Back in December 2013, Olympian diver Tom Daley came out as bisexual and revealed that he was currently dating a then-unnamed 39-year-old. As it turns out, Daley’s boyfriend was Oscar-winning screenwriter Dustin Lance Black. They’ve been together ever since, and they got engaged last October. Now DLB and Daley cover Out Magazine’s Love Issue. Dustin is 41, Tom is 21. And the age difference still seems skeevy to me, but whatever. It’s happening and they love each other. And it seems like Tom was the one to propose!
DLB on how Tom hit on him: “Tom took my phone, and he typed his number in with a winky face. At which point I felt I had confirmation that he was a gay. I’ve never in my life heard of a straight man putting his number in another man’s phone with a winky face.”
Tom on their first date: “We literally spent three or four hours talking about the crap that we’d been through. His brother had only just passed away, and my dad had died in 2011, and we talked about his mum and her struggles with her illnesses—sadly, she’s no longer with us—and we just really connected. It was one of the first time that I felt, Oh my God, this isn’t just a thing where I am attracted to someone. This is someone that I’ve connected with on a whole new level. It was new for me, and that was when I thought, ‘Sh-t, I’m in trouble here.'”
DLB on their attraction: “Not only is he unbelievably attractive to me, and that goes beyond just how he looks, but he gets me. He understood my competitive spirit. We both had been to the top of our fields – he’d been world champion, I had an Oscar—and neither of us felt we were done.”
Tom on the marriage talk: “Quite honestly, we talked about marriage within the first two weeks after seeing each other the first time in LA.”
DLB on their plans: “We were so busy making all these plans—we both wanted to have children; we both wanted to build a home of our own someday. I draw, so I was sketching little plans for houses on cliffs overlooking oceans, while Tom watched over my shoulder—it was a very grown-up version of playing house. Marriage is the foundation to all of these other big plans we have. So we knew we were going to get engaged—it was just a matter of when, and who does it.”
Tom proposed first: “I had the ring box in my underwear, and when he came out of the bathroom, I just went down on my knee and proposed. Then he ran off to the bathroom to get his rings, and he had this whole speech prepared, but he’s a writer so his was quite extravagant.”
It does seem like a particular intense relationship, but that it’s also a “love match,” despite the age difference. It seems like… I don’t know, it’s too early to talk about marriage when you’ve only known a guy for two weeks, but maybe they both felt like they needed to lock it down? Anyway… cute guys. I hope it lasts and I hope it works out for them.
Photos courtesy of Out Magazine.
Still skeeves me out and the photo on the bed just proves it again.
It’s funny we both saw the same thing! One dressed to the nines, one in apparently very little, and the unclothed one clinging on for dear life. Love is love, and more power to them, but this picture just screams imbalance of power to me. Good luck to them though, they have as much of a chance to make it work as anyone else!
I think it’s the diver vs Hollywood writer thing
Same here. I’m thinking hero worship and lust rather than a balanced, mature love. But I’m not in their relationship so I can’t really know.
My first thought about the matching red sleepwear photo was that I need to get onesies made out of that fabric for myself and my cats.
Their divorce is going to be so intense.
Especially when they have to split the Clarins Men skin products AND the fab dishware.
They’re a cute couple… I hope this marriage works out for them, despite age difference.
Do I have this timeline right… a 39 year old man was discussing marriage with a 19 year old just 2 weeks after they met? I just can not with this guy.
Well , according to this interview they met a few days before the Doma and Prop 8 cases were argued at the SCOTUS and DLB was there with the Prop 8 clients so I don’t think the marriage talk is that weird -under these circumstances .
This just really skeeves me like the bedroom photos make me so uncomfortable the dude looks like a kid.
The only thing I can take away from this is that Toms hands do not match his baby face. Honestly I can’t stop looking
I’m 31 and if I were seeing a 19/21 year old I absolutely would not accept any marriage proposal from the 19 year old. Honestly I couldn’t imagine being romantically involved with a 19/21 year old.
A 39-year-old dating a 19-year-old is creepy no matter what the couple’s sexuality.
