Jesse Williams & Aryn Drake-Lee’s custody battle is still such a huge mess

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When we last checked in on Jesse Williams and Aryn Drake-Lee’s divorce, it was already getting pretty ugly. I still believe that Jesse met Minka Kelly last year, they likely began an affair (physically, emotionally or both) and Jesse basically left Aryn for Minka. Maybe that’s not the way it happened, but that’s how I’ve always read the situation. Everything that’s happened since sort of supports that view: Aryn is really hurt and devastated and they’re both using custody of their kids to wage a proxy war on each other. Aryn already filed paperwork with the court, saying that she wants sole custody of their two children because he’s never around, and when he is around, he’s bringing women around too. Jesse’s response? Here you go:

Jesse Williams is firing back at his estranged wife’s claim that he’s not involved enough as a parent — saying, essentially, she only gets to be at home with the kids because HE has to bring home the bacon. Jesse filed docs responding to Aryn’s allegations … and says she has the “incredible privilege of being a stay-at-home mom with a full-time nanny” … purely because he’s putting in hard work every day. In the docs, he goes on to say Aryn is punishing him for providing for his family.

The punishment? He says Aryn restricts and “micro manages” the time he gets to spend with their 2 children since their split. He says his FaceTime calls to them frequently go unanswered, and when Aryn does answer … she sometimes leaves the TV on to distract the kids.

As for Aryn’s claims Jesse bullies her … he says the only aggression the children have witnessed is Aryn screaming at him. According to the docs, Aryn once repeatedly slammed the front door on Jesse’s leg while yelling at him.

We spoke with Aryn’s lawyer, Jill Hersh, who tells us “it is a shame that Mr. Williams chose to place the children and his family’s transition in the public domain.” Hersh added, “Aryn has been working tirelessly to maintain Mr. Williams’ bond with their children and it is important to remember that his one-sided allegations are made with a specific goal in mind. The judge is fully informed on both sides and will be making the final decision.”

Worth pointing out … Hersh’s comment is an almost word-for-word duplication of comments Jesse’s team made in response to Aryn’s filing last week. This one’s getting nasty.

[From TMZ]

I don’t think either parent is really taking the high road, even though both of them are convinced that they are truly arguing for their kids’ best interests. It absolutely feels like this is going to be a knockdown, drag-out custody fight. I wish… well, I wish Jesse would just acknowledge and admit to what most people believe anyway: that he cheated, that he left his wife for another woman, that he’s a walking cliche instead of the wokest man in Hollywood. Start there, and say “even with all of that, I still deserve to be in my kids’ life.” Because I agree with that – he can be a cheater and cliche and still be a good father. But the kids will remember that their parents went scorched-earth on each other during a prolonged and dirty custody battle.

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83 Responses to “Jesse Williams & Aryn Drake-Lee’s custody battle is still such a huge mess”

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  1. ArchieGoodwin says:

    Ok. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but nope.
    The privilege of being a stay at home mom.
    Because, you know, it’s not really working, it’s all fun and parties and cookies.

    This is one of the worst responses he could have ever given. if this is what she;s been dealing with, poor woman.

    • ArchieGoodwin says:

      so he’s basically his stupid grey’s character come to life. whining, it’s all about me, I have it so rough being on a hugely successful tv show (or being an Avery!!)

      asshat

    • HelloSunshine says:

      That’s not how I interpreted the statement but maybe I’m being too positive about it? I read it as not everyone has the means to be able to stay home, I work long hours to make sure you can be home with the kids? Idk, I’m a stay at home mom and refer to it as a privilege all the time because I know that’s not an option for everyone and I feel really fortunate that I can.
      EDIT: Tiffany posted below that she was the breadwinner while he was getting into acting. So I change my view on the comment, I think he’s probably being petty and throwing it in her face, which is ridiculous and unnecessary.

      Either way, both of them need to stop fighting this in the public eye. I don’t care who is more wrong than the other or whatever. One day, their kids will be able to read all of this. Shut down the public comments, go into private mediation and figure it out.

      • I agree. I’ve been able to stay at home with my three kids for the last 20 years. I always say, “I’ve been blessed to be a stay at home mom and I am grateful.” My mother was not able to stay home with me. Both of my parents had to work, not so we could have expensive vacations and a mansion, but to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. When my husband and I first got married, I didn’t think I would be able to stay home, but through God’s grace, I have. We don’t have the nicest house or drive the best cars, but I wouldn’t trade the time I’ve had with them for anything.

