Comic D.L. Hughley was featured on Oprah’s Where are They Now on the OWN Network. I know Hughley from his sitcom The Hughleys, which aired on ABC and UPN from 1998 – 2002. He was also in The Original Kings of Comedy in 2000, with the late Bernie Mac, Steve Harvey and Cedric The Entertainer, and now works as a host of a “nationally syndicated afternoon radio drive show,” The D.L. Hughley show. He’s 52 now but looks at least ten years younger, and judging by his Oprah interview it sounds like he’s learned quite a bit over the years.
Hughley has two daughters with his wife of 29 years, LaDonna, and they also have a 26 year-old son, Kyle. Kyle has Asperger’s Syndrome, something that Hughley has discussed in the past. In his Oprah interview he started crying when he discussed a milestone that Kyle recently passed. I got choked up watching this part of the interview (video is at the bottom of the post) and here’s what Hughley said:
[Kyle] graduated from college but everything has to be the same. He goes to work at the same time. He eats the same thing. The other day, three weeks ago, I had to get gas and he says “Daddy, I’ll do it.’ I’m a nervous wreck. He gives me the receipt and the keys. [starts crying] And I could not stop crying because he did something he was afraid to do… I just didn’t believe he could do it. He did it. And I held him and I said ‘you’re going to be alright.’ And I think sometimes I don’t know forsure, but he’s going to be fine.
That really got me. You want the best for your kids and you do the best you can for them. You can tell how much Hughley loves his son and both wants to protect him yet help him grow. Gah!
Hughley was also open about the fact that he was a serial cheater. He’s been married for decades and his wife stuck by him throughout it all. He first discussed his infidelity in 2012. As deplorable as his actions were, he does deserve credit for talking about it with the press. He said “I always thought [cheating] was just part of being a man. I never thought it was a horrible thing to be or to do. I never felt like it was anything I was doing wrong. I think monogamy is what you give your woman so she don’t leave.
“Honestly what I attribute us being married that long is her ability to love me in spite of who I am.” I hope he realizes that being a cheater is not “who he is,” it’s a behavior he chose to engage in. It sounds like he’s a changed man and that he understands that what he did was wrong. It would be nice if he used the past tense throughout, though.
Here’s a segment from Hughley’s Oprah interview. Oprah.com has another segment in which he talks about struggling to make ends meet in the early days of his marriage.
Sigh. This man is very lucky to have that woman.
cheating is part of being an a$$hole.
Monogamy is what you give a woman? I get that he’s owning his mistakes but monogamy is a two way street. I’m surprised some men still don’t realize that women face temptation too.
I know right? I give him props for recognizing he what he did was wrong and calling it for what it was, but I still detect some sexist attitudes. It’s not as if women cease to be sexual beings once marriage and babies come along. His wife is still an attractive women and could’ve found someone else if she wanted to. And let’s be real, if he was an unknown he likely wouldn’t have as many cheating avenues as he did as a well-know comedian. I hope he appreciates her as much as she deserves for putting up with that crap, assumingly without resorting to a side piece of her own. I
He is very sexist. When that celebrity nude photo hack scandal happened I was driving and tuned into hid program. He said that he would mostly leave it to his female cohost because “I’m not a girl so I don’t so these types of things” (meaning take nude/sexy pics). Clearly, he hasn’t been paying attention to any of the male photo scandals.
women actually face more temptation than men because women get bored more easily with monogamy.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/05/23/nytimes_on_lybrido_women_get_bored_with_monogamy_faster_than_men.html
its almost hilarious how society portrays men as having to screw around and women wanting to be monogamous when the reality is basically the opposite. like single women are far happier than married women and married men are happier and healthier than single men.
monogamy basically only benefits men.
That’s exactly the same thought I had, bettyrose. Once we’ve “trapped” a man that’s the end of our libidos and temptations, right? SIGH,.
Omg this!!! I have been the one tempted-more than once! Not my husband. He says he’s never eve looked at another woman (aside from celebs) since we met and after 13 years of not one inkling of cheating type behavior, I beleive him.
I however am not that much of a saint, nor are ANY of my other married girlfriends. We all have temptation stories. Men act like they’re the only ones with libidos.
My son also has Asperger’s. I love when people in the spotlight share their experiences like this. Having a special needs child makes you completely vulnerable in a way I’d never guessed I could be. For so much of the time, we’re crossing our fingers and holding our breath as our children approach what must look from the outside like tiny milestones. This interview made my morning.
my daughter is on the spectrum and I agree with you about feeling vulnerable. I try not to stress too much about my kid’s future but it is hard not being able to picture what life’s going to be like for her. this interview definitely got to me!
I also have a child with Asperger’s, and I couldn’t have said it better myself!
