In an episode of American Idol that has Velveeta written all over it, Celine Dion will sing Elvis Presley’s “If I Can Dream” with a virtual Elvis on stage. The remaining Idol contestants will sing back up for this momentous occassion. It’s all being done for the charity “Idol Gives Back”, who will then give the proceeds to help fight extreme poverty in the U.S. and Africa.

I know this is all for a good cause, but who the hell thought this was a good idea?! Elvis was a great musician, but he is dead now. He’s not Tupac, he can’t keep coming back from the other side just to sell records. Doesn’t Priscilla Presley have enough plastic surgery money to keep her unfurrowed brow busy that she needs to exploit her poor hubby like this?

Also, why pick Celine Dion to sing with him? I was so happy when Celine Dion decided to up sticks and take her act to Vegas — it meant I had to hear a lot less of her on my radio, and I was thrilled about the propect about not having to hear “My Heart Will Go On” on constant loop on “lite” radio stations. Putting her back on our screens will just give her ideas to come back into our lives and release some other sappy song, and inflict us with her garish dress sense which I am still receiving counselling for.