As some of you know, I’m sort of a Kate Hudson apologist. It’s not that I’m a huge fan or anything, it’s just that she doesn’t offend me. She’s by far the most easy-going of the “Lifestyle Blondes” selling their wares these days, and even when Hudson talks about exercise and diet, she’s not annoying – she usually says some variation of “do what works for you.” Before this moment, I never really thought about the fact that we really don’t see Kate trotting out her kids every week. And I realized something weird – we can shade her for her dating life and her red carpet thirst, but I actually believe her biggest priority is motherhood and her kids. She manages to find a quiet balance between her privacy as a mom and her public persona/career without bashing us over the heads with it. Anyway, I was thinking of all of that when I read these excerpts from the essay she wrote for InStyle’s May issue. Her essay is in honor of Mother’s Day and it’s called “Sometimes I Feel Like a Bad Mom.” Some highlights:
“I was really young, like, 23, when I had Ryder. So, our relationship has always been [a little unusual]. I mean, we’re close, and I am his mom. I’m big on manners. I’m big on politeness. I’m big on gratitude. But I’m a bit of a wild mom.”
“Some days I feel like I should win best mom of the day award, and some days I find myself doing strange things that don’t have any real purpose, in faraway corners in my house, and I realize I am literally and deliberately hiding from my children.”
“…Even though every primal ounce of the nurturing, domestic woman in me gets pulled, I’m a hunter as well. And I love to hunt! And as a woman I feel that somehow we are supposed to feel apologetic about wanting both. But I don’t want to apologize for that anymore. Being both already comes at an emotional cost, without adding society’s antiquated idea of the traditional roles of man and woman in the home.”
“Yes, I help my kids with their homework. But I also get bored doing it. I will sit and listen to my children pontificate and discuss their ideas till the day is long because it warms my heart, but I really don’t want to do math! I’m gonna say it: I’d prefer to watch ‘The Bachelor’ rather than do fractions and divisions.”
I like and admire her honesty. To me, it seems like a dirty little secret amongst mothers, that sometimes you miss the time where you didn’t have children, or that sometimes your kids annoy the ever-loving f—k out of you. And I also admire when women talk about how yeah, it’s fulfilling to be a mom but it’s also fulfilling to work outside of the home, to be “a hunter.”
Kate also told InStyle that she does her own social media – as in, her management hasn’t taken it over – and she also chats about her romantic life. She said: “It really feels like high school. I can’t say hello to anybody without [people speculating we’re together]. I don’t comment when I’m single because some of them are right, some of them are wrong. But I end up with everybody anyway! I’ve been linked to every one of my brother’s best friends. We’re going to do a coffee table book of all of my ‘mystery men.’” My guess? She has a friends-with-benefits situation with multiple men, including Nick Jonas.
Here are some pics of Kate with Ryder and Bingham at the Kung Fu Panda 3 premiere last month. I think this is the first time she’s ever brought her kids to a premiere?
Photos courtesy of Fame/Flynet and InStyle.
Ha, I have always enjoyed helping my kids with homework, except the math, so I get her completely. Thankfully my husband took over when the math started to get way too advanced for me. And now that they’re in high school they go to the math lab when they need help, whew.
That said, she still bugs the ever loving crap outta me. Her “hunter” comment struck me as quite Goop-esque.
It bugged me when my kid asked my husband for help with math, considering him as the mathematical parent (he does have a job that uses math, but it seemed so stereotypical.) So now I’m the (overly) enthusiastic math helper. I do love math though — it’s so clean in the early years, so refreshingly right or wrong. Little else in middle school has such clarity (and lack of emotion).
I wish I loved math but it was mostly always a struggle for me. My kids didn’t assume my husband was the mathematical one at all. As a former English major I pointed them in his direction. 🙂
Well it’s true for me. I was all As (except math, baaarely getting Cs-Ds), national jr and national honor society, advanced placement all else. But I cannot, cannot, cannot do math. I tried so hard. I spent hours. It’s literally like that part of my brain is missing. I could get examples down and understand the logic but never apply it for myself. I got all As in college and tried so hard to be premed. I did amazingly in labs and biology, neurology, on and on. I was even passable in chemistry. But you had to take 2 years of calculus and I signed up, but got immediate Fs and had to tearfully withdraw and change majors. Such a waste too- I would’ve been an amazing doctor. Sigh.
