected to tie the knot before Michael's 50-date European tour begins in September (06).

Why do people always think an expensive gift will set matters right after they cheat? Probably because it works with their sad, unfulfilled money-grubbing partners. (Kobe, Beckham)

Michael has been embroiled in scandal for several months, after being caught with pot and poppers in his car back in March, and photographed passed out at a stoplight in May. He'll need to get treatment for his sex and drug addiction if he wants to "pull off" a gruelling 50-date tour.

Posted to George Michael | Relationship trouble | Scandals | Weddings

Jul
25

Nicole Kidman bruised by too much sex?

Nicole Kidman is said to have two noticeable bruises on her left leg. They could have been sustained from a bad fall while exercising, or maybe Keith is just banging her too hard:

THE new Mrs Keith Urban shocked guests at a Hollywood party when she arrived sporting a couple of nasty-looking bruises on her left leg.

Wearing a floaty beige dress and looking curvier by the day, 39-year-old Nicole Kidman made no attempt to cover up her marks - causing bemused partygoers to gossip about the possible causes.

As the actress chatted to Tobey Maguire's pregnant fiancee Jennifer Meyer, rumours circulated that the Eyes Wide Shut star was suffering from Compulsive Copulation Disorder.

x17 mentions that Nicole and Tobey used to date, and that running into Tobey and his pregnant fiance might have been awkward, but it didn't look like it.

The Mirror's source is someone scoping out the same high res pictures we have here, because she wasn't at a party at all, she was waiting outside Creative Artists Agency. She has a couple of bruises, but they're pretty minor and don't seem to warrant much speculation. What is more interesting is the little bump she's still sporting. If only that thing would grow...

Pictures [via]

Posted to Nicole Kidman | Tobey Maguire

Jul
25

Lindsay Lohan no longer blames Paris for her hacked Blackberry

Lindsay Lohan is recanting her accusation that Paris Hilton is somehow responsible for the nasty missives that were sent to Lindsay's friends from her hacked Blackberry. Paris probably figured out Lindsay's password and sent the messages, which sound just like Paris' hate-filled idiocy, but Lindsay can't prove it and doesn't want to deal with getting sued.

"Some people think Paris may have been involved because the wording of the messages sounds very familiar," Zelnik [Lindsay's rep] told The New York Post's Page Six.

"They weren't," she now said. "We now have her lawyers looking into it."

Defamer has an eyewitness who claims that Paris complained loudly to her entourage that "firecrotch" was calling her "again" and sent two calls from Lindsay to voicemail.

Poor Lindsay needs a gal pal or a trusty hairdresser who can keep up with her. She's wearing out her fuck buddies quickly and doesn't have anyone to have a raspy chat with.

Lindsay attended Jeremy Piven's birthday party in two different flesh-colored bikinis. There are several things wrong with her outfits. In the pictures of other party-goers she seems to be the only wearing a bikini. Does she really need the attention that badly? She also managed to chose swimwear in two colors that are completely unflattering to her skintone. I'm also a fair-skinned strawberry blonde and I know better than to wear pink or light tan. It just makes her looked washed up. I mean washed out. Then again, maybe she was going for that nude look.

Pictures [via]

Posted to Fights | Lindsay Lohan | Paris Hilton | Parties | Photos

Jul
25

Are Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt too busy for each other?

Life & Style suggests that now that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are back in LA, Angelina is so busy with the kids and Brad is so busy with new projects that the two barely have time for each other. It sounds like speculation based on the fact that a few pictures of Brad around town have come out while Angelina hasn't been seen in a while:

Like many busy American couples the pair are living together but leading separate lives, the article suggests.

A friend of Angelina's tells the magazine that she said of Brad, "He's doing so much, I can't keep track of it." The report claims that Brad wanted Jolie by his side when he went to New Orleans, but she didn't want to make the trip with all three kids. And she certainly didn't want to leave them at home with a nanny.

So Brad went to New Orleans alone.

And Angelina, despite earlier reports that she might take some time off and be a stay at home mom for a while has increased her schedule.

She's signed on for some voice work in "Kung Fu Panda" and a has a blockbuster role in "A Mighty Heart" lined up. Brad is busy on Oceans 13 as well.

This is one busy couple.

Meanwhile Brad's grandmother is quoted as saying that he's so sensitive to the pain and suffering he caused Jennifer Aniston by breaking up with her that he's going to wait to marry Angelina:

Betty Russell, 82, claims Pitt opened his heart to her during a telephone conversation...