        Not everyone is fortunate enough to have that choice and I think that is all he meant by that statement.

        Regarding her working while his acting career was taking off, that’s an entirely different scorecard and one in which she will be entitled to a nice alimony check for a long time!

        For the children’s sake, I hope they stop the pettiness and come to some sort of mutual agreement. The kids need both parents.

    • Tanya says:

      To be fair, it is a privilege to be a stay at home mom with a full time nanny. I should know; I have one.

      • tty says:

        Exactly. @ArchieGoodwin, you conveniently left that part out. If they have a sfull-time nanny, it means she can literally watch TV all they with no interruption. It’s probably not what she does, but basically, whatever she does is *optional* because there’s always someone else there who’s responsible for looking after the kids. It is a privilege.

      • Pumpkin (formally soup, pie) says:

        @tty? Why would you *state* that having a full time nanny means that whatever Aryn does for her children is optional? This is outrageous and offensive. I am lost for words.

      • magnoliarose says:

        It is a privilege but he isn’t using it in that context. He is trying to make her look ungrateful to other women who aren’t in the same situation. I have one and I appreciate it. I am sure she does too but he has plenty to thank her for too.

    • Veronica says:

      It is a privilege compared to a lot of middle and lower class families where both parents have to work. (That’s not even getting into single parent families.) Especially if a nanny is available. I mean, it’s a dick move on his part to use their negotiated terms as a weapon against her (especially because his work-life balance is far different than the average 9to5), but a mother or father being able to restrain their worklife to just childraising instead of splitting it with a second job can be something of a rarity these days depending on the cost of living in your region.

    • krAkken says:

      I think you’re taking the quote out of context

      Lawyer is saying she had the privilege of being a “stay at home mom with a full time nanny”

      • Erinn says:

        The issue I take with that, is that for years she worked to support HIM. He got big and bought into his own hype. She was the main breadwinner for quite some time, so I’m really not sure why he’s on this “oh I’m being forced to provide for my family – she’s only able to do this because of ME earning HER money.” when she had to support him for so long.

      • Veronica says:

        That I agree is obnoxious on his part. As I stated above, if you agreed to that arrangement as fair back when it first started, don’t weaponize it now to make her look like a negligent mother.

    • Ruth says:

      It’s work though, she has a nanny. If this was him being called a stay at home dad, he’s be getting savaged around here.

    • Bridget says:

      If the argument is, “he’s away all the time working, he shouldn’t have custody” then it’s pertinent. As it would be pertinent if he said that he didn’t need to pay child support because she’s ‘willfully under employed’ (Jesse didn’t say that, I actually have a friend who’s ex made that argument). Context is key. If his job is what is allowing her to stay at home, perhaps it shouldn’t be held against him is all.

    • JOJO says:

      It is a privilege though. She can go work if she wants because he can afford for the kids to have help but she stays at home. On top of staying home with the children she has a full time nanny. My bias is that I would love to go to work but we can’t afford the quality childcare necessary so I stay home with the kids. I’m so sorry that he cheated on her the way he did. I really think they are both throwing out some really low blows.

    • ArchieGoodwin says:

      I don’t know you guys.I am also a stay at home mom, no nanny. It’s just as important as earning money. It grants a lifestyle we work for, we BOTH earn it, it’s a privilege for BOTH of us.

      he works, comes home to a (semi) clean home, meal, laundry always done, chores and bills and all those pesky tasks are completed. I handle phone calls, all appointments, all tradespeople issues (we just got the roof done), do the taxes, keep up with it all. I even cook dinner (most nights, even if it’s salad and BBQ chicken).

      it’s not a privilege, it’s a marriage, they way we BOTH arranged it.

      so, back to poor jackson avery, while it’s perhaps a privilege when compared to other families, it’s this family we are talking about and this is a total put down of her, IMO, her contributions to THIER lifestyle choice. Also, she damn well gave birth to his kids, so how about a little damn respect?!

      • Veronica says:

        Child raising and home care is just as important as paid labor. I don’t think anybody is disputing that. But being able to afford to be a stay at home parent AND pay for a nanny on top of it is a privilege for most families. A lot of poor to middle class families can’t afford to not having both parents working at least part time. (That’s where the issue of “second shift” comes from and it’s disproportionate effect on women in the home.)

