Oscar-winning actress, producer, philanthropist, restaurant owner, real-estate tycoon, kickass mom—the incredible Sandra Bullock covers our June issue! pic.twitter.com/haBhlCxA77
— InStyle (@InStyle) May 2, 2018
We haven’t heard from Sandra Bullock in so long, right? It feels like she’s been undercover forever, but she’s in the new Oceans 8 movie, coming out June 8th, and I’m looking forward to her promotional tour. Plus she was at the Oscars this year, I almost forgot! She’s back, she’s doing her thing, and she’s talking about her family. Sandra covers InStyle’s June issue, and the editorial features her barefoot in various flowing caftans and gowns, looking like she’s on vacation.
To InStyle, Sandra told a story that she also shared with People in 205, about how the news of her adoption of a second child leaked before she was ready, and how drones were flying over her house and sending her kids hiding. It was scary in that she was afraid unauthorized photos of her daughter would jeopardize the adoption. Sandra is mom to daughter Laila, 5, and son Louis, 8. She says she wants to do away with the label “adopted” and just call them “children.” I’ve heard that from other parents and the way Sandra explains it is funny, like we don’t say “in vitro child” or “mistake baby.” It sounds like things are going great with her boyfriend, Bryan Randall, whom she’s been with for about three years now. We keep hearing engagement rumors by so far nothing has come of it. She also describes how much fun all the actresses had on the set of Oceans 8, which I didn’t excerpt. The interview is long and funny and I can only include so much here so please read it if you’re interested.
On her boyfriend
He’s super kind. For the kids he’s sort of No. 1 and I’m No. 2, but I get it because he’s more fun and has better treats.Why she donated to Times Up
It’s easy to give money to people who are incredibly brave and outspoken. But Time’s Up is not just about the actors—it’s about the single mom who’s been abused, bullied, and sexually harassed and is just trying to make every day safe. I also love All Raise, which has partnered with Time’s Up to help close the gap on funding for women and minorities in technology. It’s our duty to do whatever we can to help. I can safely say there is not one person I know who hasn’t experienced some form of [harassment] or doesn’t know someone [it’s happened to].On her me too experience
It happened to me when I was 16. And you’re paralyzed to a degree, thinking, “Will anyone believe me?” And at that time? No. Up until recently it was the victim who was shamed, not the perpetrator. But just like with this [points to the TV], we can do peaceful protests and utilize the media. We’re raising our children to be fearless. At least I hope I’m raising my kids that way.On her children
Lou is supersensitive. I call him my 78-year-old son. He’s like Shecky Greene, a Jewish Catskills comic. He’s wise and kind. I saw that when they handed him to me. There was a spiritual bigness to him. I was like, “I hope I don’t eff that up.” And Laila is just unafraid. She’s a fighter, and that’s the reason she’s here today. She fought to keep her spirit intact. Oh my god, what she is going to accomplish. She’s going to bring some real change.She was sick at the Oscars
This past Oscars I was sick and had allergies, but I was like, “I’m just going to go. It’s part of my job, and I’m happy to be there.” Then the next day they were saying, “Oh, she has cheek fillers and implants.” When I saw the photos and how swollen I was, I got it. But I was like, ‘‘Well, if I got injections, I only got them on the top, which was not very good.”She was asked if the foster care system is improving
Not quickly enough. Look: I’m all for Republican, Democrat, whatever, but don’t talk to me about what I can or can’t do with my body until you’ve taken care of every child who doesn’t have a home or is neglected or abused. It makes me teary-eyed [wells up]. Let’s all just refer to these kids as “our kids.” Don’t say “my adopted child.” No one calls their kid their “IVF child” or their “oh, sh-t, I went to a bar and got knocked-up child.” Let just say, “our children.”
There’s something so genuine and open about Sandra and I came away from this wanting to hear more from her. She also talked about her girlfriends in Austin and how much she values them. She loves remodeling homes, which came from watching her dad as a child. She said she tries to “channel Beyonce” on the red carpet and that she thinks “how can they write this?” when she reads criticism, but that “I’ve distilled it into ‘If you eff with my kids and you do something illegal, I will go after you.'” I also like what she said about raising our kids to be fearless. You see that so much in the Parkland survivors, I think of them often when I consider this next generation. She also told her MeToo story on her terms. She’s someone who cares deeply and works to guard her privacy.