I wish more women liked math. It’s a goddamn delight, tbh.
I know I love my kids to death but I also miss the time that I didn’t have them. I think it’s a pretty common feeling among parents but no one is aloud to say it because society tells you that motherhood(parenthood) is suppose to be this glorious all consuming thing that should leave you feeling fulfill in every sense. Not quite.
I get you completely. I adore my only son, but if I had a chance to do it over again, I would opt for not having children. Your life as you had known it is over.
People are getting more and more honest about this. I think raising a kid is the hardest thing ever for many people, I also think society has changed a lot that creates a more challenging environment for parents…When I was growing up, I was a hella lot more independent and out of my parents’ hair than kids are today. Walking to school alone will get child services called on your parents these days! And I know my parents did their own thing too, there was definitely no helicoptering— I feel today’s parents have a lot of demands to give the perfect food, create the perfect experiences and allow te kid to dictate how daily life goes rather than the other way around… a lot of my friends just don’t seem as happy with kids, and it’s very sobering .
Ironically, the divorced ones who have partial custody seem the best adjusted… we all need time off, right?
I love her honesty! I’m sure there are mothers who don’t feel the way she does, but if they can’t even relate a little bit, they are not really my type of people. I mean COME ON!!!!! Kids can be FN boring and draining as hell! I don’t care if they are my own. LOL
Her sons are adorable. She doesn’t irk me either. I do get tired of the transformational motherhood schtick, like suddenly you are worth more and everything is a rosy picture, so I do like her honesty.
Some days it feels like my children plotted against me to make a day more challenging. Other days it feels like I’m super Mommy. It is a large part of my life but not my sole reason for breathing.
Celebrities sometimes push that angle far too much in my opinion, as if they invented the concept. I know it’s all about projecting a certain image but it gets tired.
I’ve always liked Kate. I imagine she’s a great mom. She can date all she wants. I doubt a few hours away is hurting the kids. I highly doubt she is dragging them home. She seems to have the larger share of custody than the two fathers.
Patenting can be tedious just like any job. Thrilling moments, mundane moments, and some days you feel like an awful parent.
I like her, and I imagine that everyone, no matter what, has moments when they miss a simpler time in their life. Not that they would trade, but they remember it with fondness. I adore my husband and love being married, but every spring I wonder what happened to that young woman who used to meet her friends at Buckley’s upstairs deck and drink champagne all Sunday afternoon.
Aww GNAT I do know that feeling. A lot of my friends are still single and happy about it. Girls get togethers like Sunday brunch with mimosas to laugh about whatever trouble we got into the night before or going on girlie vacations are not the same. I feel separate sometimes now. Checking my phone and worrying if this or that happened. They are on the hunt as she says, but I’m not so I can’t enjoy flirting much either.
You know, I don’t really want the whole package back, just that carefree feeling of sitting in the sun and laughing at nothing. And I totally get what you’re saying – most of my friends are married now, but when I was first married, a lot of them were still single and I felt left out a little, but at the same time, I was bored to be out with them, too a little.
Yes I know that too. You can’t really go back because you have changed. I used to love the single social life but I dread it now.
23 years old is not that young. I didn’t have my first until I was almost 27, and I would not have wanted a baby at 23, but come on, it’s not like she was 16 and they “grew up together”! She was a married adult
Depends who you are and where you are in life. I would have never had a kid at 23, I was not mature enough at all! I was still a kid, yes one that was working with a university education, but a kid nonetheless. Not old enough to take responsibility for someone else’s life, that’s for sure.
It feels young to me. It’s old enough to be a good mother but not that terribly mature with life experience and not a lot of selfish time behind you. Taking care of a baby is a huge responsibility and, more so, a huge emotional responsibility.