        This being said, I agree that if he agreed to those terms earlier, he’s completely out of line to use them against her now.

      • ArchieGoodwin says:

        Ok, I agree with that. I think you are right, I take issue with the fact that he is using it against her. It’s a douche move, imo.

      • ArchieGoodwin says:

        I think it’s the word “privilege” that is offensive to me. It implies that it’s not worked for, a given, something just granted to.
        Staying at home is just not that, it’s working for it too (not the 1%, obviously).

        so I am back to his a fooking douche for even using that word in relation to the rearing of his children.

      • Veronica says:

        Oh, don’t get me wrong, he’s a dick either way. It’s a “privilege” only in the sense that first world living can be so outrageously expensive that people are forced to physically and mentally tax themselves to that extent.

      • still_sarah says:

        @ Archie Goodwin : your arrangement makes sense. Running the home is your JOB and it sounds like you take it seriously. My sister is the same way – dealing with school, appointments, tradespeople. I’m not sure her husband sees it all.

    • holly hobby says:

      I would like to point out, and he’s acknowledged this in the press, that for years his wife supported him when he was a struggling actor. She was a real estate agent and the only source of income. So yeah, she does deserve to take a break and be a mom, on his dime.

    • LadyT says:

      It IS a privilege to be a full time mom. She’s holding his work schedule against him in her custody demands. That’s why he brings it up. Her previous financial support affects the marriage settlement but doesn’t relate to custody. He cheated and left his wife for another woman. Terrible. But he’s the father of those kids. He may be a jerk but so far she hasn’t convinced me of anything to deny him just as much right to those kids as she has. She’s royally pissed and I don’t blame her for that but she needs to back off the custody thing because she’s just not right. He should be fighting back.

  2. Nicole says:

    I don’t like him but being a cheater does not give you the right to shove the other parent from your kids lives. Everyone needs to grow tf up and do what’s best for the kids. He’s a cheater and an @$$. But she’s ridiculous by limiting their time with their dad. Just stop

    • WTW says:

      But I think she’s alleging more than that he’s a cheater; she’s saying hat he has a revolving door of women in his life and has had the kids stay with random people. Being a cheater shouldn’t disqualify Jesse from co-parenting, but like Aryn, I would have serious concerns if my husband had strange people around my children. This increases the odds that the kids will be abused in some way. If he wants to co-parent, he needs to co-parent, not leave the kids in the hands of randoms. If he won’t be available, he needs to hand them off to their mother.

      • ORIGINAL T.C. says:

        But that’s real adult life, you can’t control your ex’s personal life. Unless this “revolving door” of women are criminals or drug addicts there is nothing she can do. If the tables were turned around and a man tries to get the court to deny his ex-wife access to their children because she dates too much, he would rightly be called out as being a controlling arse.

        And also she claimed he had anger issues because he chased after a neighbor that flipped him off yet she is slamming the door on his foot repeatedly which if done by him would rightly be called domestic abuse.

        I want to give her the benefit of the doubt but her reason for denying him primary custody all seems to be about being upset that he cheated on her and will now have access to sleep with more women. It’s punitive. Her lawyer should have aimed his case at proving she is the primary emotional and physical parent. Judges don’t like when you make custody all about your personal relationship issues. Just my 2 cents.

      • Nicole says:

        Except that’s not a reason to disqualify him either. She’s not saying random people she’s mad about the gf. We get it you’re mad but no judge is going to use that as a reason to limit visitation

    • No says:

      What makes you think that she’s really “limiting” his time with the kids? He already lied to the public before to save his image (even went on Jay-Z’s 4:44 lol) and this just seems like another lie to get sympathy.

  3. Tiffany says:

    Yet he seems to be forgetting that she was the breadwinner while he was trying to make it as an actor. Amazing how that memory seems to an erased from his mind.

    Married 5 years and together for 8 before that. Yeah, he is not going to walk away from this with everything in tact.

    • Cbould says:

      Was it a privilege for him to pursue his dream job while she worked to make sure their family was supported?

      Seems like a clear yes to me.

