Note before we get started: Garner’s exact quote according to E! was “There’s no more rich time in a woman’s life than when you’re having babies and when you’re trying to figure out how to parent them and balance everything,” but that would not fit into our headline format.
Jennifer Garner was on the Today Show yesterday, where she was promoting a kids’ film I have barely heard of until now, Nine Lives. It’s about a business mogul whose personality gets trapped inside the body of a cat so he can reconnect with his family (trailer here) and also costars Kevin Spacey and Christopher Walken. It’s the kind of dopey family-friendly movie that Garner usually does, but Kevin Spacey must be hurting for roles. Garner’s interview covered her usual subjects: her family, kids and the paparazzi. I was struck by how much fake hair they put on her, and how Botoxy she looks in motion, but she’s been looking that way for some time. Here’s what she said and you can see the video above. She starts talking around :50.
On the message of the movie
I just love the idea of celebrating the idea that parenting is about time. You can’t buy parenting no matter what. You have to actually get down on the floor and spend some time together.On her career
I’m really glad that I’m playing moms because there’s no more rich time in a woman’s life than when you’re having babies and when you’re trying to figure out how to parent them and balance everything, and the emotional weight of seeing your children struggle. Whatever it is, there’s so much there to draw from that it feels like I’ve aged into where I should be as far as acting goes. You know what I mean? As far as my career, I feel like I finally fit.On Samuel hating the paparazzi
He sees them and he says ‘Mom, go out and tell them your son does not like it.’ It kills me.On helping get privacy laws enacted
Oh my gosh, it is so much better. I really do thank all of the legislatures who saw the wisdom in not allowing paparazzi to lie in wait outside of your school, doctor’s offices, outside of your home.“As modern families go is your family doing ok?”
We are definitely a modern family, we are doing really well.You went to Europe recently?
Ben was working in London on Justice League and I felt like, ‘Well, the kids should have that experience.’ He and I are great friends and we just all went en masse. The kids and I had an amazing time, and he worked hard and got to join us for some. I want them to see everything’s OK.On how they’re a team for the kids
It has to be, you don’t have a choice, it has to be.
[Quotes from video of Today Show and via E! News]
In the video excerpt I saw (the one above), Garner doesn’t say that line about how there’s no richer time in a woman’s life than when she’s having babies. I got that from E!’s recap of the interview. I don’t doubt that she said it, she said something really similar when she was promoting The Odd Life of Timothy Green. Garner said “there’s no deeper want for a woman” than to be a mother. Rereading what I wrote at the time that’s true for her maybe but it’s unfair to claim that it’s a universal experience, as is this. She could have said “for me” and either statement would have been fine though. There are so many childless women, by choice and otherwise, and so many women with children who have a really tough time for various reasons. I would not call having a baby or raising a child the “richest” time. I would call it difficult. What about all the women who have postpartum depression and anxiety? It’s a throwaway comment and to be fair she’s not one of those celebrities who always extrapolates her experiences, she very rarely does that. In these two scant times she’s done it though, it’s been about motherhood. This is what’s important to her and this is why she’s kept her family together no matter what.
Here are some photos from the Nine Lives premiere earlier this week and of Garner out recently.
Photos credit: WENN and FameFlynet
For someone like me ,who did not have children ,for many reasons and has found it hard that that is the case..there is nothing so nauseous and hurtful as a rich woman telling me that is everything….
They just need to shut up and keep their opinions to themselves…
Not everyone has had that life .and it is not easy to be reminded of it
The older I get it can be more painful…
Have we not moved forward in society where woman can just acknowledge this without holding up as a the essence of your life?
It was like that many years ago…why have we regressed?
Hugs from one who has been there too.
I’m sorry. I wish you could have chosen your path.
I too have no children, health reasons prevented me. And it is indeed hurtful for women who have a vast reach and platform to talk about how being a mother is the deepest, greatest whatever for women. For some, it no doubt is. For those who choose not to, perhaps this is a mere annoyance to be told their choice is inherently wrong. For those who cannot, it is a constant and demoralizing slap in the face. Consistently and constantly being made to feel inadequate at “being a woman” is painful.
Perhaps Jen meant nothing at all in her comments but she should know that people are listening.
Yes, to everything you’ve written. Beautifully eloquent and eye opening.
Thank you for this. As an infertile woman comments like this make me scream. I know nothing personal is meant but…
Hugs from another who has been there….
…and from me, too. I tried but it didn’t work out…but I’m past it enough to know better than to measure myself that way; but to measure myself by using the gifts that I do have. I can still feel good about having existed on this planet. Hope everyone else does, too!
I have children and love them. But I also have such an intense longing for the career and identity I had to leave behind as well as guilt/frustration for not achieving what I hoped to (and having no real path back). It’s unfortunate that people paint having children as the be-all, end-all of human experience–much of this might be colored by this guilt/regret about what is sacrificed (big sacrifice, big justification). And the rest is Garner singing the siren song of sisterhood to her fan base of sanctimommies.
Exactly how I feel. If I could go back in time, I would have chosen a childless life.
Delurking to cosign–Garner is saying what the minivan moms believe and is saying it like that because she knows that’s what they think. However hurtful it may be to other women, and even if she doesn’t believe it herself, she’s blowing that dog whistle.
Now that I think about it, she’s been pretty bold about redefining her image to fit squarely with…america’s heartland? Duggar fans? People who think Jessica Alba is too edgy? I think we will be seeing more of this. A down-home cookbook, a partnership with Country Living, and as many family-friendly movies as she can fit in between pap strolls at the farmers market.
I always wondered about that. The more vocally people insist on a thing the more inclined I am to believe they’re trying to convince themselves that it really is so. And for some it may be, but for others there seems to be regret, or at least grief for the sacrifices they had to make.
Also revealing of this being her “positioning” herself:
“There’s no richer time in a man’s life than when you have babies and your trying to parent them and balance everything” said NO celebrity dad EVER.
Not because dads are lesser, or because they don’t like their kids. But because it wouldn’t give them the same bounce with the minivan moms.
I am a mom of four. And I drive a minivan. I just have to say, it is every bit as offensive to me for you to make your sweeping generalizations as it is to you for Jennifer Garner to make hers.
it’s not literal, it’s shorthand for a mindset. my kid plays soccer, doesn’t make me a soccer mom.
I have no children because my husband and I simply did not want any and we have zero regrets. We love our life and would not change a thing.
Cosigned.
Us too!! High fives and co-signs all around. It’s nice to know there are more of us out there!!
No kids – never wanted them and don’t regret it. To each his/her own path.
Forty years old here and have had some wonderful fur babies in my life, but happily no children. I am also the “cool aunt” to several sweet, fun, adorable children whom I love to pieces. But the minute they start whining or get on my nerves I can drop them off at their homes and let their parents take care of them. It is great, and I wouldn’t changed it for the world:-)
Same here. We were a bit older and decided to pour our extra time into rescue pets. My mother had been diagnosed with a disease after my birth that was likely genetic, so that was also a factor.
One person who attempted to give me the most grief about not having children (as if I were selfish and missing out what she claimed was her own joy of motherhood). That person ended up deserting her own three children when they were ages 5 to 12.
Don’t let other’s words fool you or make you feel inadequate.
Thank you! I’m also in your boat and it GRATES.
Same here! It’s a matter of personal choice!
When I hear these kinds of statements I just cringe and want to say “Bite me,chick!” (And I’m a mother) but I would never pretend to make some blanket statement about every woman and what the defining moment in their lives are!
+1
An easy thing to say from a woman who had help from nannies, house cleaners, etc. Also, it appears she dodged postpartum depression.
I also think she has baby amnesia-remembering the good and forgetting the bad, which is common. I had no outside help (even though I worked part time) and post partum depression with both my sons, who are now 15 and 16,; nevertheless, even I have moments where my eyes glaze over and I am enchanted by a charming baby. The key is I can give that charming baby back when s/he starts having a fit.
I think “I remember my experience as”…… would have covered most of the bases.
Glad someone pointed out how much help she’s had (we definitely know about nannies in that household).
Plus, she is barely middle aged. How does she know the richest period of life for herself, much less for all women?
