I first read this story at People Magazine, and I didn’t think too much of it, mostly because I didn’t have any name-recognition for this country star, Ty Herndon. He says, in a new interview, that he’s “an out, proud and happy gay man.” But this story got interesting really quickly once a few little details came together. The basic gist is that Ty is now our first out-and-proud gay country music star. And good for him. As I read People’s story, my first thought was “Oh, he’s 51 years old? That’s kind of old to be coming out publicly for the first time, but sure, good for him.” Then I watched a clip of his big coming out interview on Entertainment Tonight and OMG!
First of all, Ty Herndon has been married. TWICE. To women! And ET asks him flat-out if his wives knew and he says “Absolutely.” #BeardFail? He later explains: “I’ve dreamed about being in country music since I was 6 years old. It’s my life, it’s what I do, it’s who I am, and I went to great lengths to cover up that fact to be to be a country star.” Wow. So he played the part of a heterosexual country star for years, even going so far as to marry two women just to complete the facade?
He also briefly discusses an old incident – from the ‘90s – in which a male undercover cop claimed that Ty exposed himself in a public park. Ty’s explanation for that? “I wish I had really great recall or memory about that. I think I had been up for like 6 days doing drugs that night and the day was really a huge blur for me.” Well, goddurn, Ty. I mighta done something vaguely homosexual but I was on too many drugs to remember it clearly. Yay, country music!
Anyway, Ty says he’s now clean and sober and he’s been in a relationship with a man for five years. Ty says: “I love him very much and he loves me.” He’s also hoping his boyfriend proposes to him and “I do want children one day, you know. I do want to be married one day.” You already were married, dude! TWICE! Here’s the video:
I mean… I’m glad he’s finally coming out and telling his truth. But it sounds like he went through a lot of trouble to stay in the closet for a really long time. And I’d kind of like to hear from his two wives to see if they “absolutely” knew what was up when they married him.
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.
He wants to be married for real, to someone he really loves. I think it’s great he finally feels free to be who he is, especially in an industry that might not be so supportive.
This would be his first “real” marriage. I agree. I wish them well.
Agreed. He entered into a contract – not a marriage. He wants to be married and have a family with someone he loves. Good for him.
I’m a country music fan and I do know who this guy is. His coming out really is a very big deal and took a great deal of courage. A big part of country music culture is the love of God and country. Think how Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks was harassed for criticizing the president. Can you imagine the risk to your career if you are gay? Good for him. Billy Gillman just came out too. Another country singer. Looks like Ty is paving the way.
I think the industry would be more accepting of his sexuality than they would be of criticizing conservative politics quite frankly.
I’m a big country music fan, but I’ve never heard of this guy. What does he sing?
I agree with Rachel. I think that at this point most Country Music fans will hear about it and think, “Meh.” There are nuts in every crowd, but I just don’t think the average person cares.
After Kasey Musgraves told country fans to Follow Your Arrow and kiss lots of girls if that is what you are into, I think it is a brave new world. 🙂 Glad he doesn’t feel like he has to hide.
I think this guy’s country career is going to be over. A few years ago, a female country star, Chely Wright, came out as lesbian and I’ve never heard from her again!
This demographic is rather slow to accept social change. I applaud his bravery, but I predict he will be dunzo.
The bigger news here: he’s 51!? What moisturizer he got?
I thought he was in his thirties
Botox!
I know! Maybe it’s just me getting older, but it’s like Solange’s new hubs all over again. 51????!!!! That is some clean-ass skin for 51.
He certainly looks younger than 51. He should still hope that the “one day” to have children comes soon.
It’s sad that he felt the need to hide and stay away from (parts of) the life he always wanted and couldn’t have the career and the Husband/Children earlier.
No kidding. He has some Fountain of Youth thing going.
seriously 51?! goddamnit.
I hope the days of covering up who you are and feeling afraid it will be found out are over. Glad he’s out.
I hope that too.
+one million seventy hundred thousand and three
Agree completely.
Good for him. No one should have to live a shadow life, not in the 21st century.
