Gwyneth Paltrow’s Boss Jour commercials: hilarious, annoying or beautiful?

Hugo Boss released three commercials/videos starring Gwyneth Paltrow. And they are full-on GOOP. So much so that I kind of wonder if Gwyneth had a hand in “writing” these commercials because she’s yammering on and on about what she loves (herself, exercise, herself, yoga) whilst swinging around her sad flat-ironed hair. This is what it would look like if Gwyneth’s Goop-letters were actually Vlogs. And do you know how Gwyneth has a really annoying, nasal voice? Yeah. Gwyneth was made the “face” of Boss Jour last year, and we already saw this year’s print ads (which are Photoshopped to the max). As for these videos… ugh. GOOP there it is.

In this one, Goop says “I really love food” but she adds the caveat that because she loves food, she feels the need to exercise constantly. Because she’s not a fat peasant. *sniff* Y’all don’t even understand what it’s like to be so elite and vitamin deficient.

In this one, Goop pontificates about the wonders of perfume while sitting Indian style in a pristine white suit on a pristine white couch. The flat-ironing is heavy in this one.

I guess this one is the commercial that will actually air on television. My favorite parts? Oh, God, there are so many. I love the idea that Gwyneth has an open-air closet full of only white clothes. I love that she just had to change up her outfit – taking off a jacket and putting on a dated-looking white vest. But the best part is her faux-orgasmic look when she sprays the perfume. This commercial is GOLD! Oh, and they made her put down the flat-iron for this one.

GOOP PERFECTION.

Photos courtesy of Hugo Boss.

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79 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow’s Boss Jour commercials: hilarious, annoying or beautiful?”

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  1. ClaireB says:

    Wow, everything she’s close to turns white . That is superpower. So much light, so much life, so much smizing !

  2. Nanz says:

    Wait. So does GOOP eat dairy and carbs or not? It’s not that I really give a you know what, but just stay on message, GOOP.

  3. elisa says:

    Ugh. I will never understand her obsession with the flat iron. She has such a beautiful natural wave.

  4. V4Real says:

    Once again in the words of Napoleon Dynamite “uhhh.”

  5. blue marie says:

    ha ha, gah this woman makes me want to punch my computer screen.. I will say that the photo-shopped photo is pretty.

  6. Dawn says:

    I think it’s time that Gwennie updates her hair. That hair is old and needs to be cut. Other than that, Gwennie is a rich girl. She was born rich and will die rich and that is just the way it is. She will forever be what she is.

    • MaiGirl says:

      My whole issue with Goop’s “beauty” is that she is so plain and vanilla. I have never found her particularly pretty, so I have always wondered what other people are seeing that I’m not. Having that stick-straight hair just emphasizes her plainness, to me. Another type of hairstyle and maybe a darker shade of blonde would do wonders, I think.

  7. Toot says:

    Her voice is annoying! That commercial did not make me want to buy this perfume.

  8. daniela says:

    Gwyneth is a peasant. Selling frozen dinners in Europe, perfume, make up, website promotion, cookbooks- there’s not much this out of work actress won’t do to make a buck. Do you do bar mitzvahs, Gwyneth? Work it like a Commoner, girl! You know know you are one!

    • Suki2 says:

      True. There is nothing she won’t shill. She’s moving on all fronts to make a buck: gyms, blow-dry bars, paid appearances, frozen food, Goop and everything in it and so on ad infinitum. It’s all about money. Surprised more folks don’t mention it.

  9. GoodNamesAllTaken says:

    I’m sort of surprised that Goop is associating herself with Hugo Boss. I’ve always thought of that company as sort of…downmarket? Dated? I’m surprised she doesn’t think she’s too good for them, but maybe I’m just wrong about the company image.
    I watched the first commercial. Gag.

  10. nikollet says:

    Yawn. There’s been too much of Goopy lately.