That is only Ms. Garner’s opinion. Not everyone agrees. In her case with the financial resources she has, Ms. Garner can schedule work and movie projects around her children, Jennifer and Ben obviously can and do have nannies and housekeepers. Neither one is tied down 24-7.
With hired help, they both can and often are snapped daily doing their pap strolling to the gym, going for the daily coffee break, etc. This also enables her/him to be flexible with movie projects scheduled around the nannies, and support group they employ.
Career goals, personal goals, accomplishments in sports, theater, music and academics can be personal accomplishments by choice rather than just being a human reproductive incubator.
Not everyone is cut out for parent hood, nor does everyone have to enjoy the nauseating slavish entrapment of motherhood and boast and sing of their personal joy. Ugh.
No wonder Ben was bored. Motherhood is not everyone’s cup of tea. Right Ben?
My first thought on reading this was shock at the lack of thought toward women who do not have children for whatever the reason may be. Just such a tacky insensitive comment.
Statements like that really are a minefield of insulting, hurtful and tone deaf. I get that what she said was relevant to the movie… and that it’s how she feels. However, she needs to practice saying, “to me, it was the richest time of my life” … and then proceed to list the reasons.
If it were me, I’d take an opportunity to clarify and apologize to women she has, probably inadvertently, insulted, hurt and marginalized with sweeping statements about the primacy of motherhood in the experience of being a woman.
Also, to those wanting a child… and just not being there, I feel your pain. At 39, I was finally in a relationship that supported that dream. It took a lot of trying and some professional expertise, but I was a mom at 42. It’s everything I thought it would be: an exasperating, glorious mess of a Big Bang. Wouldn’t trade it for anything. Best of luck to all of you struggling with wanting a child and not having one.
What was that, I, too, am in the same place as you. I so wanted a houseful of kids (from the time I was a kid!), and couldn’t have any. While I *know* she’s just pandering to her focus group (the mini-van moms), what JG said just pings the pain, like picking over a scab. She needs to either think before she speaks (i.e.: saying, “To ME it feels like…”), or just STFU and take several seats.
Hugs to you, and to all of us in this place ❤️
Yes!
I’m so sorry. I don’t know if I’ll ever have children and I worry that it will be hard for me as well if I don’t. She sounds to me like one of the idiots in my Facebook feed posting 20 continuous pictures of their kids every day that MUST be captioned, “There’s nothing better!”/”This is what life is all about!” Ummmmm, for you, maybe, but many people live rich and interesting lives without kids. Sometimes I honestly think there’s a little “those who doth protest too much” going on with some of these people.
why are these people on your Facebook, then? When they post “this is what life is about” and a picture of THEIR kid, that is THEM speaking. It’s you who is then making it about YOU in this case. Also, these are your friends on Facebook? You don’t seem to be much of a ‘friend’ if you look at their posts about THEIR lives and children this way. More like a Frien-emy. Yikes.
I think you’re misunderstanding what I’m saying. In general, I love seeing the little ones, but I do find it obnoxious when people post entire albums every day. I should have clarified that that’s not about how I feel, it’s about the blatant disregard for their children’s privacy and the fact that they’re basically documenting every moment of their childhood for an audience. I also find it suspect when these pictures are clearly “posed” and wonder how much of their time is actually spent playing with their children, rather than using them for attention on social media. I also should have clarified that I don’t think any of these captions are intentionally eye-rolling, but they are. Here’s an example: I bought an amazing old house and renovated it back to it’s former glory. Let’s say I post endless photos of it and caption them, “This is what life’s all about!” and “There is nothing better!”, someone who doesn’t have a great house is going to read that and think it’s obnoxious as all get-out, even though I’m only posting them because I’m excited. And they would be correct. I’m not saying that these are ohmygod-terrible-people, but they don’t think it through. I have many, many parent-friends on Facebook who never do any of this and their posts about their children are heart-warming and beautiful.
I’m sorry and support you 100%. My husband and I are unable to have children, yet we find out lives to be very rich. Unlike Jennifer, whom is ‘married’ to Ben Afflack and miserable. Blessings on you!
I think that is where Jennifer is right now, with three kids and a husband who doesn’t want her.lol.too afraid to raise her kids alone. Sometimes you have to take life as it is.
I also have no children now, look into adoption, keep your head up. I spent a long time taking care of my mother who was always sickly. She at one time told me. I could have been divorced twice with three children would that be better?
So if you’re happy with your life choice-who cares? For the longest time, it was those women that chose careers that seemingly made their life choice more favorable—so-called stay home moms felt diminished and nonvalidated.
Garner knows the amazing world of motherhood and can’t help yapping about it.
You know your truth so let it roll off your shoulder and stop taking it personally. Pardon my dime store analysis but methinks you (and those you represent) doth protest too much. You are living in a lovely era where not having children is an acceptable choice so if comments from those with another choice irk you so much perhaps it suggests some kind of inner dissonance that might be beckoning you to address. Your prerogative entirely-no shade intended.
Well, it is rich. And joyful and all that other stuff. Parenthood is one of life’s many wonderful treasures that are on offer to human beings. But why do people have to eulogise it as though it is the ONLY pinnacle possible in a human life? I take great joy in being a mother but I take, and have taken, equal joy in other aspects of my life.
Best time of MY life. And I make no apologies for that. She shouldn’t have generalised it to all women, and just said that is what her experience was. I agree with her, in that motherhood is the most fulfilling thing I have ever done – but my best friends who have no children are no less fulfilled, and it would insulting and stupid for me to assume that.
exactly. it’s fine if for some women is the most fulfilling thing they ever did, it’s in fact absolutely brilliant. my best friend had a little girl last september, and i’ve never seen her so happy, this girl is my goddaughter and i get to experience a little bit of what my friend does and yes it’s lovely, amazing and fulfilling. generalising on motherhood is unnecessary though. garner can say ‘having children was the richest time FOR ME’ but that’s about it. we should really stop encouraging this idea that women must have children to have a ‘rich life’.
Agree. I’d be lost without my kids…..but I’d never ever say a woman couldn’t be as fulfilled if she for whatever reason can’t or doesn’t choose to have children. I swear sometimes people just don’t think before they open their mouths.
Yesyesyes. Thank you for your comment. I totally respect if that’s the most fulfilling thing someone’s done! I think parenthood is amazing. But I appreciate the clarification – in YOUR life. The clarification is everything. There’s just no need to tell the world that it’s the most fulfilling thing period. It can be hurtful and definitely condescending.
I am the aunt of a child with very serious learning disabilities and mental health issues. Every day of my sister’s life is a struggle. My sister loves and adores her children, but for all the joy she has experienced she has also experienced bone crushing exhaustion, fear, heartbreak, and the constant judgement of others who regard her as a bad parent because she cannot “control” her child. Garner is very fortunate to be incredibly wealthy and have children who are without disabilities.
I tell people that I never knew how selfish I was until I got married and that I never knew how angry I was until I had kids. It’s like having a bunch of mirrors in the house pointing out all my shortcomings — which are many I’ve found! It’s truly is the toughest job I could ever love. I just hope that despite our faults, our kids will grow up to be kind, responsible adults who will do their part to make the world a better place to live in.
Megan, I have a son with autism and agree that a disability does add to the challenges of parenting. It’s heartbreaking to adjust yourself to the reality that your kid won’t be like other kids.
Hugs to all those on this thread that have been unable to have children. I hope you’ve found other little ones or pets to shower your love on.
Exactly! I have one child, and motherhood (though often challenging) is, FOR ME, a wonderful experience, it doesn’t define me as a person or as a woman. There are lots of other things I have done with my life that equally contribute to who I am.
You know those brilliant moments when you’re there, all happy and fulfilled and you think, “Bloody hell. THIS is what it’s all about”?
I’ve been lucky enough to have a few of those. And they certainly didn’t all involve my kids, even though one or two of them did.
Same here. My kids don’t define me at all and take time to participate in activities that I enjoy apart from them to keep myself happy & fulfilled.
Thankfully, my huz supports my “me” time so I can have balance. Tomorrow, I’ll be taking off to the mountains for an overnight trip and hike up a 14er. After a week of watching my kiddos, I’m ready for some alone time!
