Amy Poehler to male Hollywood execs: ‘stop asking me where my children are’

Amy Poehler

Amy Poehler’s career knows no bounds, which is particularly awesome after the end of Parks & Rec. Her IMDb profile reveals some completed movies and current filming for the Wet Hot American Summer reboot on Netflix. Fast Company just named her #8 on its 100 Most Creative People in Business list. Their profile mentions that Poehler both champions other female comedians and mentors up-and-comers. Show business is hard on women, and comedy is a particularly tough branch for women to crack. As Kaiser mentioned when considering Amy Schumer, women don’t get as much leeway for the same jokes that men tell. In this interview, Poeher hints at that inequality and discusses the different treatment women receive as working parents. We talk a lot about how magazines are obsessed with asking women about parenting. Poehler says she receives the same treatment during professional meetings:

On surviving comedy as a woman: “I have these meetings with really powerful men and they ask me all the time, ‘Where are your kids? Are your kids here?'” she says with a sneer. “It’s such a weird question. Never in a million years do I ask guys where their kids are. It would be comparable to me going to a guy, ‘Do you feel like you see your kids enough?'”

The scrutiny makes her uncomfortable: “It’s a struggle for me to remain open. To not shut down because I’m defensive or scared or maybe my ego is getting in the way. And the other side of that is just believing that I belong where I am and deserve to take up space. I fight constantly between those two things, between not apologizing for what I want and staying vulnerable and creatively supple and not thinking I know better than everyone else.”

On talking like a man: “I often look to men to model behavior. Not because I want to squelch what’s feminine about me, but because sometimes I want a little more action, a little less feeling in my interactions. I’ve been doing this thing lately where I try to talk slower at meetings. I take a lot of meetings with women and we all talk really fast. But every guy talks so much slower. I think men are just a little bit more comfortable taking up conversational real estate. So I’ve been seeing how slow I can tolerate talking. I’m doing it now. Let me tell you, it’s really hard for me.”

Why she works so heavily with emerging female talent: “It’s selfish. I just like working with women.”

She’s very involved with the Worldwide Orphans Foundation: “When I’m with my kids, I feel so lucky to have all this love in my life. But these orphans have nobody who lights up when they come into the room, and that’s really, really heavy.”

[Form Fast Company]

I love that Amy is talking to a major business/entrepreneurship magazine about the unbalanced treatment of working mothers and fathers. During last year’s promotion of her Yes Please memoir, Amy also discussed an “unspoken pact that women feel they should follow. She said working mothers are supposed to act guilty, and stay-at-home moms are supposed to act bored without a career. Really, both groups are happy with their choices, but society tells us to always question whether we’re doing the wrong thing. Guilt, man.

Amy’s involvement with the Worldwide Orphans Foundation continues to impress. The charity’s CEO, Jane Aronson, told Fast Company that Amy “gets totally involved. She’s better than a board member, she’s a partner.” Amy’s visited Haiti, and she’ll head to Ethiopia in the fall. She isn’t simply a celebrity name on the charity’s roster.

Amy Poehler

Amy Poehler

Photos courtesy of WENN

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41 Responses to “Amy Poehler to male Hollywood execs: ‘stop asking me where my children are’”

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  1. Lucy2 says:

    What a bizarre question. “Are your kids here?” Of course- every mother brings their small children to business meetings, don’t they???

    • smee says:

      It totally implies “I know you’re normally a soccer mom when you’re not here playing “creative person” – so, who has the kids?” Completely passive/aggressive. I like how she says she models her behavior on men in order to get the same amount of meeting time.

    • InvaderTak says:

      Some do actually. Seen it many times. Depends on the business and the parents. My store manager lets her kids loose in the store on a fairly regular basis.

    • Nic919 says:

      Hollywood seems even more sexist than the general business world. I am a lawyer and some of the older male ones can be condescending but I have never heard them ask anyone ask where their kids are. If everyone is there for a meeting then we talk about the topic of the meeting or small talk about current events.

  2. wiffie says:

    “But these orphans have nobody who lights up when they come into the room, and that’s really, really heavy.”

    When I think of it like that, my heart just aches. Such a beautiful way to word that, and it’s so sad…

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      Heartbreaking.

    • zimmer says:

      You’re right. Very well put.

      What a great person and she makes a great point about the feelings of working and stay at home mothers. I’ve done both and I agree on one hand, but I also felt guilty when working for not spending more quality time with the kids and now that I’m not working, I really miss the income b/c I could do more for them financially if I still had it. I really see and have felt the benefits of both. The interesting thing is, I think many grown up kids often wished their mothers had done the opposite of whatever their mother chose. I don’t believe most men ever really face that issue.