  11. Lake Mom says:

    And we thought the Brad Pitt commercials were bad…

  12. scylla says:

    I take goopy a million times over a Katrashian or Lohan.
    The look might be slightly dated but at least her face is not all plastic. No overinflated silicon lips (nothing against big lips IF THEY ARE NATURAL). No fake C-cup. Not botoxed all the way to Madame Tussauds….

    Flatironing at least isn’t something invasive.

    So in this department she is still a better rolemodel than 90 % of the young starlets and reality famewhores (eg housewives!) out there.

  13. Elisabeth says:

    so if i spray this perfume on my neck i can be an amazing asshole too?

  14. minime says:

    This is just hilarious! Remember that girl that was starring in “Se7en” and “Shakespeare in Love” and being the promissed next “big thing”? Ye, she’s now selling perfum as if it was a vacumm cleaner (no, as if it was a Dove publicity!!) :)

  15. Mabs says:

    That was one heaping pile of goop (a semiliquid sticky or messy substance).

  16. sauvage says:

    Oooh, the tell-tale “uhm”. I really love food, UHM.

  17. marina says:

    Is there anything this chick won’t sell for a buck, including her soul?

  18. Jennifer12 says:

    Didn’t feel like watching the commercials, but the first picture is nice.

  19. Ellen Smith says:

    She kind of has a Kelly Ripa look going on. And despite the radical diet and exercise plan, she is aging.

  20. Sammi says:

    Gawd, this woman is insufferable.

  21. Liberty says:

    The first one makes me think of something Woody Allen would have done for a laugh as a segment in his films, or Russell Brand’s character in Get Him To The Greek, Aldous Snow.

  22. It'sJustBlanche says:

    They’re awful. It almost seems like an SNL skit.

  23. coe says:

    I think she looks great!Did anyone else notice the extensions in the pic where her hair is wavy/not flat-ironed?

  24. Tania says:

    *hangs head in shame* I don’t know why, but I’ve always loved her!

  25. Naomi says:

    Cate Blanchett would have rocked these ads so hard. Goop is the poor mans Cate Blanchett.

  26. Naomi says:

    Cate Blanchett would have rocked these ads so hard. Goop looks like a bargain Cate here. I don’t think that is what they were attempting but that is what I see. As in ads where you can’t get the real thing but get as close as you can.

  27. nina says:

    Lainey wrote this on her site. I agree.

    ________________________
    For Boss Jour, G is obviously all white, all crisp and clean, perfect, pristine… RICH. You can smell the money and the privilege coming off these videos, this photo. It may as well be the poster for supporters of the voting restrictions just passed in North Carolina.
    _________________________

  28. Belle says:

    Anyone else think the first photo is too photoshopped, is she really that THIN?

    • hazeldazel says:

      yes, I was just going to post that the photoshop is strong with this ad. I mean her skin (even on her arms) is like a plastic barbie. And the weird picture with her smiling and the cheeks are so altered it doesn’t even look like her. Granted, she has a LOT of sun damage and these type of ads always have lots of photoshop, but… DAMN.

      Is it just me or for someone who always blathers on about healthy living, why does she always look so unhealthy? Doctor, heal thyself.

  29. 5thHouse says:

    Wow, nothing on the poor soul who killed himself????? But more crap about this twit. Really????

  30. ParisPucker says:

    *eau de prétention* : smells like vegan farts

  31. snappyfish says:

    commercial #1) when the camera is darting around goop’s face she looks like she’s trying to evade a gnat. “I love food! I love — damn this gnat! peasants!”

    commercial #2) for someone who does so much yoga she seems quite stiff when she sits cross legged on the white sofa, whitely. when I sit like that my knees are in an almost horizontal line. but then I am not sitting in an all white room, whitely wearing all white clothing.

    and the cheesy piano and the lady singing “OH-H!” in the background is classic.

    I give these 2 thumbs up.

  32. Vesta says:

    So, according to the first ad she needs “exercise to counterbalance…YOU KNOW the bread and cheese and coffee” ?

