Rihanna believes women should always take their husband’s last name

Rihanna

Lots of little Rihanna stories are floating around. I never got around to posting her fabulous Coachella attire a week ago. Rihanna’s lipstick shade is called Purple Haze by the Free Spirit brand (owned by Rih’s pal Leandra), and it sold out instantly after Rihanna pushed it on Instagram. There’s also a new video of Rihanna raiding convenience store shelves with the munchies. The vid surfaced on 4/20 for a reason, but it could also be a nod to her recent drug video. One of Rihanna’s assistants, Jenn Rosales, got married on 4/20. Rihanna was a bridemaid (you can see photos here). She also Instagrammed a video to send a special message to the newlyweds. Here’s the video’s caption:

#davis420wedding I can’t believe this day is finally upon us!!!!! I’m so happy and so proud to see my big sis @jennnrosales and my big bro @the_aa become one today!!! A wedding is a celebration of a marriage!!! That’s what we gon do!!! Celebrate the marriage that we’ve been lucky enough to witness grow and evolve for all these years!!!! #420 will never be the same again!!! God bless you both!!! And Jen you HAVE to take the Davis name bitch!!! Pull it together (in my Jhat voice)!!! #CheersToTheDavis’

[From Rihanna on Instagram]

I had to look up the slang definition of “Jhat,”, which means “best man who ever lived.” Rihanna is happy for her friend, and she wants Jenn to take her husband’s last name. It sounds like an inside joke too, like they’ve been talking about how Davis isn’t as flourish-y as Rosales. Taking a man’s last name after marriage is more traditional, but many couples still prefer having the same surname. I think it’s also cool when a dude takes a woman’s last name, like Jack White did with Meg. Whatever works for a couple, you know? The topic remains a subject of much debate. Now we know that Rihanna Fenty will some day be Rihanna Not-Dicaprio.

Rihanna also covers the May issue of V magazine. You can see the NSFW tush-cover here.

Rihanna

Rihanna

Photos courtesy of Getty, Fame/Flynet & WENN

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115 Responses to “Rihanna believes women should always take their husband’s last name”

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  1. Sam says:

    Because when I think of people who you should be looking to for life advice, I think of a young woman in purple lipstick and a dead, skinned Grimace.

  2. dr mantis toboggan says:

    Call yourself whatever you want but that lipstick is heinous! Oh and the boots … I don’t even know what to say about the boots

  3. Josefa says:

    “The topic remains a subject of much debate”? Seriously? How can the totally personal and inoffensive decision of changing your last name or not be controversial at all?! Americans are so weird.

    • FingerBinger says:

      The majority of Americans dgaf.

    • Sam says:

      Uh, if you clicked through the links, you’d find that one of them isn’t about America, it’s about the survey done in the UK that shows that it’s controversial there too. Just sayin’….

    • Lee1 says:

      Where I live (not the US) it’s actually not legally permitted for women to take their spouse’s names. It was written in our legal vows when we got married at the court house. It’s super weird. Personally, I don’t really care. I’m married to a woman and we never even considered changing our names. But it makes for a lot of older women who use one name socially but are required to use their maiden name on all legal documents and it makes for a lot of children with very hyphenated family names.

      • Norman Bates' Mother says:

        If I may ask – what country is that Lee1? My cousin, who is Polish but lives in England decided too keep her maiden name but she had to change it 2 years later after she was basically accused of kidnapping by the airport staff, when she was travelling by herself with her young daughter and the child had a different name than she does. There is no information about the children in our documents, so those women, who want to have children and to travel with them are basically required to change their names. Hyphenated surnames are not very common and only associated with rich people.

      • Spaniard says:

        In Spain nobody changes names after marriage. We keep our names the same and that’s why we have two last names. By default you get your father’s first and your mother’s second , but you can choose. The only condition is that all the siblings in a family have the same last names. Of course, once you are 18 if yo want to change your name you can.

        I personally love this. I don’t see why I should change my name after marriage. I know it is a cultural thing but my personal opinion is that I love the way we do it.

      • LexieW says:

        NormanBate’sMother, the Polish situation is a slightly unusual one. I’m actually experiencing this with my Polish cousin right now!

        In my cousin’s case, she’s trying to bring her child with her to the US for a visit. Poland is one of the few European countries (maybe the only one in the EU?) for which the US requires a travel visa, presumably because so many people just came to the US and stayed.