So his ex wives knew he was gay. At what point did he tell his wives that he was gay? Yet both times they went through with the marriage? I could understand one time, but twice? Wow
They were bearding. Sad it was deemed necessary, but nothing really shocking about it – it’s a pretty standard arrangement for celebrities, right? I imagine they went into it eyes open. They got whatever perks they thought were important (minor celebrity, monied lifestyle) and he got the illusion of heterosexuality for his career. Glad he finally broke free!
I’m with you NewWester! I can understand ONE bearding marriage, but TWO? That’s just weird.
But why? I presume the first one decided she’d had enough (maybe she met someone else?) and this guy felt he needed a cover so badly that he found someone else for the job. I don’t think it’s weird; just really, really sad.
I’m with CM … if it’s a benefit for both of them, it’s not really any different than the supposed bearding among actors or athletes. Likely, it afforded the women a nice lifestyle, and some attention, and when they were done with the whole thing, they moved on to someone else. It also gave him the wholesome married man appearance that country music loves. When the first one ended, it makes sense to get another if he wasn’t interested in coming out yet.
I’m with Kaiser on this one. Creating the illusion of heterosexuality would only require one trip down the aisle. Then every so often pics of random dates with his gf whos really just a platonic buddy ofcourse. And assuming the charade was for his folks then just invite this buddy to family dinners every so often. “The eternal bachelor who got burnt once and just cant do marriage again”……….theres nothing strange about that.
I have a queasy feeling that the women or atleast one of them didnt know going on and discovered later.
@Brandi Finding a wife who would willingly beard for a middle/upper class man is pretty easy. And why go through with many dates and scheduling when you can have, i assume, a good friend who can do that for you? Maybe it is because i have met a very few couples who married because they were crazy in love, it makes sense to me. Stability and having someone to confide in is comfortable and peaceful.
I hope they knew up front, Brandii. If not, that’s really really terrible of him. The only thing I can think of, is that two long term beards are more likely to keep it quiet than a bunch of women. Country music for the most part, seems to value a marriage more than date after date after date. Not all of them, but a lot of the fan base is still the right wing family oriented set. I don’t know. Maybe he just found really good friends in these women, and made it more permanent for show, and for companionship.
You have to understand the demographic he’s dealing with, especially in the 90’s. Country music fans (for the most part) are very conservative, very religious Fox news watching types.
Maybe the first beard got tired of bearding? Maybe she met someone she actually wanted to be with. After that divorce he needed to keep up that family man image, hence wife #2.
Brandi–sighs is right. If one marriage ended, he did need to remarry. Marriage is a big deal with this demographic. God and country and all that. Divorced and just dating makes you look unreliable and sketchy in this community. I would not be surprised if the first marriage had a built-in expiration date and both wives most likely knew exactly what the deal was.
Also remember that because HE knew what he was hiding he probably felt paranoid and worked harder to keep up the act than you may think was necessary. Hence the second marriage. When you are keeping a secret like that you think everyone knows.
I’m a str8 spouse. I unknowingly married a deeply closeted gay man. I was 8.5 mos pregnant when I caught him cheating with men.
Because coming out is celebrated in the media now, nobody wants to report on the other side of that. The str8 spouses left behind. There’s no celebration, “Congratulations your spouse is gay!” No parade. No, “You’re so brave!” Or “I’m glad your finally happy!”
It completely f’s with your mind when you find out your spouse is gay. Having to cope with the reality that your marriage was a sham, you were just a beard. Many str8 spouses go through deep depression and even become suicidal.
We’re often portrayed as either bumbling idiots or evil and mean, in stories. And either not mentioned at all or painted in a bad light, when a celebrity comes out after being in a heterosexual marriage.
Many gay/lesbian people claim the str8 spouse knew when in reality, that wasn’t the case.
It’s also sadly common for the gay spouse to be abusive, emotionally, mentally, verbally if not physically.
Can you imagine being told, “If you were a better wife o wouldn’t have to cheat with men!”
I can. He said it all the time.
