Megan Fox has some new interviews to promote Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. She’s talking a lot, which usually means trouble. I laughed at something she said to E! Online. She was discussing the delicate balance of duties as a new-ish mother and admitted she and Brian Austin Green don’t have sex these days: “Brian doesn’t get any intimacy whatsoever.” I’ll go to hell for thinking that’s funny. I can’t stop picturing Brian’s face when he hears what his wife told the world. The news isn’t surprising to those who’ve gone though an infant-induced dry spell. Mouths to feed. Diapers to change. Tears to soothe. Sex can feel like an obligation, and that’s no fun. Megan and Brian have two young kids, so they’re on double duty.

Megan is finished telling haters to “f— off“ for now. In a chat with the NYDN, she focuses upon writing the wrongs committed in previous interviews. I don’t think she’s even talking about comparing Michael Bay to Napoleon and Hitler. That story is Megan 101, but our archives reveal so many other hidden gems. Megan said some truly terrible things on previous press tours. It did feel like she went out of her way to offend people.

The calmer, gentler Megan Fox wants us to forget all of those awful quotes. She’s now a recluse and fears technology. Megan seems particularly fearful about the internet. Maybe she doesn’t want her lovely kiddos to see the dumb things their mom used to say. Megan says everything you’ve ever read about her is a lie, and all those interviews were sarcastic:

On red carpet life: “It’s never something that I really enjoyed, so I’ve always tried to stay away from it as much as possible. When you’re promoting a movie, you have to be out on the red carpet. That’s just part of it. But that kind of [glamour and exposure] was never a choice. I think [fearlessness] is something you’re born with. Maybe not in all cases, but a lot of famous people that have made it have to be [strong].”

All of those stupid interviews: “I don’t understand why people don’t have common sense and can’t identify sarcasm or, you know, some kind of self-deprecating humor. But people don’t expect that coming from me, for some reason. There have been so many salacious, ridiculous stories about me in the past. They were all asinine. If you have an insecurity issue or if you seek validation through the opinions of others, this industry is not for you. It will tear you to pieces, and you will not survive.”

She’s not into social media: “You don’t have to be quite so interactive. I mean, Twitter, there’s pressure to post an update several times a day — I’m much more private than that. I was on Twitter for five days, and I posted on my Facebook, and I was overwhelmed by it. I’ve never been somebody who gets on the Internet and reads about myself. It’s so damaging to the psyche and to your emotional well-being. ”

She loves JLaw: “I definitely think she’s ruling the world right now.”

Balancing work and home life: “Working 16 to 18 hours a day [on a film] makes it really hard to spend time with your children. The process has been difficult for me emotionally. People always tell you when you’re pregnant, ‘Sleep as much as you can now, because once your children are born, you’ll never sleep again!’ And you’re like ‘Yeah, OK.’ But it’s true! You don’t ever sleep the same.”

On Shia’s meltdown: “I’m not worried about Shia. I love my Shia. He’s perfectly fine. I haven’t talked to him in a couple of years, but I don’t worry about him. He’s a brilliant kid, talented and funny. … There’s no reason to worry.”

Her alternate careeer: “I would be archaeologist on the search for the Ark of the Covenant.”

[From New York Daily News]

Megan has no idea what’s really going on with Shia, right? She admits to not talking to him for years. Maybe Megan hasn’t read the stories about his chaotic behavior at Cabaret. Plus all the additional details involving tormenting homeless people and publicly urinating at a restaurant. Megan is so busy right now that she’s not even having sex with her husband, so keeping up with gossip may not be a priority.

Megan does have a point about social media. Some celebrities can handle it and use these platforms to their advantage, and other famous people should quit it. At least Megan has the common sense to know she can’t handle Twitter.

Photos courtesy of WENN