Whenever I get tired of staring at Duchess Kate’s nude LK Bennett heels, I remember that Pippa Middleton’s shoe game is SO much worse. The Middleton ladies just aren’t shoe people. It’s not a crime. But sometimes I do think Pippa is actively looking for ugly shoes. Anyway, Pippa continues to fluff up her resume with weird little projects and career attempts. She tried “party planning book author” – and her book bombed, but it did give us some insight into her amazing “Pippa Tips” which still make me giggle. She’s currently writing for Waitrose Kitchen, a somewhat “high end” entertaining/food magazine. Pippa offers amazing tips like “serve Asian food at an Asian-themed party”. And she’s got another gig too – she’s now a contributing editor to Vanity Fair!! The hell?

Pippa Middleton has landed a new job as a Vanity Fair contributing editor. In her first editorial for the glossy title, the 29-year-old sister of the Duchess of Cambridge writes about her most memorable experiences at Wimbledon.

It is a second regular magazine job for the aspiring lifestyle guru, which she will write in addition to her monthly Friday Night Feasts column in Waitrose Magazine. It follows the publication of her first book, Celebrate: A Year of British Festivities for Family and Friends, last year.

Published ahead of Wimbledon this year, the article sees Pippa describe the tournament as ‘the highlight of my summer’, and recalls her first visit to the All England Club at the age of eight. She says that she was an aspiring professional tennis player at the time, and remembers purchasing a postcard of the women’s championship trophy and writing on it: ‘I will win this one day.’

She admits that as a child, she imagined she would get married in tennis whites, ‘shorts with no pleats or frills.’

Pippa, who is dating stockbroker Nico Jackson, 35, tells readers that she has now grown out of her tomboy phase, but that said, there will still be ‘no white dresses this summer, apart from at my local tennis club.’

She says a favourite Wimbledon memory was queuing with her sister on People’s Sunday in 2004 to get £35 tickets for Centre Court – something that would be highly unlikely – and indeed unnecessary for them today. She also remembers how her father embarrassed her during a match between Tim Henman and Pete Sampras.

‘We were sitting quite close to the players’ court entrance,’ she recalled. ‘When Tim Henman walked onto the court, the crowd cheered him, and as he walked near our seats my dad mistakenly yelled, “Come on Pete!” That was embarrassing.’

Pippa, who remains a regular at Wimbledon, and is frequently photographed alongside her sister in prime seats on Centre Court, further hones her reputation as a lifestyle guru offering advice to Wimbledon-goers, from strategies on beating the traffic, to new British tennis talent to look out for. She advices readers to prepare for the weather: ‘Bring everything from sunblock and sunglasses to a mackintosh and umbrella,’ she writes.

She also suggests leaving the stilettos at home, and to walk, cycle or share a taxi to the grounds. And steer clear of making plans afterwards, she warns, as play can go on well into the evening.

‘There’s nothing worse than having to leave Rafael Nadal’s athleticism for a routine pizza with friends,’ she writes.

Demonstrating that on-court style, an accompanying shoot shows Pippa posing seemingly mid-game with racquet in-hand in Azzedine Alaia’s designer take on tennis whites.

Another image sees her demonstrating how one might cycle to the All England Club in order to beat the traffic in a romantic black-and-white shot clad in 3.1 Phillip Lim, atop a vintage-look bicycle loaded with peonies.

[From The Mail]

I wish Christopher Hitchens was still alive just so he could properly spoof the stupidity of this IN VANITY FAIR. I would imagine Graydon Carter would let Hitch make fun of Pippa too. I mean, obviously, Vanity Fair wanted some kind of “in” with the Middleton family, so why not give poor Pippa a writing “job” where she can prattle on and on about tennis. While I have no doubt that Pippa is enthusiastic about tennis (and many other things), enthusiasm does not make one qualified to write for VF.

Would you like some Pippa Tips? Of course you would:

*Pippa Tip: If you’re going to write for Vanity Fair, it helps to own paper and a pen. And maybe a computer, but don’t overthink it. Also: have the last name “Middleton”.

*Pippa Tip: If you make a mistake while writing on your paper with your pen, simply draw a line through your mistake and begin again.

*Pippa Tip: Tennis is fun when you remember to bring your racket. Also: balls.

*Pippa Tip: “Tennis whites” are typically white clothing items one wears while playing tennis.

*Pippa Tip: If you want good seats at Wimbledon, arrange for your sister to marry the future King of England and voila! Good seats.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.