  4. BJ says:

    I see people ignored all the other stuff he mentioned including her restricting the time he gets to spend with his kids.Unless a father is abusive to his kids,don’t restrict or sabotage the time he spends with his kids.A good parent will encourage and facilitate their kids interactions with their other parent.

    • Pumpkin (formally soup, pie) says:

      “A good parent will encourage and facilitate their kids interactions with their other parent.”

      I agree, but it’s easier said than done.

  5. minx says:

    Ugh, I hate having to defend him, but he deserves to co parent.

    • TheBee's says:

      I think so too, if he can do so without his other women, Hollywood life, or temper (if those things are true) being introduced to the kids. If my ex said hey I don’t want your new people in and out of our children’s lives so how about we agree to a time frame of six months or more before introductions and no social media post of the kids, what is wrong with that? That seems responsible.

    • HK9 says:

      Yes he does. I’ve seen women in her situation do this. They are trying to make things ‘consistent’ for their children and they take it to mean everyone doing the same thing for the same reason. However, everyone parents differently and he’s allowed to be a different kind of parent, just as she is. They have different lives so the way they parent will reflect that.

      He also has to extend himself in ways he thought he wouldn’t have to so that they can build trust as coparents. He can’t spend his time doing things he knows will push her buttons, and expect that she will trust him. He’s got to start at ground zero. When the kids are coming back to her happy, she’ll realize she doesn’t have to worry about his parenting skills.

    • Erinn says:

      He does.

      But at the same time she shouldn’t have to constantly him him dictating exactly what will work for him. It kind of comes off as him expecting her to jump and put down everything else when he decides to contact the kids. If he’s scheduled that ahead of time with her, that’s one thing. But she shouldn’t have to drop everything just because daddy decided he can find the time to call without prior notice, either.

      If it’s important to him to co-parent and spend time with the kids, he should need to work out a reasonable schedule. It shouldn’t only be about her sacrificing her time to adjust to him – he understandably has responsibilities in his job, but he needs to realize that he doesn’t just get to pick and choose when he wants to be a parent, or when it’s convenient to him and expect her to go with it.

      • tracking says:

        Agreed. And I’m sure he’s gotten pretty well accustomed to that last scenario.

      • Veronica says:

        Yes. And if the children are very young, it may be in their best interest to keep them primarily in the most stable living situation. If his job requires constant travel, that’s not ideal for them. Once they’re older and little more independent, that can change, but I’m living in a home with two very young children dealing with an unstable parenting situation (youngest sibling is in critical condition in a hospital for half a year now, parents are constantly flitting in and out of the home to deal with it), and it DEFINITELY has an impact. It’s a vastly more complicated situation than whatever amorphous concept of “coparenting” most people have.

    • DahliaDee says:

      Deserves?!? Why? She has the privilege, and he deserves? Interesting. Maybe they both do. Maybe one of them doesn’t. Maybe neither do. You know who the only 2 people who get to say that are? Their kids. Or they will, when they grow up.

  6. Heylee says:

    Hurt people hurt people.

    For the love of all things sane. End the relationship with Minka and try and make this situation less toxic.

    Yes, she is behaving regrettably but he’s just making this worse by publicly dating Minka. Like its weird to me that Minka wouldn’t force a cooling off as well because this is two little kiddos life. Are there no wise minds?

  7. Jane says:

    He is a douche. Everyone knows he cheated. Its not even that part that annoys me its that he tries to come off as so woke and upstanding. He hates that she is basically ruining his reputation by dragging it out.

    I don’t get why stay at home mothers have full time nannys though. A sitter for when you need to run errands etc? Sure. But other than that it is a huge luxury and one i find rather lazy.

    • Tiffany says:

      If I was a mother of two kids under the age of 3 and could afford it, hell yeah I would get a nanny. It is more than just babysitting.

      • LA Elle says:

        This. I know a group of women who have a nanny rotate between their houses. That so-called “free” day is when they schedule doctor’s appointments, hair cuts, run errands, etc. As one of them joked, “Can you put a price on not having to take your 18-month-old to the gynocologist’s office with you?”

    • Renee says:

      Having a full time nanny doesn’t mean she’s sitting around being lazy. It’s an extra set of hands. If he’s working 12+ hour days there’s nothing wrong with her having someone else there to help her.

      • tracking says:

        +1 It means she can spend one-on-one time with a kid, go to activities etc. If she has a nanny 8/hours day, she’s still responsible for them the remaining 16 hrs/day. Doubt Jesse’s been much help the past few years.

