As many of you know by now, I am a big fan of The New Girl. I think it’s the most underappreciated new comedy of the 2011-2012 network season. At first I was right there with the haters, yelling about Zooey Deschanel/Jess’s indie/hipster affectations, but honestly, the show is really, really well-written and funny. One of the best parts of the show is the supporting character of Schmidt, Jess’s anal retentive, metrosexual, douchebag roommate, played brilliantly by Max Greenfield. Unfortunately, I now feel like I have to hate the show in general and Max Greenfield in particular. Why, perchance? Because I just found out that Dame Gwyneth Paltrow LOVES the show and Max Greenfield in particular. DAMN IT, GOOP. Stop ruining everything!!
In her current issue of Goop (the weekly newsletter), Gwyneth talks up the show and then allows Max Greenfield to “guest edit” Goop for the week. It doesn’t matter that he’s completely charming and funny (he is, by the way). It only matters that I can’t love the same boy as Goop.
This past September, I made a discovery that has made my life a better, happier place: the show New Girl, of course! I fell in TV love with Schmidt, played by Max Greenfield, who’s the kind of guy you lusted after at your cousin’s Bar Mitzvah. I asked him to edit our issue this week. Enjoy. And thank you, Max.
She hands the reins over to Max and he quickly explains his email-relationship with Gwyneth and in the span of several paragraphs, he manages to poke fun at her famous Duck Ragu recipe, the Oprah/Goop-ification of wishy-washy “happiness” seeking, and of the endless consumerism that Gwyneth shills. It’s kind of brilliant:
I recently connected with Gwyneth Paltrow and explained to her how much I love goop. Being all that Gwyneth is, she has allowed me to write a piece for the site, which you are now hopefully about to read.
“Zen and the Art of Goop”
Now that that’s out of the way, my name is Max Greenfield. I am an actor living in Los Angeles and currently play the role of “Schmidt” on Fox’s New Girl. I am husband to an amazing wife and father to an incredible two-year-old daughter. I am thirty-blah-blah-blah-years-old and have achieved the greatest goal one can achieve — I am happy with my life.
How much of my happiness has to do with the fact that I now e-mail with GP? It’s definitely a percentage. Be it a small one, this is my truth and I am okay with it.
The remainder of my happiness is derived from one simple mantra: “Stop thinking, surrender and goop”. To the extent that I am able to do this, my life is perfect.
Not thinking can be difficult. Surrender even more so. For example, how am I supposed to be “Ready for Summer” when I was never “Ready for Spring”? I could sit on the couch in my Rag & Bone high-neck sweater and spin out on this for a full week and by Thursday all I’m thinking is what a disaster fall is going to be!
Then I remember to stop thinking. I remember that today is just today and that is all that it is. I take a deep breath in and I realize that in this moment I am fine and everything is okay. More importantly, I am reminded that my A.P.C. jeans are so perfectly worn in that they are appropriate for any season and I am suddenly at ease. It is at this moment that I have surrendered.
The third part of my mantra, and perhaps the most important, is goop. I use this as an adjective. The trick to goop is that it is not about me. It’s not about my Scrapbook from Marrakesh or my Dr. Bronner’s Liquid Soap and dare I say it’s not even about Gwyneth. It’s about what I can add to the lives of the people around me. Goop is about giving. It’s about bringing people together.
After all, Gwyneth’s recipe for Duck Ragu was never intended for one. But like I said before, this is not a recipe for Duck Ragu.
Greenfield then goes on to list his “Ten Best” things that he’s into currently. One of them is George Clooney’s Lake Como house, which is kind of awesome. The list is very Schmidt-y and it does make me wonder if Max Greenfield is secretly a lot like Schmidt. So… I’m torn. I’m torn between wanting to hate all things Goop and all things that Goop likes, and wanting Max Greenfield/Schmidt to guest edit all Goop newsletters from here on out.
Here are some photos of Goop leaving a Jay-Z/Kanye concert two nights ago.
Photos courtesy of WENN.