Gwyneth Paltrow: ‘I really don’t come from a culture of divorce at all’

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My parents got divorced when I was like 13/14. Half of my friends growing up had divorced parents. Almost everyone I know has some personal experience with divorce, whether they themselves have gotten a divorce, or their parents, or a sibling, or whatever. My point? Divorce really isn’t that noteworthy at this point. I’m not saying divorce isn’t devastating, or that everyone is utterly blasé about it at this point. I’m just saying that culturally, in the developed world, divorce is pretty commonplace. It’s commonplace in my conservative, Southern town, and I would imagine it’s even more commonplace in NYC and LA and London. But apparently Gwyneth Paltrow – a resident of London, LA and NYC – was absolutely flabbergasted to find herself in need of a good divorce lawyer last year. She never thought “divorce” could happen to her because she had no experience with “the culture of divorce.”

While Chris Martin was telling Australian radio show hosts Rove & Sam that the divorce left him “happy to be alive” on Sunday, Gwyneth Paltrow was half-a-world away in Los Angeles, giving her own take on the demise of their 12-year marriage to a live audience at a Pearl xChange Q&A hosted by Nicole Ritchie. The 43-year-old Oscar winner launched into her monologue when an audience member at the Sheraton Universal Grand Ballroom asked her to name something in life that didn’t turn out the way she’d planned.

“My marriage,” Paltrow candidly answered. “I am from a tribe of people who stay married. My parents stayed married until my dad died. I really don’t come from a culture of divorce at all and I had very high hopes for what my life could be like,” she said, adding that almost everyone in her family and most of her friends, dating back to high school, have remained married.

“I think that it was very difficult for me that I couldn’t do that and that I wasn’t able to be married to the father of my children for the rest of my life,” Paltrow lamented. “It was very challenging for me in terms of having to re-assess what that said about me, ideas that I had about that kind of failure. Luckily my ex-husband is an incredibly good ex-husband and an amazing dad.”

[From The NYDN]

See… this is why some people have issues with Gwyneth. It’s the way she frames issues, the sort of oblivious, self-centered, that-doesn’t-make-any-sense attitude. Granted, her parents had a legendarily strong marriage. Good for them. But did she honestly not realize that her parents were the exception, and that’s why they were held up as such a wonderful example of a Hollywood marriage that worked? And I absolutely do not believe that Gwyneth has constantly been surrounded by people who have simply never divorced. This is patently false. Again, I’m not saying that I don’t believe that Gwyneth wasn’t legitimately devastated when her marriage went to hell (although she seems to be more concerned with how she looked like a “failure”), I’m questioning her premise, that she never thought divorce could happen to her because no one around her has ever gotten a divorce.

Also: you know how Chris Martin got over his sad-sack divorce by diving into poetry/Jennifer Lawrence? Well, LaineyGossip had an interesting story about Amy Schumer and her new BFF Jennifer Lawrence, and how Schumer has added several new Gwyneth Paltrow jokes to her routine. I’d be willing to bet that there are some hard feelings between Gwyneth and J-Law, mostly because Gwyneth tried to do everything she could to get Chris and Jennifer to break up.

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Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and WENN.

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52 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow: ‘I really don’t come from a culture of divorce at all’”

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  1. lassie says:

    Vulva throat dress.

  2. LAK says:

    So I guess this is her way of shedding Chris Martin?! His parents divorced in 2011.

  3. Allie says:

    My parents have been together for 30 plus years, as have all my uncles and aunts, and my grandparents all stayed together until they died. All my friends growing up had parents that were together. I could probably list on one hand all the people I know that have been divorced. That said, if I ever got married, I would never think I was immune to getting divorced. Getting divorced/staying together is not hereditary. I think I’m just as able to commit as someone who came from a divorced household. Gwyneth lives in her own bubble and it’s embarrassing to see someone in their 40’s have no knowledge of things that don’t affect her and her lifestyle.

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      Thank you. I can’t stand people who act like their are two groups – people who fight for their marriages and people who don’t care. I am divorced. I am also blessed to have parents who are still alive and married and in love. That was my intention when I got married as well, but it didn’t work out. I think most people marry with the intention and hope that it will last forever. I hate the attitude that people who are divorced just hit a little bump and gave up. Someone posted on my aunt’s Facebook page “the reason so many people of my age are still married is that we come from a generation that fixed things when they were broken instead of throwing them away. ” I wanted to punch her lights out. Lol.