      • Pumpkin (formally soup, pie) says:

        Exactly, especially when the children are that young.

      • Artemis says:

        @tracking: it’s starting going downhill in 2016. There’s undercover tea atm, apparently Jesse became more and more MIA and stayed out of the house for days on end after work sometimes not calling home to at least check in which left Aryn sick with worry and calling their friends to try and find him to no avail. There’s no confirmation on physical cheating but most sources seem to say ‘yes’ because he believed his own hype and wanted to enjoy the perks that come with it. At this point (during fall) they were already in marriage counselling so he wasn’t doing his part to make it work and wasting everybody’s time. Aryn did not lie to court; her friends can back up what she claims. His change in behaviour came quite sudden (summer issues intensified, fall was counselling period and winter the marriage was finished) to Aryn and friends and came around the time he started working with Minka after which the marriage was definitely done. When he checked out emotionally, the marriage died a quick death.

        He didn’t care that he had a wife and children waiting for him back then so it’s always interesting when these men wanna cry about their wives not allowing them to see their kids when the relationship is over. He clearly didn’t care about coming home and doing childrearing because he believed his own hype and preferred to enjoy fame which is why he’s pissed off she’s fighting back and calling him out as a bad father because it’s the truth.

    • Veronica says:

      If he’s traveling or working long hours often, she’s also maintaining the home without his help. Housework sucks up A LOT of time, and very young children need constant supervision. Emphasis on constant. I live with two toddlers (they aren’t mine, to clarify), and it has definitely been a very eye-opening experience as to how devalued traditional women’s labor is. Your typical job is 9 to 5. Children are 24/7, nonstop bundles of uncontrolled id. I am flabbergasted at how exhausting they are.

    • Tanya says:

      Why the judgement? 2 kids this age is hard, and having the nanny to run errands, clean, cook, stay home with a sleeping child so you can actually get things done is a huge help. The world doesn’t stop when you have kids. Things need to be bought, doctors need to be seen, repairs made, friends seen, etc.

    • Gretchen says:

      I’m currently a stay at home parent to two kids under the age of four and my husband works long and often unpredictable hours, if I could afford a full time nanny I would hire one. It has nothing to do with being lazy, it’s having someone around to help you pick up the slack, because I guarantee if you’re on your own looking after two kids all day there is plenty of slack – whether that is cleaning house, staying on top of the endless piles of laundry, cooking decent meals, coming up with creative activities for the kids, actually leaving the house etc.

      I would LOVE to have another pair of hands around to help so I could maybe occasionally have a shower in peace, or even just go for a pee without an audience, so I could make a lovely meal from scratch, so someone could entertain the toddler while I get the baby down for his nap, so someone could look after the littlest while I’m talking the toddler down from the umpteenth tantrum of the day, or visa versa.

      I don’t know why people think it is natural for a woman to parent and look after a home on her own, it’s a fairly recent invention. Extended families living together or nearby used to be the norm, so there were always extra pairs of hands around to help out with childcare or general domestic upkeep. Many people don’t live in those situations anymore and have to hire those extra pairs of hands. Nothing lazy about it. They don’t hand out martyrdom points to women who do it all on their own, the day-to-day is often a thankless slog.

      • magnoliarose says:

        In many other cultures families live together and are able to share responsibilities and in others, young women take jobs as nannies as a way to avoid underage marriages or poverty (problematic but another discussion). So the concept is not unusual.

        Aryn worked to support his career that hardly ever provides steady money, so he could follow his dreams. I am sure there were times she would have rather slept in or taken a day off but wasn’t able to because they needed the money.