Preach! I don’t have kids, but I was talking to my sister (mother to my amazing niece and nephew) about motherhood recently and she said that having interests outside of her kids has made her a better mother. She said she has more patience with them, because she know she’s going to get a break to enjoy something just for her. Good for all of you for making time for yourselves and your own interests – I know it’s not always easy!
I agree Sixer, I had a very fullfilling life before kids. There’s so many wonderful experiences in the world to partake in. I’m happy to enjoy motherhood, as I wasn’t sure about having kids due to various reasons, but I also know I would have continued to be happy without kids.
This. 1000000 times over. Well said!
It is wonderful. But it’s not the pinnacle of me as an individual, you know? As a woman, I sincerely hope that I have far more to give than just producing and caring for children, and I hope that I have far more peaks as an individual. It would be very sad to have the pinnacle of my life come before 30.
Exactly. It’s a life stage that many – but not all – of us take part in. And it’s fab. But so are all the other things.
I never wanted kids. I went to an Ivy League school and have an amazing career in The Sciences. Then I got pregnant and I have to say being a mother is the greatest most richest and fulfilling experience of my life. I was one of those people that was convinced a childless life was for me and would arrogantly condemn anyone who questions my choice.
But being a mother is so much more fulfilling than I could have ever imagined. It’s an instinctual thing that makes you feel more like a woman than you can ever imagine.
It’s ridiculous to say motherhood is not for you and you’ll never miss the chance passing you by, because you’ll never know and you can’t so arrogantly say something that you’re never going to experience is not as good as people say it is…because it is. Live your life how you want to live it but don’t kid yourself thinking that what you’re missing out on is no big deal. It’s the essence of our Humanity plain and simple.
But that is the thing you’re forgetting: once your kid has arrived you can’t imagine being without them, how can you imagine this tiny person away? But if you had never had your kid you would have continued your life and in my case, I know I would have continued to be happy because I have had lots of fun an amazing experiences so far. I love being a mother, but really, I had a fullfilling life before kids too. I had a purpose, I was contributing to society way more than I am now with kids, I had professional and personal goals and successes, I liked my life just as much as I like it now.
Apart from that it always scares me when people talk like that about their kids, as if kids are responsible for you having a purpose in your life. Way too much responsibility to put on their little shoulders.
Please stop spilling your Kool-Aid all over everyone. Your comments are cruel taunts for those who want children but can’t have them. Learn some sensitivity before you try to teach anyone womanhood.
There is no way you ever had a career in “the sciences,” honey. My bingo card is filled. You are a plant who accepted a “writing/blogging” job via Craigs List.
So where do I fit into Garners’ world as I don’t want kids? Am I not a woman eh? It’s easy for me to get offended by this I guess but I don’t know, she spent ages trying to snare, and then having children with, a man who likely cheated on her loads, and she possibly turned a blind eye just for the sake of image, so I won’t take what she said to heart.
IDK, that time I followed one of my fav bands around 4 states one summer was pretty rich. I guess I’ll just be resigned to poverty due to my sterility.
What an amazing thing to do! To me, that sounds like a dream….
I found her comment rather insulting. I hope I am reading and interpreting it correctly. There’s not enough coffee in me yet… so here goes:
No one tells me that in order to have the richest life I must HAVE and RAISE children. Girl, take a seat. I have taught for 30 years and am starting my 31st. I have at least tried to help the lives of close to 900 children. I feel that is my richest time and didn’t have to birth them. I have also traveled and felt for me those were some of my richest times as well. When you don’t have millions, you make due with what you have. (Drops the microphone)
It is an insulting thing to say. She could have said for HER it’s the richest time in HER life, not a blanket statement about all women. These dumbass celebrities never learn
@Jane
fantastic comment! And I agree, been a babysitter for two decades, amazing experience and I have taught to read to children, shared their joys and their sorrows, been there for them when needed…. never felt the need to have one or two though, even when I could. I feel I have had lots of richest times even if childless.
Absolutely. Applause. Insulting is the perfect word. I have a lot of love in my life – and I love the beautiful kids in my life who aren’t mine. Still don’t want to have my own at this point. A life with love in it is rich. Period. There are a million paths to take, a million choices to make. It’s very demeaning and uninformed to say that one of them is THE one.
It is insulting. It’s insulting in the same way calling your wedding the “biggest/happiest/greatest day of your life” is insulting. It insinuates, no, actually insists, that the ultimate goal of a woman’s life should be to marry and have children. If she doesn’t do these things, she is missing out and somehow unfulfilled as a woman.
If getting married and/or having children is the greatest thing in your life, that’s fantastic! Please enjoy. Just don’t insist that it’s what we all want, no, NEED to feel truly complete. Because that’s bs.
I actually think saying “My wedding was the biggest/happiest/greatest day of my life” would be fine, because at least the person would be making it clear that it was great for them without implying that that has to be everybody else’s greatest happiness or most fulfilling thing. Jen should have made her comment about motherhood more like that.
It’s like the last few lines of Goodbye, Mr. Chips. Just because someone doesn’t have children themselves, doesn’t mean they can’t influence the lives of many children, if that’s what they want to do.
That is a lovely movie with a touching ending.
I was a teacher for a long time and knew more than most parents. She doesn’t even spend that much time with her kids, because she spends all her time on the red carpet.
Okay, devil’s avocado here: would we see this differently if she classified this as “motherhood”? Because when I think motherhood, I think about the moms I’ve had who didn’t give birth to me. And I think of Kim Cattrall who was all about being a mother without pooping out a kid.
If ‘devil’s avocado’ was or wasn’t the result of autocorrect, I’m using it for now on!
Seconded. I WILL find a way to work this into a conversation today!
I can’t take credit – Tracy Morgan on 30 Rock!
But there are women like myself who are not interested in motherhood. Period. I don’t want kids and don’t want to be a mother to someone else kid.
I wouldn’t. Because she’s making statements about women’s lives in general. I don’t want kids, I don’t want to mother anyone, not even a pet. And what would happen if I said “The BEST time in a woman’s life is when she’s finally starting her career, when she’s on her own and independent.” Uh, women who were practically born mommies would yell at me. I would never say anything like that because it’s crap. Don’t make statements about what women want or what fulfills us.
+1
Avocado eaten. 🙂
Nope, because it’s the notion that this is not only a pinnacle of a woman’s life, but the only pinnacle of a woman’s life possible.
Nothing richer than motherhood? Please! If it’s so for you that’s great but don’t paint every woman with the same, frankly quite limited, brush. Men are allowed to glory in a vast array of achievements, yet women are reduced to one, singular goal. It’s high time we realized that just like all humans, women have a wide variety of desires and life paths that will bring them happiness and fulfillment. Pointing everyone down one road and claiming they’re deficient somehow for wanting a different one is insulting.
sounds like a speech on a republican convention.
Or a justification for staying with a cheating lying husband.
lol
Why not both?
Exactly – for the win!!!
@Adele
+1000000000000000000
Could also be how she sells her ‘value’ to him.
I don’t think she meant to offend anyone. I think she was speaking of her own experience. I thought she looked great – I felt bad for her that one more time Ben Affleck had to mess up this time for her. She is talking of being in a good place and he is being photographed a mess. File the papers Jen before he loses everything…
But as a public figure, she has a duty to be sensitive to the fact that people are listening and when you make a blanket statement about how motherhood is the pinnacle of life for women in general, as she did, people will get their feelings hurt.
Should we really care what she says, no, not really. But she has a voice where many others don’t. It should be used wisely. A simple, “for me” or “in my life” would have been a much nicer sentiment
She’s not trying offend anyone, she’s just speaking to her base. This is Garner’s image: wholesome mom. It appeals to the “make America great again” crowd – motherhood as a woman’s true calling and all of that.
She should’ve said it’s the richest time in her life. No one should speak for someone else’s experience.
So agree.
Yes , as you can see by this thread – Jen broke the internet by leaving out the word “my” – GASP. and sigh
Tina, I don’t think so. Her choice of words are from a generalizing opinion . It’s different from Kristen Bell when she said that being a mom is the best thing of life. I was one of her critics, but she never used the expression “for a woman “. I believe that’s what gave Jennifer away.
