Proving that an Australian Dad is more effective than a room full of Puff Daddy bodyguards – and fiercer than a pocketful of pitbulls – the father of the Quantas stewardess alleged to have had cramped yet credible mile high sex with Ralph Fiennes came to her defense:

Graham Roberston, told a Sydney radio station that his daughter – was not expecting to be reinstated.
‘She probably knows she’s going to lose it,’ Robertson said. ‘I couldn’t imagine her doing it up in the plane,’ he added. ‘You’ve got other staff there and customers.’
He was highly critical of colleagues who reported her toilet tryst to management, saying they were ‘probably as ugly as a hatful of arseholes and were just jealous.’

via playfuls

You have to admire the Antipodean Oedipal Complex: it lacks the imagination for bathroom sex, but the mental gymnastics involved in a milliners colonoscopy … not a problem. The ever imaginative Graham continued on a more prosaic note.

He added: “Lisa just does her job. If someone wants a coffee and biscuits, she looks after them. She’s not a bad looking girl. If you do the right thing people take a liking to you.”

Talk about damned by faint praise: ‘not bad looking’ is less touching as a paternal compliment when you realize how low down the totem pole Dad has built his idea of ugly … what with the hatfuls of it mentioned earlier. I’m guessing Lisa goes hatless regardless of the weather or at the very least favors scarves for windy runways.

Chiming in from the other side of the aisle, Ralph Fiennes girlfriend of the last five-months held forth on why she finds tales of Ralphie as bathroom bimbo no surprise:

I interior designer Sirin Lewenden, was not surprised when she read in the papers about Ralph Fiennes and his little escapade. She ended their relationship citing Fiennes’ “wandering eye”, “moodiness” and “constant demands for sex”.

“Sirin found it quite exhausting,” a friend of the actor said.

“She likes a bit of fun but also likes a much simpler life. In the end she had had enough.”

“They split because of Ralph’s wandering eye and his constant demands for what might best be described as unconventional sex. He could also be prone to the odd mood swing.”

“Now Ralph is single and clearly enjoying it. It was with no great surprise that Sirin heard of the sexual encounter on the flight,” the friend of the British actor said.

The rule seems to be with Hollywood Englishmen (Hugh Grant anyone?) the floppier the hair the filthier the lad.