        Now that he has money they hire a nanny to help her with two small babies and deal with him behaving like an absentee a-hole.
        The only thing a nanny does is free up some time to do other things more efficiently. It doesn’t mean they do everything and the mother does nothing. Grocery shopping is a breeze when you are single. Try it with an 18-month old and a 7 month old. It becomes a military maneuver.
        Forget trying to hit two or three markets. Loading the babies, the groceries, the diaper bag, settling said babies and then repeating it more than once is no easy task. Inevitably, diapers need to be changed and someone needs to be fed. If nursing then it means sitting in the hot car bare breasted with a baby latched while trying to keep a suddenly hyper fussy 18 months old from hurting themselves. Or you drag them into a restroom with no changing station or chair and have to turn around to go all the way back to the car again.
        Just for kicks, your allergies are active and you hoped to squeeze in a little exercise to help shed some baby weight. It could take hours and you still didn’t get everything on your list. I don’t know a mother in the world who enjoys those kinds of moments.
        But you still have a house to clean and a dog that needs to be walked. Oh yeah and meals. You needed to go to the bank but the electrician just called so… A nanny means you can get it all done quickly and tackle other tasks. Add more kids or an elderly parent or depression or physical limitations and it only means more work. There are many reasons someone would do it if they could.
        Working mothers are made to feel bad for using day care even if they have no choice. It is like unless the mother is a suffering martyr and sacrifices sufficiently by societal rules dictated by men, she is deemed defective and a bad Mommy.

  8. Cleo says:

    She literally supported him for years by being the sole breadwinner and this is his response?

    Women really need to learn to never put their careers on hold for some guy.

    • Jane says:

      They don’t do it for the guy they do it for the kids

    • milla says:

      Oh but he is HW actor now. So of course that all is forgotten.

      I dont know their kids, but between sets and cheating, did they really see him that much? Is he even a figure in their lives?

  9. QueenB says:

    Shh dont criticize. He is doing all of this for black women.

  10. Nene says:

    Withholding children because you have personal issues with your partner that have nothing to do with the kids, is downright evil to me

  11. Aims says:

    My parents had a contentious divorce and it came down to my brother and I . It was ugly, bitter and unnecessary . In hindsight it wasn’t about us, it was about them and trying to hurt each other, we we’re simply the pawns. Now as an adult with a family of my own, it still makes me nervous looking back. After a while we felt like property and nobody asked us what we wanted . The reason I bring this up is because this whole ugly situation is going to bite them in the ass. The kids will get older, they will remember and they will be able to make decisions about what kind of relationship they will have with them.

    As much as you hate your ex’s , you have to love you children more. Sometimes , that means sucking it up and being the bigger person. Otherwise , fast forward 20 years and you’ll lose a lot more than your pride , you may lose your relationship with your children .

    • Pamela says:

      This is spot on Aims.

      I genuinely feel so hard for Aryn. I mean, this is not just cheating. She supported this phucker while he was getting into acting, and then he gets famous and cheats on her with a co-star. So cliche and ridiculous. If that happened to me, I would be devastated and enraged. And I am not a celebrity—so at least I would have a modicum of privacy. The whole damn world knew about her husband’s cheating.

      Then to top it off, he spent tons of time away from the kids while the marriage was spiralling— only to NOW be oh so worried about getting time with his kids. I do not blame her for not wanting to sending her kids to his house 50% of the time so that they can spend time with him, and Minka …the woman she was left for. I can 100% understand how very hard it would be to just suck it up and do what is best for the kids. I don’t blame her for finding that difficult. I would too. But she HAS to do it anyway, because it is about the kids. It isn’t fair, but neither is life.

      My husband’s dad left his mom when he was 3, for another woman. He married her and they are still together today….nearly 40 years later. His mother was so bitter about it, she honestly is not entirely over it even now, after she has been remarried for 20 years. Again, I can’t blame her for wanting to kill her ex husband. She was then a struggling single mom with 2 young boys. Then dad would get them every other weekend and take them out for all sorts of fun stuff, with his new girlfiend. And his mom couldn’t afford to do those things, she just did all the work and all the yelling…while dad was a hero twice a month.

      But the toll it took on my husband and his brother? It was soooooooooo hard on them, even when they were teeny tiny boys, they understood the anger and felt the tension. And I get so mad when I think of some of the things his mom did. But I think this is a case where it is easier said than done. Though, easy or not–it just NEEDS to be done. Put the kids first. They will be the ones that suffer for all the fighting.

    • Olive says:

      Same story here. I remember my dad looking through the wall calendar and bitterly noting that my mom did not have their anniversary on the calendar. How awful, clearly she doesn’t care, etc. But a few days later, filling out some form, he asks me for my brother’s birthday. That was a crystal clear moment that he did not have his children’s best interests in mind, just his own hurt feelings.