Ew. I have three kids and even I realize how offensive a thing that is to say to people! Dude, not everyone wants to have or can have babies! And that is ok!
Once again, she proves she considers her kids an asset to keep Batfleck close and to make her relevant
Yeah pretty much this. Look I totally believe she loves her kids but they are the only thing that has made her relevant for years and she’s used that. She pimps out the Good Housekeeping image while weeping and wailing about her children’s privacy. So many women in Hollywood are brilliant actresses and privately mothers (oh hey 2 time Oscar winner Cate Blanchett and your four children).
When Garner says stuff like this it feels insincere, like a sales pitch.
Exactly
Totally!
Agreed. And then she fishes for sympathy by saying how her son hates the paparazzi. Gross.
There are 2 different versions of the video interview. One is a bit shorter and focuses on the paparazzi. The other is a little longer has a drop more detail on her trip to Europe and focuses on her trip to WV. And she did say that quote. I think if you come from her vantage point where her children are everything- that is the way she feels. I do agree with the other posters that it is hurtful and insulting to women who don’t have children by choice or otherwise.
I would of liked to hear more about how her “modern” family works. How is she “great” friends” with Ben, under such a difficult circumstance. How does she make it work? If she wants to run with that – she could make a career on how to “coparent” when you are separated from the “love of your life” but living together. It’s much more than I could personally bear.
Even I, who have long suspected they’d reconcile (out of dysfunction), kind of doubt it at this point. They really do seem to be living separate lives. How does she do it? They’re not really together all that often anymore. If he is in fact still living on the same property, they probably don’t have to interact much. It will be interesting to see if that arrangement continues once he’s back from London. JMO, but Ben seems completely disengaged, and Jen seems to be playing nice for press interviews. My guess is that they haven’t filed yet for other reasons (assets, convenience, the kids, etc.) but are trying to keep the public narrative that everything is amicable.
And what about pants-gate? Can’t imagine Jen found that amusing. 🙂
I saw a man on a very thin ledge in all the photos from that night. The comments and articles coming out now that yet another DC movie is awful are that the rescue of that brand is all on him. I don’t know if he can handle that as he doesn’t appear to have healthy tools for stress? Those pics will haunt him as he longs to be respected. I’ve read interviews with him and that is strong. He’s cracking and it’s sad to behold.
I think Ben Affleck is one of the luckiest men around. He messed up his marriage but didn’t lose his family. Jen follows him around the world so he can spend time with his kids so when he feels like playing the family man he can go hang out with his ex and kids.
When he doesn’t he can go out partying and drinking with his mates and sleep around with random women and Jen can’t say anything because they are separated.
Talk about having your cake and eating it too.
I think Jen should start focusing more on her own life and less on what’s best or most convenient for Ben.
I like being a mom, but the actual having babies part of it sucked. I personally hated pretty much all but the first couple of weeks of both my pregnancies.
Also hated being pregnant. Wasn’t particularly keen on newborns either. I mean, I loved ’em an’ all, but they were a bit boring. I think you should be able to buy your kids in the kid shop, at six months old. (Not really, but YKWIM).
Hmmm… I would’ve liked the option to buy mine at 8 months old… And have him cryogenically frozen from 2-1/2 to 3-1/4 years old. 😀
Agree, I hated being pregnant, mostly because I had HG; even after the HG had passed I hated pregnancy. The first year of motherhood was pretty rough too, it is only in this year (the second year) that I feel like it is getting better. I think I am done with having kids, one is enough for me, I don’t want to go through that again, I just might adopt If I can afford it.
I felt a bit traumatized by giving birth the first time and the after-effects lasted a while. So the first few months of adjustment were HARD. I do agree with Sixer that I felt rewarded in a huge way when my kids were 6 month-olds!
I wish they came ready made at like a year old.
I don’t doubt her sincerity, but she is upholding a brand too. I’d like to see her follow through on that thinking by educating herself on the struggles of infertility. It would help her adjust her message and maybe give her a good charity to support.
This breeder needs to shut it. And lay off the extensions and Botox, sis.
PS. Loved the pics of Ben emerging from a car with his pants undone. Sending a message to his dear friend Jennie, eh? Why not just throw a used condom at a paparazzo as you pass by?
LOL
Hahaha! This made me laugh so much!
Sigh, yet more deification of motherhood as the only pinnacle of a woman’s life. So tired of this trope.
I respect the choice of people to become parents-it is a hard, often thankless job, particularly for women. Especially when you have the cult of sanctimommies self righteously judging you on seemingly every decision. But it isn’t the be all end all of EVERY woman’s life.
Why can’t we just let women who want to be mothers have support-access to prenatal care, time to take care of their newborns instead of being forced to rush back to work, affordable child care etc AND let women who choose to be childless lives their lives without having to listen to a bunch of faux sympathetic proselytizing about how empty their lives are? These concepts do not need to be mutually exclusive. It’s an insult not only to them but also to women who are unable to bear children.
I suspect it isn’t the be all, end all of a lot of their lives either. The women I’ve known, who are truly happy and fulfilled by motherhood don’t seem to have a whole lot of judgment for others. Tons and tons of advice, but only if you ask or something is immediately threatening the wellbeing of the kid. They’re too busy caring for, delighting in, and being exhausted by their own children. If something is really that fulfilling, you don’t need to go out and lord it over others.
Life is about relationships, especially for humans, social beings as we are. Motherhood is a wonderful connection that can be lifted into the concept of doing good for all mankind. But, what of mother’s who have borne young; perhaps this is the question – was it worth it? Speaking frankly as a mother of four, how could you ever take back what you have given? And what you are given are the complications of human relationships. Perhaps that is worthwhile..it is fodder for growth. Whatever we love in good faith, will have fruit. There is a great deal to love on the planet that has consequences for all – *but* (I don’t like dealing with my ex’s problems that become my child’s). I have come to believe that It’s Just Life, which is struggle, and if we are wise, IS Full of Contentment.
There is NO high like a wonderful love affair, in my opinion. I am content with my “job” of bearing young – I loved with all my heart and soul. OK, whatever – so my mind was found missing!
Very well said.
Am i the only one that finds her very phony not to mention annoying?
im right there with you Larry. There’s something about her that just reeks of insincerity.
She is trying to promote herself as a perfect wife and mother, even though she is married to an unfaithful loser and gambling addict.
Me too. I think a big part of it is the baby voice that persists, even at 44. Just watch the red carpet clip from the Nine Lives premier with her talking about the Meow Mix commercials and singing it, “Meow meow meow meow…”
No, Jen, no. For all the reasons above.
I had a miscarriage At 3 months. I found out in my 30s I had stage 3 endometreosis. My doctors misdiagnosed me for 15 years.
Please stop saying this about women and motherhood. What if you want it and it didn’t work out? My husband said adoption was not right for him. You never get over thoughts of what your own would look like.
I know mentor young college grads in their first jobs. I get the most beautiful emails, letters and cards as they advance in their professional journeys. Traditional motherhood is not the only way to fulfill needs to help others. Go get a big glass of shut the * up, pious PR playing Garner!
1950 called. They want their attitude back.
Actors always live up to their insecure selves, always coming up with some sanctimonious comments, to make their ego feel good. Whatever Jennifer. We no longer live in an agrarian pre-contraceptive society where we are pressured to be baby machines. It doesn’t diminish us as women to not have children or have less than the idealised quota.
One of the most irritating questions for me came from women. ‘When will you have the second?’ Like I was some brood mare. Well, the first [and only] wasn’t planned, and I wanted to leave it at one, so I could finish my education and develop a career. But to these breeders, it was anathema to express such ideas.
I’m a “Breeder”. My eldest daughter had her first child at 38 – and has called me that behind my back for years – to elevate her rebellious and free status, for not being such.
My children were taken from me at ages 9, 11, and 13 (off and on, if there is such a thing). I’m sure that it is my fault -because I could have done something about it, if I weren’t being betrayed. What a struggle, for dozens of years…was this worth my devotion and trauma? Of Course Not!!! Sometimes I feel like I have to figure out my life, because I am their role model. I wanted their happiness and joy, above all else – and I must find peace to give it.