        My cousin is divorced and shares custody of her child with her ex-husband. She’s encouraged to have her husband sign the kid’s visa, but it’s not required. However, she got his signature because if he wanted to be nasty, all he’d have to do is report her to the court and accuse her of trying to kidnap the child and boom, it reopens the custody case.

      • fruitloops says:

        LexieW, Croatians too need the visa to go to US.

      • Hello says:

        I’m Somali and muslim and we’re not supposed to take our husbands last name and we don’t need to wear wedding rings. Also usually if two muslim/Somali people get married their children get their grandfather on their dad’s side first name as their last name. Hope that makes sense lol

      • Lee1 says:

        @Norman Bates’ Mother
        I live in Quebec, Canada. In the rest of the country it is very common to change your name when you marry, but in this province they don’t allow it. I think the original premise was based on a women’s rights issue (as in, we’re not property whose title is transferred from father to husband, which of course I agree with), but as is typical with the politics here, they end up just forcing a government decision on women instead of acknowledging that women can make their own decisions. Most people don’t really think it’s a big deal though in the end, myself included.

        @Hello
        That’s really interesting! I’d never heard of that tradition before. 🙂

      • fritanga says:

        Yeah – in Spain and other Latin American countries the traditional thing is to use your father’s last name after your given name, and then your mother’s last name Hence, “Penelope Cruz [father’s name] Sanchez [mother’s name].” If she wanted to append her husband’s name [Javier Encinas Bardem] to her name, it would be “Penelope Cruz Sanchez de Encinas Bardem.” Unwieldy – you can see why it’s optional.

    • mytbean says:

      It’s controversial because, even though a man and woman are equal dna contributors to the creation of offspring, a woman’s matriliniage is not valued by society. A woman easily loses her line after changing her last name. It’s easy to trace the lineage of paternity but a woman’s line is a lot more challenging due to women loosing their maiden names generation after generation.

      • Hannah says:

        Well we only ever get our mitochondrial DNA from our mothers so I feel like it’s fair lmao

    • Veronica says:

      You’d be surprised by how conservative some people are about the issue. I’ve actually met men who think women who refuse to take a partner’s name are “refusing to become part of the family.” I just roll my eyes at them.

      • maybeiamcrazy says:

        I find all arguments about this issue ridiculous. Some women change their last name, some don’t. I just can’t comprehend people making assumptions from such a frivolous and personal thing.

      • Josefa says:

        @maybeiamcrazy
        And that’s exactly why I can’t see the issue here. It’s not like you’ll actually become a different person if your last name changes.

      • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

        Agree, maybe and Josefa. I think it’s so ridiculous to say it means one thing or another about you if you do or don’t change your name. It’s a personal decision and there are good reasons to do either. People make the stupidest judgements about it.

      • fritanga says:

        Exactly. My husband insisted I take his name when we got married, which was weird, but I did it. However, one of my best friends was incensed with me for doing it and refused to use it when she sent cards, referred to me in conversation, etc. (she didn’t change her name when she got married). Another friend was surprised when I changed it, but admitted that the only reason she didn’t change hers is that she hated her husband’s last name.

        It all comes down to individual experience, obviously. I was OK with changing my name because I was tired of my stupid alliterative birth name (as was one of my sisters). It was a relief to have initials of differing consonants.

  4. MVD says:

    I am not sure why statements like this elicit so much reaction. Whether you decide to change or keep your name, it’s all based on the same patriarchal system anyway. What difference does it make whether you keep your ‘s dad’s name or take your husband’s dad name?

    • Ponytail says:

      Consider, just consider, that some women don’t have their dad’s last name. I know, shocker, right ? So taking on my husband’s family name would make a difference.

      • MVD says:

        Well if that’s the case, with no father’s last name, you have your mom’s father’s name or your mom’s grandfather’s name. My point was that it’s all patriarchal anyway so if the concern about changing names has to do with some notion that it’s somehow less empowering as a woman to take on your husband’s then it’s not correct since the whole thing is patriarchal from the start. It was not an attempt to minimize women who want to change their names for other reasons so I don’t understand your weird sarcastic jab. I myself am going to take my husband’s name, and only because I don’t want my children to wonder why they have a different name from me.

