Angelina Jolie: ‘I think children are exactly who they are when they’re born’

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Now that Angelina Jolie has a huge Disney hit on her hands, it’s time for her to start saying more controversial stuff. Right? It did feel like Angelina was playing it by the book as she promoted Maleficent last month, so maybe it’s time for Jolie’s detractors to start taking things wildly out of context and such. This new interview should be just the ticket – Angelina was discussing her children and what she thinks about the nature versus nurture of developing a child’s personality. There’s SO MUCH here to be taken out of context. I can’t wait.

Angelina Jolie believes a child’s personality is already defined at birth – remaining unaltered by the circumstances of their upbringing – and says she has more in common with her adopted son Maddox than her own genetic children. The actress and mother of six said motherhood had taught her that children are ‘who they are when they are born’ and in the absence of a serious trauma will grow up to be their own person.

Jolie, 38, who is engaged to Brad Pitt, said: ‘I think children are exactly who they are when they’re born. And if there is a trauma, it can drastically change who they are. If you look at baby photos of our kids, the way they were, the way they looked, what their energy was – whether they were a sweet, elegant, private little person, or a funny, open person, or a bold person – they’re still the same. There’s so much they are born with. And we believe you just have to encourage the individual and support them, but don’t get in their way too much.’

Three of Jolie’s children are adopted and she said she was surprised she had more in common with adopted son Maddox than her own genetic children.

‘You’d think you’d be more similar to the children you have a genetic link with, but I’m not. Maybe one of them, but then I’m very similar to Maddox. So it doesn’t have an impact that some are genetically connected.’

She added: ‘We’re hoping the kids don’t become actors. We want them to do what they’re interested in, but we’re showing them so many other ideas they won’t want to act.’

[From The Daily Mail]

I don’t agree with her. Although, to be fair, I have no expertise on childhood development nor am I a mother. I just think that our surroundings, our society, our families and our education all have a lot to do with making us who we are. But I do see Angelina’s point about how we are born with an inherent nature, a personality. I think that’s true. But I just think everything else plays a part as well, especially in how that personality develops. As for her having more in common with Maddox… I don’t know. I’m sure she thinks that, but I think Shiloh is going to be as much of a wild child as Angelina was in her youth.

Angelina also had another interview with the BBC where she discussed the long-gestating Cleopatra movie, which Angelina has been loosely attached to for a few years. Angelina told the BBC that “we’ve been working on it… There’s been lots of different ideas of directors and lots of different discussions. The script has been written by Eric Roth, who is a dear friend and a brilliant writer.” She also talked more about retiring from acting and how she would “like to focus on writing and directing and above all I would like to focus more on my work with the UN.” She’s basically leaving it up in the air, which we’ve heard before. If great parts come to her, she’ll probably keep acting, but her priority at this point is directing and UN work.

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Photos courtesy of WENN.

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67 Responses to “Angelina Jolie: ‘I think children are exactly who they are when they’re born’”

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  1. Jag says:

    I clicked on this fully expecting to rant, but I, too, basically agree with her regarding inherent nature. But like you, Kaiser, I believe that upbringing and what children are exposed to has an effect as well.

    My, how she’s changed since calling Shiloh a blob! I wonder if it’s a real change, or she’s just saying soundbytes?

    • Mel M says:

      Agreed. Although my kids are still really young. My daughter has always been the sweetest thing, so happy and content. My son on the other hand came 6 weeks early, was horribly colicky for the first 4 months, crawled, and walked early even for his actual age, he’s been a determined hurry from day one. It always seems like he is not content in the stage he’s in and wants so badly to move onto the next. We always joke that he just doesn’t like being a baby. He’s got a huge personality that we’ve seen from birth.

    • Sherry says:

      I have to agree with her. I have three children and each one is different. #1 is brilliant, thoughtful, sweet and very quiet; #2 is smart and into building/puzzles/constructing things, prefers to do things inside on the computer – he is also the one with the temper, which he was showing at 1 year old; #3 is easy-going, adventurous, outgoing and loves sports – very, very friendly. They have all been this way since they were babies.

      I also think you can shape their feelings toward things by what they are exposed to such as politics and religion. But to me, their basic interests and personalities are there when they’re born (take THAT grammar police!).

    • Petee says:

      I think she loves Shiloh like all her kids and will certainly be a wild child.Maddox was a turning point for her.He changed everything.I think that is why she is so connected with him.

      • megsie says:

        Agree. Maddox clearly brought a life altering transformation. Also, she bonded with him as the sole parent. Her other children were raised by both Angie and Brad, plus the influence of their brothers and sisters. For a little while, it was just Angie and Maddox. That’s an intense bond those two must share.