When I was a small child, I remember my mother drawing babies from her belly. I thought it miraculous – and I wanted to do such a thing, for loving. She told me that not all women can have children – to cause fear and trembling, in me. Motherhood is not necessarily a blessing for children – mother’s can be unbearably cruel – child abuse and suicide are intricately connected. I had two brother’s die in this way.
What is this vainglorious story that women tell one another?
I don’t dislike JG, and I do get the impression BA and she are trying their damndest to co-parent in as positive a manner possible given their profiles and circumstances.
I do think spending time with children and young people, whether your own, or as an aunt, mentor, volunteer, caregiver, whatever, is mostly enriching. Being around little people has to make adults think because little people have far more interesting thought processes than those of us adults somewhat dulled or conditioned by society/’growing up’.
However, whilst I think that if you choose to have a child they should be front and centre as the priority you always calculate for first in making other life choices/scenarios, parenting ought not to be done to the exclusion of being oneself – whatever other aspects of life companions with our parenting they are for each of us. Balance is the watchword. Tbh, I think JG regularly allows that into her message.
I also don’t think it a lacking in anyone, an increasing amount of people, who choose not to have children. Also, there ought to be a reasonable sensitivity towards those who wished to become a parent but for whom that was not an option for whatever reason.
Perhaps JG is a little too invested in her ‘Mommy’ image as an identifier and she does tend towards genderising/wrapping it as a ‘natural desire of ultimate womanhood – QED’ which I find a bit off-putting.
I had one child, a fully considered choice with my husband to only have one. Then for years other adults, often barely acquaintances, would speak directly to my daughter with “tell Mummy you want a little brother or sister” or the like. That irked me, I felt no need to have a brood either but respect JG’s right to have three. Although, largely for resources/environmental reasons, I do think considering the number of children two people bring into the world is another point up for another discussion.
I just think parenting is full of enough difficult choices without creating an additional minefield over the initial choices of to parent/not parent/not be able to parent due to some circumstance.
I think it’s fine. She is not saying anything denigrating towards women who do not have children. She is just talking about her feelings. I do not need or want every statement everyone ever makes to be hedged by “but that’s just me”. Obviously it is just her and her opinion. Make your own choices, have your own convictions and do not expect or need a blathering celebrity to validate them.
She’s just pandering to her fanbase. I don’t see the problem.
So once again more confirmation that they’re not back together, straight from the horse’s mouth. Can fans and tabloids stop now? K thanks.
I just watched her movie with Kevin Spacey as cat and it is really shitty.I know it was a very family-friendly movie but is it a reason to be badly filmed/written and acted ?
I absolutely can’t stand this woman and make no apologies about that. She is the most annoying celebrity after Hathaway and that’s saying something.
But let’s be honest – parenthood is tough when you live on the smell of an oily rag and, like us, there’s 5 of you and a dog crammed into a 2 BR apartment. Throw in a few wet days and you’ve got washing drying on lines in the only spare space (the hall) and everyone has severe cabin fever.
Don’t get me wrong – I love my kids but let’s face it – I do EVERYTHING. Dishes, washing, clean the loo, shopping, cleaning out the fridge, it never freaking ends. My partner works 60 hours a week to support us all and helps out when he can but we work our butts off to keep this ship afloat.
Garner, no doubt, has lots of help and this would make her wax lyrically about parenthood for sure. I gotta admit, I do sometimes feel pangs of envy at my childless friends’ trips to Paris, spotless houses and nights out to cocktail bars while we’re at home eating our tuna pasta and watching Better Homes and Gardens 😂
But whatevs. Garner gets on my last wick. That is all.
Yep. It’s so easy to be a fun, carefree parent whose biggest worry is which ice cream store to visit that day when the housekeepers are cleaning your house, the army of nannies are doing the grunt work, you live in a $45 mil house, and your (ex) husband made $43 mil last year alone.
Money can’t buy happiness. But it does allow you to be miserable in more comfort…I like them as a couple but if it’s too late for them, Ben should still can the babes booze and blackjack for the sake of the kids, and focus on directing, which he does very well.
i know CB loves her, but she rubs me the wrong way with her 1950s housewife act. it’s fine if she says that for her that was/is the richest time of her life. she shouldn’t say ‘for a woman’, because a) she doesn’t bloody well know what every woman feel and cannot speak for the whole gender and b) it’s well known that many women don’t feel like that, not to mention some of them can’t have children for medical reasons; are these women’s lives supposed to be poor and unfulfilled? – off, jen.
I support her choice to live like a 1950s housewife. I don’t support her words that make it seem like that is THE ONLY way a woman can be fulfilled.
Rumi, on Loving All (ah) –
Because the idol is your face, I have become an idolater.
Because the wine is from your cup, I have become a drunkard.
In the existence of your love, I have become nonexistent.
This nonexistence linked to you is better than all existence.
In my hallucination I saw my Beloved’s flower garden.
In my vertigo, in my dizziness, in my drunken haze, whirling and dancing, like a spinning wheel, I saw myself as the source of existence.
I was there in the beginning, and I was the spirit of love.
Now I am sober. There is only the hangover, and the memory of love, and only the sorrow. I yearn for happiness, I ask for help, I want mercy.
And my lover says,
Look at me and hear me, because I’m here just for that. I am your moon and your moonlight too – I am your flower garden and your water too. I have come all this way eager for you, without shoes or shawl. I want you to laugh, to kill all your worries, and to love you, to nourish you. Oh, Sweet Bitterness! I will soothe you and heal you. I will bring you roses – I too have been covered with thorns.
…
I have lost my sense in the world of lovers…you have made radiant for me, earth and sky; I wish to see you with a hundred eyes. I am in the house of mercy, and my heart is a place of prayer.
Am I the only one who thinks her upper-lip filler has always looked really obvious?
I’m with you.
The 1st time that lip was obvious to me was in her movie 13 going on 30.
Ridiculous.
Anyone know who ben was in the limo with on his ride over to the movie premier after party when he exited with his pants undone?!
LOL
Yeah, Jen..you’re the perfect modern family…lots to be proud of.
You’re not alone. As I have mentioned on previous threads, I grew up in CRW with her. Her family does have thick lips as a trait, and yes she has always had them…but if you note people with naturally thick lips, there is an occasional asymmetry/imperfection to them, as in the lower lip is often slightly thicker than the upper or vice versa. (Great example Angelina Jolie). Jennifer’s have definitely been “adjusted,” and I don’t know why she fights so hard to deny it. It’s like a natural blonde that gets highlights. Doesn’t mean you’re not a natural blonde, just that sometimes we have to fine tune things.
Off my soapbox now.
There are pics online of her younger years and the upper lip is much, much thinner. Like, it’s not even close. It’s as fake as the hair on top of Ben’s bald spot. She’s got an obvious boob job and clearly gets botox and uses extensions so I don’t really understand why she and her stans insist that the lip is real.
I’m sorry but this topic is boring…. I can’t believe we’re not talking about Ben’s face and what a hot mess he was at the Suicide Squad premiere, that’s a juicy and fun topic.
Celebitchy missed an opportunity…
I would love to know more about that than the submissive housewife a.k.a Jennifers’ opinion on motherhood. I really don’t care if you don’t regret having kids with a cheater.
just such a myopic thing to say and it only reinforces my opinion that she has no sense of self outside of her wife/mother role. Which is why she’s held on so long to that dead marriage.
Exactly.
I wouldn’t judge her marriage. I think you have to be in a marriage before you really know what’s going on. The exception to that is if he was abusing her, in which case she should get the eff out, but I don’t think there’s any sense of that going on. You could argue that he’s abusing her in other ways, but she’s a grown up and has to make her own decisions.
I’m gonna quote Margaret Cho: “You know what I feel when I see babies?? Absolutely nothing!!!”
Happy babies n’ all ladies, but don’t think everyone wants/needs babies to feel fulfilled and no, we don’t envy you!
No surprise here. She has built her career and life around her reproductive ability.
