Kris Jenner’s not-much-anticipated talk show aired yesterday. I’m not going to front like I watched the whole thing, but I saw a few minutes of it and read a few recaps so I feel more than prepared to pass judgment. A lot of outlets are focusing on the fact that Kris faked out the audience by bringing on a small baby at the end of the show that easily could have passed for her latest grandchild, North West. Of course Kanye is putting his foot down, Kim probably wants to sell the photos for a tidy profit, and it wasn’t North West at all. Kris even promoted the show by tweeting the above picture. It turns out that it was the new baby of her stylist, supposedly. When I see PMK and a random baby I imagine a Disney villain scenario involving traded souls and hoarded body parts. Kris explained that people ask her about the baby a lot but that “Kim’s just got to do that on her own time. Let her have her privacy for a little bit and calm down and when she comes out she comes out.” Yeah, Kris is in no way happy about that.

Kris’ guests included celebrity chef Rocco DiSpirito, co-host Cameron Mathison of All My Children, and a woman who used to be married to Prince, Mayte Garcia, who demonstrated belly dancing. Her famous daughters were not on the premiere episode, although Khloe and Kourtney were in the audience. Kris also told a long and convoluted story about how Kim tried to go incognito to get to the hospital to give birth. On the way to the hospital Kim ended up detouring at a hotel and meeting with Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak. Apparently Kim was trying to get Kanye some kind of personalized gift from Wozniak for Father’s Day, since Kanye loves Apple and needs a lot of placating I imagine. It was a long and somewhat tedious story with no point. You can read it on Radar if you’d like. We also have the video below.

The NY Daily News has a kind of scathing recap of the show that I think hits it home. They conclude that Kris “didn’t talk about much on the first day besides her guests, her co-host and family. But then, really, what else is there?”

Here’s Kris’ show on YouTube. At least they’re putting it on YouTube. Kris tells the story about Kim giving birth around 4:15. Kris comes out with the fake baby at 41:00. Check out Khloe and Kourtney’s expressions! They know it’s a stupid ruse for ratings, but they’ve put up with that from their mom for their entire lives.