      • swack says:

        So agree GNAT. I got married with the intention of staying married. Sometimes things can’t be fixed.

    • LAK says:

      I come from a culture of no divorce, but horrendous marriages.

      I’d rather be single and or divorce than to put up with the horrendous relationships everyone puts up with, just so I can say I’m in a long term marriage.

      • minx says:

        Amen to that.
        My parents were married 51 years, but how may of them were good? Maybe 5.

      • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

        So true, LAK. A woman I know, who cheats on her husband constantly said to me, smugly, “Roger and I don’t believe in divorce.” I thought, well I don’t believe in cheating, bitch, but of course I was too chicken.

      • Rhea says:

        God, yes!!! My parents are still together but bitterly hate each other. They always going on and on saying that it’s only because of the children they stay together and make it as if their unhappiness is our fault. It’s getting more worse now in their old age.😕

    • Wren says:

      Me too. Only a handful of people in my entire extended family have been divorced, and one of them is still with his second wife 30-something years later. It just isn’t a “thing” in my family and thus divorce was strange to me when I encountered it among my friends’ parents. I have certain expectations for my own marriage, not out of a warped sense of tradition but because that’s the model I grew up with. I don’t think my relationship is immune, but I do see what she’s saying. Your childhood experiences are formative, and the relationships you see growing up do shape your perspective, even if you’re logically aware of other outcomes.

    • tealily says:

      I was thinking the exact same thing! Must husband and I both come from families of people who have stayed married, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we’ll make it. That said, I can understand feeling like a failure when everyone around you has managed to make it work. I’m sure that’s really difficult. However, I cannot imagine speaking publicly about it in this way when you know that your audience will be a lot of people who have been divorced and come from parents who were divorced. It takes a really self-centered person. Her family is better than your family. Her marriage is better than your marriage. Her divorce was harder than your divorce.

    • Carol says:

      @Allie My sentiments exactly! Same here – no divorce in my family nor did or do I have many friends who are divorced. But I would never think that divorce can’t happen to me or to anyone I know. Gwyneth is so infuriating some times. She’s beyond snobby, she’s just stupid.

    • mytbean says:

      So, my mother is on her 4th marriage. My husband’s folks, on the other hand, have been together from the start and they are all he knows. I can say, without hesitation, that coming from a “culture of divorce” – knowing it first-hand and intimately – that I view conflict and the basic ups and downs of my marriage with far more anxiety than my husband does. He sees arguments as just disagreements to get over. He sees the normal lulls and occasional boredom as nothing to fret over while I see them as a sign we should start looking for a good lawyer. I see normal pains as the beginning of the end because that is all I’ve known that they lead too.

      A person can watch a million marriages from the outside but that means squat to a personal foundation of what a relationship is really supposed to be. Mom and Dad are the ultimate representation, whether we like it or not.

      I think this is what she is saying. That coming from that unknown place she could never fathom it happening to her.

      • mytbean says:

        Also – I can’t help but sympathize with her because basically she’s like anyone else on the inside looking out. She’s clueless and has had these perceived notions about divorcees that she’s gathered based on limited experience with divorce. She probably thought divorced people were faulty or flawed or didn’t try everything or whatever. Only experience really teaches us about our true biases. Her eyes have been opened though, at least that seems to be the case.

  4. Granger says:

    My parents and my husband’s parents are divorced, but I only have one divorced friend, so I would have trouble finding a good divorce lawyer if anything ever happened to my marriage. Just saying, I don’t think you should be quite so quick to doubt her. It’s quite possible that those in her innermost circle are in strong marriages and this was all “new” to her.

    • tealily says:

      It’s not that anyone doubts that she feels this way, it’s that she comes off as completely out of touch and smug, yet again.

  5. Wolfie88 says:

    Space..between Goops ears…the final frontier…to seek out…oh hell naw forget it.

  6. Patricia says:

    Kaiser you hit the nail on the head: it’s the way she frames things that makes her such a brat.
    I am blessed that my parents have a strong marriage. But by the time I was in middle school I realized it wasn’t the norm, because the vast majority of my friends’ parents were divorced. So yeah, we all come from a culture of divorce, Gwennie. What a smacked-ass remark: “I don’t come from a culture of divorce”. She thinks she’s so above it all.

    • lucy2 says:

      Exactly – instead of just saying no one close to her had been through that and she didn’t have anyone to rely on for advice, she turns it into a “culture of divorce” and all the other stuff.