      • A.Key says:

        What are you on about, whether it’s your mother’s surname or your father’s or husband’s, it’s always the surname of a male family member originally.
        You have your mother’s surname? Where do you think she got it from? Essentially you have your grandfather’s last name then. Or your greatgrandfathers. Every maiden name is actually the family name given after a male family member, regardless of how many generations you go back.

      • Veronica says:

        There’s no need to be sarcastic. The vast majority of surnames, particularly in Western countries, were taken from the father’s lineage at some point. It is extremely unlikely that your history is purely matrilineal. That was MVD’s point – that a woman’s personal history has already been erased to some extent or another.

    • mytbean says:

      I have no way of determining who my grandmother’s actual ancestors are because after my great, great grandfather, no one knows what my great, great grandmother’s maiden name was. It’s a true loss to me and I would love it if, instead of changing the names we could, like some cultures and history, adopt new ones and/or combine them so as to retain the lineage for both families.

      • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

        You should be able to find that out if you really want to. Have you consulted a genealogist?

    • HurryUp says:

      This sentiment infuriates me. If your husband’s name is his own, then your name is your own. If both a man and a woman inherit a name from their father, why is the man’s name his own while the woman’s is still her father’s?

      • CG says:

        +1. I totally hate the sentiment that a man’s name is his own and didn’t come from his father, but my name is expendable because it was never really mine in the first place. That argument makes me stabby.

      • A.Key says:

        “why is the man’s name his own while the woman’s is still her father’s?”

        That’s a pretty good question – I think it’s because in the beginning, males picked/were given a surname and that was passed on to the female members of the family. Women never had originally their own surnames like men did. Women just inherited the surname of someone else, they never made their own.

        ps. probably also because it was expected that a woman would change her surname when she got married, and a man never did that

      • Kara says:

        thats why MVD says “your ‘s dad’s name or take your husband’s dad name”

        there is no word about a man having is own special name. And your husbands father got it from his father and so on.

        its a good point.

      • Ava says:

        One of the reasons has to do with the fact that when a woman has a child you know it’s hers because she gives birth. Old school- it was a way to identify the father.

    • msd says:

      I really hate this argument because people ONLY ever direct it at women. No one ever says to the man “but it’s just your father’s name, not yours” but they do to women all the time. As for both names being patriarchal, there’s no way of knowing if that’s true through all previous generations (the likelihood is no, if you go back far enough). The same name for everyone in the family argument is also silly. The man can change his name to yours as easily as you can change to his. And if your kids get your name then everyone has the same name and bonus, your kids are now back to first gen matriarchal.

      If you want to do it fine, just don’t use dopey arguments to explain why.

  5. Lindy79 says:

    And I believe that matching your lippy to your wellie doc martens is a no no.
    As is skinning the poor Purple Anything Muppet to make a coat.

  6. Jaded says:

    As if I’d take marital advice from RiRi? Sure…same as I’d take marriage advice from Robin Thicke.

  7. sara says:

    I never changed my last name and it’s been almost 11 years. Part of it actually came down to just being lazy. I didn’t feel like contacting every company, college, bank and DMV to change it. I got some crap from my spouse’s family, but they can suck it. My kids have their last names hyphenated. They do use our married name in their school, but legally they use both names. I do use his last name socially, but legally and career-wise, I do not. I also wanted to have my father’s name passed down too. Sometimes it’s more than a name. It’s wanting to still hold onto yourself, your immediate family and ancestors.

    It’s a personal decision and people should do what they want.

    • Lindy79 says:

      “Sometimes it’s more than a name. It’s wanting to still hold onto yourself, your immediate family and ancestors. ”

      For me this was a big part of it.

      • AntiSocialButterfly says:

        This, as I near 50 after 20 years of marriage is why I now wish I had *not*.

    • AuroraO says:

      My sister was thinking about hyphenating her daughter’s last names but that would be 16 letters long.

    • Polly says:

      Yes, I was too lazy to bother changing my name on all my official documents, then having to note any previous names used on forms and such going forward. It’s interesting that your kids have hyphenated names. It never even occurred to me to do that, though I wouldn’t have chosen it even if I had known. If I combined our last names, it definitely sounds like a rap group.. ahem. So LOL, never gonna hyphenate.

