Allison Williams drinks ‘dirtbag coffee,’ wants a cake that’s ‘trashy on the inside’

32nd Film Independent Spirit Awards Nominations - Press Conference

This is driving me up the wall. Allison Williams went DRAMATICALLY blonde for her cover shoot with Allure’s March issue and I can’t figure out who she looks like. She absolutely looks totally different. But she reminds me of someone and I can’t put my finger on it. Someone from the 1970s, right? WHO IS IT?

Anyway, Allison usually annoys the hell out of me, so I wasn’t looking forward to reading this Allure cover story. Once I finally put on my big-girl panties and read it though… it’s not terrible. Granted, she’s a twee, annoying hipster, but she’s not the worst person in the world. She’s just the kind of woman I don’t “get.” Like, she’s a millennial Goop. She’s painfully self-aware and humble-braggy, but I also sort of admire her for sticking with it and trying to become the next big thing. Maybe the blonde will help? You can read the full piece here. Some highlights:

Her wedding cake was Funfetti cake from a box: “You can’t make Funfetti cake without the box… They tried to put homemade cream-cheese frosting on it. I told them they weren’t allowed to make it more fancy. You can make it beautiful on the outside, but it has to be trashy on the inside.”

Hipster coffee: “I drink dirtbag coffee.”

Her parents insisted that she go to college before becoming an actress: “I was annoyed at it for, like, a second, but then I kind of leaned into the idea.” The actors she talked to over the years agreed on one thing: college first. The thinking was, she says, that otherwise “you’re not going to be a full person. And you need to become a person before you can be a person in front of other people.”

She eats street-cart donuts, not artisanal donuts: “Anyway, I’ve had my doughnut today. I have a doughnut every morning. The same kind, from a street cart. Vanilla frosted with sprinkles on one half, weirdly. How hard is it to sprinkle the whole thing?” She eats street-cart doughnuts, but her assistant picks them up for her. “It’s relatable, right? Everyone has an assistant who brings a doughnut to them in the morning?”

Her phone case: “It’s a mirror with Belle stickers on the back. I’m an adult; it’s fine.”

Her role in Get Out, Jordan Peele’s racially charged, politically savvy horror film. “My first thought was, This is going to be very loud, this movie. It’s going to make a lot of noise…. The day Philando Castile was killed, I said to Jordan, ‘I wish this could come out now.’ And he said, ‘Well, it’s depressing to say this, but it will still be relevant in February.’ I remember having this kind of full-body shudder, like, Uggghhhh.”

How she “reads”: “I love [Girls character] Marnie, but I don’t feel like I need to play her a million times. I wake up every morning thinking I need to be edgier. I read very one-note. Teacher’s pet, Goody Two-shoes. I’d hate to be annoying. Who wants to see movies with someone annoying in them? But it’s hard for me to paint myself as anything but whatever it is I come across as—which is pretty together. It’s not that I’m hiding stories about being drunk on Sunset Boulevard or something. It’s just genuinely how I’m wired, and it’s why I was right to play Marnie—because I do want to do everything right and in the best way possible. And abandoning perfectionism was a real struggle that I had to go through when I realized it’s not possible. But I’m a big note-writer, a big gift-giver. It’s how I’m wired, and it’s so boring and annoying.”

She doesn’t want to be interesting: “I don’t want to be any more interesting than I am. I love the life that I get to live, which is one of real independence and privacy and autonomy. And I get to experience the city in a way that—if I may name-drop for a second—someone like Katy Perry, who’s a really good friend, doesn’t get to. She doesn’t get to do what we just did. That’s not a universe she can experience anymore.”

Her blonde hair: “I think if I’d used my middle name professionally—Howell Williams—I’d have a totally different career. I’d be an indie darling. I’d be fighting with Greta Gerwig for parts. I’d have gone blonde earlier.”

[From Allure]

Hipsters can go either way – they’re either obsessed with having everything be one-of-a-kind or vintage or artisanal or small-batch, or they’re the kind of hipsters who like to play at being normal. Look at me, I drink dirtbag coffee and my assistant picks up a street-cart donut for me, how quaint. Obviously, Allison is the latter. But even in her painful self-awareness, she does get some sh-t right. If she was Howell Williams and a blonde, her career would be completely different. Also: “I don’t want to be any more interesting than I am.” Oh, honey. You’re not interesting.

32nd Film Independent Spirit Awards Nominations - Press Conference

Photos courtesy of Allure.

 

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144 Responses to “Allison Williams drinks ‘dirtbag coffee,’ wants a cake that’s ‘trashy on the inside’”

  1. Boodiba says:

    I’d never heard of her. Maybe not interesting but def pretty.

