In 2015, Ashley Judd gave an interview to Variety for a cover story about women’s rights, pay equity and sexual harassment within Hollywood. In the interview, she told a story about being sexually harassed by a major Hollywood producer. She didn’t name him, but she gave a lot of details about their encounter, and every person who read that story knew who she was talking about. This month, Judd became one of the first women to go on the record as a named source accusing Harvey Weinstein of sexual harassment. Since then, the floodgates have opened, as we’ve seen. Ashley agreed to sit down with Diane Sawyer for an exclusive Good Morning America interview. Here’s a clip:
.@AshleyJudd on Harvey Weinstein: “What I'd say to Harvey is I love you and I understand that you're sick…there's help for a guy like you” pic.twitter.com/3mBkJQ8uMl
— Good Morning America (@GMA) October 26, 2017
She says she wishes she could change the past and prevent every woman from being harassed and assaulted by Weinstein. She said, “I wish I could prevent it for anyone, always. I knew it was disgusting.” When Sawyer asked her to share a message she’d like to send to Weinstein, this is what she said:
“What I would say to Harvey is, I love you and I understand you are sick and suffering…And there is help for a guy like you too, and it is entirely up to you to get that.”
She has the right to say that and believe that and feel that. But I think it’s f–king bullsh-t. Harvey Weinstein IS sick, but he’s not suffering. He gets off on making other people suffer. There is no helping a sexual predator, at least that’s what I believe. The motherf–ker needs to be in jail.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
Ugh f*ck no. What in the hell?!?
Welp that guarantees I won’t be watching this. My goodness people will really give white men every excuse in the book
I think you should watch it for the wider context. It makes a lot more sense. I don’t agree but it makes sense why she said it – and she says it with provisos. It’s like people who forgive the person that killed a loved one, I think it’s more for her own well-being. She says it comes from her faith. She also says he should be in jail and he can only achieve “recovery” if he fully recognises and admits to his issues and seeks full help for it.
^^This!
Thanks SK. That helps.
Thanks you for this context, that makes sense — it may be part of her taking power back (sometimes being the ‘bigger person’ can feel empowering). It’s seems like it’s all part of her personal journey, and everyone has their own journey when it comes to abuse.
This helps a bit…but I still vehemently disagree with that statement. Still, not my place to judge how she handles this.
Context helps a little but still don’t agree with the sentiment. Esp not this soon
Agreed @SK
In fact, @gma shouldn’t have even tweeted out that comment without putting it in the proper context. She made it clear her faith was driving that – that it was a ‘Lord teaches us to love not hate,’ kind of a thing. I’m not even religious, i loathe Weinstein and I knew where she was coming from. She also unequivocally said he needed to be in prison if he’s raped women.
She said that if he has raped anyone then he absolutely belongs in jail, and she says her faith means she believes anyone can change and be helped, but only if a sexual predator truly understands what he has done and what harm he has caused.
Basically, she’s not ruling out a come to Jesus moment, because she’s a Christian. She loves him because that’s her faith duty. She doesn’t mean he should or would be given an inch legally, or that other women have to feel similarly.
I admire her after watching that. She refused to be a victim and she’s a key reason for his having been taken down. She just won’t allow him to take her peace of mind away.
I read another article that discusses her comments…and there was a LOT more that she said.
Ashley Judd suffered sexual abuse in her childhood/teen years and has stated she was a victim of incest, rape and sexual assault—in addition to what she experienced with Weinstein. I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to judge her on how she copes with her recovery from various traumas. Her choice is her choice for her psyche.
Ummm really, it’s not an excuse it’s in the realm of forgiveness and moving on.
Girl white society be like….. he was a sick sad man, and these tawdry women threw their dirty pillows in his face… WOE IS A WHITEMAN… i cannot
Sexual predators can be helped, but first they need to truly believe they are sexual predators and want to change. Weinstein has shown no remorse and his only regret is that he has been exposed.
She did say that to be fair.
Girl, no. No no no no. Nooooo. We’re not at that stage yet and if she is, she is probably the only one. Please let her be the only one. Even IF you can chalk most of it up to some illness, the vindictive sh*t is what proves he’s just an assh*le. I don’t know when we forgot that sometimes people aren’t ill, they’re just assh*les.