    • Anony says:

      I agree…the way she said that brought tears to my eyes. I cannot even think about it because I’ll start bawling. How incredibly sad. I remember when I first had my baby and I would cry thinking about all the unloved babies in the world that I couldn’t give love to.

    • mememe says:

      I just found out a couple weeks ago that I can never have children, and it’s been so hard on me. When I read statements like that, it makes me feel better and more at peace about adoption. There’s more than on way to become a parent, and there’s so many kids out there who need to be loved and wanted.

  3. Dhavynia says:

    When you’re a big celebrity or upper management or whatever high position and you’re a woman, you will always have men assume you can’t be both successful at both a career and motherhood, men will assume you neglet your kids to get ahead. I hear it all the time where I work, which is a company with 435k employees worldwide. It’s disgusting.

    I’m so glad to hear about her charity involvement, breaks my heart just thinking about the comment on those kids. So many out there that you just can’t help wanting to adopt them all and give them all the love kids deserve. Good for Amy

  4. Elizabeth says:

    I love love LOVE Amy!!! She’s so talented and such a great role model for women. And I like that she’s not a size 2.

    I am a little worried about her career now that Parks is over. Her last film went straight to VOD and she doesn’t get as many magazine cover as Tina Fey or Kristen Wiig. I wish Amy was in the female Ghost Busters.

    • Lucy2 says:

      Amy would have been great in the new Ghostbusters! Maybe we’ll get a cameo.
      I think her career will be fine, she’s got a couple of movies lined up and the Netflix series, her book did really well, and she’s a producer on a few shows too. I’d imagine after seven years of long hours on Parks, she’s enjoying some down time for a bit too.

    • Debbie says:

      She just inked a new deal to develop a series with Hulu. I think she’ll be fine. Personally I would rather watch her then Tina fey any day of the week and most people I know feel that way. I actually don’t know anyone that doesn’t just love Amy.

      I also think she is smart and doing a lot of behind the scenes things too. Isn’t she a Ep of broad city?

      • Lux says:

        Why does it have to be a contest between her and Tina Fey?????

      • Debbie says:

        @lux it’s not someone mentioned they worried because she doesn’t have as many covers as Tina and I gave my opinion it’s not a contest. I don’t personally find Tina that funny unless she is interacting with Amy (golden globes) but I’m sure many disagree. Obviously based on her huge success.

        I said I think Amy will be fine she has a lot going on and I don’t know anyone that isn’t a fan. Not a competition, just my opinion which I’m allowed to express

  5. Anastasia says:

    It doesn’t stop there, Amy. Once your children are too old for people to ask that question, then YOU’RE too old.

    I’m sure she’ll find a way to successfully deal with that because she’s BAD ASS. I love her.

  6. GiGi says:

    I love her. My office is in my home so people always think my kids are just hanging out, lol. Um, no. They’re at daycare or school, BECAUSE I’M WORKING! I hate those microagressions.

    • Granger says:

      I can totally relate! People ask me all the time why my son is in the after-school program when I’m at home. Uh, lemme see… Because I’m *working*? Idiots. 😉

    • MoochieMom says:

      Why does your 3 year old go to “school?” To learn how to pay attention on four hour conference calls about a meeting we are having to set up a meeting with a client who may or may not be an actual client. Oh wait, that was why I went to college.

  7. TX says:

    LOVE HER.

  8. GoodNamesAllTaken says:

    I completely get what she’s saying about men feeling more comfortable taking up conversational real estate, more entitled to the attention and time they’re requiring, and much less willing to give you the same time and space. I worked for both men and women, and of course everyone’s different, but with men, I always felt more conscious of having to be very succinct in both reporting to them verbally or in emails. Women liked more detail, but even though a man would yak for half an hour telling you something about himself, his attention span for your report was about 30 seconds. I worked for one attorney for whom I had a two sentence rule. I had to boil everything down to two sentences, or he wouldn’t read it. I’d send him a four sentence email and he’d call me and ask me what it said.

    • paleokifaru says:

      I work in academia and with non profits and it’s exactly the same. I feel like you just described every professional position I’ve ever been in.

    • Anony says:

      so true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • I Choose Me says:

      You just described my life, my boss.

