Full disclosure: I genuinely and wholeheartedly laughed out loud when I read Mariah Carey’s new album name. This is her 14th studio album, and Mariah is really trying to get a success launch with this one after her last two albums faltered big-time. Mariah had previously told Billboard that she was looking to do a Beyonce-style out-of-nowhere album drop, but by announcing that she was doing that defeated the purpose of taking everyone by surprise, so it was a non-starter that even Mariah had to deny within a few days. So what is her new album called?
Me. I Am Mariah… The Elusive Chanteuse.
YES. YES YES YES YES.
I’m assuming that Mariah’s first choices were:
MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Mariah Mariah Mariah, ME ME ME
The Stunning, Beautiful, Elusive Chanteuse, ME ME ME Mariah Carey
ME, MARIAH: Bolder, Thinner & Chanteuseier
Anyway, the album will drop on May 27th. Mariah also dropped the cover art (and back cover art), which (per usual) is Photoshopped into oblivion. Mariah also did a video announcement and we now have the track listings, which you can read here. There’s a song called “Thirsty” which I assume will be a Mariah-style takedown of all the wannabe elusive chanteuses.
Photos courtesy of Mariah’s website.
Didn’t she claim to be 3 when she wrote this perfectly spelled/correctly proportioned icon of the future?
Clearly she has always been a prodigy.
I’m babysitting my best friend’s child prodigy right now. He’s 2 yrs old. He’s at this moment running around the house yelling Mariah CA-CA ! Mariah CA-CA!
Took him 30 seconds to learn. Clever boy.
Edited. I Tried to teach him “Elusive Chanteuse” , so now’s he’s added “loosy goose”
“Mariah Ca-Ca Loosy Goose””
My friend’s going to kill me , but I’m laughing too hard to care right now.
BAHAHAHA!! That’s wickedly cute! I love it!
SO funny!
I lived in japan a few years ago and there was a very popular singer Ayumi Hamasaki who came out with a cd called I Am. Similar artwork & style. Google it. I immediately thought of it when I saw this Mariah junk
I just can’t help but love her. Go for it, diva!
I find her to be really funny. Ever sense I listened to the lyrics of her songs on the Emancipation of Mimi, I see her in a different light. Singing about Calgon taking her away, the voicemail message cutting her off and having to call back….she’s just a silly lady. I think she is more like Nick Cannon than it appears sometimes.
I say let her have this, she IS Mariah.
I agree. She’s as nutty as fruitcake. Just let her be “The Elusive Chanteuse.”
Photoshop much???? She looks like Shakira in the top picure!
What’s with the whiny sexy baby voice? She really lives on another planet.
Clearly she can not live without Photoshop, or that same old cross leg arms up thing she does. It makes me think she’s smelling her pits!
ahahah yes! And she seems to like it a lot!
It is sexier than when Molly Shannon smelled her pits. Just saying’.
there was a Mariah Carey meet n greet. Only her “people” were the ones taking photos of her with key radio people. if she didn’t approve the photo, the radio program director didn’t get a their photo
@Paola- Yes!! Look at her FEET, ffs!! They are melted or something! Somewhere KK is shaking (at least her hectare of an ass) with rage at the sheer mastery of this PS magic. The Elusive Chanteuse?! The only elusive thing about her is getting a real pic of her.
Meanwhile in Paris, Kim Kardashian is furiously making notes to her “Photoshop for Dummies” notebook.
I can’t stand Mariah Carey. She’s rude a diva and pretentious. Yes can sing, but her attitude cancels that out.
Yep, she lost me as a fan a long time ago but her divalike antics still makes me laugh.
+1
I’m cannot stand her either. I used to like her when she first came on the scene, but now she is so full of herself. You definitely know she is one of those people that walks around saying “Do you know who I am”, if she is not allowed to do something.
The best ever to me was when she and Eminem were fighting. I loved the way he kept putting her in her place.
I didn’t hear about the Eminin feud. What happened?
@Tatjana
just look up his video for “The Warning”, pretty much sums it up.
Yes. She is pretentious and CHILDISH. She is just too old for that. I can’t stop rolling my eyes.