I’m the mother of a str8 spouse. I can’t begin to tell you the heartache and trauma the whole family has gone through, but especially my str8 daughter. (This includes the family of my ex-son-in-law.). He lied so well that most didn’t have a clue through their 20 years and having 2 children together. The loss for my daughter has been almost unbearable. The kids are going through things of their own, and there’s more trauma to come, I’m sure. I understand gays not wanting to come out and I have always supported their right to their lifestyle, but this has done something to me where I’m no longer so anxious to rally for them. This has shown me an uncaring, selfish, and vicious side that I always thought uncharacteristic of gay men. Call me naive. They should write a country song about str8 spouses – it would be a true tearjerker.
Technically not the first gay country star to come out. Don’t forget Chely Wright did it a few years ago! Just the first male one. And then Billy Gilman followed him out of the closet. Makes you wonder about the rest of the gay country stars out there.
Chely Wright is the first person I thought about!
kd lang, as well. She was passively out, or at least never in.
Chely was not as big as Ty and as I recall, there was a lot of backlash for her. Too bad. I’m sure being a woman was a big factor. Country music is still a man’s game. Yes there are huge female stars but men tend to have more longevity. Only a few women have really lasted. KD Lang left it to people to guess.
He’s not the first country music star to come out. Shelley Wright is gay as well and came out on Oprah I believe. She has been shunned by the industry since.
She is the first I thought about when I read this. I wonder if Ty will have the same type of situation. I don’t follow country very closely but I think his career has been slowing down. Will be interesting to see if he’s dropped like a hot potato like Chelly was.
She just kickstarted a new album though and it was one of their top ten most successful campaigns so that’s something.
What is sad about Chely Wright is she said only a few people in the country music business came out publicly in support of her and said it was very hurtful since it was a big deal for her to do that and admit it and emotional for her. She said a few others in e-mail reached out privately. But overall the country music world stayed silent. She also said even though her heyday had been over for years, there were always country music events she was invited to, which is the norm, and they all stopped, no more invites.
Three words (and two states) for you: Florida Georgia Line.
I don’t know if Chely was shunned. When she came out she hadn’t been heard from for years. It must have been 10-15 years since she’s had a hit single. The same thing for Ty. His peak was in the nineties and years since his last hit single. Good for them for coming out but their careers were pretty much over. They weren’t risking anything. If a huge current star like Kenny Chesney or Toby Keith out as gay, that would be a whole different matter.
Not familiar with this guy but great that he came out now! But was married before, twice!! Why waste their time and lives for so long? That’s selfish.
If the woman knew and agreed to marry him anyway I don’t see anything wrong with it. I don’t know why they would do it, but I’m sure they got something out of it.
Now if they married him first and he told his wifes a couple of year into the marriage it’s messed up.
There was a time in my life when I might have done it for health insurance (j/k but not really). And now I might do it for someone who was my dear friend and whom I loved platonically. Heck, I bet plenty of women would have been willing to beard for Neil Patrick Harris or Bomer. But if it were someone I loved and cared about, I would also have encouraged him to find someone he could have a real relationship with. But I agree with you, I don’t see anything wrong with it if he knew and she knew and they were all okay with it from the beginning. (And he himself might not have known or admitted it to himself for years, too).
Beard marriages are so common. If they provided each other economic stability and social accaptence, he could have found even more wives IMO. It is great that he doesn’t feel the need to hide it anymore. By the way he resembles to B.Coop in the thumbnail photo.
He’s like the real life Will Lexington! And based on how happily he’s deadbolted himself in the closet, it might take him till 50 to come out too.
Yesss. Nashville story lines playing out in real life!!!!
I will be curious to see the reaction from country music fans and industry people.
Industry people already knew. Just as they knew about wright.
Yes, it will be. Watching the fans at least. He is pretty popular but not huge status like Tim McGraw, George Strait or Kenney Chesney. Still, I think he is established enough that he will be okay. I hope.
I had never heard of this guy until now. He does look really young but I think that one of the other posters might be right with suggesting Botox.
On a more serious note, I don’t think that it is that unusual for him to wait until now to come out. He works in an extremely conservative field. Let’s not forget what happened to the Dixie Chicks when they dared to criticize George W. Bush, they received death threats and were basically run out of town (figuratively speaking). I can only think of two other out queer country stars, Chely Wright, who came out after her career was on the downslide and that woman who was kicked out of Sugarland for, wait for it, being a lesbian.
