Open Post: Hosted by Lindsay Lohan’s Latest Court Cracktastrophe (Updates)

CB & I were talking and we decided to do Lindsay Lohan’s court appearance this way – in an Open Post that we can update as new information comes in. As you’ve already seen from our earlier coverage today, Lindsay was claiming to be “sick” – too sick to fly, too sick to show up to her court hearing. But TMZ called her out and she got her ass on a plane, and when she and her mom arrived, no hotel would let them in! So it’s been a really rough 24 hours for The Crack Brigade.

As for this court appearance… I have no predictions other than nothing major will happen. Sources might excitedly proclaim that THIS is finally the time when Lindsay is ordered to jail, but I doubt it. We’ll see. My real prediction is that Lady Justice will continue to give Lindsay a friendly pat on the firecrotch. Anyway, it’s just a pre-trial hearing, she doesn’t have to give testimony or anything. And we’ll get to see if her new lawyer is a hack (which I’m pretty sure he is). We’ll be updating with more information when it comes in!

Update: Lindsay has arrived about 8 minutes late. CB said “Look at her fake hair.” I said, “She doesn’t look sick.”

Update by CB: After watching the hearing today, I have to say that Lindsay’s new attorney, Mark Heller, sounds just like My Cousin Vinny. He used a bunch of big unnecessary words in sentences that made my head spin, he sucked up to the judge by referring to the fact that she used to be a NY city detective, and overall he seemed like a huge step down from Shawn Holley.

Heller also vouched for Lindsay’s “medical” condition, claiming he’d “confirmed with her local doctor who had been treating her for a long time… that she had an upper respiratory infection.” Judge Sautner said that Lindsay was required to come today to confirm in person that she agreed to the change in counsel, but that she is not required to appear again until the trail basically. Her lawyers can appear in her place during the pretrial.

As for the pretrial and trial, the pretrial will happen on March 1st, and the trial is scheduled for March 18th I believe, although that may change. Lindsay faces charges for violating probation and for lying to a police officer after her rented Porsche accident in June.

At the end of the hearing, Judge Sautner said that she is retiring soon. I didn’t catch the exact date and will update when it’s known. (Update! March 1, before Lohan’s next hearing!) Sautner said that the case will be assigned to whomever succeeds her. This is good news, because she only gave Lindsay probation after the necklace-stealing incident, and Lindsay thought she was “fair.” I hope that Sautner retires soon and Lindsay gets a real hard ass for a judge in her place.

Another update by CB: TMZ adds the fact that Judge Sautner reminded Lindsay that she “could be found not guilty in the lying case, and her probation in the jewelry case could still be violated since the standard of proof is lower.” Yay! I still doubt that anything will happen to her though.

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

 

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209 Responses to “Open Post: Hosted by Lindsay Lohan’s Latest Court Cracktastrophe (Updates)”

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  1. smartyparty says:

    Well based on her bizarre facial expression in the car pics this morning, I’d say Lilo is not worried at all.

    This is maddening. Nothing will happen. If she goes to jail I’ll eat my hat.

  2. cmc says:

    I thought this was just a hearing to set a date for another hearing? What’s the worst that can happen here, issuing a warrant and then she’ll just pay the bail?

  3. kristin says:

    I’m telling you…today will be the day.
    and I bet it will be for trying to lie about bring sick too.

    plus, the judge knows her from before and as much as people think to the contrary, I think the judge is as fed up as we are.

  4. annabelle says:

    She would have to do lines off judge’s bench for the proper consequences to ever be handed down to this chick.

    Maybe thems the perks of selling one’s soul to the devil in return for Stardom?

    • Nina says:

      Nah, she could do lines off the judge’s bench and still just get a slap on the wrist. Until she does something that results in someone else being seriously hurt, there will be no real consequences.

      This isn’t Hollywood justice though — California really isn’t sending /any/ non-violent offenders (celebrities or not) to jail because the overcrowding here is ridiculous. So while we may complain that the plea deals she keeps getting is special treatment, I can understand why the judges go that route. If you know that sentencing her to jail would merely result in a few days at best in jail, wouldn’t you rather pick the option that keeps her accountable to something (rehab, probation, etc) for at least few months?

      I think the deal Shawn had cooking this time was particularly attractive. She would have been in lock-down rehab for six months. That would have been six-months away from her toxic family, her enablers, her johns but more importantly: six months of her off the streets where she can really hurt people.

      It’s too bad that Lindsay cut that deal off at the knees — she knows full well that she will never actually have to go to jail for any significant time. Why agree to a plea deal that would put her away for longer than she’d ever have to serve?

      Boooooo.

  5. Lucy says:

    bon appetit ladies! let us all pray that the Judge sticks it to her today.

    Don’t forget if you get too close you can, scratch that, you WILL get infected and there is no known cure, enjoy safe in the knowledge that being behind a screen may just be enough of a buffer

  6. smartyparty says:

    And I want to add, if you look at those pics where she is in the car ask yourself if she looks utterly sedated. She doesnt even know what is going on. I wonder if her “team” totally sedated her to get her through this mess, because they were afraid of what she might do? Let’s see how out of it she is at court…

  7. brin says:

    Got the cracktinis ready…cheers!

  8. So, I’m probably being fired soon for being a blabbermouth idiot and complaining about my boss and workplace on fb. I’m on suspension with pay. I’m scared out of my mind, but I’d STILL never switch places with LieLow. I’m just going to get me a fresh start. The Cracken, can’t.

