Jessica Alba shows off her body in a bandeau bikini in Cabo: cute or unflattering?

Here are some new photos of Jessica Alba in Cabo yesterday. She has single-handedly destroyed my theory that all of the childfree celebrities went to Cabo and all of the child-full celebrities went to St. Barts. Alba is on vacay with her husband Cash and her two daughters, obviously. I feel like it’s been a while since we’ve had Alba bikini photos, but maybe that’s because I barely pay attention to her, bikini or no bikini.

I should mention – the tabloids claimed one month ago that Alba was pregnant for the first time. Alba came out immediately and denied it, and from the looks of things… yeah, she’s not knocked up again. Maybe she and Cash will try for a third, I don’t know. But she’s not knocked up right now, or so my ex-ray Preggo-Vision assumes.

Really I just wanted to talk about these pics because I’m kind of in awe of Jessica’s body. She may be dumb (true story) and a bad actress (for real), but she’s always been a pretty girl with a bangin’ body. She works hard on it too, even after two babies (which she gave birth to naturally, I believe). If you look at these pics, you realize that Alba knew the paparazzi were shooting her in her bikini, so she gave them some nice butt shots. And what an aspirational ass, right? Sigh…

Last thing: I get that girls don’t want bikini strap tan lines, but I hate bandeau bikini tops as much as I hate bangs, which is to say… A LOT. Look at how Alba is super-uncomfortable in this bandeau top – she can’t stop adjusting herself! If you’re bigger than an A-cup, you need more support than a bandeau top offers.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet.

 

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52 Responses to “Jessica Alba shows off her body in a bandeau bikini in Cabo: cute or unflattering?”

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  1. Em says:

    I never realized her body was so shapeless

  2. DeltaJuliet says:

    I agree…..I have never seen a bandeau top look good on anybody. Or any body.

  3. I.want.shoes says:

    Uncomfortable-looking bikini, but damn, her body is awesome.

  4. carrie says:

    i hated her (for her great body), i don’t care on her acting and she’s nice on twitter

  5. V4Real says:

    She’s not the best actress around but I’ll slap my mother for her body.

  6. QQ says:

    Those faces, easy to see why Michael K calls her Miseralba

  7. Sweet Dee says:

    I agree on bandeaus, they are unflattering on everyone. They make skinny girls look flat and curvy girls look sloppy, plus they’re obviously uncomfortable. That’s why they don’t get the pass sweatpants do.

    It helps that I don’t give a damn about tan lines, I guess.

  8. littlestar says:

    Maybe I’m stretching here, but it looks like she has a bit of cellulite on the back of her thighs. Nothing like the cottage cheese on my legs, but I feel like there’s some dimples happening for her. Makes me feel good. I’m being bitchy today because I had zero sleep last night, but oh well :D .

  9. TG says:

    I agree, bandeaus don’t look good on hardly anyone. Also, it is odd because she is obviously fit but I always thought she was curvy but here she looks like she has no figure. Also, I have always supsected that she had a tummy tuck after her babies and it still looks that way. her belly button seems to be high up like she had the skin below it flattened out after babies. I don’t know, she is still a beautiful girl, just wish she would shut her stupid mouth and become a model. Also, I never buy celebrity brand anything.

    • Becky1 says:

      I really wish that some of these celebrity Moms would be honest about the surgical procedures or laser treatments they get after having babies. How in the world can you have a stomach that flat after having two babies without a tummy tuck? What about stretch marks? None of them seem to have them. Yes, I’m sure some people are just genetically gifted and don’t have a little bit of a pooch or stretch marks after having kids but they are few and far between. Most of these ladies have gotten work done.

  10. RocketMerry says:

    She is just soooo pretty… Sigh. Totally envious here.

  11. TheOriginalKitten says:

    Pretty girl but her body is really similar to mine-thin, toned but square-shaped. Myself? I always admire the women with the curvier hips and small waist. That’s something only genetics can give you.

    Overall: meh.