ETA: I know this is mean but my mind immediately went “She really just wants to paint herself as the compassionate, gracious and understanding woman who doesn’t hold grudges.”
Little Miss- how victims choose to handle their assaults is up to them. Even if she does want to paint herself that way, who cares? We aren’t owed a particular behavior or
Response from any of these women and perhaps she feels she is regaining some
Control on all of this. I mean she’s Ashley f*cking Judd and now when you google her name it’s tied to her assailant. If she wants to control the narrative around this then good for her.
She is not making that statement in a vacuum. She, unlike most of his other victims, gets to use a Diane Sawyer interview to work through it, let it go, whatever. That is fantastic for her. What about the others though? They have to sit at home and watch her be gracious to their abuser. Calling him ill is qualifying his crimes. She is not responsible for everyone else’s feelings but if you have a platform, you do have a responsibility. She’s not only controlling her own narrative, she’s influencing the entire narrative around him.
There was a lot more to her comments than what was written here.
Im sure not all his victims feel this way, especially those who weren’t able to fight back and he ended up doing more than harassing. Ashley good for you for being so forgiving but I hope Harvey endsup somewhere hot and in pain real soon
This is the problem with her saying this. She has influence and this kind of escape hatch said publicly gives him an out if taken only by sound bites. It’s not helpful.
I haven’t seen any discussions on the mental health impact of this, for the victims. It’s serious depending on the person of course but still, they have victim impact statements for good reason. I’m glad Ashley has a way to feel this and heal but most aren’t there, evidenced by their statements and detailed stories. This can harm them again while giving Harvey a pass. It’s the last thing anyone needs to hear this early on.
I’m glad Ashley is able to be in this place, but it’s self serving and rather insensitive to say so publicly at this time.
I too wish she had not done it publicly it dose more harm then good. Sadly there are people who doubt her and other claims because they continued work with him after the rape or assault. Her statement is only going to confirm what they believe to be true and have them even more sympathetic to Harvey.
Ashley statement would have been just a freeing if it was done in private and it would have taken control away from Weinstein.
+1. Agree 100%
Uuh. Nope just Nope
I haven’t liked her for a long time and this just confirms it more. He’s not suffering! He is a disgusting sub-human who deserves to rot the rest of his life in jail, imo.
But in all likely hood that is not going to happen. Whether Ashley condemns him or not. She spoke up when she was able to, but she’s also had to learn to live with this for 20 yrs.
The power people who abuse us have over us lasts forever, as Ashley just demonstrated. It’s so sad and painful.
You don’t “love” the person who abused you. That’s not what love is.
I feel sad for her. She needs help too, from reading how she has internalized his abuse.
I think she means “love” in a Christian faith way rather than a personal way. That’s what I got when I watched the whole thing.
That doesn’t make it better, IMO. It’s the way the Catholic church can continue to justify hiding and defending pedophile priests, for example.
Christian “love” is just as toxic in these circumstances. To the person who thinks it’s real, I mean.
There are way too many people out there thinking they can “pray to get away” with everything. Nope, there’s a bigger price to pay.
Ashley can forgive him if she wants to to her therapist and her friends and family. I’m not saying she shouldn’t do whatever she needs to, I have a problem with the public nature of this. Coming out with this publicly is helping no one.
But usually it’s jesus who does the loving no matter what in Christianity. God and Jesus love everyone no matter what and will forgive any sin as long as the sinner is truly repentenant. It seems like at some point, this message got twisted and now ppl who are hurt irreparably are expected to love and forgive anything if they want to be “good Christians.” I think it might be the patriarchy distorting this message in order to brainwash victims into forgiving and forgetting quickly and easily no matter what was done to them.
Maybe she’s trying to take back the power he had over her by letting go of the toxicity and anger that he illicits in her. She is a victim here and she has the right to process this how she sees fit. I see this as her saying “I will not give you the power to make me hate you.” I don’t agree with what she says, but she has the right to feel what she feels.
I like this. I won’t give you the power to make me hate you. Thanks Shambles.
*hugz*
Yes. Well said, Shamby.
This is what I was looking for, thank you, Shamby.