If there had not been a long history of pathologizing queerness, people wouldn’t be afraid to come out. People getting killed for being queer was happening not too long ago in the States, and many still face various forms of social isolation and oppression such as estrangement from their families, job loss, etc when they do come out. I think that it is naive to act as though these things have all been erased and it is offensive for people who have no experience of what that is like to pretend otherwise and place judgement.
Was k.d.lang out when she was in country music? I kind of think she kept her sexuality on the down low until she moved more into other musical genres, but it was one of those “worst-kept secret” things. I wish the best for Ty, for that other young man who came out after him, and for the others who will follow. I’m not a country fan, but I admire them.
I think she came out officially when “Constant Craving” was a hit– she had pretty much stopped making country music by then. Answering my own question.
K.D. Lang’s career was on a sharp rise in country music until she came out. Literally the minute the news broke, country radio quit playing her records and she was shunned.
I really don’t care what KD Lang’s sexual orientation is. Her voice is fantastic. Look no more than her rendition of Love Affair. That was played in the movie Twister. It was beautifully sung.
I think the only time I saw her in a dress was in the Roy Orbison BLack & White PBS concert. I guess she did it for Roy!
He had a big hit out when I was a teenager I loved called ” living in a moment ” (1996) I knew he did a few more songs but had no idea he was still in the country scene after all this time. It’s sad that he felt he had to hide his sexuality for so long. Masculinity is a huge thing in country music and its hard to not want to fit into the stereotypical man or even have too, country music was founded with that philosophy. Glad he finally can be himself , it will help others.
Ty had some good songs in the mid-1990s. I have had ‘Living in a Moment’ and ‘What Mattered Most’ playing in my head every time I read about him. I think some folks might know his songs but not the name.
I remember him well, he was an up and coming young singer with a good voice and a lot of emotions in his singing. Then after the incident of being arrested for indecent exposure in a park, his career sort of stopped. Apparently he is trying to make a comeback. Good luck to him!
I don’t think he’s necessarily botoxed, 51 isn’t some old grampaw.
I’ve never heard of him, but good for him. But someone who is still at the height of their career will never ever come out in country music. They will never be accepted.
Case in point, Kenny Chesney.
But there are a handful of country music stars who are very supportive of gay fans and gay rights, and kudos to them. Garth Brooks recorded a song back in the early ’90s pro loving who you want, We Shall Be Free. Pretty brave back then considering he put in his music video a few famous lesbians in the music video as cameos.
Kenny is a huge question mark to me. I attended school with him and know people who stayed in contact with him until the past few years (around the time of the Renee fiasco). He dated women, and one of my friends (whom he would routinely call to chat while on the road) laughs when we question whether he might be gay or bi. She insists he’s 100 percent straight.
I have no idea, but do wonder if there may be some closeting.
Garth’s sister is gay, and plays guitar in his band.
Oh I remember when he got busted with the cop it was at a park know for meth and pick up sex in the park. Kinda like George Micheal with the bathroom. Good for him he is out but sad that it took this long because they are such freaking uptight about the gays.
I saw of the comments on the facebook post Chely Wright put up about Billy Gillman coming out, and it is pretty obvious why these country stars stay deep in the closet. The comments were hateful, and it wasn’t trolling, it was mostly older people (and I’m sorry- I didn’t even want to put this because I love the south and know not everyone is a bigot- but mostly all of them were Southern and very overweight). Hollywood stars are a little different (and even they stay hidden) but country stars have a very different demographic they need to appeal to. I agree about the two beard wives being weird, but I feel sorry that he felt he had to hide when his career was in full swing.
There will always be bigots and backwards people, but I think and hope each generation gets a little more accepting. Country music does have a pretty conservative demographic.
Why the need to mention their weight? What exactly does being overweight have to do with their views on homosexuality? Is there something in a twinkee that makes you hate gays? Deal with their views, if you’d like, but don’t equate it with weight. It’s ridiculous.
Stereotype much? I’m 72, overweight, live in the South, and don’t have a bigoted or racist cell in my body. And I know a lot of other people just like me.
