I’ve been referring to Mike Pence as “Mother’s Husband” for a few months now. To give credit where it’s due, I didn’t come up with that brilliant nickname – one of my lovely Twitter followers said something to me about Mother’s Husband and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I love it. Mother’s Husband goes perfectly with Emperor Baby Fists. For those of you who don’t know, Pence refers to his wife as “Mother” – never her name, never “honey” or “baby” or “darling.” He just flat-out calls her “Mother” all the time. So he’s Mother’s Husband.
Well, Mother’s Husband is getting antsy. Mother’s Husband wants to be president already, and I’d say there’s a 50-50 shot that he’ll get there in the next six months or so. So Mother’s Husband organized a lengthy and detailed article in The Atlantic, all about how devout he is and how Evangelicals love him and how he was super-angry about the Access Hollywood tape last year. We’ve heard it all before – Mother’s Husband needs new material. Hilariously, The Atlantic piece isn’t all sunshine and roses. Sources say flat-out that Trump makes fun of Pence constantly, sometimes to his face and something behind his back, because Bigly is the biggest bitchy Mean Girl in the world. So enjoy this moment, where Trump apparently thinks Mother’s Husband is low-class for… owning pets.
Trump does not always reciprocate this respect. Around the White House, he has been known to make fun of Pence for his religiosity. As Mayer reported in The New Yorker, he has greeted guests who recently met with Pence by asking, “Did Mike make you pray?” During a conversation with a legal scholar about gay rights, Trump gestured toward his vice president and joked, “Don’t ask that guy—he wants to hang them all!”
When I asked Marc Short, who now serves as the White House director of legislative affairs, about these exchanges, he dismissed them as good-natured razzing between friends. “I think it’s fun for him to tease Mike,” Short told me, “but at the same time, the president respects him.” Not everyone is so sure. When it was reported last January that the Pences would be moving some of their family pets—which include two cats, a rabbit, and a snake—into the Naval Observatory, Trump ridiculed the menagerie to his secretary, according to a longtime adviser. “He was embarrassed by it; he thought it was so low class,” says the adviser. “He thinks the Pences are yokels.”
Donald Trump is the first president in decades to not have any kind of pet in the White House. He’s got some kind of OCD thing, and he’s a germaphobe, so I would assume that he probably thinks pets are “germy” or “dirty.” But thinking animals are germ-covered is one thing – Trump apparently thinks it’s “low class” to have pets in general. Like, it’s not classy to love animals. Of all the sh-t we could say about Mother’s Husband and his family, the fact that they have a small menagerie is one of the few things I like about them.
In case anyone was wondering, the Pences moved into the Naval Observatory with two cats named Oreo and Pickle, and a bunny named Marlon Bundo. Sadly, Oreo Pence died in June. A week after Oreo’s passing, the Pences adopted a kitten named Hazel, and Mother’s Husband got a puppy named Harley. Seriously, this is the most I’ve ever liked Mother’s Husband – knowing he and Mother have a soft spot for animals is the only thing I like about them. It’s not low-class. You know what’s low-class? EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT DONALD TRUMP.
Photos courtesy of Getty.