Its a way to take her power back. She grants him forgiveness for what he did to her. She does this from a position of moral superiority, it is something she gives voluntarily and it is pity for his poor craven soul. While he cannot even come to terms with what he did. She wins because shes saying, I think of you almost never, not with fear, not with hatred, only with disgust and pity for your poor soul.
She just dinged him right in the pain point, to be told you are nothing – thats gonna ping his narcissism like crazy. If she had done this to provoke him, I’d give her extra props.
Detritus: Yes, exactly.
Hate corrodes the soul and can manifest itself physically as in chronic illnesses. Her statement isn’t about Harvey, it is about her need to cut the tie to him, and hate keeps her connected. Hatred gives him power over her life and decisions, and she should say it publicly if that is what she wants to do. She is a victim who is choosing not to continue being a victim anymore.
I suspect it’s more about her own personal happiness, like forgiving those who have wronged us so that we can move on with life unencumbered by bitterness and resentment. Yes, it sounds wrong and like she’s giving him a free pass, but it takes a lot of emotional energy to carry around hate and anger. If this is how she lets that go, then power to her. I guess I just wish there were better words.
Idk if she even meant it really. Having compassion for toxic, abusive people, especially if they are sociopaths, is one thing… stating it out loud in national television is another. In a way, it can be delusional, damaging, and unhealthy to forgive or love the perpetrator in spite of what they have done. You don’t have to carry anger around, you can just let it go with help and time. Imo, it can be to the detriment of survivors if they try too hard to love their abuser in spite of. I think she just misspoke and I think maybe she was taking her back, but to me, taking real power back would be having nothing to say to him.
Ugh, he is anything but lovable.
He has earned his suffering. That is something that he actually cares about, himself. To him, his victims are just bitches causing him problems.
That said, Judd probably wishes that he was “curable”. I wish he, and all like hiim, were too but they are not. Certain inappropriate behaviors can be corrected with those willing to learn and correct. Outright rape and other things he is accused of are not “inappropriate” behaviors, they are punishable crimes, BIG difference.
It’s not curable because it’s the way he thinks. Being a pedophile, for example, is the very thought of sexual relations with a child. You are a pedophile if you even think it, let alone act on it.
Same with any sexual abuse, because it’s not about sex, it’s power. How do you cure that? you can maybe contain it, but the thoughts are there.
Really, jail, segregated away from anyone they could hurt.
I’m agreeing with you, in case it sounds like I am not 🙂
In stories, people like him are only redeemed by some powerful religious experience or intense “rock bottom” humbling experience, or some combination of the two. “Absolute power corrupts absolutely.” He had as close to absolute power as you can have in his industry. Probably already a person who enjoyed control and manipulating others, is it any wonder really how extensive his crimes were? He cannot be rehabbed in the traditional sense. Unless he has a life altering epiphany (which quite frankly I don’t see happening without divine intervention), he will never be “cured”. The sexual predation was only a symptom of the root evil: the love of power.
Completely agree.
Such a waste of potential, he could have had “the dream”, success, money, respect, artistic expression, a legacy. Instead he chose this: rape, exposing himself, various sexual harassments, bribery, intimidation, and a million other disgusting behaviors. His legacy is of a monster. That is what will be, and should be, remembered about him for all time.
His victims however may well have ignited a flame of indignation, demands for justice, and a true change in behavior from all whether out of fear of repercussions of understanding that this shit is not going to be accepted and covered up anymore! Or, at least, so I can dream.
Also, Roman Farrow deserved enormous recognition as a journalist, a crusader, and a decent human being (which is apparently a rare species in Hollywood).
Individuals with a long standing history of abuse are much more likely to have compassion for abusers. Their abusers were or are often their family, friends, or intimate partners or all of the above. They are used to ‘loving’ the abuser, therefore they extend the same compassion to all abusive people. This is part of co-dependent behavior and it is why people get into relationships again and again with abusive people. Being surrounded by abuse is familiar to them and so is confusion and the fear, obligation, and guilt, abusers create so they literally can’t see the abuser just for what they are. I feel like she is projecting some of her past here. But yeah, Harvey is a sociopath. He is not suffering.
I agree with this totally, and love your elaboration on why people who have experiene domestic or sexual violence continue the cycle.
Trauma bonding is the term I’ve seen to describe this a few times.
Thank you for this.