    • cmc says:

      I’m sorry to hear that :( Keep your chin up, lady. No matter what happens, at least you’re not Lindsay Lohan.

    • marie says:

      ahh man, that sucks. it’s one of the biggest reason I hate fb. I can’t even imagine being a teacher on there, my sil is and she’s had several people complain (no lie) about how boring she is, but it’s because she has to be.. anyway, good luck

    • Gia says:

      errrr… that was a pretty dumb thing to do. Sorry to rub salt in the wound but WTH were you thinking???

      • It totally was a stupid thing to do. I was being dragged into another meeting of many without knowing what was up. I was drinking wine, crying, and angry. I spouted off on Facebook. Less than 24hrs after I spouted off, I was suspended. Part of me is relieved. It really is a culture of bullying, and I’m ready to go. It turned me into someone I don’t like – I ended up ballooning to 325 pounds, had a nasty drinking habit and high blood pressure. I have lost the weight (I’m at 218 pounds today) and quit the drinking…but, the stress at work relapses me. I think it’s just not a good fit, I own it – I became a very sad and terrified person. I am ready to go and let someone else have my place, many incredible teachers out there. I’m going to do something else. Cheers!

      • gg says:

        @ Firedteacher: My heart goes out to you. I so know what it’s like to be in a soul-destroying job where you’re not appreciated and instead get abuse from a dysfunctional mess of an employer.

        I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and a number of other illnesses that turned out to not be the case, simply due to fatigue and mental strain. It took me a very long time to get the nerve to leave my last job but I walked out and finally found a job that is an excellent fit and have never been happier. My boss treats me like a real person and there is nothing better. No more horrible review sessions, no more abuse.

        In short, treat this as a good thing – a shut door and a window with light streaming from it. You don’t want to stay in an abusive place – it’s terribly unhealthy.

      • Jo 'Mama' Besser says:

        Sometimes, once the shock has subsided, you feel relieved that something ripped the Band-Aid, for you. It’s fast and ultimately it takes a lot of the burden off of you. It is really refreshing to see someone accept his or her share of the liability, so that already makes me like you.

        You do sound like you’re going to be okay and that’s the most important part. Just rest for a while and you’ll come back better.

    • Poink says:

      That sucks! I’ve been there; it is no fun. Try to think of it as a new opportunity (if it does happen). Allow yourself some time to be pissed about it and recover, and then move on when you’re ready. Trust me, you’re not alone and most people I’ve talked to who’ve been through it are ultimately glad it happened to them.

    • La Calabaza says:

      I wish you the best in your fresh start!!! :D

    • pamspam says:

      Shucks, that’s too bad. I have to say – it’s refreshing to hear someone own up to screwing up rather than making excuses. Because of that, I know you’re going to be just fine. Lesson learned and best of luck to you!!

    • Thank you friends. I’m stupid and too open and too honest. I spouted off on facebook about a boss that had it in for me. Someone must have turned in my facebook page to the Board.

      I’ve been in a middle distance relationship with a wonderful guy, we got engaged last year. This job is the only thing that really kept me here. I’m ready to go be with my guy now. I’ll earn my keep.

      I’ve been lurking here for years, you guys are a riot! Love you all!

    • Alexandra Bananarama says:

      Nothing good comes out of fb or most social medias. It is sad, but a lesson to be learned in that.

      Also, lohan forgot to spray tan her legs. The arm to leg skin contrast is staggering!

      Best of luck to you in your future!

      • gg says:

        A lot of good can come out of facebook if you use it correctly. I have met a goldmine of absolutely fantastic people I cherish that I’d never have met otherwise.

      • The Original Tiffany says:

        I am hooked into FB because I travel and have been away from home for over 3 years. My husband has a job in entertainment. It is how we stay connected, send pictures to family and yes, I have met some of my most cherished friends through the internet.

        One of whom boards my horses for the last three years and who I have known over 15 years now. In fact, some of the very best people in my life came from common pursuits and found on the internet.

        Of course there is always a bad apple in every cart, but you just weed those MFers right out. :)

      • Nina W says:

        FB just has to be treated as a public space and you do things there that you would do in public. Social media is here to stay and people need to learn how to still maintain their privacy in the face of it.

    • VanillaDeeLite says:

      We all make mistakes, don’t be crazy hard on yourself. It sounds like it was not the best situation so maybe this was meant to be? Bigger and better things are out there for you!! Best of luck.

    • BengalCat2000 says:

      @ Fired Teacher, several yrs ago I sent an email from work that my uber-religous boss was so uptight b/c his wife prob never gave him a beej. I wasn’t written up or fired, but was told not to send personal emails from work. It took me a while to be able to look the man in the face, but it all worked out. I seriously can’t believe I was so stupid. You sound like a good person. Just want to let you know you aren’t alone. Much luck to you! On another note, will someone tell me why Dina is called White Oprah & why Lilo’s face is so puffy?

      • Thanks everyone for your compassion. It came as a reaction to years of harassment and torment. I am the clang clang noise in the machine, and though I wanted to make my principal happy (I was even having dreams of him smiling and being satisfied with me…ugh, pathetic), I just couldn’t win. He called me names when no one was around, blindsided me with unexpected meetings, he had a habit of coming into my space (I worked in the library) and just glaring at me and wouldn’t reply to me, just…I couldn’t win.

        I’m excited about a fresh start!

      • MorticiansDoItDeader says:

        I am not FB friend’s with any of my co-workers and I try my best not to complain or say anything negative on facebook. A good rule of thumb is, if you won’t walk into a room and announce something to a room full of people, don’t post it on FB. I’ve had great luck with social media and made some of THE most amazing friends. When it comes to social media, like most things in life, you get what you give.