Add me too the list. Two out of three of my kids have Autism, one more server. They have taught me about having patients and they have taught me to see the world in a different way. When we first found out that they placed in the spectrum it was devastating, but I have two kind, artistic and amazing kids.
((Hugs))
Yes, Chris, “tiny” milestones are indeed huge. I’ll never forget the first time my son actually replied “hi” to another kid on the playground. A seemingly simple exchange that so many parents take utterly for granted — yet I felt like I was walking on air for hours.
For my son & me, it was socks. He was 8 years old. Nearly every day, his whole life, as I dressed him I had to hold his feet – “Right foot, one sock. Left foot, two socks.” Hard as he tried he could never get socks on his feet. On this day, I left the room to see to his brother. He was dressed but for his socks. When I came back in the room & reached for the socks, they were gone! I looked around bewildered. Then I saw they were on his feet. I sat/fell down, held his feet in my hands, & wept tears of celebration, pride, & hope. Laugh if you want, big world, but these are victories!
Ruddyzookeeper, I love it and get it, so, so much. Thanks for sharing.
You just gave me the goosebumps, Esmom. I remember that feeling. 🙂 Wish I could give all the moms and dads with kids on the spectrum a huge hug and a spa day.
having a child on the spectrum definitely brings a sense of vulnerability you didn’t know you could have. I have a son with Asbergers as well and he amazes me with him outlook on things and the way he analyzes things, but he also has anxiety and sensory issues and the future is always something that brings a level of uncertainty so I feel for D.L. Hughley. We have to trust in our children and encourage without pushing, they are such special gifts and I try to never take for granted how amazing he is everyday. I always thought I would be teaching my kid about the world, I never knew I would be teaching the rest of the world about my kid.
I too have a child on the spectrum who is nonverbal and although he’s only 3 I worry about the communication part and his anxieties in the future. It is hard enough to not worry every day about what can possibly happen and him not able to say anything, then those little milestones happen and you sit there and cry like a baby and you realize the love and work you do for them is so rewarding and nothing else in your life matters at that moment. I am not saying by any means a parent of a non special needs child doesn’t have more or less struggles raising a child but those little things that are so easy for everyone else to do that you don’t even think about becomes a challenge for your child, it kind of gives your life a different perspective, at least for me it has.
Tristansmom and Dhavynia, hugs to both of you, to everyone touched by one of these interesting, conflicted kids on the autistic spectrum. It can be a lonely journey getting through the day-to-day happenings, which makes moments like this even more lovely. Thanks for sharing, everyone!
I have a nephew with Autism and I know his parents and loved ones (me) worry about his future. Whether he will be “ok” in this harsh world. We also celebrate his “tiny” milestones, his uniqueness, his quirkiness, his sense of humor, his sweetness.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell a child is on the spectrum for people on the outside, and people, even close family can be very judgmental and non-supportive, especially early in diagnosis. I’m sure that your nephew’s parents so appreciate your celebrating the milestones with them, and the support!
its good to see a man mature and acknowledge his wrongs. its more amazing that his wife stayed with him … she gets the gold medal here.
I’m not understanding this, to be honest. We’re now applauding a woman for sticking with a man who so thoroughly disrespected her throughout their marriage? For welcoming him home every time he slept with someone else? For not having the self-respect to realize she deserved better, someone honest, someone who truly would forsake all others for her? For not telling him that if he wanted to sleep around as he pleased, perhaps he should never have put a ring on her finger in the first place? For potentially exposing her to who knows how many diseases that he could have/may have picked up during his side excursions?
What is so amazing or admirable about a woman accepting a man who degraded her multiple times?
So what do you award the women who leave a cheating-*ss man behind, if you’re awarding those who decide to stick with one a gold medal?
Because at the end of the day the only two people who know the semantics of a relationship are the two involved. Maybe she has plenty of self respect and to her, keeping that marriage together was important enough to her to figure out how to make it work. I would never tolerate cheating and couldn’t make it work myself but seeing as they have three children, one of whom with Asperger’s, her priorities were probably elsewhere. So yes, gold medal to her. I am not about to attack another woman’s (difficult) decision to fit the bill for what I believe should have been done in that situation.
…ok. Gold medal to a woman who accepts abuse (yes, I think it is mental abuse to be systematically and repeatedly lied to and betrayed by one who ostensibly loves her) because an intact marriage where only one party is faithful is more important than self respect. Bravo to her.
Yeah, I have a hard time with this line of thinking as well. Having a friend diagnosed with herpes because her husband strayed (and she, too, chose to “stick it out”), it’s a little hard for me to see being willing to accept such selfish disregard of her mental an physical health just because he feels justified–as a man, right?–to bed randoms. I understand that a marriage and a family are complex and contain various aspects that people prioritize differently, but even “for the children”, I don’t understand staying with someone who cheats all the time, over years and years. Also, the kids almost always know. Basically, it’s just setting up a situation where another generation thinks this kind of behavior is expected.
