Susan Downey gave Robert Downey Jr. an ultimatum: If you do drugs, I’m gone

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Here are some photos from last night’s LA premiere of The Judge, that Lifetime-looking movie starring Robert Downey Jr. and Robert Duvall. These pics are just of RDJ and his pregnant wife Susan. She’s expecting a little girl, they’ve already announced that. Susan produced The Judge, because Susan produces all of RDJ’s films. In a somewhat unusual turn of events, RDJ and Susan are promoting The Judge together, as equal partners. They appear on the latest cover of The Hollywood Reporter and the interview is rather charming – you can read the full piece here. Some highlights:

How they met in 2003: “We were up in Montreal prepping for Gothika, and we had lunch with the director and Halle Berry,” recalls Susan of her first encounter with the man who would become her husband. “Everybody else ordered Japanese, but Robert told us how oatmeal was the ‘superfood.’ He brought his own packets of oatmeal to have at lunch. And he had this box of various herbs and stuff. And then he started doing these yoga moves. I mean, he was interesting but weird.”

At the time, he was sober-ish: “The exit strategy [from drug use] was in process,” he says. He was sober enough, at any rate, that Susan finally agreed to a date. Within three months, Robert was proposing marriage— though he wasn’t yet divorced from model-singer Deborah Falconer, whom he wed in 1992 after 42 days of courtship…Eventually, Susan accepted Robert’s proposal. But, always the sensible one, she insisted on a very long engagement. Two years. Also, she laid down the law: If Robert wanted her, he had to give up drugs, completely. If he messed up, she’d be gone. “Addiction was so foreign to me,” she says. “I was incredibly ignorant of the hold it had on people.” RDJ says: “Thank God for that. If she knew the depths of my depravity, we would not be sitting here.”

Why they work together constantly: “Our feeling was, if we wanted to spend time together, have a life together, then we should just go ahead and make movies together,” explains Susan as the reason for starting the company. Robert sees Team Downey, as he sees most things, in somewhat more transcendental terms. “Susan holds one pillar and I hold the other,” he says, “and this creative arc of tension just flows between us.”

Susan on who she was before pre-RDJ: “I was very focused, driven, rigid, work-oriented. I didn’t care about having a family or making a home. I didn’t think about kids. It’s not that I didn’t want those things, I just didn’t think about them. And then I had someone who came in as a tornado, this creative, beautiful ball of insane energy and passion. And it completely opened me up.”

[From THR]

The funniest exchange (to me) is that Robert compliments Susan on her knowledge of LA traffic and he says proudly “If you’re trying to get through traffic from Malibu to Burbank, or wherever, she’ll beat nav every time. She must have the most branched neural pathway system in history.” Susan admits, “I like traffic patterns.” The piece is full of quotes from other people about how much he adores her and how she calms him down and keeps him focused. Their marriage is so unusual in Hollywood – they are a power couple, they are equals professionally, but there seems to be an acknowledgement by RDJ that he wouldn’t have any of this without Susan.

RDJ also teased his future as Iron Man – he makes it sound like he’s going to keep doing it until they tell him to stop, I guess.

RDJ THR

Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and THR.

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46 Responses to “Susan Downey gave Robert Downey Jr. an ultimatum: If you do drugs, I’m gone”

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  1. Sam says:

    I can support her view. I know that addicts have problems that often require patience and time, but she was totally within her rights to lay down the law. Sometimes the only thing holding an addict back from relapsing is the knowledge that if they do mess up, even once, it will cost them something huge (like their family). She seems like an excellent person for RDJ to have in his life, so I hope it lasts.

    • aims says:

      I agree. When you lay down the law and the reality of what’s at stake, it makes it real. I’m so proud of him and I wish his son well during his struggle.

    • BangersandMash says:

      Agreed.

      He’s lucky he found her, and he’s luckier to have not let her go.

  2. Virgilia Coriolanus says:

    They are one of three HW couples that I would CRY if they ever broke up. It would legitimately ruin my day….I love me some RDJ and his Susan….