She says, "Brad promised his last wife on their wedding day they'd be together forever, and they didn't make it. He is a sensitive soul who just wants to make sure he can keep his promise this time around."

Pitt also gave an insight into how he has taken to fatherhood and his relationship with the actress and their two adopted children Maddox, four, and 18-month-old Zahara.

Russell adds, "Brad has always wanted to have children and he is playing the father role very well. The family loved Jennifer. But he has got Angelina now and seems really happy with life.

"(Brad is) very close to (Maddox). He confides little secrets to him".

This isn't a great source, but it could be a real quote. From what I've read, Brad's family really liked Aniston and maybe he just said that to his grandmother to make her feel better about the fact that he's not marrying Angelina and left Aniston high and dry. Earlier reports had Brad clamoring to get married while Angelina was playing characteristically coy.

It could be true that Brad and Angelina are quite busy now, but that doesn't mean they don't get to spend quality time together at home. Most dads and moms manage to maintain loving, communicative relationships while working outside of the home. They just don't have photographers following them everywhere like the Jolie-Pitts.

Here are some pictures of Brad talking on the phone that you've probably already seen. X17 has a video of Pitt talking on the phone and then riding his motorcycle. Somehow it just takes all the mystery out of the photos. My god, even the hottest celebrities can be rather boring.

Posted to Angelina Jolie | Brad Pitt | Relationship trouble

Jul
25

How Tom Cruise really pissed off Steven Spielberg

Tom Cruise was said to be on Spielberg's bad side after diverting promotion from "War of the Worlds" to his own crazy cult battle against the pharmaceuticals he so desperately needs. It turns out there's yet another reason for Spielberg to be pissed at Cruise: Scientologists showed up to protest the very psychiatrist Spielberg lauded to Cruise in a personal conversation:

It seems that after Spielberg (in a conversation with Cruise present) praised a psychiatrist who had helped a family member, representatives from the psychiatrist-loathing Church of Scientology staged a protest at the doctor's office.

Although Cruise was said to have assured Spielberg that he was not behind this incident, it infuriated the director and (perhaps more important) Kate Capshaw, also known as Mrs. Spielberg. For a time, it seems, the Spielbergs waited in vain for the star to explain how, exactly, those protesters happened to appear at the doctor's office.

Meanwhile Cruise might be dropped by his studio, Paramount. MI3 didn't overwhelm at the box office, and Spielberg's Dreamworks is now owned by Paramount, making Tom's relationship with Spielberg even more important.

Cruise showed up at the Chicago film festival's tribute to Spielberg in an attempt to make up with the director and salvage his tanking career.

It was also rumored that Cruise went to Spielberg's office a month ago with non-existent baby Suri to do a personal photo session with Spielberg. This is obviously untrue, and Spielberg's spokesperson says that the question of the pictures existing "will never be answered."

People say Spielberg looked uncomfortable with Cruise at the film festival tribute, and you can see the photos below.

Cruise's involvement with Scientology has only hindered his career and damaged his relationships with key players. Either he's too brainwashed to get out now, or the cult has such powerful secrets against him that he will never try.

Maybe we'll all find out what's going on, or at least be entertained by more juicy gossip, when Andrew Morton's tell-all Cruise biography comes out.

Here are pictures of Cruise with Spielberg at the film festival that we published earlier.

Posted to Cults | Steven Spielberg

Jul
24

"Barbara Walters pulls on black women's hair" Links

-Barbara Walters has pulled on two of the black guest hosts' hair on "The View" and asked if it was real! [The Chic Mommy]
- Jennifer Aniston drunk dials Brad Pitt [Mollygood]
- Tara Reid and her Tarafying stomach! [The Bastardly]
- Anna Nicole Smith continues to battle for the millions she should get for pleasuring that withered old dude she married [popbytes]
- Janet and Jermaine in Atlanta [Juicy News]
- The Beckhams are trying for a girl [In Case U Didn't Know]
- Pam Anderson and Kid Rock wedding photo [Celebrity Mound]
- Mariah Carey performs in Tunis in short shorts [PopSugar]
- Kim Cattrall's ad is too sexy for New Zealand [yeeeah]
- Christina Aguilera promotes her ass off [A Socialite's Life]
- Ashlee Simpson is made of plastic [Jordan is your Homeboy]
- Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza is Miss Universe. Does anyone watch that shit anymore? [Faded Youth]
- Paris Hilton keeps calling Lindsay Lohan "firecrotch" [Hot Momma Drama]

Posted to Links

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Jul
24

Paris Hilton says that other girls "use her" to get attention

Someone was sending nasty text messages to Lindsay Lohan's friends, and the messages sounded suspiciously like Paris Hilton's junior-high put downs. Paris has denied being the culprit because of course she couldn't hack anything. It's possible she figured out the password or had someone help her, though:

Paris Hilton who has allegedly been accused by Lindsay Lohan’s publicist Leslie Sloane Zelnik of hacking into Lohan’s personal Blackberry and sending out harassing messages to her buddy list, called such claims as absolutely ‘silly’.