I was abused by my stepfather as a small child. I can’t tell you how hard I held on to the fact that we were not related by blood, and that I had never liked him much less loved him. My biggest mistake was in thinking he was the only monster, that manifested in my first relationship, which was extremely abusive. There is nothing good to look back on in that relationship, but boy did I learn. Although, admittedly, I didn’t learn everything.
Your post helped me have compassion for this reaction of Ashley’s. Thank you, jj. And you, detritus, as always thank you for your input. I can’t tell you how many times I google the terms you use and how much it helps me. I still don’t like that she’s saying this stuff publicly.
My experience as a child was very much like this. Thank you for describing a psychological disorder that many survivors of abuse face. Very intelligent and eloquent comment.
I don’t know, I get why this would confuse people and I think “I love you” was too far, but is it any one’s place to tell someone how to react or how to feel as a victim? Years ago, a therapist told me “no one else gets to decide how you feel about him or what happened” concerning the abuse I went through as a child and I’ve always remembered that.
People need to keep talking about this and keep exposing perpetuators in every industry. The way every statement has been picked apart and criticized (admittedly, some deserved) makes me wonder if people will be afraid to speak out in the future.
My comment #9 didn’t specifically address this but I agree with you. Whatever Judd feels isn’t for me to judge. Anything from “love the sinner, hate the sin” to “hang him by his balls for 5 minutes a day until they fall off then get cteative” is fine by me.
I agree that she has the right to feel however she wants, but it’s complicated to express that sentiment in public because it seems like she’s giving him a pass and all is forgiven. Many women are still coming forward with their accusations, so I don’t know if this is the right time.
I’m having trouble with this too. I don’t personally like what she had to say, but it’s not my business or place to decide how she feels.
And forgiveness is not a free pass. It’s the decision by the wronged person not to be burdened with anger and resentment. That’s powerful. Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is not saying there should be no consequences. It’s not getting out of jail free. It’s declaring that the person no longer has power over you to make you feel a certain way and that you are at peace.
I hope she can find health and happiness but it just doesn’t seem like it will be anytime soon.
His only suffering stems from being caught. He’s a sociopathic psychopath. No therapy. Jail. Period.
Yeah, that’s bull. But he’s welcome to attend therapy sessions in jail.
Ashley Judd is muddying the waters with some “ultimate Christian” schtick here. My view is: I have sympathy for you until you hurt others. Then you are the problem, not a victim. Jesus, do we have to point out again that this behaviour is part of the rank dehumanization of women!
It’s already part of the systemic issue that institutions are set up to sympathize with perpetrators like Weinstein (see the months-long Congressional process for handling sexual harassment complaints and the increasing use of NDAs by private companies), now that we are finally having some reckoning for these antisocial effs, we don’t have to waste our compassion on them. I’ll save mine for whatever woman is within arm’s reach of him in the future.
No. He is not suffering. Ashley, keep that shiz to yourself or the shrinks office. Two steps forward and one stupid step BACK.
He only suffers because he can no longer makes others suffer, he is a sadist.
I get that forgiveness is for yourself, and if she had just said she already forgave Harvey that would be one thing, but like saying she loves him?????? Why? I was so happy when she spoke up but it looks like she wants to start backtracking. Maybe she lost out on a role already and is upset over that.
I think her definition of love here is not in the traditional sense. It like when she says she doesn’t support hate and fight for women right, but then supports Trump. Who as we know dose nothing, but spread hate and only see women as objects and turns his a blind eye to suffering and dyeing people ( Puerto Rico ).
There was a lot more to her comments than just this. She was very firm that he should go to jail, that the sexual predator needs to deeply understand that what he did was wrong and a crime, etc.
I have to think she feels this way in an effort to deal with what happened and make herself feel ok. If she’s forgiven him, it’s for herself, not him.
It’s her right to feel as she likes, but I do not agree with this sentiment.
I also think it’s a little dangerous right now – this culture is only going to change with repercussions and victims feeling ok to step forward, and going easy on a guy like HW is not the way to do that.
Yes.
I feel the same way about my abuser, another woman, though it was not sexual abuse but severe mental and power abuse. I also know that she’s sick, and I considered her a friend.