Oh and she said she’s not on social media because she’s “lazy” and doesn’t know enough about it, but that she thinks she would get drunk and go off, essentially. Sandy doesn’t have anything to prove and she’s living her best life.
InStyle also has a video interview with Sandra answering reader questions. I missed her.
Photos credit: Instyle via social media, Pacific Coast News, Getty
As a mother via adoption, I completely agree. I always hate seeing kids referred to as an adopted child. My kid is my kid. Period.
I’m also REALLY looking forward to this movie.
Ditto, another one here! Been saying this for a long time, too. So nice to have someone of her stature and visibility make this clear. Kids are kids. Adoption is a one-time legal transition and one unique form of the many varieties of family.
People outside of this have no idea how much it can harm children to be constantly referred to as ‘different’ in this way or as if their status is somehow ‘less than’ because they weren’t birthed. It makes the children feel “less than” too. Last thing they need.
It must be so confusing and annoying for the children who were adopted to be constantly reminded by other people that they’re somehow less than or were unwanted, but at the same time are “so lucky.” Such contradictory statement and feelings, and it seems like that would be a lot of emotional labor to put on a child—making them somehow feel like they need to be super grateful and are so lucky bc they’re inherently less than and “unwanted.” Ugh. People are cruel and they don’t even realize it, or think about it, or care about what they’re saying when they imply those things about children who have been adopted.
Amy Too, you hit the nail on the head. Thanks for expressing the problem so well.
Ladies, first off i love that you adopted children. I have real admiration for anyone who opens their heart and homes to children in need.
Thanks. We’re busy parents doing the job of parenting like everybody else, and appreciate the support!
Umyeah, I always tell people that I am the lucky one. As Who ARE These People says, we’re just parents. They’re just kids. Families are formed in many ways.
I hate when the media says adopted… Kid will learn when it’s time not on a magazine cover.
And she’s right. Sometimes your kid didn’t come from your uterus but it is your kid.
So many high profile people have adopted and long before her, that I thought the write ups, interviews and pieces had stopped doing that (referring to kids as “adopted”) a long time ago.
In fact, the only place I heard her kid(s) blatantly referred to as ‘adopted black babies,’ is straight from the mouth of her gross racist pal Chelsea Handler who did a whole riff on Bullock “adopting a black baby,” just kept saying it over and over and over as if that was the punchline. Held up the People mag cover and everything. She was ridiculing Sandra and Louis. Next thing you know, CAA says to have dinner and they’re palsywalsy.
About those fillers. She says what now? She’s saying she was all swole up because she was sick? Oh girl stop. Sandy. No. Just stop. On the one hand I’m glad she took a look at that footage from the Oscars and maybe scared herself into pulling back from filler and botox hellz. So whatever cover she’s doing now, fine. As long as she doesn’t ruin her face. The latest candid pics of her above at the comic con event show a woman attempting to wean herself off the juice. Her skin is not as taut and the cheeks have subsided and the texture just looks normal for a 54yr old. She looks great!
The instyle cover is a great pic too. Unfortunately for Sandy all the Photoshop made her look like someone else. It’s like they morphed her with Kate Beckinsale.
I was adopted and thank God my parents never referred to me as ‘my adopted daughter”….is always “my daughter”. 🙂 They’re the best!!!
I was adopted as was my sister and my wonderful, awesome parents have always, always referred to us as theirs, never their ‘adopted’ daughters.
For me personally, I find the term ‘birth mother’ problematic – the ‘mother’ part at least. I wish there was a more appropriate term. I was given/taken by social services as a baby and my sister was left in a cardboard box on the steps of a fire station. I don’t really think the people who gave birth to us really deserve a title with ‘mother’ in it…
@blondems
That makes perfect sense to me. There is a definite lack of appropriate terminology. I am a lesbian mom to two kids and it drives me up the wall every time someone refers to the anonymous sperm donor as the “father”. My kids have two loving parents, but they don’t have a father – and that’s okay! I am super grateful to the guy who donated his sperm, but “father” is definitely not an accurate term for his contribution. In regards to “birth mother”, it sounds like a pretty similar issue. I birthed both of my babies, but that doesn’t make me any more their mother than my wife is. The act of giving birth isn’t what made me their mother. The little and big things that go in to raising them day in and day out are what make me their mother. And I know it is the same for your parents.