  12. Tanya says:

    So I’ve no doubt he’s a cheater and a douche, but filing for sole custody absent abuse is an inherently hostile act, and I don’t blame him for firing back. I know she’s been primary, but how is he supposed to step up if she’s withholding the kids? It’s in their best interest to have a healthy relationship with both parents.

    • tracking says:

      Aside from the cheating, it’s hard to get over a situation where one parent has been the primary and the other parent has been mainly absentee. Of course for the children’s sake she should do her best to co-parent, but I have no objection to her seeking sole custody for lots of reasons. She should support reasonable scheduled visitation, however, and has to let go of the desire to control how he spends time with his kids when it’s his time with them.

      • Bridget says:

        Sole custody is a huge deal. It isn’t just being the primary custodial parent, it’s having sole control over the children’s care, welfare, and legal decisions. It would effectively cut Jesse out of all decision making in the children’s lives. And custody arrangements are extremely dofficult to modify without a huge change in circumstances. The legal decisions that they make now will affect them for the next decade plus of their children’s lives. Filing for sole custody is indeed a bold move.

      • Tanya says:

        If you’re breastfeeding, you’re always “primary” in the beginning. Does that mean that Dad shouldn’t get a chance to build a relationship later on? Of course not. And if she doesn’t get a to of spousal support, she’ll have to go back to work anyway.

        I’m a SAHM. If we were to get divorced, I would never use that to keep my kids away from their father.

        Context is really important here. CA is VERY pro 50/50. You have to have a damn good reason to deviate from that, and nothing I’ve seen is sufficient. So why put all this in the divorce filing, which you know is public? That’s not putting the kids first.

    • Veronica says:

      But if he’s working extremely long work days and traveling constantly, is he able to actually fulfill the needs of being a joint custody parent? I’m not saying he’s a bad father or that he doesn’t have a right to see his children, but child care is full time work. It is DIFFICULT work. And it is extremely time consuming. Child custody is not a simple issue, especially when the children are young and fully dependent on the stability adults provide. He has a right to have access to his kids, but for THEIR care, is it the best option at their age? That’s the question the courts will have to answer.

      • Originaltessa says:

        Yes, they’re just babies, and they need a constant stable environment. If they were 10 years old I’d consider that maybe they can kind of wing it with dad, but they’re not. They need to live with Mom, and Jesse needs to figure out how to work on her terms and stop dragging her. So dumb.

  13. Avery says:

    I disagree with Kaiser on one point that your ability to be a good husband and father are intertwined. I have no doubt he was not at home a lot because he was sleeping with another woman. You are not at home with your children when you are lying and being manipulative in having a second relationship in your life.
    Aryn is not being unreasonable in asking that he sees the woman for 6 months before bringing the children into it. Minka will NOT be the last. She is there for right now. The children being so young is concerning. Jesse looks like he has a nasty temper. If he can’t control his temper with Aryn y will he with his kids?
    Jesse fucked up- it is not Aryn’s responsibility to make his life easier- these are the consequences of Jesse’s choices. I know she is hurt but he is an ass. He is selfish and a fraud. He is pissed he has been exposed.

    • LA Elle says:

      This.

      One thing I’ve noticed in observing divorces is that good parents – men and women – are usually able to put the petty aside long enough to mostly keep the kids out of it.

      Aryn may no longer be his wife, but she will always be the mother of his children.

  14. Asiyah says:

    I dated a guy who reminds me so much of him. I made HUGE sacrifices for him, including financially supported him, for multiple reasons I won’t get into because it’s too complicated to explain. I didn’t marry him, nor had the desire to marry him, even though I did a lot for him, because he has a dark side that couldn’t be overlooked. It came out here and there in public but mostly he kept it very much under wraps, and if I were to tell anybody how he really is I would look like the bitter, angry person because unfortunately that’s my reputation. Because he’s very good looking and charming, much more than me (I’m not exactly a looker and I’m definitely not charming), people would just believe him over me. And just like Jesse, my ex acted like he was above superficiality because the women he dated (including me) weren’t typically beautiful. Patting himself on the back for being so “deep” and unaffected by looks (though he’s vain AF and God forbid you make him look bad. I know: he once beat me up over the possibility of me making him look bad). He talks a very good game but let me tell you: it’s just talk. He leaves the hard work to others. He’s just a pretty face. And he used me, just like Jesse used Aryn, but luckily for me, I got out and never married him and I never had children with him.

