Notice that there are no quotes in the title above, because it’s not an exact quote from Amanda Seyfried, it’s a paraphrase of a much longer quote she tweeted, which is below and followed by a quote from Maureen Shaw, a reproductive and feminist rights activist. (I had to look her up but I am probably behind the times.) Anyway Amanda and her new husband, Thomas Sadoski, had their first child together, a baby girl, at the end of March. We still don’t know the baby’s name and we haven’t seen a photo of her. I suspect that Amanda and Thomas are going to be similar to Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer in that they won’t let us know their baby’s name (it was twins for Anna and Stephen) for some time and won’t share photos, which is absolutely their right. I don’t think they’ll go all Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard about it either, I think they’ll just keep it under wraps and not make a big deal about it.
Getting back to the subject of this post, Amanda tweeted about moms being judged for nursing and being judged for formula feeding. Then she tweeted that quote from Shaw about how boobs are for feeding babies (right on), which makes me think that someone gave her the stink eye or said something to her when she was breastfeeding her infant in public. Here are her tweets.
Breastfeeding is awesome. Formula is awesome. Feeding your baby is awesome. Not awesome? Judgement.
— Amanda Seyfried (@AmandaSeyfried) July 5, 2017
"Breasts are intended to feed babies. With all our progress on feminist issues, how can such a simple biological imperative…"
— Amanda Seyfried (@AmandaSeyfried) July 5, 2017
"…remain so stigmatized? In a word: sex. We live in a culture comfortable with exploiting breasts to sell burgers, for goodness sake."
— Amanda Seyfried (@AmandaSeyfried) July 5, 2017
"How would you rather your body be portrayed?" -Maureen Shaw
— Amanda Seyfried (@AmandaSeyfried) July 5, 2017
When my son was one we moved to Europe and I always feel gratitude about that because I nursed him well past that and no one seemed to care or notice. In the US, when he was just a baby, I would often go to a bathroom to nurse. I remember getting looked at funny, in the bathroom, like “why aren’t you just giving him a bottle?” Maybe it was just me feeling self conscious but the attitude seemed different here. You really can’t win as a mom and you have to develop a thick skin, which is difficult for me. I like how Seyfried is supportive of moms on both sides of this issue without explicitly stating her position on it. It seems like she’s implying that she got mom shamed for nursing, but she didn’t say that outright or explain it and I admire that. Also, now I want to see a photo of her baby! Maybe we can get one of Finn with the baby, that dog is a star.
Sidenote: if you are a dog person like me and visit Amanda’s Twitter be warned that she has so many photos of adorable dogs which are available for adoption. Those always get to me for some reason and make me feel like my soulmate dog is out there, just waiting for a forever home.
Also, check out this post below about a law in California to prevent pet stores from selling animals obtained from breeders. How is California so far ahead of the rest of the US when it comes to legislation like this? It’s like they’re a different country.
Here’s a photo she recently posted for Thomas’s birthday where she’s staring adoringly at him. It’s rare for her to open up so much on social media.
Here are Amanda and Thomas at the Twin Peaks premiere on 5-19. Damn she looks amazing.
photos credit: WENN.com and Amanda Seyfried/Instagram
All I see here is how cute her dog is. 🙂
This is one of those things that new moms feel “judged” about-but once your kid is 3 you’re like who cares?
I’m not so sure. I’ve had 4 kids and breastfed each for a year or more and I find even now my youngest is almost 4 it is still a topic that can upset women. It’s a very emotional topic for many.
Really? I have 4 also and my youngest is 8. I haven’t had this as a topic of conversation or concern for years. I didn’t nurse past 1 month. My friends at the time almost all nursed. I only felt “judged” with my first -and 99% of that judgement came from myself because I felt like such a failure at that time. Once my kids were older I never even gave it a thought.
It’s not something I raise often as I couldn’t care how others feed but i have been a member of a parenting community where it was a point of sensitivity for other mums. Not something I would say they dwell on but yes are sensitive about. As you say your youngest is 8 mine is almost 4 I imagine there’s a lot that will change for my group over the next 4 years.
The things people judge mothers about just change as the kids get older, but the one constant seems to be some kind of judgement. When motherhood is elevated to some kind of holy (yet unpaid and unsupported) profession, this is going to be the outcome.
That lipstick looks fabulous on her.
And a good friend of mine once had a guy slap her while she was breastfeeding her baby in a park, under a tree away from the crowds. He just ran up to her and slapped her and started screaming at her, her husband had to run interference and call the cops. Americans’ conflicted feelings about breasts and women’s bodies are getting us hurt and killed.
He sounds mentally ill. That’s not really a commentary about how Americans’ feel about women’s bodies.
New England’s Josh Moore literally stated less than a week ago that women shouldn’t breastfeed in public if that don’t want to get groped. It’s more accurate than we’d like to think.
That sounds like mental illness to me, too, combined with assault. But cultural factors might have fueled his sick rage.
Yes, the judging, but then you judge based on WHERE a mom chooses to breast feed. We watch dogs dangle their weiners and poop on a daily basis, but God forbid a woman pulls out a boob in public. All of this because men chose to sexualize our breasts, even basic women feed into the nonsense. Personally, I would not nurse in a bathroom because I wouldn’t eat in a bathroom myself.