@blondems I was also given/taken by social services as a baby and you’re 100% right about ‘birth mother’. They don’t deserve the title ‘mother’.
I was adopted and as a person that was raised by amazing humans that never once made me feel different or like I wasn’t theirs I too want to say thank you, for making unwanted kids wanted and loved.
As an adoptee myself, the one question that irritates the heck out of me is “Have you ever found out who your *real* parents are?” My real parents are the Mom and Dad who loved me and cared for me and raised me. Since I am a July baby and the sperm/egg donors were college students, I always figured I was a result of too much beer consumed during Homecoming weekend. That is all I know or care to know about them.
ONCE A CHILD IS ADOPTED, THAT CHILD *IS* YOUR CHILD. STOP WITH THE “ADOPTION” SH!T! Seriously… is this some obsession with the press to make sure that the parent didn’t give birth? Just STOP! That child is loved and wanted by the person who adopted them. That is THEIR CHILD… PERIOD!
Another mother via adoption here!
The only reason to mention adoption is the same as race — if it’s relevant to the topic. Otherwise this is my child — full stop. I really hate when articles differentiate between biological and adopted kids when there is absolutely no reason to do so.
Instead of birth parent, “biological” might feel more comfortable for some of you commenting below? And I also wanted to point out that kids who are waiting for adoption aren’t necessarily “unwanted”. Often the biological parents aren’t equipped financially, emotionally, mentally or physically to provide for a child. It can be the most generous, heart-wrenching decision to relinquish a child for adoption – or to have a child removed because of the bio parents’ inability to provide a safe home.
I’m deeply grateful to my son’s biological parents for bringing him into the world. My heart aches for the decision they had to make to let him go. I’m incredibly fortunate to be his mother and to be raising my beautiful, sweet, challenging, funny child.
Me too!! My girl is my girl is my girl. The adoption is open, and she has a FABULOUS relationship with her birth mom. NO ONE is ever confused. I am so sick and tired of people having to preface their kids.
Yeah and how do you explain your friendship with a known r*cist like Chelsea Handler to your black children, Sandra????
Satan disowned his spawn, 63-year-old (actual age) Chelsea Handler, years ago. She is that vile. She can’t actually go to hell which is why she’s always lasering her face.
I can’t stand her either, but I have proof that she is the age she claims to be. A friend of mine who is 42 years young went to high school with her (Somerville NJ) and actually used to be friends with her. I’ve seen pictures of them together from when they were about 14. So really, I think doing the Devil’s work just causes a person to age faster.
Why so angry that she talks about adoption in this way?
Her friendships and how she handles them is a separate issue.
Personally idk anyone who has adopted a child or children and called them their “adopted kids”. Makes them sound like an item you ordered. Usually referred to in normal children terms like “my kid” “my son” “my daughter” not “my adopted ___.” usually you can also tell the child is adopted too so 🤷♂️
Please. It’s not the parents who routinely refer to their kids as adopted. It’s everyone else and in celebrities’ case, the media. As a parent who created her family through adoption, I am telling you I’m on the receiving end of this language all. the. time.
Hi Prairiegirl, same here.
A few years into it, I saw that there were 2 kinds of people: Those who’d always see my child as an “adopted child” and those who’d just see her as she is. It affected our decisions.
The former group – they’re the ones who didn’t seem to think she ‘deserved’ the same things in life as the other kids, the ones who didn’t show as much of an interest in her life relative to what I was expected to show toward their kids, the ones who if there were problems (as there are with all children) would imply it was due to “the adoption,” and so on. There’s a ton of bias about adoption and people don’t realize it. Language matters.
+1. And I’ll pop off next time anyone tells me “how lucky those kids are.” As if starting life with a giant loss is lucky. (Game show voice: Ooooh, no birth mother or connection with a giant extended family for you, but we’ll give you a lovely consolation prize of a family that will try really hard but still screw stuff up and a lifetime of people blaming your shortcomings on this event entirely beyond your control!) Grrrrr. I’m the lucky one because I have these 2 beautiful boys.