"A mysterious troublemaker sent disgusting and very mean messages that everyone thought were coming from Lindsay. They weren`t. We now have her lawyers looking into it. Some people think Paris may have been involved because the wording of the messages sounds very familiar", Zap2it quoted Zelnik, as saying.

But Hilton who has already gone through the ‘hacking business’ when her private info from her Sidekick was leaked onto the Internet in 2004, called the accusations as absolutely ‘silly’ and erroneous.

Whatever. Like we really care about either of these two anymore. They're fun to watch in a car-crash kind of way.

Hilton says that "certain girls use [her]" to get attention. As if she's not the one clamouring for attention all the time:

She says, "All those stories are made up. You know how shy I am... Well, non-confrontational.

"Certain girls just use me to get media attention because a feud with Paris Hilton always gets press."

There's something seriously wrong with talking about yourself in the third person. Paris is non-confrontational. She's so non-confrontational she has to make up stories about fights she's had with other girl celebrities and try to spread them around. Those girls must have wanted attention so badly that they psychically willed Paris to involve them in fantasy fights.

Here's Paris with her sister Nicky in some older bikini candids and doing recent promotion for her single in Costa d'en Blanes and Palma de Mallorca on July 23 and 22. [via]

Posted to Arrogant | Fights | Lindsay Lohan | Paris Hilton

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Jul
24

Kid Rock put in Swiss jail

Kid Rock was temporarily placed in jail in Switzerland after a man was injured in a fight in his hotel room. It is assumed that he was involved:

Rock – real name Robert Ritchie – had been in the country to perform at the Montreux Jazz Festival on 30 June but was thrown into the clink after a brawl in his room left a man injured.

However, Rock, who has just got engaged to his longtime on/off girlfriend Pamela Anderson, was released without charge and is looking on the bright side of the incident – he’s going to write a new song about it.

He chortles, “I just gotta figure out what rhymes with Switzerland!”

I live in Switzerland, and am continually amazed at how clean and well run everything is. The public pool near my house is nice enough for a four star resort, and I was at a rest stop by a clear lake with views of the alps last week. If Kid Rock was in jail, it was probably clean and totally adequate, if not comfortable.

Meanwhile Rock is engaged to buxom has-been Pamela Anderson, and there's a pretty believable rumor that they may get married next weekend:

Kid Rock and his new fiancée, Pamela Anderson, could be man and wife as early as next weekend, according to US reports.

The couple, who renewed their romance in St Tropez, France just two weeks ago before announcing their engagement, are reportedly planning a July 29 wedding.

According to American magazine Us Weekly, the couple is planning to exchange vows onboard the yacht where they fell in love all over again in St Tropez.

They are said to be planning a medium-sized wedding with 50-100 of their friends. I read on a bulletin board that they were already married, but I haven't seen that news anywhere else and don't think it's true.

Here is Pam Anderson on the beach in St. Tropez, because who really wants to look at pictures of Kid Rock? [via] It must be hard to find a colorist in the south of France. Kid Rock and Anderson are also shown at random older events.

Posted to Fights | Kid Rock | Pamela Anderson | Weddings

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Jul
24

David Hasselhoff to star in a musical about his life

This sounds like fake news because it's just too good to be true, but David Hasselhoff has embraced his campy image and is going to star in a musical based on his life!

First of all, we are NOT making this up. David Hasselhoff – star of Knight Rider, Baywatch and the new hit variety show America’s Got Talent told us today that he is heading to Australia to appear in a stage production based on his life.

David Hasselhoff: The Musical will include sets inspired by The Young and The Restless, Knight Rider and the songs of Teddy Pendergrass. “I am also doing a heart-rendering set on my life and the mistakes I have made,” the star says. “It sounds like a bad joke, but it is really going to be a good show…totally campy. It’s written by the same people who wrote Bette Midler’s show and produced by the people who produced Chicago in London.”