If we had safe nursing spaces, women wouldn’t have to nurse their babies in bathrooms.
I like the newer bathrooms that have small lounge spaces separated from the toilet area, for comfortable nursing. Saw that at a few malls.
The problem is America’s attitude toward sex and women in general. A breast can be sexual under certain conditions. It can be a body part that produces food in others. It can be both in the same woman and neither should degrade her personhood. A naked breast requires us to reconcile the mother and the whore narrative and see only a person inside the body. Not everyone wants to do that.
i’am french , and french people are not used to long term breastfeeding( unlike northern european countries where breastfeeding is common). If you breastfeed a baby past 6 months, they will look at you like you are some sort of psycho. And if you dare breastfeed -even a newborn- outside your home or some bathroom or closet, you will have someone coming at you and shaming you for daring feeding your baby.
Wow, that is surprising to hear. My husband works for a french company in the US and the french expats wives were VERY comfortable with popping their boobs out at parties to breastfeed….no covers or any inkling of hiding anything. I admired them. I’m still bf’ing my 3rd, she is almost 2… i am afraid she’ll never give up most precious “mimi” as she calls it.
My son is 6 months old and if he’s hungry, I breastfeed him wherever we are. My kid deserves to eat when he’s hungry, just like adults do. The only people who have ever given me the stink eye when I do it are old ladies. I make direct contact until they look away.
Also at the end of the day, if your kid is getting fed, you’re doing the right thing!
Amen to this attitude. So many people worried about who is judging them for nursing in public, and we need to quit that with a quickness. Baby’s comfort is a mom’s first priority and to hell with anybody giving the stink eye. Eventually, those types will come around as public nursing becomes more normalized, or they’ll die off.
That was me, too. Nursed my first till 2.5 years old when twin pregnancy made me too uncomfortable to continue. I would throw a baby blanket over my shoulder and had discreet nursing clothing. I would stare back at anyone who took issue. I did not have such success with my twins, which 16 years later still makes me a bit sad.
Today whenever I see a woman nursing in public, I always smile broadly whether there is eye contact or not, hoping others maybe will become more approving of public nursing.
I don’t have any kids, but I don’t see the big deal about breastfeeding in public. I think breasts and women are so sexualized in our culture that it carries over into breastfeeding.
People are just horribly judgy when it comes to mothering. People really do judge you if you breast feed or don’t. I didn’t breast feed, and everyone from nurses present for the delivery of my daughter to strangers on the subway had something to say about my reasons and their validity. My daughter’s 14 months now so people have stopped commenting on it (but the judgement has moved on to new things like sleep schedules. Ugh).
I get so frustrated when people judge women who don’t breastfeed. And, in my experience, it’s people who never struggled with it or men. I breastfeed now but we supplemented with formula in the hospital in the beginning and the judgement was awful. We had our reasons and were supported by the nursing staff but that doesn’t matter to the sanctimommys
I had my daughter 24 years ago, and there was a great deal of judgement about not breastfeeding. We tried, but my daughter would not latch on. Did I make mistakes? Yes. I had the hospital give her a bottle first, and I did not have a definite plan. However, I also had an emergency C-section after a history of a stillbirth and a miscarriage, and I was 40. So, all in all, just having the living, healthy baby was enough for me. I try not to judge any healthy mothering decisions after all the “my little so and so has never seen a bottle” comments from strangers. Finally, our society has an idiotic adolescent attitude about breast feeding in public. It has got to go.
I don’t plan on having kids but this topic enrages me. Let’s be real here. If a boob feeding a baby offends you, go get help. That’s on you. I would NEVER eat in a damn bathroom, not even my own so why should a baby have lunch there? No. Unsanitary. Also, adults, especially in large cities, are the ones whose eating habits in public are offensive. It’s not babies. It’s not toddlers with the soggy cookie, no. It’s the hungover, smelling-like-a-bar, eating a f*cking leberkäse sandwich while slurping on a Red Bull at 8 a.m. dude next to me on the subway who is rude and inconsiderate. Or the person with the vile smelling takeout on the bus. Or the group of teenagers who needed to bring their McDonald’s on the train because it’s 10 p.m. on a Friday and they’re already sauced.
It is not babies. Really.
Sigh. We still have a long way to go.
I was unable to breastfeed, tried and tried but never produced enough milk. My youngest ended up dehydrated in the hospital (with crystals in his pee) even though he was on me for an hour at a time every 2 hours or less.. it was scary. I tried to pump even and hardly anything. I had to have ceasarians because I had a bircornuate uterus so giving birth naturally was not an option and apparently that has something to do with it .. i dunno. I felt like a failure or that I was doing something wrong (and still do sometimes), but in the end it wasn’t a big deal. I bottle fed my boys are healthy and happy and that’s all that matters.
I have never understood the taboo around breastfeeding. It pisses me off when women are shamed for breastfeeding in public. That’s what they’re for get over it !
Me: ooh that lipstick is not her color… ohh her dog though!!! He’s too cute
Wow! Different strokes.