      • gg says:

        Yes, a reminder that applies to anyone and everyone:

        NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVER, NEVER, FRIEND YOUR COWORKERS, and NEVER your boss, on Facebook. Never. I don’t care how nice they are when you friend them. It will only end in tears. I don’t even do it here at my current job, where everybody is like family. It’s just a bad practice. Do anything you possibly can to avoid it.

    • kiyoshigirl says:

      The next time you are upset or fed up, pick up the phone and call a friend or family member. FB and the Internet in general are not your friend. As for your job…I wish you luck in moving on. My daughter struggled through a job where management delighted in demeaning and horrifying the underlings. She loved her co-workers so tried to make it work for two years. She became nearly dysfunctional to the point where one day she couldn’t face it anymore and walked out the door. It took her nearly a year to recover and re-establish her self-esteem and dignity. She now works in an environment where her skills and creativity are appreciated and encouraged. She just received a $6,000 raise. THAT would have never happened in her old job. I wish the same for you, but first you need to find the courage to shut that door and RUN! Best of luck moving forward.

  9. twoblues says:

    I don’t pretend to know anything about the justice system, but I’m not even sure an act of murder would be severe enough to put this woman behind bars. Teflon has nothing on her.

  10. Macey says:

    I wonder if she’s trying to be “fashionably late”, its 11:31 EST and still no LL.

  11. Jackson says:

    And so she is officially late now? Shocker. I cannot believe the court puts up with this from her.

  12. Shauna says:

    It’s 8:33 as of my computer clock. No crackie.

    What would happen to you and me if we were late to court? Yeah, the whole thing pisses me off.

  13. Melissa says:

    Why haven’t we seen her NY mugshot yet?

  14. GiGi says:

    Are you guys watching TMZ – those paps are pretty witty ;)

  15. JL says:

    Lied about being sick and late to court, I’m hoping a judge is as pissed as I am….Please God Please.

  16. Macey says:

    she’s loving this. I could see her big fake smile walking in. I think she pretends she’s walking up for an Oscar or something.

  17. ladybert62 says:

    Dang this job – I want to attend your crackie court party but have to work right now – save some food and drinks for me as I will return! Enjoy in my absence and I look forward to reading all your funny posts!

    ta ta – waves hand goodbye!

  18. WendyNerd says:

    Timeline of Lindsay’s legal shenanigans up until the necklace theft by whatwouldtylerdurden do, plus additions by eonline:

    what would tyler durden do:

    October 4, 2005: Lindsay, then 19, crashes her Mercedes into the passenger side of a van that was pulling into traffic in West Hollywood. Lindsay, her passenger and the driver of the van were briefly hospitalized for minor injuries. She is not ticketed.

    Jan. 4, 2006: tells Vanity Fair she has an eating disorder and has used drugs.

    July 26, 2006: Lindsay is hospitalized for “heat exhaustion” while filming ‘Georgia Rule’, though it’s widely assumed she’s actually just hungover and/or still drunk. The movies producer writes an open letter telling her to knock it off.

    Dec. 1, 2006: Lindsays mom tells Ryan Seacrest that Lindsay is in AA, but not because she has a problem. She says Lindsay only goes to meetings to hang out with her friends.

    Dec. 12, 2006: Lindsay tells People she’s been in AA for a year and hasn’t had a drink in a week.

    January 17, 2007: checks into drug rehab for the first time.

    February 16, 2007: checks out of rehab, immediately goes to a bar until 4am.

    March 6, 2007: is taped using cocaine in the bathroom of a London club.

    March 16, 2007: parties and drinks champagne at a club in New York. She’s still underage at this point.

    May 15, 2007: reportedly stole over $10,000 in clothes and jewelry from a 22-year-old model named Lauren Hastings.

    May 26, 2007: is arrested for drunk driving after crashing her Mercedes convertible in Beverly Hills at 5:30am. She then left the scene of the accident. Police also found a “usable” amount of cocaine in her car. It’s her third car crash in two years.

    May 28, 2007: checks into drug rehab for the second time.

    July 2, 2007: turns 21, the legal age to drink.

    July, 14, 2007: checks out of rehab. The next day she goes to Vegas and parties at Pure.

    July 24, 2007: while high on cocaine, Lindsay goes on a high speed chase down Pacific Coast highway in a stolen GMC Denali, with the owner and two of his friends still in it, reaching speeds of 100 miles per hour, that ends when the woman whom Lindsay is chasing (her ex-assistant) calls Santa Monica police because she thinks Lindsay is going to kill her. Lindsay is arrested on five counts, including driving under the influence of alcohol, driving on a suspended license and possession of narcotics. Police again find cocaine, this time in her pocket. Lindsay tells police they aren’t her pants. She also tells police that she wasn’t the one driving, and blames it on, “the black kid.”

    July 25, 2007: checks into drug rehab for the third time.

    August 3, 2007: a report says Lindsay lost a Louis Vuitton endorsement deal because she kept stealing their clothes during photo shoots.

    August 23, 2007: Lohan gets charged with seven misdemeanor counts for her two DUI arrests earlier that year. She reaches a plea deal, saying she would spend one day in jail, serve 10 days of community service and complete a drug-treatment program. Lohan is placed on 36 months’ probation and required to complete an 18-month alcohol-education program and pay a $300 fine.

    October 5, 2007: checks out of rehab for the third time.