Too bad that is all she’s got. This woman lacks individuality and personal dignity. Maybe the parents should start talking and saying something considering these rich, greedy women all want to become richer by manipulating the idea of parenthood.
I didn’t know a lot about her, but a quick check of her imdb page shows 53 acting credits, 8 as producer, a college degree, and a few nominations that actually count (SAG)..so I honestly don’t get the picture of the uber mom who’s life is spent posting daily photos of her kids or spending hours a day assembling sugar free/organic/non gmo/gluten free snacks. I think she should’ve qualified her statement with ‘for me’, but I also think if the quote had been made by an angie or adele, the reactions would’ve been quite different. Some women think motherhood is the end-all, some of us don’t. .she’s making no judgment about those who aren’t moms, so why judge her?
What do you mean she makes no judgment of the women that are not moms? Do you think she should have yelled out loud ‘the women that are not moms are losers’?
Have you read the comments on this post of the people that have felt judged and insulted by her? And rightfully so.
And that IMDb is just another reason of sadness. Yes, Garner was the star of a hit show, she had potential to walk her own path separate from her alcoholic, cheating husband and separate from her identities as wife and mother (identities that IMO are enjoyed best in private, with your family, not in TV interviews and arranged pap strolls). Yet, she did not. She figured marketing her motherhood was a better route.
Shes manipulating Ben – that’s her sole focus. She is pitiful.
Isn’t she specifically talking about acting in this quote? That it’s rich as a resource for acting? Because I would agree with that.
Yes-as she’s pushing her Family Movie.
I’ve been trying to have children for 7 years. It’s been horrifically painful beyond imagination. And what I don’t think a lot of these other Moms realize is that they cannot, in any way shape or form, understand what it is like to go through this and to CONSTANTLY, every single day, be told by women who were able to become mothers fairly easily (without years of struggling and all of the physical and mental anguish and humiliation that goes with it) that my womanhood is somehow less than yours. I hope we are reaching a place in our culture where we are recognizing that some women just do not want children. I really hope we are. I see women talking about this and I want it to continue. But the pain and suffering utter dehumanizing insensitivity that still goes on daily towards woman who CANNOT for whateve rkind of health reason have children is so so terrible. Please make it stop. Please stop Jennifer. I exist. Women like me exist and your words cut us.
Your words moved me Kathleen, and I wish you happiness in the future, whatever your circumstances.
There is so much to truly love.
This is not the first time she made a comment like this. I would think after the first time she would have learned to only speak for herself and not use terms like women.
As for her comment about the paparazzi, maybe her son should say mommy no more photo ops. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, no one is photographed as much as a Kardashian that right a KARDASHIAN!!! Unless they want to be. The Kardashian isn’t even that sought after that why they call the paparazzi and set up photo ops to keep themselves in the media. Other celebrities manager to go about their day to day live without being photographed for the most part why can’t Jen. Hell when Ben not with his family he knows exactly how to get around unseen by the paparazzi, that’s should tell you something right there.
It’s the same with Halle Berry she has no problem using the paparazzi when it’s convenient for her, but then wants to cry about them.
The quote makes it seem like she’s trying to convince herself more than anyone else, IMO. She married a gambling, alcoholic philanderer who aged very badly and gave up a decent career to raise his kids. Now she can only make awful family films for probably a quarter of the salary she could get in her prime.
She has to believe it was the best thing, if only to keep herself together.
Kaiser, I didn’t have a problem with her mother statement from her POV. But this statement ‘” I want them to see everything’s OK.” Is where for me she got sketchy. Her mom statement… her deal. I’d love to not only see Jen play moms on screen. But saying you want to make the kids see EVERYTHING is OK. – look i get it, but if its not true or you’re not being treated well – SCREW THAT. Be honest with your children. Children don’t need to see all your mess but Lord, don’t lie that marriage gets hard and moms lies about being mistreated to make sure EVERYTHING is OK. Girl, Jen you’re killing me. Jen is a very strong mom and actress, there’s room to portray both and one who is NOT OK.
OH PLEASE. Girl, you haven’t completed a MA or PhD.
I was just about to say that ! My Master’s degree was very enriching and rewarding. I don’t have kids, not sure I even want them !
This woman never gives an interview when she doesn’t tell some designed-to-be-adorable anecdote about her kids. Before last year she would talk endlessly about her rosy marriage and now it’s her rosy divorce. All of this breeds public interest in her private life. THAT’S why she and her kids get followed, because she makes sure to maintain interest in them. It’s all very calculating on her part and frankly I think it’s disgusting and desperate that her biggest claim to fame is being someone’s wife and mother to his kids. These things are the only things keeping her relevant anymore, it’s not these lame movies. So when she complains about the paparazzi it rings false to me. I’m like, it’s your own damn fault. Not that Ben is any better as he played the Family Man card over and over during his Oscar campaign. Won’t be able to do that again, nannybanger!
hahaha as a lady who never wanted kids and is super happy with her choice, her comments make me laugh. Why? Because if i had an asshole cheating husband who publicly stepped out on me and was cheating i could tell him to kick rocks, never see him again, and then i could just go on living my awesome life! i wouldnt have to eat shit and take him back and pretend life is perfect. so yeah – how about STFU about what makes a womans life complete.
Particularly as it was with their kids nanny – from what i recall they’ve had a few over the years so am sure that she wasn’t the first one he diddled. Gavin Rossdale was another who liked the nanny(s). So i guess have the rich experience comes via the team of nannies you have helping you raise the kids.
There was a comment on ONTD last week from a nanny who works at the agency that Jen uses. Apparently she went through 7 nannies in a year and one of the former nannies for them mentioned that Jen always said she felt insecure around her (because she was attractive, I guess). Seven nannies in a year. Seven.
Beyond women with no kids ,and their purported inherent less full emotional life, this recycled minivan majority meme bothers me for another reason.
What about moms of teens or adults? Basically it’s sayin the best most emotionally rich time of a woman’s life is essentially *when she’s young* as well.
These type statements all just feed the patriarchal status quo mindset toooo well, from too many different angles.
I know older women who have adult kids who talk about how much emitionally harder it can be to have *adult* kids as it becomes a whold new game, you see them struggle through divorces, illnesses, etc.
I’m in that position Jen, and yes, it’s a different kind of hard. When they are kids, the hard is having to make decisions for them and hope they are the right decisions. When you are a single mother, as I was, you can talk things over with others but in the end it’s up (or down) to you. Scary. The opposite is true when they grow up – in many cases not only can’t you help but you have to respect their autonomy.
*GAG* I absolutely despise women who talk this way. If *you* found having children to be a wonderful experience, that’s lovely and I’m absolutely thrilled for you and happy that you had a positive experience. To assume that ALL women feel the same way is b*llsh*t though.
There are millions of women around the world who choose not to have children (for almost as many different reasons). Our lives are no less meaningful, joyful, or complete.
I understand she probably meant no offense, but it was a stupid, thoughtless remark.
At my age (61), I’d like the f*ck all the time, and be 42 – for years and years: until death. (Dang! Dang!! Dang!!!) Of course, there is no need to shock the children, although mom’s would die for these beings.
I just don’t like her, I think she is a terrible person. That is all I’m going to say because I want to be nice.
I get angry when women say things like this – its a put down regardless of how its meant. Even thou its my decision i feel comments like this are said to demean me and make me feel less than a woman. I also have close friends who would love to have kids but can’t for health reasons and comments like this break their hearts.
Raising a family is tough and anyone who says otherwise is talking throu the hole in their ass.
I am liking her less and less now. She thinks she is above it all. She doesn’t talk about anything else but her kids and it is soooooo boring to listen to her now.
I think there is a bit not right in her mentally and it is all smoke and mirrors. I remember reading an article about her and her sisters and her mom said that she is quite a story teller.That just to show you she lies in her stories.
It is getting old to hear about her mommy image.
1. It’s not a good throwaway comment for the women who don’t and can’t or don’t want to have children. Honest just as a woman I’m disappointed in her. I had my only child 13 years ago and yes he makes me happy yadda yadda, but I like to think by showing him I have a life and world that doesn’t revolve around him 24/7 that i’m capable of having a great life when he is not the priority is in itself an important lesson. You don’t need a child to have to be fulfilled. I like to think I have more good things to come.