I hate what she did to me and so many others, but I feel sorry for her, and I do want her to get better. Not because i particularly care about what happens to her, but because -I- need it. I need to feel compassion and kindness and forgiveness, because if I don’t, I run the risk of becoming someone I really don’t want to be, and I would suffer more than needed for it. All the kindness and forgiveness I’ve extended to that person since they did that number on me and other people is for me. Not for her, me.
So I won’t judge Judd for saying what she did. If she needs to extend compassion and forgiveness for her own mental health, let her. Doesn’t mean she condones what Wankstain is doing.
I am not big on the idea of forgiveness, this idea that it helps me heal. I don’t forgive my mother, nor my father. For some reason I am still working through, I see it as a pass for the abuser. That’s my issue, though, my experiences.
What I did do, to give myself peace, was forgive myself for not being able to forgive them. Gave myself that peace.
The important thing is that both of you, Shigel and Archie, found ways forward that work best for you. It really is about whatever it takes for the victim to heal as much as possible. It can be frustrating when a person deals with things differently than we would or think that we would in the same situation.
I’m glad that both of you have found healthy ways to deal with your experriences.
I’m sorry you are both in that position.
I think everyone should do whatever they need to do to bring themselves peace. It’s not for anyone else to judge how people cope, how people move forward.
That’s what people often miss about forgiveness; it’s not about the other person at all, it’s about you. It’s breaking the cycle, as oftentimes when we have been grievously wronged, we end up taking out our pain on others (intentionally or unintentionally) and perpetuating the hurt in some way. By forgiving, we can lay down the burden of anger, acknowledge the pain without letting it destroy us, and remove ourselves from the other person’s power to make us feel or think about them. It’s in fact far more powerful than many people believe, and also far more difficult.
Yes, exactly. Women are just as capable of harassment and abuse. That Weinstein in all his horrors has opened this up is a good thing.
I’ve had the same experience as you. Similar to Weinstein abusing power position, others as you’ve described echo his tactics by targeting people who are in dysfunctional families or painful places in life, as a way to boost their own ego. They cause extensive harm to relationships and individuals as they only see their own ends in sight, which is what they want at all times. This also happens with men swooping in to save the single mother… it’s a power imbalance and it’s dangerous.
Nobody should let anyone have power over them. Those who persist in discrediting our own instincts for safety and good judgment are people to be avoided.
I’ve forgiven and it’s a weight off, as Rosie Perez recently said in another article. But forgiveness alone is like prayer, it’s hiding your head in the sand. If we do the work or have done the work, instead of blaming, we are armed with knowledge to never let it happen again. How we allow these things to happen has to be learned and then people like this don’t stand a chance.
People can be dangerous. All people.
I agree with others that she has the right to feel she wants. However I wish she had not done it publicly that should have been done in private. He is going to try to use this public display as a way to get back in Hollywood and brush this off and so are other people.
I also think she forgiving him way to soon he has shown no remorse for his actions or victims. Not to mention he doesn’t think he has a problem it’s all has been a game to him.
I’m with you, Archie.
Same.
I won’t judge her here. Many abuse and rape victims react that way, I think she’s entitled to feel any way she likes.
Plus, many victims/non-victims have difficulties to process the abusers as ‘being incurable’ (as it is the case, usually), whether it is because of their faith or in some cases their background (heck, I had a therapist asking me if I could forgive my rapist, go figure!)
Some people with addiction issues hurt others as a result, and even behave sociopathically. With recovery, that behavior goes away.
Harvey is a sociopath, seems narcissistic, and this is where his behavior come from. I am absolutely certain he feels no guilt or compassion for his victims. He only sees his own hurt and perceived victimhood. Change for him would involve years of intensive therapy and a true commitment to change. I don’t think he is there, and will continue to behave in the same way. He will just go after more powerless women now.
Nothing against Ashley Judd – especially after reading SK’s reply to the first comment, but I’m Team Kaiser all the way on this, baby.
She has the right to say and express what she wants in regard to Weinstein. There are no perfect victims, I will not hold her to a fire to say what I want her to say and do. It is the very least we can do in support. Sure I could scream, ‘don’t sympathize” but how does that help her? She is surviving the best ways she knows how and we cannot ask any more of her. Period.
It’s possibly part of her own therapy. For example, in DBT which is used to treat Borderline Personality Disorder, one of the tenets is “everyone does the best they can” and that includes abusers and yes, even Hitler.