    November 15, 2007: begins her 1 day jail sentence, her punishment for geting two DUI’s just two months apart, including the car chase in a stolen car while drunk and high on coke. She’s released 84 minutes later due to overcrowding.

    December 31, 2007: a video shows Lindsay drinking straight from a bottle of champagne while partying in Italy.

    May 6, 2008: steals an $11,000 fur coat from a party in New York; is later photographed wearing it.

    October 22, 2008: a civil lawsuit is filed against Lindsay by the three people who were in the GMC Denali during her July 24, 2007, DUI arrest.

    March 13, 2009: a warrant for her arrest is issued because Lindsay keeps skipping her court-ordered counseling sessions. This is a direct violation of her probation.

    March 16, 2009: the warrant is recalled after Lindsay’s lawyer clears up the “misunderstanding.”

    June 16, 2009: after Lindsay does a photo shoot for Elle magazine, $400,000 in diamonds that were used in the shoot are missing.

    October 16, 2009: Lohan shows up more than an hour late to a probation hearing in Beverly Hills for a progress review on her two DUI cases. She has yet to complete the alcohol counseling program she was ordered to attend in August, but is given another year to do so. The judge warns Lindsay she will go to jail if she keeps skipping meetings and “thumbing her nose” at the court.

    February 22, 2010: Lindsay admits to using cocaine.

    April 14, 2010: skips a deposition related to the DUI civil suit to go shopping.

    April 21, 2010: misses a second deposition related to civil suit; says she couldn’t get a ride to court by 10am. The night before she was photographed leaving a club at 2:30am.

    April 23, 2010: named a suspect in the theft of a $35,000 Rolex, is later photographed wearing it.

    April 30, 2010: has yet to complete her alcohol education classes, which is a violation of her probation. She now has 8 days to complete her final 4 classes. These are the same classes she was ordered to attend in August of 2007. She was given 18 months to attend 13 classes. She’s attended 9 in three years.

    May 4, 2010: shows up 22-minutes late for the third attempt at the civil-case deposition; was at Chateau Marmont the night before until 2am.

    May 19, 2010: with 3 more alcohol education classes yet to be completed and only one day to do it, Lindsay goes to France and stays for almost a week. Claiming that her passport was stolen and then that there were no flights back to America, she misses another court date. This is a direct violation of her probation.

    May 24, 2010: back in court, Lindsay is not sent to jail after repeatedly violating her probation, but instead is made to wear a bracelet to detect alcohol, a ban on drinking and random weekly drug testing.

    June 8, 2010: her alcohol monitor bracelet goes off, indicating that Lindsay is drinking or that she’s trying to disable it. An arrest warrant is issued, but she posts a $200,000 bail before it is carried out.

    July 6, 2010: Lohan is sentenced to 90 days in jail and 90 days in rehab for violating her probation and skipping her alcohol education classes. “I did everything that I was told to do and did the best I could,” Lindsay tells the judge. She has “fuck u” written on her nails at the time.

    July 20, 2010: Lindsay begins her 90 day jail sentence. 12 days later, she’s released due to overcrowding.

    August 2, 2010: begins her court ordered 90 day drug rehab. 23 days later, she’s released.

    August 26, 2010: is given stricter probation terms, including random drug testing.

    August 30, 2010: is pulled over after running a stop sign on her way to a bar. She is not ticketed.

    September 17, 2010: fails a drug test, testing positive for cocaine. This is a direct violation of her probation.

    September 24, 2010: instead of going to jail, Lindsay is fitted with another alcohol detection bracelet and released until a full hearing for her parole violation.

    October 22, 2010: is given yet another warning by a judge, and instead of jail, is again sent to rehab for 90 days. The judge warns that if she drinks or violates her probation in any way, she will be sent to jail for 180 days. Later, her probation report would reveal that Lindsay drank while in rehab and tested positive for alcohol use one month after leaving rehab. No charges are ever filed.

    December 12, 2010: Lindsay is allegedly caught sneaking out of rehab and going to a bar, and then hits the rehab staff member who confronts her.

    January 3, 2011: Lohan finishes her fourth stay in rehab and moves into an apartment in Venice, California.

    January 4, 2011: The Riverside County Sheriff’s Department determine that Lohan violated probation during her time in rehab by leaving the property, drinking, and assaulting a staff member. No charges are ever filed.

    January 22, 2011: Lohan goes to a jewelry store with a friend who distracts the clerk while she steals a $2,500 necklace.

    February 9, 2011: Lohan is charged with felony grand theft.

    April 22, 2011: Lindsay is found guilty of violating her probation and sentenced to 120 days in jail. Her sentence will begin at the conclusion of her grand theft trial.

    May 11, 2011: Lindsay pleads no-contest to her theft charges, but is not given any additional jail time, and instead of beginning her 120 day sentence for parole violation, she will likely be allowed to serve that sentence at home with an electronic monitor (that decision will be made when she reports for jail on June 17th) , and WILL STILL GET RELEASED EARLY DUE TO PRISON OVER CROWDING, even though she’s not actually in prison. Because of this, she will only “serve” about 14 days, and those will be at her condo near the beach.