        I agree with her that we are born with inherent traits and dispositions. A parent can (and should) influence, guide and cultivate, but we don’t have much power to create.

    • original kay says:

      nature vs nurture is an age old argument.

      I fully believe nature, after having 2 kids.

      • Isa says:

        Shiloh probably was like a blob. Content to just lay there in all her blobby-ness. Lol. Just a mellow child.

        My kids have all been happy. As my son gets older his temper is starting to show more, but they’re all very happy, content newborns. They sleep well, they smile every time they’re talked to.

      • Chris says:

        I don’t think it’s a matter of nature OR nurture, I think it’s a bit of both. People tend to be a combination of their genes and conditioning IMO.

    • Lucinda says:

      I agree with her completely. She does qualify her statement by saying if the child isn’t exposed to trauma. My children’s personalities really are who they have been since birth. It’s very clear to me and my husband. My goal has been to raise them to be who they are and be comfortable with who they are.

      There’s a whole section about this in “The Tipping Point” by Malcolm Gladwell where he talks about personality being genetic. He also talks about how peers have a bigger influence then family at a certain age (teens basically) so being from a bad family but in a good neighborhood will have a more positive influence on kids than being in a loving family in a bad neighborhood. In other words, there is a lot a benefit to making sacrifices to keep your kids in a safe neighborhood.

    • From what I remember reading about the ‘blob’ comment was that she was referring to how she had adopted her two older kids when they were a little older–around six months old. When their features are more defined, and they’re not just this chubby (or skinny) little, red baby that looks nothing like either of you–which is what Shiloh was when she was born. A newborn. She was commenting on how different it was…it certainly would be.

      • Mrs Odie says:

        This is what she said:
        “I think I feel so much more for Madd and Zee because they’re survivors, they came through so much,” Jolie says in the new issue of U.K. Elle.

        “Shiloh seemed so privileged from the moment she was born. I have less inclination to feel for her…I met my other kids when they were 6 months old, they came with a personality. A newborn really is this…Yes, a blob! But now she’s starting to have a personality…I’m conscious that I have to make sure I don’t ignore her needs, just because I think the others are more vulnerable.”

    • Rose says:

      Her comments are SO no PC. I only have one photo of me as a baby, and I am still pulling that face. I don’t think it’s diarrhea.

  2. sienna says:

    As a mom I very much agree with her. My kids are their own people… you parent the child you get, without trying to change them. This can be very challenging.

    I am also the most similar in my family to my stepdad, and we share no bio link but we are always in synch in our thoughts.

    • elisa says:

      I agree too. They are their own little persons, though their background and experiences and education plays a role too. My son, who is 3 years old, has such a personality and very different from my husband and myself. And precocious. He gets sarcasm already – at 3 years old! He was also a little grumpy as a baby and my mum always used to say that he would be snarky when he got older. I can see that now.

      My daughter, on the other hand, has always been rather serene – until she started teething, that is.

      I never had an opinion on Angelina Jolie at all until she had children, but I love to read her interviews when she talks about them.

      I also can’t wait to see Maleficent this coming weekend with the hubby.

  3. Zandy says:

    I agree , my kids are exactly like they were when babies.

    • MollyB says:

      I agree. I feel like before I had kids, I would have said personality is mostly nurture, but now that I have two kids, I’m firmly on the nature side. Yes, a horrible/awesome upbringing can affect one’s personality for bad or good but my two daughters are very close in age, same parents, same school, etc and are as different as night and day.

  4. Sixer says:

    The more research they do, the more they find nature is more important than they thought and nurture less important. Having said that, I do think parents can/should KINDA get in the way. Kids may have nature-given personality traits but it’s up to parents and educators to teach them how to make the most of their talents and virtues and how to make the least of/keep under control their vices and drawbacks.

    • Esmom says:

      Yes.

    • littlestar says:

      I agree, parents need to “steer” their kids in the right direction, so to speak. Show/teach them the proper way things are done etc. While at the same time encouraging them to be the best of who they really are. Man, that all sounds so hard. Makes me glad I just have fur kids lol.

    • janeFR says:

      Very Very True. and very well said.

    • LadySlippers says:

      •Sixer•

      Yup. Angelina is spot on. As research comes tumbling out, psychologists are surprised how little nurture impacts personality. There’s still a bit the environment lends itself in shaping personality and people but a lot is very predetermined.

    • Esmom says:

      littlestar, it is really hard, that’s very astute of you to recognize. I worry every day about my kids as they make their choices and choose their paths. I just want them so much to be happy.