The production - which features dancers from both Chicago and Jeckyl & Hyde - will open in Melbourne (date to be determined) before hopefully coming to America. “If it ends up in Vegas, how great would that be?” he says. “I want to entertain people. Sammy Davis (Jr.) was my hero.” Hasselhoff, 54, will also release his autobiography, Making Waves, on September 10.

Hasselhoff is definitely not afraid to make fun of himself, as evidenced by his appearance in the Spongebob Movie:

And here's his "Hooked on a Feeling" video, which you've probably already seen since it's clocked hundreds of thousands of views on YouTube. I was laughing my ass off watching this movie. Try not to be amused:

That's awesome that Hasselhoff is going to make a musical - it sounds like a parody from "The Simpsons" (Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!)

Good on 'ya David Hasselhoff, the aussies are going to love your work.

Posted to David Hasselhoff | Odd | Video

Jul
24

Kate Hudson at the Australian "You, Me, and Dupree" premiere

"You, Me, and Dupree" is not doing so bad at the box office, and is in fourth place on its second weekend out. "Pirates" is still kicking ass at first place, of course. "You Me, and Dupree" is supposed to royally suck, though, and is getting panned by critics.

Kate Hudson won a recent libel award from the British arm of The National Enquirer. Celebrities sue the British and Irish offshoots of US gossip magazines to get around US libel laws, which shield publications from damages unless it can be proven that they acted from malice. (So basically the US gossip rags can make shit up and no one can sue them.) Britney Spears is now suing 8 gossip magazines from offshore in the hopes of scoring some cash to feed her estranged husband's fast lifestyle.

Hudson was refuting a report that she was dangerously thin and that her mother, Goldie Hawn, was worried for her health. She won an undisclosed settlement from the magazine.

Here is Hudson looking like an elf at the July 23rd Australian premiere of "You, Me, and Dupree" with annoying Owen Wilson. She shouldn't wear her hair back because it certainly isn't flattering to her face. [via]

Posted to Hair | Kate Hudson | Lawsuits | Movies | Premieres

Jul
24

George Michael has sex with random fat 58-year old guy in a park

Singer George Michael was caught trawling for sex in a public place yet again. He was forced to come out in 1998 after being caught in a sting by an attractive policeman in a public bathroom in Los Angeles. He made fun of the incident in the video for his song "Outside" and talked about his shame on Oprah. Now that he's been caught having sex with a nasty old guy he's not going to play it off so easily.

MEGA-RICH pop superstar George Michael this week sank to new levels of depravity—trawling for illegal gay sex thrills in a London park.

News of the World investigators caught the singer red-handed and red-faced as he emerged from the bushes after cavorting with a pot-bellied, 58-year-old, jobless van driver.

When challenged George, 43, was wild-eyed and trembling. Trying to hide his face under a baseball cap, he screamed:

"I don't believe it! F*** off! If you put those pictures in the paper I'll sue!"...

The pair kissed and groped each other before going even further. It was all in a public place and totally illegal — just like the day in 1998 when George flashed at an undercover cop in a California park toilet.

News of the World followed the poor guy that George fondled back to his squalid flat in Brighton. They interviewed the guy and he gave the sordid details:

"He told me I could contact him on the Gaydar website and we just started kissing.

"He did it very well. That was one of his major points. Then it was fondling and mutual pleasuring. It wasn't full sex but it was fantastic."

Kirtland's confession then took a bizarre twist as he bragged: "There's a secret that I have which no one knows about. It's a personal thing.

"Most people pull away from it. But George actually seemed to respond.

"When we'd finished he said, ‘I've got to go. I've got to go somewhere and chill out.' And that was that.

"OK, I admit I was there for sex. But I'm astonished a man as famous as George should even think about doing it. It's potentially so dangerous."

That's nice that George didn't make fun of the old dude for whatever weird thing he's got going on down there. Maybe he's a woman or something. Whatever you're into.

When confronted by The News of The World snoops, who were either in the park for some random fun themselves or who routinely trail George Michael, George said "Are you gay? No? Then f*** off! This is my culture!"

That's like saying it's heterosexual culture to hook up with prostitutes, isn't it?

George Michael is about to embark on a 50-concert comeback tour, which sold out in a half hour.

Here are some low-res pictures from the article. They're too good not to publish.

Posted to George Michael | Scandals | Sex | SmartSmartSmart