    ~!~!~!~!~
    eonline:

    Oct. 19, 2011: The Mean Girls star has her probation revoked (again!) after she fails to perform her community service obligations. After being briefly detained, she gets out after posting $100,000 bail.
    March 14, 2012: Lohan is accused of allegedly sideswiping a person with her car outside a Hollywood hotspot and then fleeing the scene. L.A. prosecutors decline to prosecute, citing “no direct evidence.”
    March 29, 2012: The comeback kid finally completes the probation in her DUI case and is placed on informal probation for the necklace theft.
    It seems to be Amanda vs. Lindsay, lately
    Sept. 19, 2012: Lohan is arrested for allegedly clipping a man with her car outside New York City’s posh Dream Hotel and then leaving the scene. Manhattan D.A.’s office, however, opt not to bring charges, citing insufficient evidence.
    Oct. 10, 2012: Cops respond to a disturbance call at the Long Island, N.Y. home where Lindsay is staying with her mother, Dina Lohan, after the two allegedly have a massive blowout. No charges are filed, however.
    Nov. 29, 2012: Lohan popped outside Club Avenue in downtown Manhattan after she allegedly punched a woman in the face.

    It’s stunning, isn’t it?

  19. Britt says:

    I think it’s fairly obvious she has not one ounce of respect. She’s never going to learn her lesson if people continue to let her get away with everything.

    If this judge is any type of professional, they will do the right thing and make her face the consequences of her actions.

    She is a disgrace.

  20. Shauna says:

    Typical, yet unfreakingbelievable. Per TMZ they’re rescheduled just for her and now her hearing will start at 9am sharp.

  21. Obvious says:

    *snuggles into chair with crack-corn*

    all right ladies. We like Judge Sautner. Here’s hoping-in the mean time shall we eat, drink and crack our way through ANOTHER court hearing?

    I know i SHOULD be working-but this is much more amusing-consequences to her or not. (at least my boss asks me how the cracken fairs during these things)

    :edit:
    btw did anyone else get a load of her sparkly stripper heels? no we know how she got the cash to fly out here first class…

  22. K-rock says:

    “Crack brigade” best ever! LOL I spit my coffee! hahaha

  23. Samigirl says:

    Holy hooker shoes, Batman! I bet Courtney Stodden is drooling over those!

  24. Poink says:

    She looks REALLY tired. Like she’s not all there at all. Must have not been able to get her hands on any uppers

  25. La Calabaza says:

    Is her arm dirty in the first picture? So gross!

  26. Samigirl says:

    Gosh, she looks like hell. If it were anyone else, I’d feel sorry for her. Also, her roots are BAD.

    EDIT: When Judge SS said flattery will get you nowhere (how slimy is LL’s atty? ECH), LL looked liked she was going to burst into tears.

  27. ladybert62 says:

    Her hair looks awful (buy a hairbrush and use it girl); her fake eyelashes look like they are going to fall off; she looks like she is going to cry.

    Her new attorney looks like he colors his hair!!

    Wish I could have the sound on at work.

  28. Dinah says:

    OMG, she is teetering on semi-conscious. No doubt her demeanor is not lost on the judge.

  29. judyjudy says:

    Where can I see pictures? I can’t watch it live…..

  30. Poink says:

    Heller is such a slimeball. “Flattery doesn’t get you anywhere in this court.” Hahaha go Sautner!!!!

  31. Lenna says:

    This lawyer is gross, they’re perfect for eahc other. And the Judge hates him too…you can tell. Shawn was the only thing Lindsay had going for her

  32. the original bellaluna says:

    Smirking Cracken. Those shoes are just ridiculous!

  33. Britt says:

    The Lawyer (Heller) is trying to butter up the Judge, the Judge says “flattery will get you nowhere”.

    LOL

    He goes on “oh it’s such an honour to be here in your court”.

  34. cmc says:

    “Glad to see you’re feeling better,” the judge says. LOL. She looks like death.

  35. gloaming says:

    Snark from the judge! Love it!

  36. d says:

    I can’t listen to this on TMZ, mostly out of second-hand embarrassment for Lindsey, who looks like hell. Why is she smirking?

  37. Kristen says:

    I’m watching it live on TMZ. The judge just told her an upper respiratory infection is NOT the flu.

  38. jamminatorr says:

    hahahahahah “the flu is the flu and its the same here as in New York”

  39. LeeLoo says:

    Where’d this dude get his law degree? From a Lucky Charms box?

  40. d says:

    soooo, nothing’s going to happen today. ok. aaaand, I turned on the volume and now I’m embarrassed for the lawyer. oy.

  41. greenmonster says:

    where did lindsay find this lawyer? even she couldn’t keep a straight face when he tried to flatter the judge. that look on her face told everybody: “i can’t believe he’s representing me… i’m f*kced!!” it is hilarious to watch

  42. Redheadwriter says:

    Looks like Lindsay needs to beware the Ides of March.

  43. Poink says:

    Dammit judge is retiring?! WTF!

  44. Redheadwriter says:

    Sauter is retiring? She’s not going to follow through on this??

  45. Dinah says:

    Wow, she really rushed out of there. For a bump, a tantrum, or both? Didn’t seem too steady on her feet, either. /shock.

    • lulu1 says:

      Tripping over herself, I think she said ‘Jesus’ audibly. She’s so out of it…I’m surprised the judge even allowed her to leave

    • claire says:

      Someone needs to make a .gif of the wobbly walk. For real though, that lawyer is a hack. Could you have picked anyone worse? Maybe this is a blessing – I don’t’ think that guy’s going to be good for her case. A good lawyer would not have brought up the cold issue – the judge hadn’t brought it up, so the last thing you do is introduce something to the court where your lies could be challenged. What an idiot.

      “In NYC, we call a cold the flu.” I LOL’ed hard at that one.