    • OTHER RENEE says:

      Who are the other 2 couples that would make you cry?

      • Virgilia Coriolanus says:

        Brad and Angelina.

        Christian and Sibi.

      • don't kill me i'm french says:

        @Virgilia Coriolanus
        I ‘m going to add Kevin Bacon& Kyra ,felicity hoffman&William h macy

      • Sadezilla says:

        @dontkillmei’mfrench, me too! I love Kyra and Kevin, and Filliam H. Muffman!
        I’m probably replying in the wrong place, but I didn’t see a reply button on your comment. Phone browsing is hard!

    • Mitch Buchanan Rocks! says:

      Yes it seems like, despite his past troubles that they are actively working to forge a healthy relationship – I believe she must have super strong boundaries and he appears to respect her deeply.

    • Kitten says:

      They’re so awesome together.

  3. mia girl says:

    Love them!

  4. Dumbing Down says:

    Robert’s down(ey) has lasted a long time.
    Kudos!

  5. don't kill me i'm french says:

    Everyone knows that it’s not the jail who saved RDJ of addiction,it’s Susan! She wears the pants in their marriage.

    • Dummy Dearest says:

      Which means the marriage wont go the distance. Men dont want to be reminded of being saved all the time. Its emasculating

      • mimif says:

        Uh, pretty sure it’s going the distance. I don’t think he feels emasculated at all; he’s said time & time again she saved his life and he has a tremendous amount of love & respect for her.

      • INeedANap says:

        He seems like a smart and self-confident enough person to not need a woman who dumbs down to make him feel better. And they’ve been together for many years, they’ve already gone the distance.

      • Jaded says:

        I doubt she reminds him constantly that she saved him or emasculates him in any way shape or form. In fact he’s the one who tends to emasculate himself, he has a very self-deprecating sense of humour, but appreciates fully that he’s found a wonderful partner to build a great life with.

      • Cheryl says:

        I think you can give men a bit more credit. He sounds honest. she sounds honest. good luck to them.

      • Kitten says:

        Terrible comment, Dummy, terrible.

      • JenniferJustice says:

        I’d bet the only reminder is every time he looks at her and falls in love with her all over again. He feels she saved him. She never said it.

      • Shantal says:

        The concept of “emasculation” is idiotic and sexist.

      • Denise says:

        Yeah, clearly he doesn’t have a problem with that. He’s not a neanderthal.

      • Isabelle says:

        haha..dear you don’t know men very well…..

      • Lia says:

        But this isn’t based around gender roles, it’s based around an addict and their support system. Accountability is the most important ingredient in recovery. Having a wife who loves you enough to hold you accountable (which is true support) instead of just enabling you (which accelerates addict’s decline) is real love and devotion. A man who is bothered of the very real and tangible proof of his wife’s love and support doesn’t deserve it.

    • HBIC says:

      Jail made him want him to get sober… and it’s probably the love and support that he receives from her that helps him to stay that way. Give the woman some credit.

      I think as long as he stays on the straight and narrow… they’ll be married for a very long time. He seems to be a happier person with her in his life.

    • Tammy says:

      Actually it was the double punch, jail and meeting Susan. When he met Susan he realized what he could have if he staid sober and clean.

  6. Size Does Matter says:

    To read this they sound like the living embodiment of ying and yang.

  7. Alex says:

    If there’s one thing I like about RDJ is how real he is about his drug addiction. He doesn’t paint a pretty picture about how he crawled back from rock bottom.
    As for his marriage? I love these two. Very down to earth couple that seem equal in every way. It’s rare to see the kind of partnership they have.

  8. Kitten says:

    RDJ is such a complex and interesting guy and Susan seems really special, creative, and focused.
    I think they really compliment each other personality-wise.

    In short, I really hope these two crazy kids make it.

