This is such a creepy story but hilarious all the same. We’ve already discussed how the divorce of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise has rocked the cult of Scientology down to their very cores, and Katie had to have some serious dirt to spill, which is undoubtedly a huge part of why Tom settled with her so quickly. The CO$ itself is freaking out as well with leader David Miscavage rallying its remaining celebrities to help out with a (pointless) new set of public relations strategies that will aim to repair the cult’s reputation. Interestingly enough, the CO$ has been largely silent in the wake of the TomKat split, and I suspect that Tom will (at least initially) play less of a role in the new PR strategy but will nonetheless remain the “public face of Scientology.” Because you know, he and David Miscavige enjoy broing it up together so bloody much.

Now there’s a new dark horse on the horizon that would very much like to replace Tom as the Golden Boy of the CO$. That is, John Travolta is interested in being the sidekick to David Miscavige, and John feels that Tom should retire from the spotlight as far as the cult is concerned. John feels very strongly that Tom caved far too easily to Katie in the divorce and didn’t fight for his marriage at all. Of course, John thinks that just because he did some fake CO$ marriage counseling and then made out with wife Kelly Preston in public before whisking her off to Greece that everything is all right now with his image. Never mind all of those masseuses that he assaulted and then that 6-year extramarital affair, right? Here’s the story of John’s indignity, courtesy of the Enquirer.

John Travolta is disgusted that fellow Scientologist Tom Cruise “rolled over” in his divorce from Katie Holmes, say insiders — and he’s now jockeying to clain the top spot in the controversial church.

Although the two actors have long maintained a friendly facade because of their association with the church of Scientology, sources say that Travolta has unleashed a vicious attack on Tom behind the scenes over the way he’s handled his recent split.

In fact, pals say John is so outraged by Tom’s “weak” behavior, he believes that he and not [Tom], should be getting top billing as the church’s most influential celebrity, say sources. “John is at war with Tom — it’s a huge blowup. John believes that Tom looked very weak in his divorce from Katie. John insists that neither he nor his wife, Kelly Preston, would ever give up on their marriage so quickly.”

And if anyone’s marriage has been tested recently, it’s Travolta’s. In early May, two masseurs accused the actor of sexual battery in two separate lawsuits filed in federal court, sparking a very humiliating gay scandal that threatened to rip his union apart.

Despite the sordid accusations, John has still managed to keep his marriage intact. But he owes no thanks to Tom, whose silence on the matter fueled John’s current outrage, says the insider. “John was hurt that Tom didn’t stand up for him. While others in the church got behind him, he was seething that Tom, who’s considered Scientology’s top celebrity, didn’t say even one nice word about him. So when Katie blindsided Tom with the divorce filing, and he seemed to give in without any type of fight, John went on the attack.”

According to one friend, John accused Tom of making “a laughingstock” of Scientology. “He thought Tom didn’t ‘man up.'” In sharp contrast, Kelly has stood by John’s side despite the rumors of gay escapades that have followed him for years. “John has always managed to rebound from his scandals by whisking Kelly off on exotic vacations. He’s repaired the marriage and done so in a very public fashion.”

Meanwhile, John believes that Tom settled with Katie too quickly, said the source. “John now thinks that Tom should be put on the back burner in Scientology, and that he should be the one in the spotlight.”

Throughout the years, Tom has been the poster boy for the church, in part because of his close friendship with Scientology leader David Miscavige. “They’ve treated Tom like he’s a demigod.” In the meantime, John feels like he’s been left out in the cold. “It’s been gnawing at him all these years. Now he feels it’s his turn to be on top.”

[From Enquirer, print edition, August 8, 2012]

So now John feels that it’s “his turn to be on top” where David Miscavige is concerned. The jokes just write themselves, don’t they? It’s also quite telling that John is chomping at the bit to be the public face of a destructive cult, but I totally buy this story. Both John and Kelly are so brainwashed that they’ll never leave the CO$, and they’ll do anything to fake their poor excuse for a marriage just to prove their loyalty and keep their dirty laundry from being leaked to the press. Not that we don’t already know enough bad things about John without vengeful CO$ leaks, mind you.

If John truly believes that Miscavige will ever get rid of Tom as his #1 man though, he’s in for a world of disappointment. Gollum with Lifts will always be David’s favorite no matter what.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and Pacific Coast News