2. She just proved to me I need to get rid of a pair of shoes similar to the ones she has on. My legs are short and I’m not nearly as fit as her and she looks like her legs are shorter than they are. We should feature our best when we get a chance, eh?
3. She lives in an interesting bubble I have no desire to visit.
Well said.
With all her relationship troubles, I think she compensates with making her identity as a mother the pinnacle of human experience. I could just easily say to everyone “there is no richer experience in the world for a women to love and be loved by her soulmate in life”–because I am lucky enough to have found my soulmate. But guess what–while that is MY experience. there are plenty of women out there who never found their soulmate–or thought they did and wound up divorced. And they live rich and full lives. I do believe she means well, but she is talking about her experience and extrapolating from her experience to apply it to all women in a way that demeans the choices of millions of women who chose not to have children or cannot–and ignores the truth that many women live lives of quiet (or not so quiet) desperation being mothers, who wish they could turn back the clock and if they are good people grin and bear it in silence and private pain, but if they are damaged people, abuse and neglect their kids terribly. The news is filled every day with their stories–or you can see it on the street any day, angry women who probably wold be happier without children (and their kids would be happier without them as parents). I was a nanny for many years and saw many women who found out too late they did not really want to be mothers–and hired people like me to take over the job (and no, I did not cheat with their husbands). So it is NOT the pinnacle of human experience OR womanhood for everyone–and she should speak for herself. not others. Most of the women I know who have kids have told me they love them but could have also had rich lives without them. And i also know many (in my family at least) who should not have had children, and would have been much happier with out them. but had them because they were told by society, or their church, that this was an essential part of fulfillment as a woman. Children do NOT fill the “hole inside”. You need to do that yourself. But in any case–I think she is compensating for what she lacks in her relationship with a man who is an off and on active alcoholic, drug addict, and has cheated on her multiple times, and publicly exposed her to humiliation.
Preach!!!
It’s hard not to chose bitterness or cynicism when confronted with things that are out of one’s control. There’s a million years of mankind’s ideas, dreams, and beliefs that we are dealing with – that is, conditioning on the cellular level. It is for the Stars that we are always Reaching, and it is the stars that reach for Us.
Thanks Jenn – I really needed a reminder about this painful awkward topic.
This is something actresses have been saying since actresses have been interviewed. It’s the ‘I may be rich & successful but being s mother is my real job, the kind that matters, so don’t feel threatened by me.’ It’s a tired concept & should be retired.
“There’s no richer time in a woman’s life than when”…….ladies, fill in your own blank and achieve that. My blank was not filled in with the words “having babies.” Sorry, not my dream! Glad she is doing what she wants to do and is a great parent.
I’ll give her a pass and assume she meant that for herself. I’m more taken aback by the fact that the little boy is terribly upset by the paps and yet both of his parents continue to utilize them for their careers. Wonder how he’s gonna feel when he gets older and figures that one out?? Arseholes:(
Ha! Good point. I wonder if he ever asks them why Matt Damon’s kids, or Julia Robert’s kids, never get papped.
I don’t even know Matt’s kids’ names. He only talks about them in the general sense, never really specific anecdotes. He also has actual talent and doesn’t rely on his family man image to get press. He’s too busy being nominated for acting Oscars.
If everyone was meant to be married and have children then divorce lawyers/ alimony
child welfare groups and foster homes would not exist. I think she might be
pouring on her comments a bit to thick to cover-up the mess her life might really be
just my opinion nothing else.
Agreed! The world is filled with unwanted, neglected and abused children. As a spokesperson for Save the Children, she must know that. Stop telling women only having babies will fulfill them. Get fulfilled–then have your babies if you want them. Your going to need that strength of self afterwards, trust me (especially if you cannot afford nannies, chefs, and vacations on tropical islands).
I am not a Garner fan (and have been on both sides of the kid issue), but crap people give her a break. You should have to preface every comment you make by “I feel” or “for me”. She said it so obviously she is speaking how she feels.
I agree. I don’t plan on having children, yet I am not offended at all by her comments. I imagine it IS a very complicated (aka “full” aka “rich”) life experience. I don’t doubt that having kids ups the stakes and makes the highs and lows a bit more exaggerated. AS IT SHOULD BE, because parents should be really invested in their child’s well-being. The thought of an indifferent parent scares me.
I don’t understand why people are upset by her comments.
I don’t understand how you don’t understand. She knew perfectly well what she was saying and frankly it’s disturbing. She’s neither smart nor progressive and is downright backward in her way of thinking.
How is it “disturbing” to acknowledge that motherhood has a profound effect on a woman? That it brings up a lot of really big issues (how to explain the death of a family member to a small child, how to struggle through when your child has an illness, how to talk about religion with your child, helping a bullied child). Acknowledging these profound moments exist is not an insult to those who don’t have children. Is it really better to pretend that motherhood is no big deal that doesn’t impact your life and thinking at all?
Motherhood IS filled with big moments. That is just the reality. It shouldn’t be threatening to non-mothers to acknowledge this. Not everything is a personal slight.
Honestly I think if she weren’t so parsimonious about her life, her children, her choices (I.e., pushing for paparazzi laws and yet using them for publicity at the same time) people wouldn’t be as annoyed. I really do believe if she was a little less sanctimommy and a little more real world people would adore her.
THIS.
If a different celebrity had said it, the crowd would be more forgiving.
..and I’m one of like, three people who actually doesn’t mind Garner but even I can agree that her Super Mommy shtick is tiresome at best.
I don’t plan on having kids and while I’m not personally offended by her comments, I absolutely 100% understand why people here are, particularly women who are devastated by their inability to have children, for whatever reason.
I don’t think she was trying to be hurtful but it was a very careless comment IMO.
I agree that I don’t think she trying to be hurtful, but when you make generalizations like that you do end up rubbing people the wrong way.
I also think the reaction from posters stems from this not being the first time she made statement like this before its not even the second time. Why no one has told her to refrain from saying how women feel and just say how she feels “For Me” “I”.
Honestly, taking offence at what this one-note, style-deficient, dull as ditchwater matron says is such wasted energy.
I just can’t.
I never understood that attitude. Sure, having kids must be great. But if a woman’s true pupose if to have kids, doesn’t that validate those religious nut cases who think women don’t need to be educated, or to work outside the home? Because by Garner’s logic, she SHOULD be raising her daughters towards that same goal: fulfill your role in life by having children. So that leaves MEN to get educated, write the great symphonies, discover scientific breakthroughs, etc. This is insulting to women.
This is the most offensive comment she has ever made. Her career is getting crappier every single time she releases a new movie. She is all over the place but nothing new to offer. It is always the same pitch every time she promotes something. She should really just go back to WV. Her mommy roles are getting tiring.
I’m sorry, but if this is truly “the most offensive comment she’s ever made”, than she’s ok by me. She’s saying that she enjoys being a mom. There are so many things going on in the world right now that actually are offensive. She didn’t say everyone needs to be a mom, she’s drawing from her own life experience . I guess people are only allowed to express their feelings if every single person in the world agrees . We are becoming a nation who truly is offended by everything!!!
The thing is she promotes herself and her mommy image all the time and she talks about her kids every time she goes on her promotion deals. We get it that she is a good mom but don’t rub it on our faces EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Ugh. I am getting so sick of her! And, just to be clear, I am a middle-aged, minivan driving, midwestern mom of two. I love my children and am grateful for them every day but having kids is also freakin’ hard. There are a lot of very good reasons not to have kids (biological or otherwise) and everyone’s life can be rich (or crappy) for a variety of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with the kids in your life. So I find myself offended as a mother (is there something wrong with me that I didn’t walk around in a rapture when my kids were babies, thinking how this was the best time ever?) and as a woman (as she has to continue the sexist old thinking that the best and greatest and most important thing a woman can do is be a mother).
The cynical part of me thinks that she says these sort of things because the only career she has left is being the mom in kids’ movies and spiritual movies. But another part of me wonders if she has to say stuff like this to convince herself that everything she sacrificed (a real career, having to deal with a d-bag husband) was totally worth it.