Yeah, the age thing is still a little creepy, but at 25, I’m willing to throw myself into the mix to even things out. For the greater good.
Best of luck to them both. DLB has had quit a reputation for quickly jumping onto the next pretty young thing in the past so it just seems to me that he is working overtime to convince everyone that this is for real
DLB and Kevin Spacey were regulars at Bryan Singer’s “pool parties,” so that’s why I find DLB yucky. Mabye he’s changed, but I doubt it.
I dunno. I’m like ‘whatever’ about the age difference. Tom seems extremely into him and he is an adult. We need to understand that everyone matures at different rates and what may be right for one person is not for another. And 20 is old enough for some ppl to make decisions regarding partnerships. Being an Olympian Tom had led a very different life and he probably knows what he wants in a partner. I tend to prefer older men myself and like an age gap. I can see myself being into someone like DLB at 21 and I dont think that would make DLB skeevy for returning the interest.
Tom being an Olympian actually makes this so much worse. Athletes at that level have to be incredibly focused and singular minded. He spent the bulk of his teens either in a pool or a classroom, which would make him even more sheltered than the average 19 year old. The skeevy just magnified by a factor of 10.
Really? So they are not interacting with other athletes, family, friends, fans? I cannot agree that olympians are emotionally stunted or that their experience narrows their outlook. They are actually interacting with many people and who’s to say they are not having significant relationships along the way? Not to mention getting to know people from around the world. I wouldn’t call that sheltered. Yes he would have to be extremely focused and determined but that doesn’t necessarily make his world small. It could also enrich it and broaden his mind. DLB is also a dedicated writer so I’m sure him and Tom can relate to being extremely focused on their crafts. That being said, im sure DLB did not coerce Tom into this relationship. At least, It does not appear that way at all. It seems for some ppl, to really come down to just being teed off by the age difference. Which is fine. But that really is what it is at the base of it all. Just being grossed out.
Yes, really. I dont think you have any idea what it takes to be at that level especially at that age. Most athletes of that ilk will not even have had their first real relationship at 19. And even those who do have relationships arent spending significant time with their partners. You are on the road half the year for meets and other than for the 6 week break you have off training per year, every moment of your day is regimented what kind of emotional self development can you do as a teenager. Why am I even explaining this, pretty much every athlete who was in heavy professional development as a teen had noted this. Anyhoo, heres Toms average day as a teen http://www.menshealth.co.uk/blogs/train-like-an-olympian/train-like-an-olympian-tom-daley. Who seriously even thinks that this wasnt his first serious relationship….with a 39 year old man no less.
I’m not saying training didn’t take up a lot of his focus and time. I can get the idea and I actually agree with that. I’m questioning if this is a sketchy relationship. And I do t think so. So you think he was coerced? Why do you assume you need more than one serious relationship to know what you want?
http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2013/12/05/op-ed-stop-judging-tom-daley-and-dustin-lance-black
I’m sure they are well aware of the backlash. They have been together for 2 years now. Im not saying you are wrong for feeling how you feel about age gap! Age gaps are definitely a topic of debate.
” I felt I had confirmation that he was a gay. I’ve never in my life heard of a straight man putting his number in another man’s phone with a winky face.” 😭😭😭
I think they are cute and wish them all the best!
“The year you were born I was the same age you were when you proposed to me.” Does not work, ever.
Even Gay Math Isn’t quite working here but Listen! , Gay men are such a small segment of the population (and then to their success level) so I get this whole urgency thing … *shrugs* God Bless, May they not Veer into Johnny weir divorce territory
I think this article settles the question of Tom’s sexuality.
When he first came out, there was a kerfuffle about his being gay, so the party line was that he was bisexual. He even put out a press statement that emphasised his attraction to the ladies.
It seems ridiculous now given that was only 3-4yrs ago, but at least he is finally comfortable telling the truth and or not letting his handlers railroad him into fudging the truth.
And whilst it is skeevy as hell for a 21yr old to be with a 41yr old man, i’m going to wish them well and side eye the hell out of that age difference.