All the women in my close family but me – my mom, sister, both grandmothers and aunts had their first children at 23 (by a coincidence, but it almost feels like a tradition I broke), and I wouldn’t call it incredibly young either. It depends on a person, but I’ve seen that it’s possible to be mature enough and ready at that age. Many of my former school-mates also had children around 23 – it’s just the normal age for it in my part of Europe. We received our master’s degree at 22 and while I decided I wanted to move away to another country (and then yet another), they’d gotten married that very summer and had children a year or two later. Most of them now have jobs, mortgages and live proper adult lives, while I’m on the move again, just quit my job 3 days ago and still haven’t found my place at 27. I will hopefully start getting ready when I’m around 33 which is probably a normal age in the USA, but here – I’m called a spinster and reminded of my biological clock all the time for the past 3 or 4 years.
P.S. It shows that Kate doesn’t like math. She was born in 1979 and her son in 2004 = not 23.
Yeah it’s really a person to person thing, I think.
I know I could have done it. But it wouldn’t have been ideal at all. I’m 25 now, and I’m fine waiting until I’m 30 or so. I have things I want to get more in order, and I want to have a bit more time to just take off on a vacation or two before we get serious about kids.
We put our (winning) offer on our house when I was still 22. Moved in that summer when I’d just turned 23 – married at 24. We’ve been together since 9th grade. Everyone expected us to have kids by now – but neither of us has any immediate need. My SIL who is 22 I believe has an 8 month old. We’re happy spoiling our niece for now, and also pretty thankful that we didn’t have that much to juggle when we were 22.
Mom had me at 30 or 31 – nan had my father around the same age. Our family just doesn’t have kids super young.
I have known women who were the older of many kids and so they helped raise their younger brothers and sisters. When they had kids at 23, it was like being a mom a 2nd time around, and not too young. But for someone who is, say, raised with a nanny, servants, money, good lifestyle (like Hudson likely was) I think you don’t grow up as much because you haven’t been forced to grow up. And let’s face it – she was giving up a pretty party/fun lifestyle!
But anyway, I chuckled at the hiding from the kids part. It’s not uncommon for someone to be in the bathroom yet with the lights off in my house, just to get some space.
Um 23, is young to have a baby. I can’t speak for everyone, but in my opinion I was too young at almost 23. I still have too many moments where I just want to do my own thing. My son is almost three now, and even though its not as hard as it was before, it is still hard. There are so many days when I just want to give up. The hardest thing about motherhood to me besides the horrible tantrums, is learning how to balance what my son needs and his happiness with what I need to do in order to feel fulfilled and happy. Unfortunatly for me, motherhood alone does not do that.
I had my first at 22, and I was way too young! If I had to do it over again I would wait a few years, I think I would have made a much better parent if I had known myself better. I never realized how selfish and spoiled I was until it was too late.
On the other hand, I’m 42, and she’s getting ready to move out, and her brother isn’t far behind her, so my husband and I are still young enough to enjoy our time without kids!
I don’t think that she means that she struggled to be a mother when she was a child herself or anything else negative. To me, it sounds more like she feels like she’s still a young woman despite her oldest boy being fairly big, and that she doesn’t feel compelled to settle down. She doesn’t seem to be painting it as either a negative or a positive, just a thing that is.
I don’t actually agree with her that someone’s age when they have their first child has much to do with that, though – the friends of mine who are fairly settled down, homebody mothers were like that a bit even as teens, and the friends who are free spirits continued being so whether they had their kids at 18 or 40.
That’s actually the first time I’m seeing a picture of Bingham – he’s adorable!
I always had the idea that if she had the chance to turn back time, she would pack her kids to take them back to where they came from so that she can be a reckless mess without a worry in the world.
She doesn’t strike me like a loving mother but more like a woman who would hit on his kids teenage friends.
Madonna or whore. Shall we flip a coin?
That is such unfair and unnecessary judgement. She’s allowed to be exhausted from her kids and miss the time where she didn’t have them. That doesn’t mean she’s a bad mother or wishes her kids were never born. She’s not what I would consider reckless or a mess, regardless of the amount of men she dates or her carefree attitude. People are allowed to stray from the ‘norm’. Yikes.
+ everything
Amen.