  2. JulP says:

    Yeah, she does not look good as a blonde.

    But yay funfetti cake, that shit’s delicious! I’ll never forget that interview Channing Tatum did awhile ago where he confessed his love for funfetti cake. Made me love him forever!

  3. Yeahright says:

    She looks ill. That hair make her look skeletal. Hope she gets some help!

  4. Rosie says:

    Judith Light. The esteemed Judith Light.

  5. QQ says:

    She is like Oatmeal to me, but the kind without sugar or anything fun at all in it, the gritty kind

    Anywhoo THIS: Her role in Get Out, Jordan Peele’s racially charged, politically savvy horror film. “My first thought was, This is going to be very loud, this movie. It’s going to make a lot of noise…. The day Philando Castile was killed, I said to Jordan, ‘I wish this could come out now.’ And he said, ‘Well, it’s depressing to say this, but it will still be relevant in February.’ I remember having this kind of full-body shudder, like, Uggghhhh.”

    Facts on Facts on Facts and also I Totally want to watch that movie im into horror and tongue in cheek

  6. escondista says:

    What in the hell is dirtbag coffee?

    This interview was PAINFUL.

  7. LolaB says:

    She is giving me Kellyanne Conway Gets a Good Dermatologist.

  8. Susan says:

    Karen Allen from Raiders of the Lost Ark?

  9. Daisy says:

    I think she comes across rather well in this. She’s aware she’s not interesting, that’s why she says she doesn’t want to be more intersting. And she even cracked a joke about her assistant bringing her doughnuts.

  10. Christy says:

    She looks like Heidi Montag before all the surgeries.

  11. BW says:

    Does anyone know what dirtbag coffee is? Boiled water and Walmart-brand instant coffee with cheap creamer? I have no idea.

  12. Alleycat says:

    She can’t possibly actually need an assistant, give me a break. Also, what is dirtbag coffee? And finally, her describing her phone irritated the crap out of me. “I’m an adult, it’s fine” I know she’s joking, but no one cares that you still like Disney films. So do a lot of adults. So many eye rolls.

  13. spanky88 says:

    You are thinking Farrah Fawcett!!!!

  14. Layla Beans says:

    That hair colour is horrific on her.

  15. Katenotkatie says:

    Dianna Agron? Annabelle Wallis?

  16. Neelyo says:

    It’s so great to see a woman over 60 on the cover of Allure. Judith Light rocks!!!!

  17. JA says:

    Yikes!! Blonde does not look good on her OR someone did a horrible job on the dye job. Doesn’t she have money for a quality hair stylist?? She has money for an assistant but not someone who could tackle those roots with perfection? Hipster bullshit personified…so much money and care to look so blah.

  18. NeoCleo says:

    She looks like a young Kellyanne Conway in the last photo. I can’t unsee it now.

  19. lucy2 says:

    This “ultra-blonde” trend is not going to bode well for, like, 75% of the women who do it. I’ve always thought she was very pretty, but the blonde is not at all flattering on her.

    Sienna Miller is my guess who she looks like.

    Also, I don’t think you need to go to college to be a “full person”, but I do think her parents were smart to insist she do that, get some more life experiences before starting her career.

    • nem says:

      bleach blonde is really a hit or miss,it looks strange on her.
      for some people even college and adult life won’t be enough be a fully fonctionning adult.

    • yellow says:

      Platinums look best on those 16-20 or so… I know… it was my best look at the time, and even though a natural blonde, it’s not the same once you get older, even like 21. You can see in the model shot that the color doesn’t work as well. Otw it still works for older peeps as long as it’s short and they have amazing cheekbones or something like that. Yes, I’ve analyzed this a lot! The new trend of leaving more dark hair does help a little bit but it’s also not as stunning.

  20. Hex says:

    In all seriousness, at first glance I thought the photo in which she’s smiling was an unusually flattering shot of Kellyanne Conway.

  21. Tray says:

    One of the blonde girls from that reality show from the beach? Can’t remember the show or any of their names, which overall is a good thing.

  22. Kelly-Bells says:

    Reaching back to the late 70s to early 80s time machine.
    Susan Anton

  23. ant says:

    Penelope Cruz? In the first picture

  24. smee says:

    With that hideous hair, she looks like a young Gloria Steinem to me.

    It does not suit her coloring whatsoever and it accentuates the largeness of her teeth…..

  25. Juluho says:

    How dare she call funfetti trashy. That wig is trashy

  26. Boxy Lady says:

    Suzanne Somers? First season of Three’s Company version, I mean.

