Robert Pattinson covers the new September issue of BlackBook magazine. I’m not a huge fan of BlackBook, just because I don’t have a clear idea of what kind of magazine they’re trying to be (fashion, film, pop culture, hipster, what?!?), and I’m not aware of any of their celebrity interviews actually making news. Meaning that their celebrity profiles are often dull and a regurgitation of stuff we’ve already read many times before. I guess I should give the magazine credit for this Sparkles profile then – they were trying to do something different. It just didn’t work. The profile is written from the perspective of Robert Pattinson’s heart. Like, his organ. It’s really strange. You can read the whole thing here, and here are some of the highlights:

Rob just quit smoking: Rob just quit. Now he carried these silly glowing electronic cigarettes and sits in the backs of cars sucking them, watching this face, still in the reflection and gliding by outside, as he is driven around.

Buying his first car: “The first time anyone said anything about my being famous was when I tried to buy a car a few years ago. It was an ’89 BMW convertible for $1,000 I found on Craigslist. I went out to the hills to take it on a test drive and, of course, almost crashed. A few days later I went back to pick it up. I had said I was an actor and the guy had looked me up. When I went back, he said,’Dude, do you realize you’re #2 on IMDB?’ I thought, ‘S–t, now I can’t ask for the 200 bucks off.’”

He likes being confused: “I’m easy to please,” Rob says. “When I don’t understand something, I’m immediately interested.”

Premiering Cosmopolis at Cannes: “I was kind of sh-tting myself,” says Rob. “I lost my mind,” Rob says. “I was preparing myself to fight with 1,500 people. I was so amped up.” The stakes were high for him. He had fallen into Twilight by what he calls “luck.” And, since he had signed a contract, he was carried by the tide. You might say he was chauffeured, or at least driven.“I was just kind of running around with my pants down and my shoelaces untied and, amazingly, not falling. Until this. I thought, ‘Oh f–k!’ Most people get 15 years of doing movies nobody sees. Now I’m at Cannes.”

Sparkles on giving interviews: “I once started a rumor on Entertainment Tonight that there was a deleted scat sex scene in Twilight and it didn’t even get picked up. I thought, ‘What the f–k? I’m giving you this stuff! You try to say things in the perfect way but you know unless you say something stupid, from which people will make you look like a dick, you’re not going to have sound bites. And if you don’t say anything stupid, someone’s going to make something up anyways.”

He’s not marrying Kristen Stewart… yet: “There was a magazine, with these pictures, saying I was getting married. No one ever knows what is true or what isn’t,” he says exasperatedly. “Even my own mum called to ask me if it was true.”

Post-Twilight friendships: “My circle of friends narrowed pretty quickly.” Says Rob, “I like to be the parasite, not the other way around.”

[From BlackBook Magazine]

Ugh. At one point I got excited because I though Rob said something really sweet about Kristen, but it turns out that his “heart” was the one who said it. You know what? Having read the whole piece, I think Rob’s publicist should definitely put a call into BlackBook, because that was the worst Sparkles magazine interview I’ve ever read. He’s known for giving great interviews too, which is what bugs me in particular. He’s a GREAT interview – witty, quotable, self-effacing, hilarious. And BlackBook barely spoke to him, merely filling in the piece with a load of BS in the “voice” of his “heart”. UGH.

But… I do kind of like the photo shoot. He looks very cute here.

Photos courtesy of BlackBook via Thinking of Rob.