I am not saying that she has BPD but it’s a common affliction of women who have been abused in childhood, especially sexual abuse.
For the record, “everyone does the best they can” was one of the hardest things for me to accept in DBT and one reason that I discontinued that therapy.
There’s a lot of thinking like that in 12 step programs, too. I basically left 12 step programs because of it. It’s very hard to accept, and it’s not for everyone.
I mean, it definitely makes sense in the abstract but it’s very hard to put into practice. I will say that it helped me to feel less angry and judgmental about minor stuff like if a stranger is rude or a neighbor didn’t pick up after their dog. I can easily think to myself that maybe that person had a bad day or wasn’t feeling well. But my abusive parents? Not so much. And I think certain therapies kind of inadvertently shame you if you can’t get on board with the whole concept.
But if this is what works for Ashley then good for her. I hope it brings her peace.
@Pedro45 same!! When I first started in a 12 step program I did notice things were easier, I was a lot more forgiving of small issues that would normally irritate me in day to day life, but just like you, I couldn’t apply that theory to big issues (my father). He didn’t put us kids first in our parents’ divorce, and would rather hurt my mom than do right by his kids, and I just cannot look at that and say “he did the best he could.” Because he didn’t. No way. You’re a parent, you have to do better. That type of forgiveness would be nice, I’m sure, but I can’t do it (yet).
I felt shamed in AA for not being an emotional person. Was always told “the hardest journey is from your head to your heart” and I’ve been feeling bad for years for not being in touch with my feelings, but this is just who I am, and I have to accept my personality as-is instead of trying to force myself to fit an AA ideal.
I wrote a reply that disappeared when my cat pounced on my device. lol
I agree with you about DBT. One of my homegirls that started out in the same career with me was diagnosed with BPD behaviors and has recovered. It was hard to stick with her sometimes, but I loved her and understood her childhood trauma, so I knew she had troubles that haunted her. Not to say there were not times that I distanced myself from her drama but once she entered DBT and asked for support our circle hung in with her and went to some sessions with her. She cut ties with her family of origin, so we are her family and my family “adopted” her, so he spends holidays with us.
DBT helped the rest of us too because there are things about it that were invaluable. It is misunderstood by others often, but once you get some of the concepts, it is freeing. I believe that is what is happening here.
Others with PTSD find it helpful as well.
My friend has to work on herself with therapy, medication, exercise, yoga, and meditation but she is committed to staying healthy. Ashley looks and sounds better than she ever has and that is what is important.
She is exactly on point with her comments. In essence the only reason any of us act out in any way shape or form is to alleviate some form of pain, insecurity, shame, suffering or other negative emotion. The bully is the one who is hurting in the first place. They simply give their pain to other people, by bullying them, because they can’t carry the weight of it themselves. On a much less severe end of the scale are the moments we temporarily lose our cool in a moment of stress that we are finding difficult to handle. Emotional maturity is being able to detach from these things so we no longer react. To see the person who lies underneath these monstrous actions and be able to separate him from his actions. Yes he is 100% responaible for his actions but he is not his actions alone. We have all done things we are not proud of but they are opportunities to grow as a person. Whether we choose to or not what she says is true. He is not an irretrievably damaged soul condemned to be judged by each of us and burn in hell. If he really wants to address what’s underlying his demeaour towards women and change it he can. He could help a lot of people by doing so. Shaming him is not going to help him change, only forgiveness, acceptance and compassion will. And I say this as someone who has experienced rape firsthand. I think we need to be careful of the end goal we are focussing on. As much as he is guilty of these reprehensible things, rather than shunning him or stoning him to death (as just as that sounds), it would be inspiring to see him get help and become an advoacte against this type of behaviour.
50 women Miss. and counting,
I hear what you’re saying and get where you’re coming from as I’ve had 25+ years focused on healing from family trauma, rape, etc.
However, this Weinstein is a permanently damaged soul. He’s nearly 70. This IS and has always been who he is. Evidence: his success all around.
To forgive and think he’s deserving and can turn this around is like forgiving war crimes perpetrators. There is no good soul there. Blind forgiveness is not a route to safety or permanent healing, it’s a cover up or bandaid, for both parties.