I wasn’t judging anybody. I have only said that she gives me the idea of being like that. And not from what he said in this interview. It’s just my opinion.
I didn’t get that from what she said at all. I think she was just being honest about the fact that you can love your children with all of your heart but still have moments when you don’t feel like turning on the Mom machine. I never had kids, always wanted them, but still I thought about that. I would see my sister work hard all day, then get her two kids home, make dinner, bathe and feed them, play with them, pjs and bedtime stories, and I would wonder if I could do that every.single.day. I still wanted to do it, but it looked hard. What if you had a headache or were extra tired? I’m sure all mothers have moments when they want to hide, or I sure would have.
I don’t care – I’m not raising her kids! I do follow her snapchat though—the one thing I do think about her is that she is comfortable in the position of being the only female around. This isn’t a fault, just something I noticed; her mother is the only female energy she features in her life, and other than that, it’s brothers and sons. No doubt her family is close, but I do wonder what would change her as a mother if she had a daughter. Who knows. Maybe it wouldn’t affect jack!
I don’t think she would have had another kid if she felt bogged down by them. I think she might be like Drew Barrymore in that married life probably isn’t ideal for her. The friends-with-benefit situation she has going on sounds similar to what Angelina Jolie was doing before she got with Brad Pitt. I think her life is unusual by regular standards but not necessarily Hollywood standards — a lot of stars seem similar to her (except she’s honest about not liking math — Gwyneth would probably claim to be a math genius).
I disagree, but because she’s got the money to have plenty of help. I wonder if her kind of free spirit would have been okay with being bogged down by jobs and children in the ‘real’ world. There is a certain breeziness to Kate that comes from never having had to worry about things like money and jobs.
A few weeks ago she stated sometimes she couldn’t stand her kids…..maybe because of all the grueling homework when she could be watching the Bachelor. I don’t recall seeing her in any movies lately. Just selling clothes and getting headlines for dating Jonas. It’s like she’s looking for something in her life and can’t decide what. Hope she finds it. Wait Katie, algebra was a bitch if fractions put you over the edge.
Because God forbid motherhood alone not solve all her problems and make her completely happy.
I admire her for saying that. It is so rare that a mother would publicaly admit that her kids bore her sometimes. It’s not even about missing your alone time or dealing with tantrums when they are really annoying. It’s the fact that at times when my little one involves me in his toy car chases (which is pretty much all the time), most times i feel happy and enjoy it (mostly because I am watching him) but at times I do think: God, I wish I was doing something else now. And when I catch myself thinking that, I do feel like a bad mom.
You’re not a bad mom. You’re a normal mom. My mother was a stay-at-home mom, and a great mom. But she wasn’t staring at us with deep love all the time. LOL She would become very irritated by us pushing her buttons or just being a pain, or she was busy in the house and we had to entertain ourselves. Where did all this sunshine and roses every second of the day come from about motherhood? That’s not even feasible in any area of one’s life.
I think Kate and you are both being truthful. I remember reading her first comments about putting her kids to bed and how annoying they could be and thinking Wow someone actually said that out loud. It’s so TRUE. I feel the same as you. I love spending time with my son, but sometimes I just don’t want to do what he wants to do, or I find my mind wandering to other things I’d rather be doing alone, then I feel guilty. But we shouldn’t feel guilty. You can’t be ON all the time. You do your best and that’s all your kids need. It’s okay not to love every single second of it and its a shame we feel like we have to pretend
Honestly, ALL the moms I know (myself included) admit to it.
I am not a mom, but all my friends who are moms do admit that at times they miss their own space or just can’t stand their kids. LOL! I don’t judge them at all for that. They would do anything for their kids and love them more than anything in the world, but still….some days they kind of want to lock their kids in their rooms (which they would never do) so they can watch Real Housewives.
Her sons are adorable. They look a heck of a lot like their dads but with a twist of Kate. Really cute.
“I realize I am literally and deliberately hiding from my children.” God, I am so grateful for her honesty. I am the only woman in my family (Mom died when I was 23) and my mother and sisters in law on my husband’s side don’t understand feelings like this and are extremely judgy. It’s SO nice to hear this and think “that doesn’t make me a bad mom. That makes me human.” Because they definitely don’t pressure my husband with those judgments, and we both have full time jobs.
