Ashton Kutcher, relationship guru and fashion sage, has some advice for women and men on how to get their styles to work better. In this month’s issue of Harper’s Bazaar, he offers tips to women on how to get their men to wear the clothes they like, and points out that men are there to highlight their ladies. Alright. I can’t tell if he’s a little metro, or just Demi’s mouthpiece or something. This is the guy who spawned the trucker hat revolution, after all.

“‘Guys don’t like to be told they look nice, pretty or cute or that they clean up well,’ the 29-year-old actor says.

“‘So when your guy finally tries on something that you like, tell him that he looks like James Bond or Tony Montana,’ he writes. ‘Feel free to be even more vague than that: ‘Wow, that suit makes you look like that hot football player!’

“Kutcher, who got his break on Fox network’s That ’70s Show, is often photographed on the arm of the stylish Moore, 44. The couple wed in September 2005.

“‘Trust me, say any of this and you won’t be able to get him to take the damn suit off,’ he says. ‘Before you know it, he’ll be wearing an Armani tux to league night at the bowling alley.’

“His advice for women: ‘You never want people to notice your accessories. … In this same way, your man should not upstage you. He is there to highlight you.’

“‘Make sure the look isn’t too matchy-matchy. … Your best bet is to match the man gear to that great new Balenciaga bag that you’re planning to carry. If your bag works with your outfit, so will he. ‘”

[From USA Today]

What kind of guy says “matchy-matchy?” I’m pretty sure that if he wrote this by hand, he dotted all his “i’s” with hearts. And I mean, what guy knows about the purse you’re planning to carry, let alone can name the label? I find this weird. I’m hoping and praying that it was just one of those “essays” that’s actually ghostwritten by one of the magazine’s writers. Because if Ashton Kutcher is sitting at his desk at night writing this, something tells me he and Demi are in separate rooms. Logic tells me there is no way this guy went from “Dude, Where’s my Car” to this over-sensitive, all-knowing fashionista in just a few year’s time. So I’m going to assume that either Demi wrote this and made Ashton sign his name, or he’s playing for the other team. Maybe that’s why he kept mentioning football players.

Picture note by JayBird:

Here’s Ashton at the Mr. Brooks L.A. Premiere. That’s right, this guy is giving you fashion advice. Images thanks to PR Photos.