My kids were adopted at birth. One time event. It’s important to note that how we talk about these things really does matter. We don’t need to remind them all the damn time that they’re “other”. They’re kids.
Also, can everyone please have a brief but clear conversation with your kids about what adoption is? Because it’s really tiresome to have to explain it. Extra tiresome is the “OMG I’m so sorry you were given up” crap that gets leveled at my kids. Adoption is completely normal and has been around forEVER and there should be zero shame for the kids (I’m reserving all the shame for a system that makes it difficult for poor women to parent, makes preventing pregnancy dicey, and turns babies into a commodity).
I’m ranting. I’ll stop.
She’s not talking about parents who adopted their children – of course we don’t talk that way.
She’s almost certainly talking about the press/media, who continue to define children as “adopted ” sons, children, daughters etc. It happened all the time with the children of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, for example. And it’s almost surely happened a lot for Sandy Bullocks’ kids.
You can’t “usually tell” the child “is” adopted, either. Not all adoptions are transracial or international.
Would also request everyone to phrase adoption in the past tense? It’s something that happened to form the family – there is nothing inherent to the child/person that says “the child IS adopted.” Children were adopted. That’s the root of what Bullock is saying.
Even when we think we understand the situation, our casual language can betray us. And, again, harm children because they will believe that adoption makes them inherently different in a permanent, stable way.
Exactly
I agree that for the adoptive parents, the adoption is something that happened (past tense) that symbolizes that our bond with our children is absolute and clarifies legally that their status is the same as children who arrived by other means. I have two adult children and a grandchild through adoption, and that’s how I feel and how I behave.
That’s not always the story for people who are adopted. It’s not OK to simply assume your child will fit seamlessly into your family and everyone can proceed from there. Adoptees get to decide for themselves whether it’s a did and done event or a lifelong process of questioning and understanding, and people’s mileage varies greatly on that.
Personality, emotional “fit” with the adopting family, circumstances of the adoption — all those factors are way more important in my experience than whether someone was labeled adopted in a news story. Lots of people struggle with their adoptive status, and loving them and telling them it doesn’t matter doesn’t fix it if that’s how they feel.
Maybe because our adoptions were obvious due to race and age of placement, a whole lot of adults have talked to me about their own adoptions. I can only think of one who says he has never had any curiosity or conflicts around his adoption or his original family.
While I agree that no parent refers to their child this way, the media does, especially when writing about celebrities. Look at coverage of Angelina Jolie, for example. Most coverage refers to her “biological children with Brad Pitt.”
Regarding your last statement, I think you should rethink that. You cannot “usually tell a child is adopted.” How would you be able to usually tell that? Everyone doesn’t adopt a child of a different race. Everyone doesn’t adopt internationally. In my case, we did adopt internationally, but you would not look at my son and know he was adopted.
Exactly
When my child was little, people seeing her with my husband/her daddy would figure it out immediately, they were so different. But she and I had just enough in common that when it was just she and I, they would kind of squint … you could see them trying to figure out, “Hmm, maybe if the father were…”
People don’t realize how transparent they are about these things.
One of my favorite adoption mom stories is not from me but from a friend who adopted a little girl from China. My friend is Caucasian, as is her husband so yes, it is obvious that the little girl is not their biological child. One day, my friend was having one of those frazzled morning with a toddler at Target. The daughter was fussing and grabbing and she just wanted to get out of there. An older woman in line behind her asked “Does she look like her father?” My friend replied, “I have no idea.” and went on her way. Only when she got home and thought about it did she realize how that sounded. LOL!
As someone said above, you quickly learn people who are genuinely interested vs. those who are just rude and intrusive.
Ha on the story. When with my daughter alone, when someone nosy asked “Is the father Chinese?” I’d just say yes and enjoy my private joke.
My parents adopted me 40-something years ago at 6 months old. They are the only parents I’ve ever known, and people STILL, to this day, inject the “adoptive ” or “adopted” when describing our relationship. It’s infuriating, actually. And nobody would be able to tell I’m adopted from appearance.