I live near Aspen, so Mariah and Paris H have completely ruined it for. I go within 50 yards and get a cheese ball allergy.
“ME, MARIAH: Bolder, Thinner & Chanteuseier”
Awesome Kaiser. Awesome.
I loved that too!!
Same here! Especially @ “Chanteuseier” haha! I was eating a rainbow cookie and laughed so hard I inhaled a piece and it lodged in my throat, but totally worth it 😀
She’s got a great track record and everything, now she’s married with two cute little kids, why can’t she just be happy as is? No need to try to top Beyonce and Co…
I agree. It’s interesting to me that even with years of major career success, money, children, etc. some of these celebs (Mariah, Madonna) are still greedy for more. They can’t seem to realize that they had their heyday and it’s okay to chill out and focus on other things. I’m not saying that they shouldn’t perform or sing again but to not be able to let the pop star/sex kitten image go past a certain age seems absurd.
If you spend money at the rate these celebs do, you had better be scheduling more albums and gigs. She’s got to keep the kids properly dressed, after all. Maybe she is paying off Nick’s medical bills? What is happening with his kidneys anyway?
OMG TEARS EVERYWHERE!!! This seriously made my day. That’s the most dumbass title I’ve ever seen. I think her next one will be ‘My vagina is perfect. Me. My Vag. Me. Mimi….’
Cccccaaaakkkkkklllleeessssss
BARF. I honestly don’t mind Mariah (CANNOT STAND Bey) – but this is hilarious. Girl, you rock, stop trying to shove in everyone’s face. Amazing vocals are enough…we all know who you are Mariah.
She can’t sing anymore.
Her voice is shot. Her body doesn’t look like that at all put the photoshop away. It’s a shame that at her age, experience and access to everything all she cares about is sparkles & butterflies.
You know what? I ain’t even mad. This is in her normal realm of crazy. (All I can think of is MadTV’s sketch of Mariah Carey and I’m dying).
Nice photoshopping.
Oh, I’m cringing.
Elusively.
Thanks, I really needed this today. <3
The one thing that always stands out, to me, is the crazy covering and concealment of the left side of her face. She may be slightly asymmetrical, but the way they hide it, it just seems like she’s afraid it’s a monstrous defect. I wish she would get over that. EVERY single photo is positioned exactly the same way, to the point where I feel embarrassed for her, in that obvious manipulation.
Phantom of the Opera complex?
The Guardian had an interview with her a few days ago, and they used, among other things, a photo from the movie Precious, left side clearly visible. So I have no idea why she’s hiding her left side so often in promotional pics.
Oh I forgot about her in that movie, she did quite well IMO. I could be mistaken, but I think she’s openly addressed why she doesn’t like her left side, but I agree with Kiddo that it is distracting.
She looks perfectly fine there.
I think she said that early in her career a photographer told her that side of her face looked awful, so she has featured the other side ever since.
Its kind of sad, really.
Me. I Am Not Entertained.
Lol, I certainly was by your response.
Ditto. I love you blue marie. 🙂
ETA: was too busy to post yesterday, but hope the job sitch is going okay.
Aww thanks guys and back at ya mimi!
I’m kind of stuck until the end of May. I could go get another job but then I forfeit my severance and I’ve been here too long to let that happen. So here I sit, twiddling my thumbs while humming “The Final Countdown”
The Final Countdown, do do do do do….shit. NO! I will not.
Well good luck to you, rosannamarie and when you’re ready to move west and start up our Toto revival band, just let me know! I’ve got plenty of mimosas for everybody.
Don’t do it mimi, the song will be stuck for days.
And thank you, I’ll be around cause I have nothing else to do and being bitchy makes me feel better, ha. And you joke but wait until Noto (New Toto) shows up in your town we’ll be rockin the 80’s!! (Hawaiian shirts and tight rolled pants optional)
Dude. The bf/fiancé/whatever the hell he is just stopped me and said, you do realize you’ve been humming a shitty Europe song all morning don’t you? #busted
P.S. Totally feel like teasing my hair now.
*snorts* i’m telling you that song will sneak up on you.