    • Francesca says:

      I agree. What good is being “exactly who you are” if that means you end up unlikeable or obnoxious? Gentle, loving parental guidance can help kids learn to balance the different parts of their personalities.

      • Zimmer says:

        I think it’s nature too for the most part, though certain events can have an effect on a child for a time or forever as Angelina says.

        @ Francesca Though I agree that parents should do their best to guide their kids to be kind and loving to their fellow man, I believe there will always be non-people pleasers who for all their inability to conform and care what other people think much, still have a lot to offer the world and mankind or even the other creatures we are on the earth with.

  5. raindrop says:

    What she’s saying can easily be taken out of context, but I don’t think she’s denying the impact of family, friends, education, experiences, etc. – just that people are born with an innate personality.

  6. Hissyfit says:

    “Maybe one of them” – I think she’s talking about Shiloh. Lol. I could totally see that kid being wild and crazy fun just like her when she gets older.

    “You just have to encourage the individual and support them, but don’t get in their way too much.” – I actually like their parenting style. Open minded and supportive.

  7. I Choose Me says:

    I get what she’s saying. Based on my observations of my siblings, of which I’m the oldest, they haven’t really changed. And I’ve heard my mom describe many times what I was like as a child and personality and trait wise I’m still that way. Still sensitive, overly analytical, restless, curious, a consummate book lover, a chatterbox when I get excited, picky eater. The only things that have really changed about me is that I no longer hold to the ideologies that I was taught as a child. That’s me though and I’m sure others may beg to differ that this is not the case.

    • Esmom says:

      I’m with you. I recently asked my dad how it is that I could have evolved so far from what he had tried to instill and he matter of factly replied that I was brainwashed at college. Lol.

      And I don’t think this type of change is a personality transformation as much as it is personal growth and change, which is always ongoing, imo.

      • I Choose Me says:

        “And I don’t think this type of change is a personality transformation as much as it is personal growth and change, which is always ongoing, imo.”

        In total agreement. 🙂

  8. eowyn says:

    I don’t see the pblm. She is just saying if a kid wasn’t experiencing some trauma during his childhood/teen years they wouldn’t really change. I believe here trauma (from our environment, relationship…) embode a wider definition of events going from something which seems scary to a child (fear of being abandonned by our mother….) to something really dangerous/hurtful.
    She kinds of used Freud’s theory.

  9. BW says:

    I agree with her. I’ve babysat my sister’s kids for years, and now that they are young adults they have exactly the same personalities as when they were babies. Also, me and my siblings, same deal. I’m oldest and I remember them as babies. They grew up with the same personalities and likes and dislikes intact.

  10. butterfly J says:

    I too agree with Angelina and the above poster. My kids are, interestingly enough, just who they seemed to be (to me) in utero. Their personalities were well formed from the day they were born, which surprised me immensely. I too agree that we are here to nurture our children to be the best THEY can be, not who we think they should be. 🙂 Of course, we can influence their outlooks, morals, and values, but I don’t think we change who they are, barring major trauma to their development.

    • kri says:

      I don’t have kids, but I raised my niece from 3 months old to 4 years old. I must say, from what I saw of her and that time in her life, she was definitely born with very clear personality traits, which I thought grew or lessened through time, and her development. So, yes, from what I can see they are born with personalities, but it seems like these personalities are very flexible in order to accomodate and change to respond to life experiences. It’s fascinating, and I envy you ladies out there who get to see it through all the way. Hats off to all you moms!!

  11. eva says:

    tend to agree as well, I’ve four children who have all been brought up the same way, boy, girl, boy, girl and they are the same now as when they were babies. My girls are loud and confident, and my boys are quieter, more reserved.

  12. lower-case deb says:

    when i look at myself and my siblings, and then my own children, i see that there are certain personality traits that don’t go away. i’m the most rebellious of my siblings and my parents used to have to go on extreme measures (we’re talking about what the Western world will call extreme child abuse). my personality doesn’t change, i just learned to hide it better and act the “socially-acceptable” way (my parents say i’ve changed, i know that i’m mostly “acting”).

    now i’m considered an adult, i can let my ‘original’ personality shine through more–which is actually useful since i did (and still does) a lot of field work in ‘red zones’.

    among my children, two are very sweet but one seems to be a mini-me, and i can understand my parents’ frustration (i still think that they don’t “punish me” because they’re evil, but they just thnk that if i didn’t conform, society will destroy me; my cousin said that i had Stockholm syndrome or somesuch for absolving my parents) as they try to conform to old-fashioned societal systems now as i look back. i try to let my precocious child be who he is, and instil positive traits in him through positive reinforcement. plus, nowadays, the pscyhology community is much more advanced and ‘modern medicine’ is also more accessible and it is less of a stigma to have a ‘problem child’ (i.e. there’s no such thing as a problem child, they just need a differnt approach–which thank goodness, modernity provides).