So tired of the South being maligned as the only place where racism exists, and for older and overweight people being touted as socially inept and backwards.
Well, we’re (speaking as an overweight Southerner) members of a couple of the last groups it’s socially acceptable to be bigoted about. We’re not all Mama Junes (and even she, for all her horribleness, didn’t seem homophobic)
I’m a country music fan, and I kind of thought he was already out in everything but an actual announcement? To me, this seemed like one of those “yeah, no kidding” moments.
Like his being 51 was the bigger shocker? 🙂
Sounds like there was a lot of wreckage in his life to perpetuate a fiction. I have some sympathy, but less than I’d have if he only hurt himself. I can’t imagine two marriages that were shams leaving no victims.
Thank you for seeing the women he was married to as real people and not discounting what they went through.
I’m the mother of a str8 spouse. I can’t begin to tell you the heartache and trauma the whole family has gone through, but especially my str8 daughter. (This includes the family of my ex-son-in-law.). He lied so well that most didn’t have a clue through their 20 years and having 2 children together. The loss for my daughter has been almost unbearable. The kids are going through things of their own, and there’s more trauma to come, I’m sure. I understand gays not wanting to come out and I have always supported their right to their lifestyle, but this has done something to me where I’m no longer so anxious to rally for them. This has shown me an uncaring, selfish, and vicious side that I always thought uncharacteristic of gay men. Call me naive. They should write a country song about str8 spouses – it would be a true tearjerker.
There are some (yet, few) names that come to mind when it comes to gay country stars. Chely Wright obviously being one. But also, Shane McAnally, who’s written and produced songs for The Band Perry, Miranda Lambert and more. Brandy Clark is also an openly gay country star, and she was even nominated for New Artist of the Year at the latest CMA awards. In fact, Brandy and Shane, along with Kacey Musgraves, won Song of the Year for “Follow Your Arrow”, a song which supports gay rights. The pace may be still be slow, but country music is becoming more progressive everyday when it comes to gays. Many country artists also support gay rights: Carrie Underwood, Dolly Parton etc.
Country music is homophobic. He had to do this to accomplish his dream of a record deal, etc. They do not accept openly gay people in that community. You say you don’t like the president and in one week you go from being the biggest group to not even getting played on the radio.
So, its permissible to steal other human beings lives and prospects for lifelong marriage so long as it furthers a persons aspirations, Meg? Its ok to decide another persons life is worth less than your own so long as it lets you have a family? So, I guess you are comfortable with other sorts of fraudulent behavior in what is supposed to be the most intimate relationship a person has? I have no doubt the women he married were told it was a genuine marriage. I am glad he came out but never ignore those he stepped on and used to arrive at this place.
Yes, Mari, I agree totally with you. These gay spouses who do this are users who don’t care about the devastation they leave in their wake. A bit of advice to those who think they are gay, for all that is sacred, please be decent enough to not ruin the lives of those who love you. Stand up for yourself and be yourself by not living a lie and involving innocent people.
Thank you for validating the str8 spouses.
Knowing he’s gay when you divorce is a whole lot different than knowing he was gay when you married him.
I’m a str8 spouse. My husband is a deeply closeted gay man. I did not know until I caught him cheating. I was 8.5 mos pregnant when I found his chat transcripts online, with details about his affairs.
It is completely devestating to find out your marriage is a sham and you’ve been dragged into someone else’s closet.
For anyone who finds themself in that closet, or knows someone who is, there’s help.
straightspouse.org is a support group for str8 spouses. It saved my life.
Several people have commented here that beard marriages are common. How do you know this? There are a very significant number of gay people who marry straight people but generally don’t disclose they are gay up front. Some think being married will change them. Some want children and an ordinary life. Some do it for religious reasons. In many cases the gay spouse has had gay relationships on the side and the straight spouse find out. Sometimes the gay person reaches the point where they can no longer tolerate living in denial. These days when celebrities come out there’s often a lot of support. In fact it can sometimes revitalize a stagnant career, but for the straight spouse there is usually very little support. Often the stories don’t even mention the straight wife or husband no less look at what happened to their lives.