  9. marie says:

    Ughhhhhh…. I relate so much to this! I gave up my job to relax while I was pregnant and spend the first year with my daughter, which turned to 4 and a half years because I got pregnant right away again after her. When I bumped into my old boss he mentioned how I “threw it all away on kids.” It really annoyed me. I love my kids, I wanted to enjoy the tiny times before they were gone. Forgive me for making my own individual decisions. I hate the judgment. You’re never going to be right as a woman, and God forbid you never have children. My sister gets it 100 times worse because she doesn’t want kids.

    Real feminist progress would be allowing us to all make our own choices free of judgment, just like a man.

    • ScrewStewrat19 says:

      Wow. What a jerk. You could always go back to work and work your way back to the position you were or higher. You can’t get that time back that you spent with your children. Shame on him.

    • paleokifaru says:

      Sadly you probably would’ve gotten snide remarks the other way too. Had you stayed in the profession you’d be getting comments from other people (sadly often mothers) about how they just couldn’t leave their babies. And that’s fine if they can’t. Their choice. But I hate how people seem to feel such a need to validate their own choices that they do it by tearing the choices of other people. There’s not one way to be a parent! Yes, there are a lot of wrong ways to be a parent other than outright abuse or neglect that we see so often with these celebrity stories but there are also plenty of ways to do parenting right!

  10. Lilacflowers says:

    Do these people asking Amy where the kids are ever ask Will Arnett the same question? She should respond with “ask Will, he’s their parent too.”

  11. ToodySezHey says:

    She’s come a long way since Upright Citizens Brigade. What an under appreciated show.

  12. INeedANap says:

    If you have a Facebook account, I urge you to follow her Smart Girls page. They post about awesome girls and women making a difference around the world.

  13. Merritt says:

    I’m glad more women in Hollywood are speaking out about the sexism they face.

  14. msmlnp says:

    Gah! I hate these questions.

    I have been asked “What does your husband do for work?” More than once. And I’m in my 30’s.

  15. Jayna says:

    Rock on, Amy. You’re beloved.

  16. Soporificat says:

    Amy is literally the best. What is especially cool about her is that she is using her success to raise up and support other women and girls. Not only is she talented and tough, but she is a genuinely decent person.

    Tina Fey has an anecdote about Amy Poehler in her book, Bossy-Pants. This was the first time that I realized that I was in love with Amy Poehler, lol! Here it is:

    “Amy Poehler was new to SNL and we were all crowded into the seventeenth-floor writers’ room, waiting for the Wednesday read-through to start. There were always a lot of noisy “comedy bits” going on in that room. Amy was in the middle of some such nonsense with Seth Meyers across the table, and she did something vulgar as a joke. I can’t remember what it was exactly, except it was dirty and loud and “unladylike.”

    Jimmy Fallon, who was arguably the star of the show at the time, turned to her and in a faux-squeamish voice said: “Stop that! It’s not cute! I don’t like it.”

    Amy dropped what she was doing, went black in the eyes for a second, and wheeled around on him. “I don’t f***ing care if you like it.” Jimmy was visibly startled. Amy went right back to enjoying her ridiculous bit …”

  17. Nessa says:

    This woman can do no wrong on my eyes. I absolutely adore her.

  18. MSat says:

    Preach it, Amy!

    I will never forget that moment when I realized the company I was working for was never going to take me seriously. I had received a fantastic job offer from a competing firm for a higher level position. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to take it, so I went to my (male) boss, one of the founders of the firm I was at, and told him about the offer. I wanted to see if he could offer something close to get me to stay. The first thing he said to me was, “A senior management position like that will mean long work hours. How do your kids feel about that?”

    I gave my notice the next day, never looked back!

  19. Sara says:

    I’m a sociologist and one of the most depressing things for women to study is gender. Mothers get a 5% (adjusted for lost experience during pregnancy and maternity leave) pay penalty for their first child and a 14% penalty for the second child (also adjusted). At least a third of this is presumed to be due to employer discrimination. It just sucks to be a woman and women pay (literally) for being working parents. 🙁 I leave the stay at home versus work thing up to individuals but as a person with a daughter I really, really, hope we sort this sexism business out by the time she’s an adult. It’s bad. I like working but sometimes it’s a heavy, heavy burden to try to be a parent and also have a career at the same time.

  20. Lola says:

    The men sometimes asks these things (I have notice) when they have no clue on how to treat you. I used to use my initials, instead of my name for the longest time. Men would recognize the work and then when they saw me in person they would flip, bc they thought I was a guy.

  21. emma says:

    love her! love the hair color on her!