She KILLS in that lippie – she looks damn fantastic in those pics. I have the same colouring and am going to steal this look. If only I had her killer body too (and omg she had just had a baby there)
Every new celebrity Mom feels like she is bringing awareness to this issue. I mean, sure, maybe the more anyone talks about this the better, but I really do get tired of the latest celebrity new Mom telling us about breastfeeding and Mom judgement. Your take is not new or refreshing Amanda.
I agree that moms get judged no matter what, the sanctimommies are ridiculous, their goal is to put other moms down to make themselves feel better! But, boobs aren’t just for feeding babies, it bothers me when people say that, they are also for attracting a mate and for physical stimulation to help with reproducing. We see them as sex symbols because they are for sex, deep down we can’t fight biology! Breasts have multiple uses, a big one is feeding our babies, if you choose that route, but they can be used for pleasure as well! 😄
The idea that breasts are sexual or for attracting a mate is purely cultural. Culture definitely has a huge influence on how we perceive the world, but that doesn’t make it biology. A lot of cultures around the world don’t see breasts as sexual. Were just used to how most western countries have sexualized breasts. I can see why people think that if you grew up in america. If you find breasts sexy though, more power to you! It’s not a biological thing though. I’m sure you didn’t mean anything by it, but this is the argument, about breasts being sexual, that people make to shame women about doing something completely natural. Why cant people just leave women alone? Whether people breastfeed or bottle feed, who cares?
I can understand what you’re saying and it makes sense with the way our culture is here, but personally i believe it’s part of nature and biology and they can be used for both feeding and pleasure. I use them that way anyway, lol. I see how my breasts change throughout the month and see no other reason for that except to help with reproduction, my body wants me to have children even though my mind is saying hell no. It’s all fascinating to me honestly, and growing up in a family of biologists and a botanist made for interesting discussions on human nature!
I mean great that you personally believe that, Jess, but factual is that the sexualization of breasts is indeed cultural
Love her lipstick
The judgement isn’t about people who have trouble breastfeeding. It’s about ignorant ass people having kids and refusing to breastfeed them even though they can and it is scientifically proven that mothers milk IS superior to anything you can give your child. Sorry special snowflakes, if you can breastfeed but you refuse to, then you’re on anti-vaxxer territory and you deserve to be shamed.
That’s quite the leap. Some mothers can’t breast feed long term due to their jobs (pumping is not doable in all jobs!) and don’t consider themselves special snowflakes and also vaccinate their children.
I think people that deserve to be shamed are judgemental a holes who don’t know the full story. Like you.
Are you as militant about abortion rights, too? Or is it just when a woman’s carried to term and birthed that you feel it’s your right and duty to tell them what to do with their own bodies?
Incidentally, something else very bad for babies is post-natal depression, which is linked to women who wanted to breastfeed, but found it unbearable, and stopped… and to women who fed on despite the pain because of guilt. So those seeking to guilt women on this issue are directly harming them, and their babies, in many cases, as well as arrogantly holding forth on subjects that have nothing to do with them. You love feeding? Wonderful! How is that remotely relevant to other women’s choices? Here’s a clue: it isn’t.
And before you make any more judgements – I am a peer supporter, after extended term feeding. I believe in women, you see. In trusting them to make good choices.
As a mother of two toddlers (who wasn’t able to breastfeed and no I don’t owe anyone an explanation!), I have had creepy old men pick fights with me (in a McDonald’s no less) and those horrific snotty moms judge and sass/passive aggressively make comments and try to pick fights with me.
How do I handle it? I give them the bird and say “get off my lawn you loser!”
But seriously, people need to chill. Breast feeding length of time/location etc is THE LEAST OF OUR PROBLEMS IN 2017. Seriously. People need to get a grip.
I’ve had people make snide comments and glare when breastfeeding. I’ve had the same on one occasion when bottlefeeding. It’s always amazed me that women who are militantly pro-choice on bodily autonomy grounds can sometimes be so censorious about women who choose not to breastfeed… and the people who think breastfeeding is disgusting are mixed up on what exactly boobs are intended to do, biologically.
There are plenty of cultures which don’t see boobs as sexual and where women are bare breasted. Yet we think it’s backward that some cultures see women’s hair as so sexual it, too, should be covered up. Interestingly, the people most miitantly opposed to the hajib tend to be the same ones who are horrified by breastfeeding.
A woman’s place is in the wrong. Especially when maternity, and/or sex, are the subject.
I can only speak for myself, but I never really felt judged. But I didn’t breastfeed for long either – only a couple of months with each boy – because I had to get back to work and, tbh, I didn’t particularly care for it. That’s just me. I was eager to get it over with. But I’ve always had the feeling of, ‘I don’t care. I mean, just make sure the kid gets fed and everyone will be fine.’ I would certainly never side-eye someone breastfeeding in public. Knowing me, I probably wouldn’t even notice lol but if I did, I wouldn’t care.
The only time I would think that breastfeeding is inappropriate is if it is in an area that is unsanitary, such as a bathroom stall. I think all public places need to have an area where Mom’s can nurse their babies/toddlers in privacy, if they so wish.