As the parent of an Aspie myself, I can relate to everything he says about his son here so well. The fragile nature of how my son experiences/engages with the world sometimes can be heartbreaking and scary.
But this interview has been trending on my FB feed for the past day or so — among couple Asperger parent support groups I belong to — for a different reason. Apparently he has referred to his son as “a retard” in his comedy act. Sigh. So much work yet to be done, even among those who actually have a child with special needs.
i have a 14 yr old son on the spectrum but my comment is geared towards the cheating. Monogamy. How do you make it work? I get the temptation, but actually following through – I don’t think I could ever do that. I’m a little OCD and with HPV and all kinds of STD’s running rampant…there’s just no way it would be worth it. Now, emotionally, I don’t think I could do it either! How hard is it to commit to someone and decide to be faithful as long as you’re together? Is monogamy fading from society? Is it an archiac ideal?
You raise valid questions about monogamy, but the thing I’ll never understand is that people who realize perhaps it’s not for them, or simply that they wish to be with another person, just proceed with that desire without, y’know, informing their significant other instead of sneaking around behind their back. You wanna have your way with all the womenfolk, go to it; just don’t lie to me and allow me to believe you’re being faithful to me. Man up and tell me you want out so that I can move on and find someone who does like the idea of one man/one woman (well, man-man/woman-woman, whatever…just TWO people being faithful to one another).
YES. I told my boyfriend that if he wants to cheat, then he needs to let me know first so I can jump ship. There is no point in keeping up the facade of monogamy if the partner is looking elsewhere. Even if it’s just for one night.
I think that it is just becoming more acceptable to practice alternative lifestyle choices so it seems like monogamy is fading when in fact I think the façade of it is. People like to argue that we aren’t ‘meant’ to be monogomous. No, I think we aren’t meant to be pidgeon holed. The trick is finding someone who authentically feels the same, you know? But it’s there and if that’s your thing, then it is absolutely worth it.
You are 100% right we aren’t all meant to be defined by the same brush stroke, as far as what constitutes a healthy or normal/desirable relationship or way of interacting with people. But like you said, the trick is to find someone on the same wavelength. It’s one thing to go into a relationship knowing it’s open, and another to expect fidelity and only find out later that it was all one-sided. Monogamy may not be for everyone; I just hate that there are people who realize they belong to that subset of the population, but continue to delude their romantic partners into thinking otherwise and that nothing has changed. With all of DL Hughley’s talk about how cheating was expected or normal as a man, I wonder if he ever queried his wife about what she thought was expected or normal behavior for her as a woman – did she think she had a free pass as well? Did she brush off his infidelity simply because she was stepping out on him too? And if she did say she’d cheated on him multiple times, it’d be interesting to hear if his response was “Ah, well…you’re a woman…it’s what you’re gonna do. No big deal.”
It’s good to see someone reflect on the machismo he grew up with and come out the otherside. He’s not perfect obviously but I do sense he actually learned from his mistakes rather than got better PR. I see s lot of uninformed young black men in him.
I’m also really proud and happy for him and his son. I understand that’s one of the biggest fears for parents if they’ll be able to function on their own.
Funny thing, my husband has mild-moderate Aspergers. I get the feeling that his family is always stunned that he has ended up in a ‘normal’ life. (House, pets, wife and steady job)
God knows I don’t think we’re all that normal but we balance things out just fine and better than many!
My son has autism and I totally get the tears over milestones. He has been very challenging sometimes, and I have to say I understand why there is a “shaken baby syndrome”. But, it is getting much better with early intervention and I am proud to be his mommy!!
I can’t stand DL Hughley. He was one of the “celebrities” that was laughing at and circulating a horrible meme of a precious little girl in my home state who has a rare disorder that affects her physical development. The little girls picture was snapped at a church function and someone took the image and wrote a horrible message on it to make others laugh. It circulated and the family was desperately trying to do what it could to get it out of circulation because she is a real child who cannot help how her body develops. This pr*ck posted it to his twitter as joke. He truly sucks.
If I recall correctly, he also acted like a fool with that whole Don Imus thing (calling some of the ladies on a college basketball team “nappy-headed hoes”) and basically said he agreed with Don, or that his comments weren’t something to get upset about.
This is the story that happened in my home state. I can’t stand when people who cannot defend themselves are picked on. Even though DL Hughly eventually took down the meme, many of his followers got mad. If he is so mature and such a good person he should have known better than to put it up in the first place. Either he enjoys making fun of children with disabilities or he is a jackass. Probably both.
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/my-baby-not-monster-mum-5270396