On another random note. I recently “found” my biological “mother” on one of those DNA sites. Started to look because medical history is of the utmost importance now, and I come from one of those states where I can’t get my hands on medical information of bio relations. So, all up to me. Anyway, we were matched on one of those DNA sites. So, I messaged her and asked about medical history…and she BLOCKED ME! Refused to answer simple medical questions. (I’m so tempted to use her name to shame her, but won’t.) Bitch. Never should that cretin be referred to as my “mom”, only the parents (the people who raised and sacrificed for me) have that privilege…no qualifying adjective necessary.
That’s harsh. You don’t know her and if it was a closed adoption, which I’m guessing it was, she’s not obligated to talk to you. Would it be nice if she did, sure. But to refer to her as a bitch is a bit much.
No it’s not. Not at all. I need to know my medical history, and to deny that is plain evil.
@Patty. Your comment is really stuck in my craw. Knowing my medical history is a matter of life and death at this point. So, for you to chime in, and call me harsh? No. What she is doing is pure evil. Any person who gives their kid up for adoption, and then refuses to provide medical history? Evil. It’s the definition of selfish. So, no. Step off with that judgment.
I am so, so sorry your bio mom treated you that way. It’s totally understandable to be curious about your biological family — for medical reasons and so many others. Your anger is completely valid. Some day it may pass as you heal from this injury, but that’s what just happened to you: she wounded you. Out of fear or whatever her issues are, she closed a door and that completely sucks. I’m really sorry. Be gentle to yourself and surround yourself with people who will support you through this. You did nothing wrong and don’t deserve this. Much love.
Can they please just stop with the overly aggressive photoshopping? The header pic/mag cover doesn’t look like SB, I thought it was Marcia Gay Harden. No shade there, MGH is beautiful. But why not just have Sandy look like… herself?
Is it any wonder actresses keep tweaking their faces?
Ugh.
Yep that cover did not look like her at all. The event photos looked more like her.
Finding it hard to focus on anything when I just noticed the Rachel Dolezal documentary on Netflix 😐
A friend tells me it is just as awful as you’d expect.
Its…… yeah.
Your child is your child. I’ve seen articles and heard people who (especially a few years back) have referred to Angelina’s kids as biological and adopted.
I’m kind of looking forward to this movie, I find cate Blanchett off-putting but love Mindy and Sandra has great comedic timing.
One of my favorite things about her is that she isn’t on social media
I hate the way media assigns these titles, especially in blended family. She’s right – they’re her kids. Period.
I blame the media too. I see it all the time when the media is describing a family, especially the Jolie Pitt kids, and it’s so wrong.
I’m sure regular people say it too, but the media really reinforces it all the time.
I don’t know anyone that makes that distinction in real life either.
Though if I can point out, for all this talk of “family is family” people on this forum make a huge distinction if discussing stepchildren. There’s this idea that in that case, the stepmom must make a clear distinction between bio kids and stepkids. Which I don’t agree with either.
Queen of Hollywood
Love her. She seems so cool & down-to-earth, with a great sense of humor. Love Potion #9 is one of my guilty pleasure movies. I mean the movie is pretty awful, but she’s so sweet and endearing in it that you can look past that. I’m so happy for her with all the success she’s achieved, and I’m really looking forward to seeing Ocean’s 8.
I’m adopted and my parent never referred to me as adopted. Lol in fact my mom has been with her boyfriend for 8 years and he doesn’t even know I’m adopted.
I agree. I find it weird and rude when people will only refer to kids as ‘the adopted ones’, or ‘these are the step kids and these are my kids’. I’m always like yikes. People are obsessed with labels but let’s just let kids be kids.
For years she had a beach house in my hometown and one day I ran into her at a local restaurant. She was with a friend and everyone was giving her peace and quiet, and clearly she went there fairly often. As I was paying up and heading out I asked the server whether that really was who I thought it was and the server said, yes, that was Sandra Bullock, and that she was 100% kind and a great tipper and was unfailingly polite to the staff. And apparently had (without fanfare) recently donated several thousand dollars to a fundraiser for a local family facing some serious medical crises for their son. Sure sounds like a really good egg.