    No, Goop, I do not know.
    Those things are my standard everyday breakfast which I absolutely need if I don’t want to feel dizzy while doing my peasant work.

  33. Diane says:

    She is the most self centered person on the universe. My friends and I are boycotting ALL things related to her and telling her sponsors why. (Only exception is her husband’s EARLY music before he met her – which is actually Coldplays’ best and by far most romantic – Rush of Blood to the Head songs.) Not even watching her friggin Boss commercials and after sicking display of her trampoline shot now have to ban Stella McCartney…oh well us plebeians can’t afford her anyway!!! Too many great women out there for this selfish witch to get anything – so best to contact sponsors and waste time (like I am right now, I know: :-) but so hard to resist- she is SOOOO detestable. BTW, her fans on these sites are really even less, they use different names and won’t let it go and her PR and her count for half of them.

    • Evelyn Apricots says:

      @Diane – You make some very serious allegations. I will have to agree with you on most of the points you make with the exception of serious drugs and that her kids are happier without her. No child, whether the child of a peasant or GP, is unhappy spending time with their mother.

      • Diane says:

        I am not a Mom judger but she humiliated her entire family includig Apple with her comments and behavior on last PR junket, and yes sadly some children are unhappy with their parents. It is the most tragic thing ever…I know I am working as a volunteer this Friday at a fundraising gala for children whose families are in need of afterschool programs. And again, no Mom’s are perfect, but from many of my friends personal experience with GP, she is quite far from it. PS Check out Apple’s expressions of late and Gwyneths posturing when not know watched….crossing her arms defensively and glaring with resentment at her own children…it’s not normal. Most Mom’s never use that body language with their kids…quite revealing for those who don’t know her or those in her circle, and none too happy about it!

      • lisa says:

        i cant remember once being happy to be with my mother

    • Evelyn Apricots says:

      @Diane – I loved Coldplay back in the day. One of the things I liked so much about the low-key band was their sincerity to Fair Trade and other charity organizations. They just seemed so genuine and down to earth. CM wanted everyone to know that the band were just “middle-class boys with a strong work ethic” and “making music was just their job” just like if their occupations were a lawyer, plumber, or healthcare worker. I could relate to them. I really never thought of Coldplay as being wealthy, sure rich, but not insanely wealthy because I believed their image.

      Since GP has been building the goop brand, and letting us in all of the excesses of the Paltrow-Martin lifestyle, I am completely disgusted with Coldplay and myself for believing all of their BS. I thought for sure, that CM would finally pull the plug on their marriage because GP has tarnished Coldplay’s image, but you know what, he hasn’t. He is still playing along with her, so it must be true when GP said that they were turning into similar people.

      I am not jealous of GP’s appearance, lifestyle or success. More power to her! What I don’t like about her is that I can no longer listen to Coldplay’s music because I immediately associate it to GP. It is like she took something away from me. Yes I blame her and all of her excessive PR and oversharing. I know that might be hard to understand and sounds sappy, but its the truth. Sure I knew that CM was married to GP long before goop, but it was never in your face because they (with an iron fist) kept it private. Anyhoo, I digress…You must have greater insight into their lifestyle then what is reported, and I hope that what you say is not the truth.

      @Lisa – I’m sorry you have a crappy relationship with your mom.

  34. BooBooLaRue says:

    All I can think of is how she probably isn’t wearing any deodorant, natural or otherwise and those clothes smell bad.

  35. Aud says:

    This is amusing considering Hugo Boss’ Nazi past.
    Gwyneth is like their Aryan poster child of the 21st century. Ugh. How much more blonde can you get?
    I make it a point to avoid this label especially after they tried to downplay a journalist’s research into their past.

  36. Aunt Bea says:

    Oh, I get it. She let us in on the joke! Tee-hee. We’re part of her In Crowd — In The Know — we know what the Gwyneth knows. I know I’m going out right now and get me some. We’ve got to support her, you guys! Let’s not let her down.