      Too bad the judge is retiring, but maybe that’s a blessing also. She could get a judge who will actually DO something.

  46. badrockandroll says:

    Shyster trick #1: flip through an empty datebook to find a conflict on proposed dates.
    Shyster trick #2: kiss a$$, any A$$.

    Can’t tell who wanted out of there more – the judge or wobbly lohan.

    One judge, 2 gov’t lawyers, countless security guards … i wonder why California is broke?

  47. logan says:

    And once again she skated. So much time till next court appearance. Come on Crackhead do us proud.

  48. Mich says:

    My God! It’s my cousin, Vinnie!

  49. Paul E. Stanley says:

    I don’t wish her dead but I won’t be sad when that smirk of hers is 6 feet under.

  50. Lenna says:

    My cousin Vinnie was much more competent!

  51. emz says:

    IDT these pics are new ones. They look like pics from her prior court appearances.

  52. OOoh, I think skeevy lawyer guy is going to have a press conference! :)

    • cmc says:

      I think so too! OMG this guy is priceless. I am loving this. Even LLo knows she done f*ed up.

      • lulu1 says:

        But unless I’ve missed something (I just tuned in) then she got what she wanted: nothing happening until March? Lyndsey lives in the present. March is an eternity to her.
        I do wonder if she’s washed up work-wise now though…after this round?
        What does everyone think?

      • d says:

        I don’t think Lindsey thinks she effed up. I think she thinks she’s being persecuted and that this is all ridiculous overkill. The only reason she panicked and came to LA was because of the fear of the court case going badly for her and not because it was the right thing to do in the first place. Lindsey has no idea of the right thing to do for herself, never mind her career, which is in the toilet, imo.
        I’m laughing that she hates her lawyer and wants SH back. But I still think that’s for all the wrong reasons.

      • cmc says:

        @lulu1 @d

        I don’t think she thinks she f*ed up overall…I think she knows the new lawyer was a BAD, bad choice. Her face when he was talking was priceless! The only time I feel like I could read her mind, and her thoughts were “what have I done?!”

        She’ll be fine. I don’t honestly believe she will get jail time or anything bad. But yup- her career is over.

      • Nina W says:

        Her career is over because she can no longer cope with working. If she gets her drug and alcohol problem straightened out she could probably have a career again even though she has apparently lost the acting talent she once had.

    • Mich says:

      Thanks for the heads up! This is going to be GREAT! Her new lawyer is hysterically repulsive and clearly milking this for all its worth!

    • stellalovejoydiver says:

      How does she pay him? Is he doing this pro bono because of the publicity, or is it more a service against service payment, shudder?

  53. Talie says:

    Oh, that lawyer was embarrassing! She looks bad too, it’s a shame she doesn’t want to take the rehab plea deal…she clearly needs some detox.

  54. dorothy says:

    Judge seems infatuated with Lohan to me. What an embarrassment to the court system this whole case has been. I wonder how much Lohan has cost the city of Los Angeles?

  55. HoneyB says:

    Wow, Strawberry Snortcake looks like a steaming pile of f*ck. Her lips are so jacked up! She now has a month and a half prior to the trial. Party at CM! Don’t think this delusional POS is going to make it that long. They didn’t do her any favors today.

  56. judyjudy says:

    Why do they keep changing the date? She’s THERE. Why don’t they do something while she’s THERE? It makes me want to cry. (not really cry,just crackie cry)

    • Esti says:

      This is how court cases work. You don’t just arrest someone and then have a trial. You have to deal with procedural stuff like the change of lawyer. You need to set out scheduling orders far in advance so that everyone has time to interview witnesses and prepare arguments and negotiate over plea bargains. And the legal system is crazy busy, particularly in California, so it’s not like everyone drops everything they’re doing to work on one case and get it done quickly — you fit in all of the pre-trial work between the hundreds of other cases that the judge and the lawyers are working on.

      No one changed any dates here. This was a preliminary scheduling hearing. At the scheduling hearing, you decide when the trial is going to be. Now they’ve got that date set for March. It could get pushed back — that happens *all the time* — but even if that happens the trial will likely take place sometime this Spring.

      • d says:

        Yep. This is why I think that by the end of 2013, nothing of significance (legally) will really happen for Lindsey. Dates will change, lawyers will change, judges will change, dates get pushed back, and so on and so forth, and eventually, they’ll just toss it because it’s been too long or something and the courts are just too busy. Lindsey will not go to jail or rehab or anything. 2013 will be a big fat zero.

      • judyjudy says:

        Thanks for the response. I’m pretty clueless about how this all works. It just seems like there have been so many court dates the past few months and every time it’s “We’ll meet on this date” or “rescheduling for two weeks” or “The date is set for…”

      • Esti says:

        I can definitely see why it feels like that, but that’s just how the legal system works. Even for a small trial on minor charges, you generally have at least 2-3 pre-trial hearings.

        I don’t actually think Lindsay has gotten any special treatment during any part of her various shenanigans. She’s been charged with relatively minor offenses and California’s prison system is unbelievably overcrowded. There are a *lot* of people out there like her, who constantly accumulate small criminal charges and parole violations, are back in court every few months, but never spend much time in prison.

        I think she should have her license permanently yanked, but honestly beyond that I don’t think Lindsay should do any time unless she does something a lot worse. It’s just not possible to put every drug addict/shoplifter in prison, and it’s unlikely to help them any even if we could. As long as she’s stopped from driving again, she’s not really a danger to anyone else.

  57. Jazz says:

    I can’t believe her hack lawyer was kissing the judge’s ass – WTH?!