I got the Aqua Net, if you’ve got the comb..
(I burnt my forehead so many times back in those days that it’s just now recovering)
When did she become a cartoon? Seriously with the photoshop.
I laughed so hard I scared my puppy.
Me too. I kind of wonder if that was the point?
I think she has a playful sense of humor, and is kind of half serious about the diva stuff. Intentional or not, she cracks me up.
That cover shot is truly a work of fiction. Why do celebs photshop to this extreme? We know she doesn’t look like this. Can’t anyone appreciate themselves for what they are anymore?
I am Photoshop.
Yes, and compared to her, the Kardasians are Photoshop Elements.
i wonder how many people did the animation. i mean cover.
Well.
I’m kinda speechless.
Me I am Mariah eh? At least it’s honest. Also her photoshop guy really swung for the fences on this one.
The Elusive Chanteuse…sounds like a poorly named “gentleman’s club.”
I totally missed the “Me.” at the beginning, but maybe I figured she starts every sentence with that .
I’ll allow HRH Cheeks to illustrate my thoughts.
http://img.fannewscast.com/175338785/1
ETA: Particularly of the photoshopping.
What is it with her anyway? She should have been a pole dancer. Can she not be photographed without the T & A hanging out?
obviously not! lol
I love this insanely talented, daffy woman and I always will.
I had no idea that having children made your legs grow to supermodel lengths. Live and learn.
I’m ok with this. She is nuttier than a sh!thouse mouse, but she’s pretty harmless. If she wants to live in her own la la land, that’s cool….I think everyone (well, maybe not her) knows the deal. I’d take this level of crazy over a Lohan or Kardashian any day of the week!!
I’m okay with it too. In fact, I live for this stuff. I love a harmlessly entertaining nutcase.
I will sadly admit to kind of loving her post- glitter breakdown. She is harmless.
Yes, I am Mariah, photoshopped so that I look as much like a photoshopped Beyonce as possible.
Her legs are so stretched and thinned out, she is as disproportionate as the now hated Barbie doll.
I might need to consciously uncouple from the elusive chanteuse
Oh God! A Mariah reference and a GOOP reference in one post? Clear violation of the universal Law of Conservation of Pretentiousness.
Does she even know what elusive means?
I don’t even know what to say. It’s quite scary to listen to a 40-something-year-old woman saying what she’s saying on the above YT vid. Self-awareness is supposed to be growing as we get older, but apparently not in this case… I never followed her career and only vaguely but pleasantly remembered her from her Music Box days. Can i please go back to my happy oblivion? lol.
Wow.. If say she excells in Self Esteem.. (Not).
“Lately they have been calling me the elusive chantuese”. Who is they? I haven’t heard anyone call her that, much less multiple people, as in “they”. Unless I missed something. And “elusive”, I don’t see much elusiveness about her at all. Again unless I missed something which is quite possible.
Let the photoshop commence!!! 😉
i guess by ” they ” ,she is referring to the delusional voices in her head
What a crock of sh-t.
Kathy Griffin once said “Mariah has so much crazy, she has to push most of it around in a wheelbarrow”……….
she is a gift that keeps giving, god bless her.
I love Mariah because the girl owns who she is loud and proud. No phony public persona. She’s not always likable but she’s who she is, a diva, very dramatic at times, a bitch at times, and very funny at times. I loved her tipsy on WWHL rambling all over the place. She’s a talker.
As far as the title, maybe there is a theme to her album, like an old-school type album. I don’t know. It’s Mariah. At least it has us talking. LOL
I think “The Elusive Chanteuse” was the working title for “The Rural Juror” before Tina Fey updated the script 😉
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, what does she think the word “elusive” means? Eloquent? Elaborate? Elegant?
She’s totally harmless and always amusing.
Jaysus, with that hysterical title (which caused me to expel such a loud and unpremeditated barking guffaw that I scared the shit out of my poor dog), Mariah has just walked into the steel jaws of her worst enemies’ giant destructo machine. Will someone please save this poor woman from herself?
I love wacky Mimi but seriously, where are her feet on the album cover?!?
Me-riah has the voice of an Angel, but def
has a screw loose.