    • fruitloops says:

      Yes, but you’ve just solved your problem for now. Your children have two last names now, once if they get married their children will have three (or four) names? Probably not, so even if they keep their last name when married, their children will most likely only get one parent’s name (or, as Spanish, combine one last name from each parent) so someone will eventually lose part of their family lineage (be it your child or their spouse or both).
      Anyhow, as a side note, I don’t care what people do with their names, I’m just saying this because it was part of my reasoning when I was deciding what to do with my name when I was getting married (I took my husband’s name, because I don’t want to have different name from my children (kinda makes me feel like being in a different family), our names are too long to combine, and what I wrote above) .

      • Celebwatch says:

        Your kids could take your name, you know. Mine does. My husband even considered changing his name to mine, but in the end wanted to keep his, which obviously I totally understand.

  8. mark says:

    Is this site really offended by this aswell?

    • Kiddo says:

      That’s it? No long diatribe? You’re slipping. And yes we are all a swell, water retention tho.

      • AntiSocialButterfly says:

        Coffee, meet computer!

      • mark says:

        Nope no long rant but thank you for the terrible comeback and your other anonymous friends laughing at the joke:

        “OMG kiddo I literally laughed out loud not everyone in the office thinks i’m a total freak’

        Plus how anyone on this site can be of being bitter all you do is trash people who don’t know and make fun of people for being closeted but i’m the loser for pointing this out? Go outside and gossip to some real people. All you do is stay on this site and get irate about people who you’ve never met.

  9. Kiddo says:

    Maybe the lipstick was bought up so we’d never have to see it again. Or at least one can hope.

  10. GoodNamesAllTaken says:

    I like Rihanna, but “a wedding is a celebration of a marriage” should be in PippaTips.

  11. Carrie says:

    I disagree with the tradition of a woman taking her husband’s last name. If I do get married, I’m either keeping my last name as is or hyphenating it. Also, taking marriage advice from Rihanna? Um…no. And the lipstick? Um…no again.

  12. Wren says:

    I never thought it mattered until I was put in the position to make the decision. Suddenly you’ve got opinions coming in from all sides from people whose thoughts on the subject don’t matter at all. “You’re not going to change your name, right? That would be un-feminist!” and “When you change your name…” like it was a forgone conclusion.

    It’s the assumptions and instructions about what to do with MY OWN NAME that really bother me.

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      Exactly. Give people the benefit of the doubt – they thought about it and made the choice that was right for them.

    • SamiHami says:

      Yup. I took my husbands last name because I like it, it works well with my first name and I just plain wanted to. I have friends who kept their maiden names, hyphenated both names and who use one name professionally and the other socially. It’s a personal choice and we shouldn’t judge each other because of it.

      That being said, I was once verbally accosted by a rabid feminist who tried to tell me I was wrong to take my hubby’s name. I think she forgot that feminism isn’t about telling other women what they must do, but about giving women equal choices (and opportunities) in life.

  13. Angie says:

    Not only should we (species of the weaker sex) take our husbands last name but we should also take the insults/beatings, the cheating and everything else that comes with the sanctity of marriage…which nowadays pretty much sounds like a lifetime contract to unhappiness – for both parties. Relathionships are hard and with the astronimical number of divorce/separations happening, why complicate things by changing your name? Keep your name, you are whole and unique. Taking your husbands last name will not give you any advantages…but it will give you a number of headaches , frustrations and extra expenses to change everything back to your name should your marriage fail…

    • swack says:

      I did not change my name back too much trouble.

    • JB says:

      Wow. That’s a pretty grim outlook. I took my husband’s name because I had a terrible relationship with my parents and was happy to shed that connection to them (at least to my dad, whose name I shared). Plus, my husband’s name was easier to say and spell and sounds really really good with my first name. And his family is a lot nicer than mine so I’d rather be in their club than the one I was born into. I’m still whole and unique and I feel much better about my married name than my previous one. I would keep it even if anything did happen to my marriage but it has been ten years and things are only getting better so I’m optimistic.

      • michelleb says:

        That was me too. I was very happy to shed my abusive father’s last name. I adore my in-laws and was happy to become a part of their family. It is a personal choice, and for me, it meant choosing a new name for myself that was not associated with the abuse of my past. My hubby and I dated for six years before marriage and we’ve been married for 9 years and I couldn’t be happier with my choice. People choose to change their name for different reasons. It’s no one else’s business.