I think, for me, motherhood is ONE of the pinnacles of my life. But it’s not all I am. I became a doctor – another pinnacle. I run marathons. Each one I finish is another pinnacle. My life is many pinnacled. LOL.
There is a communication phenomena happening. I have noticed it everywhere. People refrain from using their own personal narrative and instead push this YOU when they really mean ME. I don’t know where it comes from but every time I hear it, it annoys me. No it’s not the richest time in every women’s life, parent or not. If she and others could just speak from their own personal truth it would actually be endearing… FOR ME, it has been the richest time in my life. It’s not that hard to frame things this way and I’m not sure why their people cannot offer this simple advice! I’m the Mom of two children and only being 30 years in to this lifetime I actually find this to be a bit of a selfish time in my life and need to remind myself to serve more and to show that to the children. It feels like right now is all me me me and what I or the children *want* but I make sure to pause and serve others and not make everything about our desires and amusement. Just a tangent from my own personal experience.
In American English, we use the “you do” construction most of the time instead of the “one does” construction when talking very generally. It sounds like an imperative or a statement about the other person but it really isn’t. Causes all sorts of problems in discussions involving people using all different flavors of English. The others tend to think the Americans are trying to order them around or are accusing them of something until we explain the construction to them. It’s just a linguistic difference that evolved over time in US English especially.
I’ve never been able to stand her – she’s so “apple pie”, “goodie two shoes”, dresses like she gave up years ago and completely lacks any sexuality…
And it’s all fake fake fake. Consider her timeline with Foley, Vartan, Affleck, getting knocked up, getting married, etc. She’s hardly a saint though her PR team would love for you to believe that.
Unless any of those guys were with somebody else when she got with them I don’t see her dating history as something that makes her image phony. Besides this comment about motherhood, is Jennifer Garner known for expressing Duggar-type attitudes about dating?
She will become one of the most hated actresses out there eventually just like Goop. Not too long now.
Wow, I’m surprised that this one comment has offended so many people . I don’t think that was her intent in any way. She is drawing from her own experience ! just because she didn’t preference it as “FOR ME” , I’m pretty sure that since she is the one talking , and sharing her own personal experience , that it should be implied that she’s talking about herself . Jennifer seems very hands on . She’s always taking her kids to the farmers market and out exploring . I rarely see her without them . Yes , she dresses comfortably because she truly is hands on . It’s almost like she’s being demonized for staying down to earth . On the other hand we have Kim K walking around in wobbly heels and a pound of makeup doing quick little pap strolls w her kids and there’s no way she’s really parenting her kids . I just don’t get the strong hate for her because she’s loves her kids ! SMH
Really! I just don’t get all the hate for her!
I think it’s really refreshing to hear someone generalise without feeling the need to start off with “I’m not speaking for everyone” or “for me personally” or “for some women”. Common sense dictates that she’s not stating a woman can’t have a rich life without having children and I appreciate someone who just expects her audience to use common sense.
I really do feel for the women here who have spoken about not having or been able to have children but you can’t expect someone not so speak about their experience or opinions because it might be hurtful to some.
So with the pics last night of Ben coming out of a car with his D hanging out (and the gf hiding in the backseat?), who wants to bet that he’ll do the church stroll with the kids for the paps this weekend? Anybody want to put money on it?
First we have to see if he comes back to la. But I don’t think Jen does that for him anymore. We thought after the bill Simmons rant she would, but did not.
Bahahaha I think you’re on to something L!
He is a total mess. If I were him I would be very wary of the press. They have so much on him, but they have held back during his marriage. They are definitely going for him now. Remember the pictures of him coming out of the apartment with wet hair? So many blinds over the years about his risqué behavior but no real pictures until now. It is pretty sad when all the news media had to run with the pictures of the pants undone. We all knew he couldn’t behave forever. He is so gross. I truly feel bad for his family.
She clearly doesn’t know anyone close enough that has struggled with fertility or chosen to go childless. She would know better to say that if she did.
She’s young and dumb. Certainly, she refuses to let Ben’s spirit soar free… How will her children find their own wings? – Great Hen that She Is.
Time will tell of rocks that fell…
She’s selling her brand, isn’t she? I can believe that for HER, this is true; she just shouldn’t generalize. I’m a mother myself, but I find that kind of remark offensive towards women who can’t have, or don’t want children. Just let every woman follow her own path in life, with or without kids. No explanation needed.
I just cannot with this broad.
My heart goes out to those that have always wanted (and continue to want) to walk down that path but haven’t been able due to health, or circumstance.
I have ones in my life that struggle(d) with the same pain & I’m sorry for the dark places that words like these take you.
Hugs & prayers to you all.
For the rest of us, that grew up apart of large families that struggled everyday, or enjoy that flush of accomplishment that comes to them from other avenues in life- like the self-indulgent independence of spontaneous mini trips, staycations, concerts, long naps, long days at the office, late night game marathons/dirty tv/book bingeing, loud banging your partner (or yourself), not censoring your every word or move, & everything in between.
Raise your glass of water, wine, whiskey, moonshine, vodka, gin, beer, sweet tea, or whatever your jam is- and roll your eyes and shake your head at that generalizing nonsense.
I do really think she was speaking about herself and her experiences, and didn’t think about alllll the people reading that. Society can be hard on those who “don’t have kids,” so it’s a prickly pear to offer up in an interview, IMO. Yes, she’s a lovely parent, and I’m thankful she is raising good kids. But “mommy” as the end-all is a tired trope for women in a lot of ways.
Speak for yourself Jen. And for you, I totally believe that statement. Having children is by far the most interesting thing you will ever do.
Her career is in the toilet already. There are mom roles out there which are more challenging. Just look at Reese Witherspoon ‘s projects. Jennifer is just not talented enough to get high caliber film projects.
Suddenly I understand Ben Affleck and his idiotic desperate attempts to get away/gamble it all/sleep with the nanny…. I almost have sympathy for him….
Why didn’t she just say, “There’s no time richer in my life than ….” instead of speaking for all women?
How incredibly short-sighted and 1950s-ish of her. I am happily married for over ten years without kids and I’ve never been happier nor do I feel a gap or an absence or a want. I can say the same for about 10 of my closest friends. I understand that some people do feel that childbearing is the most important thing in the world but this is ridiculous.
I can’t have kids and these statements always remind me of that and make me sad. However, I’m not enough of a special snowflake to think she needs to change her words. If i post (as IF I have any social media accounts….) “best day ever!” with me in a bikini at the beach, I’m not thinking about people who can’t afford bikinis or live in landlocked countries…..
I am gratefully enriched, child-free by choice. No regrets, ever. Ben Affleck married down when he married Jennifer Garner. They’ve been a mismatch from the start. And do male children actually speak to their mothers like that (“Go out and tell them your son doesn’t like it”)? Most children (I am around quite of few, none of whom are mine that I know of) would say something like: “Momma, go out and tell them I don’t like it. Let’s go!”
If I believed her, she would be Just as tone death and self absorbed as fish sticks. But I am guessing that she is a bit smarter than Gwennie and is playing to her audience with these statements….
Jen should ixnay on the thoughtless and cruel comments about other women. Some of us may point out she is married to a man who doesn’t want her and hasn’t wanted her in years.
She is sooooo proud of her “modern family”…. yeah. Clinging to her ex who cheated on her with the nanny and countless others, who clearly wants nothing to do with her. She looks foolish. If she were a strong, independent woman she would have filed for divorce and truly moved on ages ago. She’s pathetic with her Tammy Wynette mentality.
Wow -just wow…
Oh she has nannies alright, but I doubt she thought they’d be spending more time with her husband than her children.
No kids. No regrets. Regret marrying a guy that has higher regard for drugs and strippers than his family?
Many others here have already made my point beautifully, so I’m going to keep it simple: Shut up, Jennifer Garner.
Just saw the pics on Instagram. They appear to be fan photos.
Her “film” (I use the term loosely) has a 4% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is actually up from its previous score of 0%. Perhaps she should focus less on dragging her kids in front of the paps and doing gym strolls and work on getting semi-decent projects? Just a thought. 4%.