  7. Specialp says:

    Sit down, GP, nobody likes you. Especially when you open your mouth.

  8. HappyMom says:

    I know I’m rare-but my parents have been happily married for 50 years, and none of their friends are divorced either (and neither were any of the parents of my friends growing up-although many split up once we were out of the house) -so I get what she’s saying. If you’ve been brought up in that environment, your expectation is that you’ll be the same way.

  9. Minu umrani says:

    I Think gwyneth is just being honest with her feeling . I have also no experience with divorce none in my family or friends have ever divorce so the feeling you are going through must be tough .
    Whatever the feeling between Jlaw and G to make bad comments about kids was a Low blow by Amy in name of comedy . Guess nobody wants to stand up to miss poupular .
    Looks like being fit is being a crime and being big and not caring about stuff is cool . Well I am not skinny minny but I know value of exercise in day to day routine .

  10. FingerBinger says:

    I don’t have an issue with her comments. I don’t have an issue with how she framed it. She’s talking about her family.

  11. Amy M. says:

    I don’t come from a divorce background either. Most of my friends’ parents are still married except for two I can think of as are my own and nearly all my aunts and uncles. Just have one uncle who got divorced and he has since remarried. Divorce is not common in my family. You can yell at Gwyneth all you want and I do think she is insufferable most of the time and completely out of touch with how we peasants live. But some of us did not grow up surrounded by divorce and I think it’s kind of odd to shame her for that.

    • Jenny says:

      I don’t think people are at all shaming her for growing up without divorce around her. I think that the issue some are finding with the way she presents this is as follows: her people (who of course are better than other, regular, peasanty people) do not get divorced, so she had a certain expectation for her marriage and now she is a failure and one of “those” people (the peons, regulars, unwashed, like the rest of us).

    • GoodNamesAllTaken says:

      Agree with Jenny. No one is shaming her for growing up around long-term marriages. That’s great – so did I. It’s her language. She didn’t grow up in the “divorce culture,” as if those of us who are divorced grew up in a culture that celebrates divorce and doesn’t take marriage vows seriously. As I said above, I don’t know many people who weren’t completely sincere when they got married, or who didn’t want it to last forever. She could have just said she married with the expectation that it would last forever, but she can’t resist her snobby little references to her “superior” upbringing.

  12. paolanqar says:

    As I see it, given how condescending she is 99% of the times, she felt that divorce was beneath her. Something that it’s fine when it happens to other people but she never contemplated the idea of having to deal with it herself.
    She’s probably a control freak and thought that she had the key to happiness, the one in control without considering, even for a second, that she wasn’t the only one involved in it. You can’t control the other person’s feelings.

    Also, I really like her dress but I don’t get it. Are the frills drawn?

    • Kaiser says:

      Exactly!!!! It’s like she’s saying she believed she was too elite to ever get divorced. That divorce is for peasants.

      • paolanqar says:

        That’s how karma gets to you: biting you in the ass when you least expect it.

      • Marny says:

        I don’t understand this reaction to her comment at all. I don’t think she’s trying to imply that she’s better than anyone else since she grew up around people who stay married for the long haul. Instead, I think she is trying to frame why she felt like a failure for getting a divorce. When I was a kid, I was one of only two kids in my entire grade whose parents were divorced and that made it especially difficult for me. This totally makes sense. In my opinion, she doesn’t sound remotely elitist. It sounds like divorce was a humbling experience.

    • Ennie says:

      She has said that she is a perfectionist. She has not changed at all.
      She sells her perfect lifestyle, basing it in her perfect life.
      She stinks of insecurity, and now she is blaming her perfectionism on her parents marriage… maybe they are the roots of her attitude, anyway.

  13. oce says:

    Honestly, I think I understand this statement, as snobby as it may come across from how GOOP communicated it. I am 34, and my parents are not divorced (they are immigrants who had an arranged marriage 44 years ago in Africa). None of my closest friends from high school have divorced parents (funny, they also are immigrant families), and none of my friends from college that I am still close to have parents that are divorced (except 1 friend, American. The parents that lasted are also immigrant families, so my friends from college are first-generation like me, but from Europe or Africa, etc). Most of my small circle of friends (12 people) have gotten married over the last 6 years now, and only 2 have gotten divorced. So I think I get GOOP’s statement, as snooty as it sounds. I think I get what she means… I was dating a 41 y/o guy who I really loved that recently got divorced. He has 50% custody of his 7 year old son, and I am flabbergasted at what he is trying to accomplish: raise a son with an ex-wife who he only communicates with via text and lawyers. My married 36 year old brother has told me it will ‘not work out in the long run, so I should find someone else’.