    • Esmom says:

      Yes. Her personality really intrigues me; it reminds me a bit of my son’s and I worry that he is too rigid about things. It’s inspiring to hear how they seem to really balance each other out and bring out the best in each other. Gives me hope for my guy and a future relationship for him.

      They both look amazing on the HR cover, just glowing.

    • Virgilia Coriolanus says:

      They are going through a lot–with his son’s addiction problems, tempered by the fact that Susan is pregnant. It’s a low and a high all at once. I hope they come out stronger for it.

  9. InvaderTak says:

    Rdj is going to be doing iron man til Tony Stark builds a suit with supplimental O2 and a walker system in it that he can just stay in all the time.

  10. Prim says:

    It”s disingenuous of him to suggest that anyone else is responsible for his sobriety. If indeed he is suggesting that. Great that his wife has sound boundaries, but all the sound boundaries in the world won’t stop an addict getting high if he/she wants to. Strong women don’t save weak men. That’s just a codependent fantasy, and if that’s their relationship dynamic, then that’s a relationship than needs some serious work.

    • hunter says:

      RDJ is super media-savvy and regardless of what he actually feels or believes, he probably knows exactly what to say to motivate the public reader.

    • perplexed says:

      I’m not knowledgeable enough about addiction recovery to know what works and what doesn’t, but at least they appreciate each other. That’s basically what I took away from the interview rather than anything about codependency (not saying that that dynamic might not be there in reality, but I read the interview in the same way I’d read about Jen and Ben or Angelina and Brad. Celebrity couples tend to compliment each other in print a lot while sprinkling in anecdotes about some real life events that may have actually occurred. That’s the spirit in which I took their comments).

      I can believe she laid down an ultimatum, however, just simply because it seems like common sense when dealing with someone with as addictive a personality as RDJ, Jr. It’s not clear to me whether that’s what actually made him quit from the few quotes I’ve read, but I believe that she would have made her needs and wants clear (i.e I do now want to be with an addict), which seems fair enough to me.

  11. als says:

    RDJ still talks like an addict – fortunately, this time his wife seems to be the addiction. Good for him!

  12. Rhiley says:

    I really do like RDJ but addicts like him make me nuts. They look down on you for ordering a plate of tempura vegetables, honey glazed salmon, all sitting on a bed of rice. Tell you to eat more oatmeal and herbs, but then who knows what they are snorting or putting in their veins. My sister the other day made some crack about me drinking a diet coke at lunch (one a day, baby) yet she smokes. PS– the judge looks really bad which is such a shame because it has a great cast. I love Bobby Duvall. He is masculine to the point it is almost gross, but I love him. I don’t think I can even go see this with my mom. It just seems like something I won’t be able to sit through.

  13. Ag says:

    they seem very sweet and loving. i wish them all the best.

  14. lucy2 says:

    I’m glad she is getting recognition professional, by all accounts she really turned his career around, and he’s now probably the top paid actor or close to it. I don’t plan on seeing the Judge, but it’s good to see him doing something other than a franchise too.
    I also admire her for having her rules and sticking to them. I wish the best for them.

  15. Triple Cardinal says:

    She says she was goal-oriented, driven, focused. Putting marriage and kids on the back burner. But she had enough strength and flexibility to let this troubled, quirky, addicted artist into her spirit and into her life. Had enough faith in the two of them to set off into the future. That’s some big heart she has, and look what it got her! I’m inspired by this.

    Team Susan!

  16. Caz says:

    Giving the damage drugs do and the massive amount of information out there about them… I fail to see how people still think drugs are cool. It’s a fluke that RDJ is alive. He probably thanks his lucky stars every day. Fortunately he’s able to do that.

    I can’t get on board with this article. It’s just PR for his latest film. Are family-oriented, conservative women it’s target audience? Has it ‘test audienced’ badly with women? RDJ wouldn’t be told to promote the next Iron Man instalment with his wife.

  17. Sky says:

    Zzzzzzzzzz……..

  18. Lucy says:

    OTP.