    Still, this is a little triggering for me, because seeing how dirty Jesse is playing this is reminding me that while now I’m happily married my ex might come out guns blazing because I refuse to be his friend and unblock him on all mediums. And I fear that if I tell him the real reasons why I don’t want him in my life that he will pull a Jesse. I in no way am blaming Aryn for marrying him because God knows she probably loved him way more than I loved my ex, and maybe Jesse did a better job at hiding his darkness than my ex did, but nobody hides for too long. Let’s not overlook very obvious red flags just because we hope s/he changes.

    As for Minka Kelly, I know she has a reputation, and while I don’t doubt that she might be messy, I wouldn’t be surprised if Jesse picked her as his next victim BECAUSE of her reputation. That way, when everything falls apart, SHE will look bad, and Jesse will come out smelling like roses. Trust me when I say this: the Jesse types are deliberate. They know who to pick and why.

    • mary says:

      yes i dated an abuser monster and when i spoke of the things he did to me, people were appalled and his lost a lot of friends who were disgusted with him…

      the worst is when you see their abuse coming and they begin to set the stage for you to take the fall for the beating and plant seeds to get sympathy for themselves by spreading deliberate and manipulative lies and positioning you as this/or that so when they end up beating you…they say—“can you blame me for mistreating her ? look at her, she’s a BI, a drunk, a whatever..” “yes i beat her head into the ground until she was unconscious but i told you she was a wh****! she was cheating on me”

      he definitely picked minka.

      your post spoke so much to me. the darkness is always there and i thank god i always had the intellectual understanding that it would be a nightmare to ever marry, breed or live with my abuser ex even though it took 3 years to walk away for good.

    • Tan says:

      My story except the physical abuse part.

      And it doesn’t look like Jesse did or can do fulfill his parenting commitments. So all this is just cheap manipulation

  15. Hmmm says:

    I’ve never noticed it before but he actually has a very evil looking face.

  16. LA Elle says:

    Alternative option: Aryn is trying to work with Jesse and he’s being a jerk.

    A friend’s daughter just went through an ugly yearlong custody battle over her toddler-aged daughter. The Dad would not show up for arranged visitation times and then randomly stop by at another time. He’d swing by during nap time, claiming it was the only time he could visit and then get mad when the Mom didn’t want to wake up the kid (since she was the only who would have to deal with the grouchy kid after Dad spent 20 minutes there and left). It became this weird power he had over her, because, you know, she was not letting him see his kid, and kids should have a relationship with their Dads!

    She put up with it for months but finally got a lawyer involved and ended up filing for (and getting) sole custody. She’s also living with her parents now, because trying to raise a toddler alone is no joke.

    Maybe Aryn is being vindictive, but she’s not the one who stepped out on her marriage and is trying to play the martyr, so I’m kind of tempted to side with her (also because, based off my own friends with young children, she has neither the time nor the energy for unnecessary drama).

    • magnoliarose says:

      He is the liar and cheater, but he is trying to make her look bad to make himself look less bad. I think he picks out things but leaves a load of things unsaid. He cheated on her so publicly and then took the fight public. Messy but none of it would have happened if he hadn’t been such a jerk.

  17. aqdgsbh says:

    Only people that will really suffer are the kids. Very grateful my parents kept it amicable after their divorce.

  18. Sylvia says:

    Man, I can’t believe what a douche this guy revealed himself to be. It’s also a huge privilege to have your non-independently wealthy significant other support you as a grown ass man while you pursue your statistically improbable pie-in-the-sky dream of being a successful actor.

    Also, some of the comments are acting like a full-time nanny is the same as another full-time parent. Even live in nannies have work hours, they don’t sign away their lives to childcare 24/7. So if they work 50 hours a week (which is a lot), that still leaves 118 hours for parents to take care of the kids.

    Parenting and being a SAHM – with or without a nanny – is such a hard and thankless job. I did it for a few months (without a nanny) and became so depressed and overwhelmed that I had to finally admit ‘nope, this is not for me and me in this mindset is not what’s best for my child’ and returned to work part time and got a nanny. Everyone was so much happier. Having childcare help (be it a nanny or daycare or available famiIy member) is a privilege in the same way excellent healthcare or a really great education is a privilege – not everyone can afford it or has access to it, but they should.