Lamar Odom is in the wind. He refuses to sign the divorce papers for Khloe Kardashian and not only that, she has no idea where he is or how to contact him. [Evil Beet]
Jenny McCarthy needs to stop. Please, stahp. [Dlisted]
Pillow-weeper Jim Sturgess covers Mr. Porter. [LaineyGossip]
Adam Pally discusses bro-vocab. [Buzzfeed]
Meryl Streep will totally win an Oscar for being terrible some day. [Pajiba]
Here’s some Nicholas Hoult, just for Bedhead. [A Socialite Life]
TLC cancels Here Comes Honey Boo Boo? [Starcasm]
Photos of hotties from the GQ Gentleman’s Ball. [Go Fug Yourself]
Southern Charm star accused of assault. [Reality Tea]
Dina Lohan is looking for a man. A man named Jack Daniels. [ICYDK]
Kaley Cuoco has a cute butt. [Popoholic]
Blind item: who is this very nice celebrity? [CDAN]
Rose McGowan talks about her infamous scene in Scream. [OMG Blog]
Bethenny Frankel has an umbrella holder. [Celebslam]
*taps desk with ruler*
Alright students. I want you to write me a joke and please turn it in on loose leaf paper, neatly snuggled in your Taylor Swift trapper keeper.
I’ll provide the ingredients for the joke, you do the rest.
1.Khloe Kardashian’s butt
2.Lamar is in the wind
Go.
+10 points if Aaron Paul yells at you on twitter.
I’m reporting you to the Principal’s Office for misappropriation immediately.
*summons Florida Mom*
*slips in Bedhead’s Nicolas Hoult slobber on the way down the hall to principal’s office*
*fires spitball*, rapidly puts on innocent face, then grimaces at Bedhead, sitting in the next desk, SLURPING.
Lol Jaderu’s classroom is all kinds of out of control today.
Sorry about that. I get a little carried away sometimes when it comes to saucy Brit accents.
Bedhead, you’re not supposed to provide false confessions to crimes you haven’t committed. Where’s Ag? She can represent you in your plea of ‘almost innocent’.
There’s a sea urchin involved, I just know it.
*writes hallpass for Bedhead to attend Saucy Brit Accent bonfire behind the bleachers*
Professor Cumberwax will be chaperoning.
@Bedhead, KIDDO is a known liar* and frequently spums** under false names and/or impersonates others. Just ask Celebitchy, she now knows the previous unknowns of not knowing. And stuff.
*oops meant lyricist
**typo and I’m dying
That joke was so openly behind closed doors that even I didn’t get it.
*resumes “Spum-ing (wtf?)” and Judi Denching and whatnot*
Also erases FRANCO on desk, and carves BRAMHALL, instead.
*flunks Kiddo for spumming in the hallway without a pass*
ETA: I just googled the word and I understand if you delete this comment. LMaoooooooooooooo
*rehospitalizes herself next to Toribola Vince Glortho Spelling*
ixnay ummingspay
*rattle cans KIDDO IS A SPUMMER all over her locker*
*brings Jaderu a Red Bull & a whippet in her isolation chamber*
Where are you getting these ridiculous thoughts?
*To the school nurse with you for evaluations of hallucinations.
“BRANHALL LIVES” carved on mimif’s desk with a potato shank.*
I no longer have a desk, I now permanently reside in the bench outside the principal’s office.
*pens emo love letter about urchins for Kiddo*
*expels Kiddo and mimif for Branhall and urchin stalking*
It’s Friday (presumably why we’re getting away with this shit)
I’m off to Chili’s to drink all their peach schnapps.
It’s Friday?! Well in that case I’m skipping out early & going to Flarida for the weekend to look for moms.
*throws Rumpleminze at Professor Tater Tot*
Knock knock..
Who’s there?
Odom…
Odom who?
Oh domn those balloons in Khloe’s butt are so big she’s going to float away in the wind….like me…
A-
I had to take away a few points for excessive use of ellipseses…like…ya know?
@Jaderu, any praise from you is like a sweet breath of spring air in my brain. An A- is an honour 🙂
@Jaderu
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
If you don’t watch Breaking Bad,
Imma tater shank you!
Where in the world is Lamaren Sandiego! My favorite game. If I were him, I’d hide in the last spot the Kardashians would look…. so wherever Nori is?
F
I really liked it though. I’m only flunking you because I laughed so hard I got dizzy and had to be hospitalized next to Toribola.
Every time you talk about Sandiego, I have the inexplicable urge to watch the (pre-makeover) Dora the Explorer. I’m 92 f-cking years old, do you realize how confused this makes me?
Can wait for the new season: “Toribola: It was just a Sinus Infection.” I’ll take the F, as I didn’t include a butt joke and Jaded threw down some Robert Frost poetry game.
mimif, I’m hoping to one day convince you to join me in a RockaPella cover band.
@Abbot, I am so in. I’ll bring the cocaine and butt jokes. Oh, speaking of, Jem had a zinger on the Goopy thread and you’re 50 shades of butt plugs made me cry a little bit. There’s something very wrong with you and I approve this message.
Lamar isn’t in the wind, he’s hiding in Khole’s butt. She can’t find him because everyone knows she’s so dumb she doesn’t know her butt from a hole in the ground. #AaronPaulPlaysWithBarbies
You are excused from all future assignments for achieving hashtag excellence.
*affixes root beer scratch n sniff sticker to Dutch’s forehead*
What’s the difference between one of Khloe’s farts and Lamar?