She’s very likable. Seems like a good person.
I agree with everything she’s saying though i’ll add that the reason a lot of the infertile community isn’t open about having IVF is because there is still a massive stigma around infertility. It’s constantly misunderstood. People assume IVF is only used for women who are “old” and past child bearing age but the reality is that infertility happens to 25 year olds with endo, pcos, pelvic floor and other disorders.
So I agree completely with her overall sentiment especially regarding adopted children but talking more open about infertility to normalize that convo would actually be a really GOOD thing. It’s not actually a good thing that people don’t talk about It.
Agree.
Interestingly also need to remember that not every adoption is due to infertility. People assume this but there are other reasons, including just wanting to.
LOL @ “mistake baby.” Truth in introducing your kids. This is our long planned for baby, and this is the one that came unexpectedly 13 months later.
I went and visited my 91-year-old Granny a few months ago and took her out to dinner. We finished a bottle of red wine together (getting a bit boozed with grandmothers is the best) and were just laughing about whatever when the waitress came over and said: “Wow, you two are so similar, you’re like a mirror of one another despite the age gap!”
Yep, Granny and I are super similar. I mean, she adopted my mum 60 years ago but your closest family members aren’t based on sharing a blood type.
Sandra’s totally right, although it shouldn’t even be up for discussion.
This Is an awesome story. Thanks so much for sharing it. Your relationship is beautiful.
My 2 cents…I have 5 siblings and three of them happened to have been adopted. They feel exactly the same as any other sibling and no one in my family has ever mentioned or spoken about them being adopted because it is irrelevant. No friends or any other person has ever referred to them as adopted either. If the media are referring to kids as ‘adopted kids’ then they are the only ones…it is a term I have never heard about anyone. I am sorry …it’s bizarre that she is experiencing this
It’s been very common in US media. We could easily find scores of examples.
AMEN!!!! I was adopted (along with my younger brother) by my stepfather back in 1976, and he’s ALWAYS been my dad. Turns out he couldn’t father children of his own (he and my mother tried, God knows), so he became even more grateful for us. Now we’ve given him four grandchildren, and he’s just over the moon about every one.
No one ever refers to him as anything but Dad or Papaw. Technically, we are his adopted children, but heart-wise? We’ve always been his kids. I refer to my biological dad as my sperm donor, because he did nothing but make us and then give us up.
Having seen her person without a trace of makeup on I can tell you that these photos do not do her any justice. I seriously got whiplash doing a double take at how naturally gorgeous she was. She is also beyond sweet and nice. I skied with her years ago, had no idea who she was, and she spent a very long lift ride and several runs chatting with 12 yr old me about what I like to ski and the good powder stashes, etc. Was the first time I had ever had an adult outside of my family and coaches really talk to me and I felt so good about myself.
Also that bit about her being worried about her daughter’s adoption, it really was a big deal at the time. Apparently the father of her daughter was in prison/was about to get out and they were worried he would try to exert his paternal rights and stop the adoption/extort money from the family. There were other things going on as well that made it so sensitive, but basically they were really afraid this guy was going to try and come back into her life.
Lovely story! A person’s character really comes through when they are not in the spotlight.
I didn’t know the information about Laila’s parents were public. Unless you know them personally?
I love her!
She said it best:
“She was asked if the foster care system is improving:
Not quickly enough. Look: I’m all for Republican, Democrat, whatever, but don’t talk to me about what I can or can’t do with my body until you’ve taken care of every child who doesn’t have a home or is neglected or abused.”
-N
I just read a new article about Sharon Stone yesterday and they mentioned that her 3 sons were adopted I fail to understand why that is pertinent information.
She is unrecognizable on that cover.
Yea it looks Sandra Bullock with photoshop.
I am happy so many of you have had positive adoption experiences, as one of the Biological Mothers in the Adoption triage, I can assure you Ioved my child with all my heart. It pains me that I have been erased as I gave my baby up to save her from her abusive Father. My adoption experience was anything but positive and I will never know if my child still even walks this Earth. Only 7 states allow Adoptees their true birth certificates and yes I agree having raised the child they are your child, but biologically they have another Mother, and adoptees should be given their Ancestry back upon reaching adulthood.