    And he gave her bullsh*t excuse to the court to get her out of future appearences. “She didn’t want to make anyone sick but she came today because she has respect for the court” WTF!

    So the judge is retiring – hope the next judge is a real hardass!

    How much taxpayers money is being wasted on this freakin’ dog and pony show?!

  58. mssnarnd says:

    Is she being rep’ed by Fonzie? And that LV briefcase (photo on another site) is so nouveau riche. They are perfect for each other.

  59. skeptical says:

    Where is the courtroom? Why did blohan try santa monica holtel first? Do you think it’s because Samantha Ronson recently bought a house in Santa Monica and snortcake is trying to stalk Ronson again?

  60. truthful says:

    Linds is looking more like Joan Crawford in her later years–everyday.

    scary

    I read the background for this attorney but I forgot what it was..its tricky though, some rich lady is funding his services or something..because she couldn’t rep Linds in this State??

    could she be a rich madam?? and Linds will owe her big time for this??

    why not throw in a madam or pimp, plus the good humor man.

    a damn circus

    • MoxyLady007 says:

      Wow. Very interesting.

    • Bread and Circuses says:

      A socialite who has never practiced law sponsored the lawyer.

      She has since said that she has never met this guy and thought she was sponsoring a different lawyer entirely.

      She also only re-activated her ability to practice law three days before sponsoring Mark Heller. She’d been inactive for something like eleven years prior to that.

      In other words, the whole situation smells fishy.

      • badrockandroll says:

        I think that the socialite is a bit of a dingbat. Her real passion now seems to be gourmet food. I haven’t heard any rumours about her putting up money, or being a madam. I think that she’s just one of those naive nice people. She knows the fellow that Heller introduced to the court, the guy that the judge warned was not LL’s attorney. I put this in another post somewhere, that Heller was disbarred for a few years in NY, and since then his activities haven’t really changed (he is prone to taking huge retainers, including jewels – remind you of a certain client?- and then cooking his books to make it look like he’s earned his keep). Buddy in the back row appears to do that too, but just hasn’t been caught. Only ex-client of Heller who has anything good to say about him is Son of Sam. Heller was part of his legal team for about a month until the rest of the team fired him.

  61. Madriani's Girl says:

    That is one of the most hungover faces I have ever seen and I’m a veteran of hungover faces. She’s so out of it, she can barely keep her eyes open.

  62. JustaGirl says:

    I bet Shawn Holley had a huge laugh watching Lohan’s lawyer in court this morning.

  63. erika says:

    garrrgghhhhh…luuu can someone explain to me in 2nd grade language how these…’court dates’ work? Her lawyer went to court a couple weeks ago, right? and today was what…? to decide if there should be a hearing? i thought today was the hearing and she’d be judged to jail or let free, but now we have ANOTHER court date? what’s that for? to actually hear both sides and THEN determine if she’s going to jail or not???

    please help. I’m dim witted when it comes to law and order

  64. Hubbahun says:

    Can’t we have an X-Factor type vote? People of the World, you decide! Jail for Lilo – yes or no? And AS ONE VOICE the world says ‘F*ck YES!’ (Just a dream I had…)

  65. Dorothy says:

    So I guess after trial they headed back to Motel 6 for a celebratory drunk fest.

  66. Ruby Red Lips says:

    Damn – I missed this post!!!

    Good to see Crackie looked really good in court!!! Jaysus her internal organs must be functioning on about 10% by now…

    Anyhows, will sit here & down a few cracktinis to make up for missing the party earlier :(

  67. boo says:

    OMG that lawyer, suck up! What a stereotypical shyster lawyer, well they deserve each other. I can just see White Oprah and this guy doing “lunch” and discussing Lilo’s criminal charges. If I could just be a fly on the wall that must be a hilarious conversation.

  68. JL says:

    is it me or does the whole thing scream “Low Class Lilo”
    The lawyer is cheap and cheesey
    Her dress looks Cheap
    She’s wearing stripper heels
    Dina looks like she just out of bed
    Liloaded well; she looks loaded.

    This court apprearance reminds me of a skit from Hee-Haw.

    Yes she flew in late, yes she had trouble getting a room, however if it where my ass in that sling I’d be suiting up and showing up looking as presentable as a could….

  69. anti-icon says:

    Career Criminal. In my state, a couple of DUIs (very low alcohol content) will get you at least a few months in the slammer. And fines. And alcohol education (which you also pay for) and community service.

    These are misdemeanors.

    Blohan is a FELON. Repeat Felon. She gets nothing but publicity and a free education in UNEQUAL JUSTICE.

    • G says:

      She’s not a felon. Shawn got all her charges reduced to misdemeanors, for which Blohan should be eternally grateful.

      • Andrea says:

        Did the jewerly tjeft charge get reduced too? I was reading above that was a felony charge & she pleaded no contest.

      • iheartjacksparrow says:

        @Andrea – I recall that there was some question as to just how much that necklace was really worth. I believe in the end it was determined that it was not actually worth what the store was selling it for, so it was deemed a misdemeanor as well.

      • jwoolman says:

        Iheart- had nothing to do with the value if the necklace. They go by retail value, which was reasonable for a jewelry store. Even the amount going to the designer would keep it in grand theft felony territory. The judge reduced it to a misdemeanor only because she hadn’t been caught shoplifting before by the police at least, which is often done for first-timers at the lower end of grand theft. The next time she’s caught, she won’t get such a reduction so fast, although sometimes a certain time after successful completion of the sentence and probation, the person can request a reduction to misdemeanor on the record. Can happen for people who cause no further trouble for the court.