    • lower-case deb says:

      aack just reread my whole thing and the grammar and words are all over the place. 🙁
      cant believe this still affects me. but anyhow. *shrugs*

    • birdie says:

      May I ask where you are from? I find your story quite interesting. In what aspects in life are you “acting”?

  13. harpreet says:

    I agree that infants have a personality that can be seen from early on, but I also think their personality can change over time.

    • JessMa says:

      I agree with her for the most part. I think lot of our personality is hard wired when we are formed. Trauma and abuse will without a doubt affect personality. Even neglect will alter children as can be seen with RAD.

  14. dasarih says:

    Although change can happen over time through life experiences and life lessons, I agree with her. I was always quiet and sort of introvert when I was a kid and I still am now that I’m a grown adult.

  15. mkyarwood says:

    I think she’s referring to basic personality here. My kid is pretty similar now, at 5, as when she was born. The way she learns, the way she gets frustrated/reacts to frustration, her laugh, her cry, her basic sense of self is all the same. Life experience shapes your view of the world and if you were put into a Buddhist Monastery/Convent at an early age you might have a better handle on things, but other than that you’re you.

  16. Belle Epoch says:

    I read a magazine interview with her and it was so INTERESTING! She is super smart, articulate, somehow stays down to earth despite the celebrity lifestyle. She said the kids were going to be their wedding planners and it would probably be paintball LOL. She seems VERY aware of the kids’ personalities and makes a “level playing field” between the adopted and the bio.

  17. No Way says:

    I agree with what I think she is trying to say, because I don’t think she meant for it to be so cut and dry. As a mother I would say your child is born with a type of personality, but if they are very reticent and non-risk taking you can encourage other behavior to develop, or if they are bold and maybe too daring you can tame it a bit, etc. I think a lot of these celebrities, and not so much her, need to make their statements less definitive and extreme when talking about complex subjects. The hyperbole from some of these celebrities is crazy that they wonder why they get called on it. I think she just may be getting caught up in the fray with all the other wacky comments, hers isn’t that out there.

    Also is it just me or does the material of that dress look like a Hefty bag. Which really means life is not fair, because she looks gorgeous in a hefty bag.

    • Cecilia says:

      When born, you’re dealt a hand (how you are wired.} It’s how you play that hand as you go through life that is important. Helping play that hand (making choices) is where good parenting comes in.

  18. GiGi says:

    I agree, really. We have both adopted and biological children and they all are pretty much how they were as babies, personality wise.

  19. serena says:

    I mostly agree with her but I too believe that upbringing has an effect. Also I don’t have a problem believing she has more in common/relate more with Maddox.. why not? He grew up with her, so of course he’d take something from her right?

  20. lunchcoma says:

    I think I’m with you, Kaiser. Kids have their own personalities, but upbringing can play a role in influencing people. I do admire Angelina for respecting her children for who they are, though. I think that’s often a healthier type of “nurture” than trying too hard to push a child to be someone he or she isn’t.

  21. lisa2 says:

    ITAW her on that.. And yes I think children have their personalities set. I have worked with kids and you can in most cases see the adult they will be one day. And yes things happen in life that changes them. I have seen that as well; happy children that have something bad happen or a deep hurt

    Regarding her feeling she is more similar to Maddox. I would think she as his mother would know which child is more like her than the general public. I mean we only see glimpses of these kids; and what we know is only what she and Brad have shared. As a mother she knows her children’s personalities better than we outsiders.

    • Kim1 says:

      Isn’t it funny that people think they know more about JP kids than AJ? LMAO.We have never end heard Maddox speak yet people think they know what he is like based on several less than a minute snippets of video and paparazzi pics. As I have said below I don’t believe anything written about the JPs in tabloids .I base my views on them on interviews done with Brad and Angie.

    • nk868 says:

      +1

      “As for her having more in common with Maddox… I don’t know. I’m sure she thinks that, but I think Shiloh is going to be as much of a wild child as Angelina was in her youth. ”

      …. you disagree with a mother about her children based on what, exactly?

    • Peppa says:

      ITA. People try to pin personalities on these kids, when in reality we really don’t know all that much about them except for what we see in pap pictures/videos and what Brad and Angelina say in interviews. I believe absolutely nothing in the tabloids/blind items/comment sections about them (like that they are wild and trash hotels and restaurants) but from an outsider’s perspective they seem like sweet, happy children. I think she knows her children pretty well and I can believe that she finds herself very connected and very similar to Maddox.