    • geekychick says:

      Ha, I think I’m one of the petite ones, with a waist and not humongous curves, but decent ones for my size (euro 34-6)nowhere near KimK more like Beyonce (balanced)-and my whole life I wanted to be thin, with long legs and small hips so I could wear whatever I want. So, your body type!! :) )))))
      Then I was finishing my MA thesis, and I lost 15 pounds (7-8kg) in a month, this fall.And how I really had no extra weight before that…. My ass was gone,my hips,my boobies went down a size…I was literally the same weight I was when I was 13! It was hell fashion-wise bc I didn’t know how to dress.
      Since then, I promised myself I’ll never, ever envy another body type and be happy with mine. Eh, I think that noble decision will crumble when another wave of fairy/Victorian fashion becomes popular. I’ a sucker for those dresses, but they are not made for petite or curvy girls.;/

  12. geekychick says:

    corrections: it’s an x-ray, not an ex-ray (I was pretty confused when Iread the sentence; it seemed as if the narrator used to have a Preggo-Vision ray(???)

    Alba is so beautiful, knows how to dress and has an AMAZING body. She should be face of famous brands, and that’s it.Keep us all happy (and Alba away from the movie industry;)!

    Bandeau tops are made for A and smaller, but I know some with bigger sizes who love them and who look good in them. Then again, loose string bikini needs adjustment all the time too. Has anyone ever had a really active time in the sea and walked out not adjusting your top? I haven’t, except when I was in one-piece.

  13. Miss Kiki says:

    I’m surprised by these pics actually. I always thought Alba’s body was totally different to this. I don’t know if it’s due to having kids (can babies change your body *that* drastically?) but I never realised that she was so straight up and down. Curious.

  14. mommak918 says:

    Hate her for that body after two kids.
    I could never again wear a two piece.
    Ugh.
    However, I did start my morning with Dove chocolate…soooo, I guess I’m too blame. Boo

  15. Susan says:

    Agree. Her body resembles Sponge Bob’s.

  16. stephanie says:

    holy crap, I can’t believe someone can have a body like that after 2 kids. I’m her age and …. well. I’m going to the gym right now. As soon as I’m done with this cinnamon roll.

  17. Buckwild says:

    It’s great bod for 2 kids, but this scares the young-superficial side of me bc it seems her body shape has changed dramatically. I rmb her having more of an hourglass shape…her body looks like Julia Stiles/Ashley Greene now (toned and fit but no waist definition). Also her bum doesn’t look as curvy as it used to be. But I assume she has more important things to worry about now, such as her children. I feel so bad even thinking the above about her body

  18. Jo says:

    She looks hungry. Her torso looks like a iPhone….I’m 5’2 126lbs and I would like to be a bit leaner and toned, but I would take my softness over a square figure anyday

  19. anon says:

    IM not seeing a banging body here at all.. MY eyes must be deceiving me. lol Im sure Aniston knew she was being papped too..

  20. lflips says:

    I envy her face but not her body. The body looks like that of a 12 year old boy.

  21. Celeste says:

    I don’t think that the bottoms are flattering either. They sit so low, they’re at the same width as her top, accentuating the ruler shape of her body.
    Still, despite the bikini she looks good!

  22. Celeste says:

    The bottoms are flattering either. They sit so low, they’re at the same width as her top, accentuating the ruler shape of her body.
    Despite the bikini she looks good!

  23. guilty pleasures says:

    At first glance I thought the first photo was Justin Beiber…

  24. Diana says:

    She has a nice bottom and legs, but girl need a waist ASAP!

  25. Jessica says:

    If you look at other photos from this set (http://www.thesuperficial.com/jessica-alba-in-a-bikini-a-superficial-reminder-to-jessica-simpson-01-2013) you can see she has a scar on her lower abdomen… either a c-section or tummy tuck (or both).

  26. GrandPoobah says:

    She’s never really had a waist and what little waist she had seems to have disappeared with the babymaking.

    She looks healthy and fit which is great but I don’t envy her shape. I’d much rather have my shape (Big boobs, small waist, reasonably sized hips) than look like a ruler.

  27. Dss says:

    These ass in the air shots seem so desperate, it like they are a red assed baboon in heat……

  28. xoxokaligrl says:

    I dunno why I thought she was pregnant again. She is obviously not.

    Awful body shape, at least she is skinny she can pull it off.

  29. Hannah says:

    Bad actress yes. But I dont think she is that dumb really. She is a smart buisness woman. But yeah she is totally one of the most naturally good looking women in hollywood.

  30. sauvage says:

    To me this is a bangin’ yet ‘real’ body.

  31. Kosmos says:

    I think she has a great looking body, especially after having two children….other than that, I have to say I’m not a fan of hers, probably due to her personality.