  70. Claire says:

    The big question is – was she wearing a bra? I can’t see from the pics!

  71. Liane says:

    LOL! The pop up ads are too funny! Under the new header picture with the lawyer appeared the words “Fast. Powerful. Effective.” … Must be sarcasm, because it kind of contradicts what I’ve been hearing about him!(turns out it’s an ad for Norton)

  72. Nanz01 says:

    She looks terrible even for her. Did anyone get a good look at her nails? Just wondering if she and Dina did a mani/pedi before court to send the judge a “f*ck you.”

  73. dorothy says:

    It just hit me, she’s been involved in more court appearances than movies! That’s something to be proud of.

  74. Mich says:

    OMG. Someone on Gawker just compared Heller to Barry Zuckerkorn from Arrested Development. SO spot on!

    http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/barry%20zuckerkorn

  75. Shelly says:

    She looks terrible. Puffy, tired, maybe even actually sick. But seriously, unless she was on her deathbed or hospitalized, you don’t call in sick to court.

  76. Kiel says:

    My guess as to why she gets-off so much is that she’s been hookin’ for some very important people for quite a few years now. She probably knows things that could make life very ugly for many connected folks – if she gets put against the wall, she might talk. Again, just a guess – but it makes more sense.

    • Butch says:

      Pls. Our princess in a dress/fights like a whore Lindsay knows what would happen if she even hints at the idea of spilling on her “important” friends. She knows her tricks are bad news who wouldn’t think twice about putting a bullet in her brain and dump her ass in the east river.

  77. Stuart Horsely says:

    “I was raised to be nice.” HA. Liar, cheater, dealer, thief, and foul-mouthed slut. No hotel will let them in because they wouldn’t pay their bill, that’s why.

  78. Bess says:

    So the judge basically gave the Cracken another month and a half to terrorize NYC and/or LA.

  79. Katherine says:

    I’m not sure what people expect. She is on probation for minor offenses and her violations basically are the result of her struggling in rehab.

    Judges have serious criminals and issues to deal with and despite all the wailing and gnashing of teeth going on here and elsewhere in gossip land Lohan is minor – very minor.

    Judges want probationers to succeed and they are willing to continue their probationary periods if they see someone is trying. Now maybe there are things the judge is privy to that we are not aware of. For instance there may be mental health records that we aren’t going to see but that give a better picture of Lohan than we will ever know.

    I’ve said this before but if I were the attorney I’d move for a termination of probation as “unsuccessful” and end it at that. Just close the case. That would waste no more court resources and it is a negative on her record. And if I were the judge I’d grant that motion.

    • elceibeno08 says:

      Although what you said is very sound and reasonable, many of us here can’t wait for the drama, and the pleasure to see Lindsey get hit by the truckload of law books the judge is going to throw at her.

    • d says:

      Yah, I think you’re right. As much as it would be nice to see Lindsey raked over the coals, reading about this stuff is as much as for entertainment value than any desire for justice. In the greater scheme of things, a good lawyer would plead down or whatever it’s call and move to get things off the court system in favour of the worse crimes. What she’s done is reprehensible, but maybe the court system by now is all “meh” about her because of the above and maybe also because it’s a lost cause. Maybe they know that sooner or later, she will really do something bad, which ironically will make it easier to take through the court system.
      Anyway, like I keep saying, all this is same old, same old. Don’t waste time expecting anything different from this clusterf***.

    • DanaG says:

      The only thing thathas kept Lindsay out of jail is Shawn Holly who was able to get very serious charges reduced to misdeamenors. I think you will find there are people in jail for way less then what Lindsay has done they just couldn’t afford a high end lawyer. Your idea makes no sense if Lindsay has continued to break the law on probation can you imagine what she might have done without it? She broke the law marking her probation as unsuccessful rewards her. What about the next law she breaks and the next what should the court just say don’t worry about it Lindsay we tried to get you rehabiliated before it didn’t work so just go on your way. What sense does that make exactly? How many people actually get that and what happens when they break the law again, and again as in Lindsay’s case. I am hoping something happens to her or the next drama is going to be something no one will be able to joke about.

  80. bangarang says:

    Has anyone seen Flight. She looks like how Denzel’s charecter got ready in the last part of the movie

  81. Bess says:

    I have a feeling Heller isn’t going to be representing the Cracken come March 18. There’s got to be some LA based lawyer who is more competent and less offensive than Heller.

  82. elceibeno08 says:

    I just read an article about Lindsey Lohan on Huffingtonpost.com Although I only read the first paragraph or so what I gathered is that drug addicts need a combination of jail and drug treatment to become rehabbed. Jail alone and drug treatment alone don’t work. They need to be combined for a more succesful rate of rehabilitation

  83. Zigggy says:

    Her lawyer looks like he should be working at Harry Potter’s bank.

  84. Andrea says:

    So my reply went to someone else and I can’t seem to edit it…

    So is the jewerely theft from the store her first actual felony charge? And she pleaded no contest? So that means she offically has a felony finally on her record? I know she keeps getting released all the time, but they were all misdomeners (or pleaded down) before right?

    If she already pleaded no contest, what is the trial for?

    I feel like I’m missing a peice here.

  85. PamelaJudy says:

    Is Dina wearing last nights’ clothes?

  86. Meganne says:

    I highly doubt anything will come of this. She won’t go to jail. Her bored facial expression says it all, “Can I go back to bed now?”