  14. Peggy says:

    Now if it was cheating on your partner, now that is a culture Gwenny would understand.
    No divorce, just have affairs, both were cheating in the marriage, just that Chris is not an actor, and he had enough of pretending to be a happy family.

  15. Eleonor says:

    My boyfriend had too much expectations from his previous marriage, he never had considered divorcing, but he was forced because that relationship went south very quickly. He had to rebuild his life changing his attitude… and now he is going to marry me 😀 .
    Sometimes you need a failed relationship to understand what you want in life, it is not a “culture of divorce”, it is about having a better comprehension of who you are.

  16. Heather says:

    Well welcome to the culture, Gwennie. As it’s the first original thing you’ve done so far, I’m sure it will take some getting used to.

    • tealily says:

      It’s strange that such a rich woman, with so many opportunities for travel, who considers herself so worldly, seems to know so little about people who live differently than she does.

      • Marny says:

        What? She never said that she wasn’t familiar with the concept of divorce. Everyone’s lives are impacted and shaped by their immediate community- why would she be any different?

      • tealily says:

        She is saying that divorced people are not her people, and therefore she never really thought about divorce as part of her life. I’m saying she has the resources to cross paths with all sorts of people, from all walks of life. Why hasn’t she gotten to know anyone who isn’t like her? Why hasn’t she thought about divorce? She seems to be someone who doesn’t care about other people’s problems until they affect her.

      • Marny says:

        I think she’s talking about her family. If her parents and the majority of her grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins have remained married I can totally understand why she would feel that there was a standard set there that she failed to meet.

  17. Lama Bean says:

    So you cheat (with Falchuk) but don’t expect that may lead to divorce? Where they do that at?

    • als says:

      My cousin’s wife threatened divorce. She even filed for it. I don’t have words to describe how thick the air was. No one talked about it in the family, not openly, but behind closed doors there was shame and panic.
      They reconciled in the end because she got pregnant but things are still bad.
      Family is happy, no divorce, just general misery.
      So, we don’t have a culture of divorce.

  18. Tiffany says:

    So Amy is doing this crap now. Privately, that is what friends do sometimes and that is what that time is for. Part of your very public act, dumb.

  19. iheartgossip says:

    Oh Darlin’ Goopy; you can’t keep your pie hole shut, can you!?! Nobody currrrs

  20. vespernite says:

    Dear Gwyneth,

    OH! GOOD FOR YOU!!…STFU!

    Signed,
    The World

  21. Anne says:

    You know I relate a bit to Gwyneth’s judgmental ways. I grew up with a very judgmental father and, unfortunatley, I’ve found that I’ve internalized a lot of his ideas – ideas about how I should be and should not be, about where my value comes from, etc. Judgement sucks. And it can be difficult to get free from it and let some of those ideas go instead of using them against yourself. Ugh.

  22. Ange says:

    What about your supposed bestie Jessica seinfield goop? Or do starter marriages not count?

  23. Ally8 says:

    I feel touched by what she said, actually. Yes, you could read it as ‘culture of divorce’ = negative. I take it as a reflection of the idea that if you’ve seen a relatively healthy surviving marriage growing up, you’ve hopefully seen positive behaviors modeled and can expect to reproduce them almost unthinkingly growing up. Or seen some unhealthy behaviors you are smart enough not to reproduce whether people in your family circle divorce or not.

    I like what she said one time, about asking her dad, “How did you and Mom stay married for 33 years?” And he said, “Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.” I think that’s what it boils down to. You can’t have one person who’s committed to making it work most of the time and another who’s a selfish baby most of the time. It has to break down 50-50 over time in terms of pulling the supportive weight and being kind and considerate in the relationship.

    Clearly, it’s easier to grow apart when you’re that rich and so many options are available to you, with hundreds of people catering to you all the time. Hard to go from that centre of the universe message to focusing your attention on one other person’s needs.

    It looks like la Gwyn became increasingly neurotic and controlling (did Celebitchy cover Martin’s recent comments about the quest for the perfect white shirt? “I started to think that, maybe, a partner with refined tastes for white shirts isn’t everything”) and he became increasingly entitled and self-obsessed.

    Gwyneth grates, but he’s a giant git who makes terrible music, so Team Gwyneth on this one.