      • Natty says:

        My husband’s last name is better for me career-wise, so I changed it. I think that’s a pretty feminist reason, but when I once suggested on another thread that shaming all women who change their names as anti-feminists ignored each woman’s agency to make that decision for herself I got a big-ass internet eyeroll. I dropped my given middle name and moved my maiden name into the middle to maintain my connection to my family of origin. I never felt any less “myself” with my husband’s last name than I did with my maiden name, probably because it was a considered decision that I made for myself with no input from anyone else.

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      Not to be argumentative, but I changed my name back to my maiden name after my divorce. It was a clause in the divorce agreement. Easiest part of it.

      • Angel L says:

        I did the same as GNAT, changed back to my maiden name after my divorce and it wasn’t hard at all.

  14. Susan says:

    Put some pants on and maybe I will listen to you.

  15. Cinderella says:

    Speak once you’ve secured a husband, RiRi.

  16. bns says:

    Except that’s not at all what she said? She jokingly said “pull it together bitch” because her best friend is taking her husband’s last name and has to represent the Davis family now. Not once did she say that all women should do it.

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      True. She never said or implied that, the way I read it.

    • maybeiamcrazy says:

      Exactly. I am always suprised how much people go out of their way to be offended. She didn’t say “all women”, she was only talking about a particular woman. Maybe it is just an inside joke.

      • jwoolman says:

        That’s exactly how I interpreted it also- an inside family joke, very specific to the situation and not general at all.

  17. QQ says:

    so she is talking about her friend in a message to her and Now Rih rih Is issuing Fatwahs on how we must all act?/ Come on Now That’s a Hell of a stretch!

    also why does the Daily mail always sound so Sexist when discussing women,is just something vaguely stomach turning

    • PrincessMe says:

      Yeah, I was wondering if I missed something. I didn’t see anything in that message to suggest that ALL women should take their husband’s last name (unless all women are collectively referred to as “Jen”). Maybe she likes the name or how it sounds with her friend’s name, maybe it’s just a joke. It surely didn’t sound like some grand declaration of what ALL women should do.

  18. nikkisixx says:

    Wait, so she posted an instagram video and joked with her friend that she should take her hubby’s last name and that’s supposed to be offensive? I’m confused. We have no reasons given as to why she suggested that to her friend, so it’s not right to assume that she believes ALL women have to do that. I thought this was a self-righteous quote she gave a magazine, not a silly video she posted in celebration of a wedding. WHY ARE PEOPLE SO OFFENDED

  19. Andrea says:

    I am the last one with my last name in North America, literally I am an only child and so is my dad. I have told people I want to keep my last name (I don’t plan to have children but even if I did I would keep it) and the horror I have seen in the US and even Canada (where I live now) on one’s faces when saying this is priceless. I had a friend say she disliked her boss’s wife because she kept her own last name and gave her kids her last name also—what is it business of hers? She feels sorry for her boss when he may have been fine with it!! Why is my business SUCH a big deal for people because I am not following “the norm”. People also give me a hard time about not having children. I refuse to conform to societal norms and that irks them even more.

    I also wouldn’t take advice from someone who obviously went back to an abuser and thus needs help to not repeat such cycles.

    • word says:

      Yeah why is there so much pressure for women to get married and have kids ? This sh*t needs to stop. I know so many people who are married and have kids and all they do is complain about how horribly unhappy they are. It’s a CHOICE.

    • jwoolman says:

      I read once that somewhere it was a common old tradition for a man to take his wife’s family name if otherwise the name would die out (if the reverse tradition were followed). But I think there have always been so many different naming conventions throughout human history, nobody should be astonished at any approach to it since somewhere, sometime it has been done before. But people tend to assume that their way is the only way.

  20. Santia says:

    Women should do whatever they feel like doing with their last names. End of.

  21. Lucy says:

    I thought it was sweet, and I’m pretty sure it was just a tongue-in-cheek thing.

  22. jammypants says:

    This reminds me of the stress my female coworkers go through and losing lunch breaks and free time trying to change their name on all their legal documents, accounts, etc. All the while, they go home and cook for their husbands after a long day of work. I try really hard not to judge them, but they choose to make things difficult for themselves. I don’t feel sorry for them. All in the name of tradition. All the while, they are full career working women. Kudos to them I guess. It’s a weird time we are living in. We can have careers now, yet we are still expected to take our husbands’ names, raise the family somehow while working, and somehow still make it home to cook and clean while the husband watches tv. I’ve seen so many of my friends given a hard time for not magically balancing it all. They get more crap if they hire nannies.