  27. Lovisa says:

    Kellyanne Conway meets Farrah Fawcett. Mostly KAC though. :/

  28. stinky says:

    …not only the hair. a stylist got freakin paid to put those clothes on her and style that shot. good lord. AND – no one on earth compares to Sharon Tate. remember that kiddies.

  29. nemera77 says:

    I was strolling fast and at first I thought that was some younger picture of Kellyanne Conway.. SORRY ALLISON.. but I was like WTH..

    The hair color threw me off

  30. DrunkNachos says:

    This interview is very try-hard. She knows everyone else knows her pedigree, so she turns herself inside out to appear what 1%-era think ‘normal folk’ are. Funfetti cake! Disney princesses! Donuts! Every day, even! Ummm….’dirtbag coffee’! (WTF?)

    And yes to whomever thought of KellyAnne Conjob crossed with Judith Light in that thumbnail photo!! Awful!

  31. Tess says:

    I though it was Sienna Miller, I want to say she’s done a 70′s role.

  32. Lauren says:

    Maybe Bridget Fonda too in the profile pic.

  33. NoKiddingCat says:

    Coffee and baked goods same as the unwashed Prolls!! She’s HARD CORE, man…

  34. vespernite says:

    I hate her show and her liar father! And the hair looks like a dried out, plastic wig! Thats’ all I got.

  35. Princesstachana says:

    The cover reminds me of a vintage Sara Moon illustration http://fashionfollower.com/sara-moon-fashion-illustrations/

    Illustrations/graphic posters of women, particularly their faces, that were popular in the 70s and 80s. Usually the eyes and hair were the focal point of the illustration, and the details faded into the background. There might have been other artists, not just Sara Moon, but that’s what it made me think of.

  36. Linabear says:

    She’s trying to be relatable by saying she likes junk food, Disney stickers, and didn’t even want to go to college but her celeb dad sent her to Yale (how nice it must be for Yale to be your last option) and she wore a dress made of balene (whale!!) on Craig Ferguson a few years ago. Not like the rest of us.

  37. Trish says:

    The blond girl in the beginning of the original Ghostbusters – Jennifer Runyon.

  38. jerkface says:

    I am an actual dirt bag but I happen to drink fancy coffee that I make myself with my own fancy machine that has various buttons and foaming nozzles and it basically resembles the inside of the Tardis so I don’t know what this chick is even talking about at all.

    The only legitimate trashy thing about this little girl is her apparent inherited lie telling problem she got from her fathers side of the family.

  39. Malyin says:

    Her hair and make-up is straight Farrah Fawcett in 1979.

  40. Kate M says:

    Carly Chaikan who plays Darlene on Mr Robot!! Especially in the first picture, the thumb nail for the article, where she’s smiling (same big smile and white teeth)

  41. zeldafitzgerald says:

    She looks like Carly Simon that other shot.

  42. Bluer says:

    I saw other pics of her at some event with her new colour and she looked okay. Maybe the mag photog/stylist played up the roots and made her hair look absolutely burnt for shock value. She looks really terrible and eye-catching in a bad way in these pics. She’s annoying and needs to stop being so neurotic and self-referencing all the time. I think her me-me-me is possibly from anxiety. And she is extremely thin these days. Who does she look like? Her hubby. They look like sister and brother.

  43. Sam says:

    Jennifer Runyon. Actress from the 80s. She stared in Charles In Charge & numerous 80s movies.

  44. Ally says:

    Please stop calling her a hipster. She’s the least “hip” person on the entire planet.

  45. AppleTartin says:

    She was Peter Pan FFS, how less interesting can you be?

  46. AppleTartin says:

    also can someone please explain what exactly is “dirtbag coffee”

  47. Brittany says:

    Definite Sienna Mller vibes.

  48. holly hobby says:

    Oh honey, the blonde isn’t doing you any favors…

  49. Mylene-Montreal says:

    She look like heidi montag on the second picture

  50. OnyxXV says:

    I agree with those who said Sharon Tate. I was also thinking Kim Alexis. And I just totally dated myself! :-)

  51. sunshine gold says:

    She is trying so hard. She has had the perfect life, she’s never known an ounce of struggle. I do not want to hear her musings on anything.

  52. Patty says:

    Dirtbag Coffee? Really? How pretentious. She needs to step away from the blonde hair; it really ages her.

  53. Aine says:

    @Kaiser

    You’re going to cringe but I genuinely think she looks like a young Dina Logan…

    Which is NOT a compliment, unfortunately.

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