I think that she is right about that he is suffering right now. But who cares?
We don’t have to have empathy for everyone. Fuck that line of thinking. He needs prison, not another chance to redeem himself.
You guys wonder why people don’t want to come forward and discuss their experiences with assault. No one can dictate how your journey through healing should go. Sure she could have said what she meant a little better but this is a difficult topic to discuss in general. My mother’s therapist told her that one way to help herself heal was to learn to forgive her abusers. Her mom in particular she told to learn to love in a godly way. Now, I don’t believe in god but I’m not going to say they can’t feel that way themselves. She probably means as a fellow human. If this is the way she moves on then let her. She isn’t saying she wants to marry the man. Good grief people. NOW AGAIN, CAN WE PLEASE SAVE OUR DISDAIN FOR HW AND HIS MANY CONSPIRATORS?
To take that further, I don’t agree with her stance. I don’t love or even forgive, at this time, any of my sexual assaulters and rapists. I also don’t believe they can be rehabilitated. But that doesn’t mean she can’t and it doesn’t mean she can’t choose to love him as a person. That is her personal journey.
People disagree on what she said here is not why victims don’t come forward their experiences with assault.
It does however represent a specific way of thinking and you’d be naive to think that every word a victim says being parsed is not a deterrent for them to not come forward. But hey, sure, our words don’t have any value right? We just say them for funsies. I for one am not going to judge the woman for finding a way to come to terms with her assaults. The commenters here are not the free thinking woke folks they’d like to think they are.
Alot of the ones here are victims themselves of sexul assault or rape. Many of them have posted their stories in the different post.
As have I. One in which almost everyone said I needed treatment for PTSD as I’d been assaulted and raped way too many times in my life. I still think people are being too hard on her. We all have our own ways of dealing with the pain. Also, the way people are discussing this makes it even worse considering they too have been victims. I am not perfect but as I said, I am a victim myself and I still think we should let her deal with it how she sees fit. I even said I don’t myself agree with her and wish she’d not feel that he deserves any of her sympathy but it’s not place to tell her how to feel.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. AJ is a victim who has to heal in her way and picking apart the way she recovers isn’t supportive. Disagreeing with her is one thing but acting like she had no rights to her personal story is wrong. Ashley looks and sounds better than she has in years and I don’t believe she is talking about Harvey regarding real love. Only as one loves humanity and accepts that he has a sick soul but releases his hate connection to her, I believe it is part of her healing.
Thanks for understanding what I meant. I watched the interview last night and in context it makes even more sense. She didn’t not mean it as a way to excuse him. Not by any stretch. I support her and am in awe of how she’s handled this. I haven’t managed half the grace she has over my assaults/ rapes.
Yes, and I believe that when one is truly ready to put the trama behind them, they are only able to speak in this way. I bet this brought her a lot of closure, and an overwhelming sense of safety. I hope they all eventually feel this way.
I wish she had not said it–it is one more instance, in my opinion, of women internalizing and identifying with their abuser. She has a right to say it– but I wish she had not. “Sick and suffering” is recovery speak in 12 step programs for people who choose to address substance abuse issues. Weinstein is NOT a sex addict–he is a criminal who enjoys humiliating and having power over his victims. Recovery terminology is NOT appropriate terminology for someone who is an repeat criminal who looked for multiple ways to hurt and humiliate others.. One of the problems I think good people have when dealing with bad people is they ascribe the same emotions they have when doing wrong to the perpetrator. Years ago, early in my own recovery, someone warned me to not project my own emotions or motives on to other people. it was a lesson in understanding not all people will do the right thing or feel the same remorse I might feel, and to be wary of assuming all people are good underneath and worthy of my sympathy. They are not. Good people often think the perpetrator, if only they had a “chance”, would see the error of their ways, and underneath there is a decent person. To think that someone has the same feelings of guilt and remorse and that you have if you were in the same circumstances is fallacious. There are many many people including myself who were substance abusers, suffered emotional abuse as children, etc. , who even in our worst moments chose to not assault or molest another human being; steal; or otherwise act out in criminal ways. There are people who have done these things who feel immediate remorse when they are in recovery and work hard to make amends. But –there also really ARE bad people in this world who have no remorse for their actions other than the remorse that they got caught. Many of them are in great positions of power because their lack of remorse or empathy makes ruthlessness easier. They will never “recover”. they are remorseless perpetrators without any moral compass, and that is something recovery cannot teach you. People like Weinstein do not deserve my “love”. They justify their crimes and will always justify their crimes no matter what treatment they get. She is a kind soul and she is ascribing the same qualities to her perpetrator by saying he is sick and suffering. He is not. The only suffering he is experiencing is for himself, and I personally believe that will continue no matter how much treatment he gets.