    • A.Key says:

      “we are still expected”

      Yeah but who’s we? Women do this to themselves, like you said. Women expect other women to have a career and take care of their home.

      • jammypants says:

        “Women expect other women to have a career and take care of their home.”

        That’s the “we” I was referring to.

    • word says:

      It’s funny how so many men want that whole traditional marriage crap except the part where the woman stays home. They still want their wives making that money. Any woman who feels they HAVE to work a 9 to 5 and still come home and cook and clean while their husband sits on his ass needs to have a good long talk with her husband. Unless, of course she enjoys being his personal slave. Men need to be reminded their brains are capable of putting a meal together and turning a vacuum on.

    • Angel L says:

      Maybe don’t marry a guy that will make a shitty husband? it is that easy. My husband and I both work. We are equal partners in marriage and parenthood. We both clean, cook and parent our daughter. This was all discussed way before we got married. It works out great, as there are chores I hate and he hates so we trade off. He has never cleaned the bathroom as long as we have been married and I rarely do laundry. Whoever cooks (usually him), the other cleans up after dinner with our daughter. Unless she cooks and then he and I clean up. 🙂

      • jammypants says:

        Luckily I’m not married! 😛

      • Sarah says:

        Angel, you can preplan all you want buy none of this is going to secure a marriage that lasts forever. Your husband could turn out to be a sociopath. It’s as easy as picking a good husband… Ohhhh you’ve just solved all the issues with marriage for the rest of time! Thank you so much!!!!

  23. A.Key says:

    I feel like making up my own surname, for a change. Cuz you know, whatever surname you have, it’s an inherited choice made by a man centuries ago passed down the lines of family and chance.

    LOL, joking of course, why the f would I care, as if I’d willingly deal with the paperwork and administrative drama….

    PS. might as well change your first name too, I mean that wasn’t your choice either, lol

  24. Millie says:

    Of course she does! More proof that celebrities should refrain from dispensing advice.

  25. Kori says:

    I think it should be the shorter name. My sister went from a nice, short last name (4 letters) to DiGuglielmo. If I was her son I would’ve preferred the maiden name for the sake of a lifetime of filling out forms! Not to mention just finding a boy’s name that went with it. 🙂

  26. mazzie says:

    I have no opinion on whether women should change their last names. Because each decision is personal and everyone has a reason.

    I like mine – it’s unique and it’s great SEO. 😀

  27. OTHER RENEE says:

    Well I’ll just have to be in the minority and say I love being Mrs. Other Renee. However, when I married the first Mr. Other Renee, I hyphenated and what a total pain in the arse that was. Too long. I never used it and changed to his name a few years later. I loved having the same last name as Little Other Renee as she was growing up.

    The current hubby hyphenated HIS name (which is just too strange a concept for me) when he married his ex (and changed it back when he got divorced.) His son now states that he HATES being saddled with a hyphenated last name because of its length. Which is odd because he previously said he likes his unique name. Ah, well, he’s 19 and gets to change his mind weekly on … well… everything.

    And that’s the complex story of the Other Renees.

    I had clients from Ethiopia and their last name situation caused lots of confusion here in the US. The kids’ last name was their father’s FIRST name while Mom retained her own last name.

  28. Question everything says:

    If Riri were a feminist she would have said that women should choose their last name as they please. But instead she didn’t express choice but emphasized taking the name of the male partner as any patriarchal society would require you to do.

    Personally I like the variation with two last names for the children.
    But what happens when two grown-up “children” with two last names each get married and have children? How many last names will the children of “double-barred last name” parents have?

  29. Imo says:

    I never got the chance to hyphenate because when we met Mr. Imo and I had the same last name. *sigh*i actually had a friend of his, who never liked me, accuse me of being “optimistic” when she saw my last name in my email address. It was so gratifying to see the look on her face when I told her it was already my name. “Optimism or fate?” I jokingly asked. She still hates me lol

  30. Jonathan says:

    I’m torn on this issue. Or maybe conflicted us a better word.

    There’s no expectation that I as a man would change my surname if I got married but generally speaking there IS an expectation in Western society that a woman will change her surname to her husband’s surname when she gets married. I think that’s sexist drivel, seriously, one rule for men, another for women? Sounds very unfair to me.