My sister in law sniffed with disapproval when she saw I had my own kid zone hubby free bathroom of my own. I don’t care I need a place of my own that is adult and mine.
You can never win. I quit working and decided to be a mostly full time mother and got lectured about throwing away my career. My mother and her mother had very successful careers, my grandmother had an advanced degree as does my mother, but got lectured to about abandoning their children.
People love to judge motherhood. You aren’t a bad mother. You are just human.
Spot on. The judginess no matter which way you go is such a huge turn-off to me.
Hey, as long as you aren’t raising another mass shooter, and your kid is well behaved in public places, you get a blue ribbon from me.
They’re just lying if they say they never feel that way.
Motherhood has moments of being the most boring yet stressful life you can ever imagine. It is not for the faint of heart, and I like that she is honest about it.
I didn’t have kids because I thought it seemed boring lol. I can appreciate her comments.
I am so glad that I grew up in a time when the parent was just supposed to make sure kids did their homework, not help them do it…. My mother would have driven me crazy. Homework was my alone time!
I swear homework has gotten so much harder, though, than when I was a kid. So that’s especially tough if you already have a child that struggles.
It is harder, as they’ve pushed down the academic requirements to lower grades. I had hardly any homework as a kid and nowadays, they are requiring it of kinders. It’s nuts.
I get why homeschooling is so popular… those kids seem to learn just as much or more in less time. Too bad I don’t have the patience to do that myself.
I didn’t become a mom until my 30’s (thank God) so I had plenty of years to enjoy the ease and freedom of being responsible for only myself. Now that I’ve got two school aged kids I’d say the hardest part of parenting is the routine — making the meals, making the lunches, helping with homework and having to keep them on task as they get distracted so easily. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. Watching a little piece of me and my huz grow and change to become their own little unique person in the world is pretty damn awesome.
I don’t know about elsewhere, but the homework requirements for US kids are ridiculous, especially when research shows it doesn’t do any good. I set limits on how much my kids have to do and once time is up, they’re done. 10 min for every grade level, which seems to work for my elementary aged kids. They need time for free, unstructured play and I won’t let homework get in the way of that.
Nutballs: cheers to that! I wish more schools would realize the importance of play and family time for kids. Schools get them for the majority of the day, so why do they need 2 more hours after that?!
School’s are forced to teach to the test with common core and unless parent’s push back and set limits on their kids homework, nothing will change. As long as the Fed/States are tying school funding to test scores, school administrators are pretty much stuck continuing down that path.
My kids go to a classical charter school and there is a world of difference in how they do things in comparison to traditional schools. They manage to squeeze in a lot more learning during the day so their homework requirements are less than what elem kids in traditional schools get.
Beautifully said!
That’s such an interesting point. I don’t know since I don’t have kids, but it seems like they are busy every second without time to just unwind and daydream and make up games.
i don’t love the homework (and we’ll see how it goes as we move further through elementary school) but I can’t help but remember how low the US ranks within the developed world when it comes to schooling.
Bridget, as long as my kid can learn whatever trade they’re interested in and develop a good work ethic, I don’t really care if they take AP courses and get into a “good” school. Most kids don’t need to know calc and trig, only those who are interested in career paths that require it, so as long as they can read, write and do basic mathematics, that’s what I’m most concerned about.
I want them to have a happy childhood with a good balance of work and play and to be able to figure out what they enjoy and do well so they can support themselves. I’m not going to make them to do hours of homework just so they can make good grades. I’ve found that if a subject interests my kids, they’ll dive into it and learn what they can, so it’s a matter of exposing them to a variety of things so they can find their path.
ETA: The challenge we face is that my son has high-functioning autism, so he’s quite bright and very good at math/science, but has a hard time staying focused on what doesn’t interest him, like writing book reports.
Now she’s publicly dating JJ Watt — we’ll see how real this is soon enough, I guess.
She seems so easygoing and fun!
On a totally different note, her elder son looks like he’s growing in to a handsome, happy kid – good for her!