Well put. Thanks for taking the time to lay it all out so eloquently.
Ditto. It’s taken me a long time but I’m right there with you finally. It’s hard to shut off when you’re a kind person, to see criminal. This is really well stated. Thank you.
Wha???? It’s his victims who are suffering!
He doesn’t deserve your compassion Ashley. Until he shows true remorse he can’t be helped. He only feels sorry for himself & the lifestyle he’s lost.
I don’t think it is anyone’s right to judge how a victim chooses to cope with their assault/harassment.
I think the question to ask is, if you had the same urges as these predatory humans, would you be able to resist these urges? As a petite female, I have no such urges so it is easy for me to pat myself on the back and think I am nice. But probably, it’s these nasty urges that drive people to such great heights. Either accept this or find the energy to fight back when completely disillusioned and misanthropic?
Sure, let’s keep blaming mental illness for every bad behavior out there. Predators like him are beyond help, unfortunately. Harvey might be stopped if he loses all his power, but it won’t be because he had a change of heart or he “healed”.
Yeah, no. ‘I love you’, ‘I understand’, ‘you’re suffering’.. this is wrong.
She ‘loves’ him? That is some New Agey/evangelical bullshit. He would destroy you and gloat sadistically about it. DAMN. Ashley needs to get a clue. Don’t ‘love” him. Nail him to the wall and prison.
Ashley is brave. I don’t want her to be stupid, conform to the prevailing culture of ‘understanding’. Weinstein is a psychopath.
This was before more stories came out after this.
I recently read a medical paper on how trauma affects the brain. It’s a lot but basically, it can permanently change a person in thoughts, behaviours etc. Ashley resonates to where I was years ago a bit. She’s not fully healed but it’s rare to fully heal from trauma because it genuinely changes gray matter etc. It’s horrific.
That said, I still don’t think she should be speaking out on this anymore. More stories today… Annabella Sciorra …
Well Ms. Judd, I don’t love you and now think you are wolfcrying, hypocritical fake feminist who used Weinstein and his pervy ways to get ahead in the industry &now wants to complain to get attention. You self serving Whack JOB! Go put on a another vagina hat & go to therapy. You are a sick, sad woman. Another hasbeen actress screaming for attention now that her star has faded. You’ve helped NO one.
Did you watch the whole thing? It’s very different, in context. I think it’s fairly irresponsible, actually, of the broadcaster to cite that quote in isolation.
I agree, K. The line by itself is such a misrepresentation of her overall position. I hate the idea that people are now attacking her for this.
I’m sooooo late to this but want to add something that the 17thC cleric/poet John Donne (“Do not ask for whom the bell tolls,” “No man is an island”) wrote: “Forgiveness to the injured doth belong.”
Classy lady. Love this.
She didn’t love him and understand him until this sh*t hit the FAN!!! … its different now (Lol!) She’s been hatin’ him, angry, and wanting to be heard on this issue for quite a while. I can see her fast-tracking into the forgiveness lane. I don’t dislike her or doubt her suffering by any stretch – but her Women’s Day speech set my crazy-meter a’buzzin. Add to that the fact that she’s had a notoriously difficult relationship w/ her mother and sibling, and I have to wonder if mama Judd may have turned a blind eye to a thing or two in their youth – both those daughters are mad at momma. Its SO, so common! if you’ve never been abused you really need to count your lucky stars – I DO.
I understand that she is a victim and she is entitled to forgive him (for own mental sanity if nothing else) but sorry, Weinstein is not sick. He is predator. He is the equivalent of a rabid dog, that needs to be put down. End of story.
If he werent rich and powerful, wouldnt they just call him a serial rapist and lock him up and throw away the key?
I just wonder how many actresses that were truly great and wildly popular, that just dropped off the radar after a great role/performance were victims of this monster.