There isn’t one. They both used to be into that butt but have floated away on the wind?
Nothing will ever be as funny as the thread before my lame joke, so don’t judge me.
GNAT will be honored as Class Valedictorian at commencement.
@Gnat: Please have your valedictorian speech on my desk by Monday morning. It must be written in 12th century Middle English (Can’t use Google translate) and must be at least 10,000 words. Also, I would like 20 hand typed copies for my faculty homies.
P.S.You will also need to make 1000 lbs of potato salad this weekend for the annual Doyle Bramhall varsity football scrimmage.
Congratulations GNAT!!!!
*toots on school’s ceremonial commencement didjeridoo*
Now get to work.
Wow! I won! I won! Wait…this school prize kind of … Stinks…
Get it? But you don’t need to give me any additional prizes…
Nicholas Hoult! *slurp*
*Expelled for firing spitballs*.
Wow Chloe would had a really nice body if it wasn’t that ass.
Yep, they cancelled Honey Boo Boo. I take that to mean that the rumors about Mama June were true. A network ain’t gonna throw away a cash cow without having their hand forced. Hopefully somebody keeps some tabs on the family to make sure the kids are alright.
And the thing is too – if they had stayed filming, at least there’d have been cameras around the kids and a bunch of workers for the network there.
If there’s any justice in the world, Duck Dynasty will be out also.
I’d like to add all of the Alaska “reality” shows as well, please.
ahahah mimif – my mother watches all of those alaska/logger shows. I don’t get it. It’s just soooo boring.
Ever darn Swamp/Alligator hunter/or logger or pig catcher show on TV gets my vote…and Every Hillbilly this and Hillbilly that show that perpatrate the image of southerners being idiots like the Honey Boo Boo show….I hate Reality shows !!! and they are Premiere another one tonight on CMT …Three skinny blonde sisters who wear skimpy clothes who run around capturing alligators for a living….Here you have all the stereotypes in one reality show…skinny long haired nubile young women in skimpy tight cloths …driving a truck….while they hunt and chase alligators carrying guns….and then dress like hoochie mommas in skin tight black dresses and stilt heels and talk in southern accents….”Why its a man’s wet dream right there in one show !!!
I read that they not only filmed a new season but they aren’t going to air it. So yeah, something wasn’t right.
TMZ is now reporting that Mama June’s daughter Anna was the one who was molested. That she came out about it once she was confronted with the information her mother is dating this guy.
Also reporting that TLC has come forward offering her therapy and such, gotta give TLC SOME credit for doing something decent.
But how could ANY mother date someone who would do that to her own child????
Many women choose their ” man” over their child.It’s pathetic
Disgusting. A mother’s first duty is to protect her child.
Denial and selfishness. Nobody wants to believe their child was molested (rape culture at its finest), and plenty of people would rather live with that denial than complicate their lives by addressing the issue. Case in point – my sister is estranged from my father because he refuses to believe she was molested by our older stepbrother when we were younger and still living with him.
The truth is worse. She’s dating the guy who raped her daughter when she was eight. I just don’t get that. I just can’t.
I bet he doesn’t want to sign it because of the rediculous items he agreed to in the pre-nupt. I doubt he can afford it these days.
I actually feel kind of bad for Khloe. Of the clan, she was the most likeable to me, and watching her show, I got the impression she was pretty invested in her marriage before everything fell apart. Shame the divorce is dragging out that way.
I came to say the same about Khloe, she’s a little different than the rest of them and I almost like her. She obviously really loved Lamar and gave it her all and he treated her like crap, she didn’t deserve that, now hiding from her and refusing to sign? Childish and emotionally abusive.
it’s almost like she’s not a Kardashian………
But can’t she now just divorce him on grounds of abandonment? Long gone are the days in which both parties had to agree to a divorce.
That’s crazy about Honey Boo Boo’s mom. I don’t watch or follow the show so I hadn’t heard about her dating that molester guy.
Super-gross.
I thought Mama June put out a statement saying that rumor was false and the picture of them in bed together was from 10 years ago? Before she found out what he did? I really hope so for the sake of those kids, but who knows. I think child molesters should be locked away for life.
I also recall from a long time ago she said one of her ex’s turned out to be a sex offender or pedophile, can’t remember how she said it. So this could be an old thing that wasn’t really secret, except for the part of one of her kids being a victim of the guy. Assuming that part is true. The real problem might be the separation from her youngest daughter’s father and the impact that has on the show, since he was part of it. Maybe June herself pulled the plug on the show to deal with family issues, she never assumed it would go on forever and wasn’t spending as though it would.
Hot d*mn Nicholas Hoult is looking all sorts of FINE!!!! Meanwhile, JLaw is probably in a coma after hanging out with Milk Toast Martin.
She needs to look up California divorce laws again then cause they don’t need Lamar to sign anything after the papers were served and signed the first time …just six months separation and she can get the divorce decree anything she wants…so this is all Klan Bullcrap….
right on..she doesn’t want it to go through…
She can get a divorce without him signing the papers…this is so stupid…
Exactly what I was going to say. She can go to court and ask the divorce be finalized without his signature.
Hmm, Lamar disappeared right around the time her butt got huge…summons inner Charlton Heston:
Nooo! Kardashian butts are people! PEOPLE!
That omber though love her hair
Man alive, when Russell Brand is making the most sense these days (re. RZ and the Ottawa shooting), not only is the world surreal, but it’s also in serious effing trouble.
Also, RB: stop being so attractive. You are an annoying little flea with a grating voice, but damn. DAMN.