    I’m all for all humans having choices though, so do whatever the hell you want. I DO think its a feminist issue that women keep their own identity in marriage but some excellent points have been made in the posts above about the patriarchal genesis of most women’s surnames anyway.

    Would I ever encourage a woman to change her surname when she gets married? No. I’ve been asked about it by friends and relatives before and my expressed opinion is no, don’t change it. But it’s academic anyway- I’m a man so my opinion at the end of the day is still just a man’s opinion about what women should or shouldn’t do so and that’s not good, either.

    If gay marriage were legal in Australia and if I EVER wanted to get married, which I most certainly would not anyway (I don’t ‘DO’ relationships, don’t think they’re for the most part healthy for individuals, been deliberately single for about 20 years-plenty of offers but I’m not interested) maybe it’d be a different story.

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      I guess it’s a feminist issue, but it seems a very minor one to me as long as women have the choice to retain their own surname. I’m a feminist and I changed my name to my husband’s because we wanted to have the same name. He offered to change to mine, but he had an established career in our community and I was new, so we went with his. I don’t think that makes me less of a feminist. We wanted to have children, and it was important to us that we all have the same family name. I think are valid reasons for either choice and you just have to make the right one for you.

      • Jonathan says:

        I don’t think taking your husband’s name makes you less of a Feminist either.

        I think it’s really, really cool your hubby offered to change his surname to yours, very liberated, and is demonstrative of the fact that both the man and the woman in your relationship had an equal choice. Excellent!

  31. Whitney says:

    I sort of feel like people are deflecting their disdain of her comments onto her physical appearance…

  32. Mispronounced Name Dropper says:

    I think everyone should keep their surname when they get married. And if they have kids the boys should get take their dad’s name and the girls should take their mum’s.

  33. hermia says:

    I would never take someone else’s name. It’s not even up for debate.

    • Ange says:

      I always said no also but then my boyfriend and I got serious and he said he wanted it. I said I would for a hot second but then changed my mind and kept my name when we got married. It was a surprisingly contentious issue considering he’s usually very progressive. Now he realises how little it’s mattered in our day to day and it’s never even mentioned.

      As a side note my mum went back to her maiden name after my parents divorced and that never mattered either, I always thought it strange when parents insisted they HAD to have the same surname as their kids. My husband and I know we’re married and my mother and I know we’re related. Keep names, change names, whatever – the relationship is important not the name.

  34. OSTONE says:

    This whole deal with names is super complicated to me. Like @Spaniard mentioned earlier, we are given our dad’s paternal last name and our mom’s paternal last name as well. So my official, legal name outside of the U.S. is 4 names (none of which is my husband’s) When I got married, legally I dropped my middle name and took my maiden name as my middle name (personal choice, connection to my family and latinamerican roots) and I took my husband’s last name. (whenever mini Stones come it would have been crazy to have different names for legal reasons etc) and socially, I like to use my first, middle and new last name. Whatever, my choice and the hubs wanted me to do whatever the heck I wanted.

  35. Velvet Elvis says:

    What is that purple thing she’s wearing…did she steal some old lady’s bathrobe?

  36. oceanborn says:

    I didn’t change my name and nobody cared. Seriously… no one cared. lol

  37. Wolf says:

    I took my husband’s last name and think her statement is nonsense. Blanket statements such as hers are ridiculous, we are all different and make our own decisions.

  38. Angie says:

    I did not pick up from RiRi’s post that she was talking about all women, just her friend.

    With that said, I did not change my name when I got married for a few reasons. 1) At the time I was booked for a lot of airfare and I didn’t want to re-ticket or risk my tickets not matching my ID. 2) Once the traveling was finished, I realized how much effort it would take and got lazy and 3) I love my last name. It’s easy to spell and pronounce and it sounds awesome with my first name. My husband’s last name is only one character longer but I don’t like how my name sounds with it. He didn’t care what I did. His family on his mother’s side always gIves me his name when they write it or introduce me, but whatever, I just correct them and move on.

    I’m not sure what we’ll do if we have kids, we’d have to discuss it more, but when it’s been brought up by the above-mentioned family, we say we’ll hyphenate.

  39. Lola says:

    For some reason, for me, Purple Haze = Beer….

  40. Kelly says:

    Where does she say “always”