  22. Lee says:

    I do agree with her to a large extent but I also think it’s interesting to note that it’s not just a nature vs. nurture thing like we often think of it. They are sort of symbiotic forces. A child may have certain personality traits that are innate and that then steer the way they demand or elicit certain reactions. They aren’t completely passive even in infancy. Their nature usually plays a role in influencing how we nurture them and this can reinforce the traits that were there to begin with. Given that Angelina specifically says they try to allow their children to be who they are, I think it would be pretty much impossible to separate out what was based on their original nature vs. the fact that the nurturing they received reinforced the traits that were initially apparent. It seems like both forces are working together to the same end. I just generally find this topic super fascinating.

  23. Tiffany says:

    I get what she is saying about her and Maddox. They went through alot of life changes together. He is the oldest and has been there from the beginning.

  24. MeganDraper says:

    Another thing the article didn’t mention, Brad is the father too. The children are going to have his personality traits also. They all can’t be like Angelina.

  25. feebee says:

    It’s an age old debate that goes beyond nature v nurture. More like nature and nurture and which one influences what in the other one.

    I agree to a certain extent that a child has certain personality traits inherent to them and it would not matter what environment they were brought up in. But on the other hand the environment may soothe or magnify some traits.

    My middle child in particular was born with a certain nature. I am trying to ensure it is used for good and not evil 🙂 or at least she harnesses it for positivity and not negativity in her life.

  26. kc says:

    As a parent of 2, I agree. One of my children was delivered breach, and she has continued to need to do things ass backwards and take the road of most resistance. As a toddler she was observant and quiet, and still is today. My other child was a quick 3 hour delivery, and she landed on the table while the doctor was getting the gown on, and this is how she proceeds through life. Vivacious, surprising, and everything is a race. Their personality stays consistent; we as parents socialize them to our norms. I believe that is the nurture part that we see form our children as they grow, but they still carry themselves with their ‘soul’, or personality.

  27. Wren33 says:

    I think nurture can impact the superficial parts of yourself – I don’t mean shallow, but whether you play soccer as opposed to tennis, or like rap as opposed to classical music, but nature definitely dominates broad character traits – whether you are loud or quiet, mischievous or sweet.

  28. Mzizkrizten says:

    That dress is a glorified hefty lawn bag.

  29. aenflex says:

    Nature vs. Nurture is one of the longest arguments in psychology. Who knows if there will ever be a definitive, realistic answer. Look at that mongrel who just killed and wounded all those people in California. I read his entire manifesto, and with him, I’m leaning towards nature…

  30. paranormalgirl says:

    As a professional clinician, I tend to lean toward nature for the largest parts of our personality. Nurture certainly has a hand in the kind of person we grow up to be, but by and large, we are born how we will be. Nurture can shape the shape-able things a little, but look at the children who come from horrific backgrounds who grow into well adjusted adults. And conversely, look at those children who came from “fantastic” backgrounds who ended up being mass/spree/serial killers. Plus, keep in mind that the brain of a sociopath/psychopath is actually physically different from that of someone who is not. That is nature, not nurture. Children with horrible childhoods may exhibit certain learned traits, but inherently, if the person is meant to be kind and sweet, that will be there – perhaps requiring uncovering – but it will be there.

  31. lucy2 says:

    I’ve read accounts of twins that were separated at birth, and when they eventually met found they led such similar lives it was amazing. I think you are who you are from the start, nature, but then everything you experience as you live, nurture, shapes who you are as well – from small to very big ways.

  32. Karli says:

    Trust Angelina to speak about things that poses the audience to actually think. I love reading/watching her interviews, she really is very very smart.
    I think Cleopatra is a very good role for her. angelina Jolie is larger than life and playing larger than life characters suits her best. I guess that’s why she’s so incredible as Maleficent.
    I don’t like her character in The Tourist and while I like her performance in A Mighty Heart and Changeling, I have hard time seeing the characters for more than Angelina Jolie.
    Her screen presence calls for characters like Cleopatra. She’s a wonderful actress so I hope everything comes together for Cleopatra- the director, script- and this may just be her magnum opus as an actress.

  33. Mew says:

    Why would it have to be just one thing? Of course we have our temperament when we are first born and that sticks with us through life, but so much of our personalities come from our experiences as well. That’s why it’s possible to grow and change as a person.

  34. sara says:

    Do you think Angelina gets the tan or she uses fake tan?