In our story about Pete Davidson and Ariana’s Grande’s new relationship, several of you mentioned how open Pete has been about his sobriety and mental health struggles. He wasn’t on my radar prior to that and that was the first I’d heard about it. Yesterday we reported on Ariana’s very classy, to-the-point response to a Twitter user who blamed her for her ex Mac Miller’s DUI and issues post split. She wrote, in part, that the tweet unfairly claimed “someone should stay in a toxic relationship… I am not a babysitter or a mother and no woman should feel that they need to be.” (For his part the Twitter user apologized very kindly, did not attempt to minimize his remarks and seemed to take Ariana’s complaint seriously. Ariana thanked him and it was a great example of people listening and trying to understand each other online.)
Well someone, maybe multiple people, seemingly went after Pete with allegations similar to the ones Ariana faced about Mac – that his relationship was toxic – despite only knowing that he’s been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Pete went to rehab for pot use in the fall of 2016 and has been open about the fact that he was diagnosed with BPD and that he also has depression. It’s unclear exactly what he’s responding to but he wrote in an Instagram story that it’s not true that people with mental illnesses can’t have healthy relationships.
Ok so now I’m a fan of his. This reads like someone defending not only themselves, but a relationship that’s important to them. It’s heartfelt and comes across like he’s done a lot of work on himself.
In terms of Pete and Ariana’s relationship, Elle has a cute breakdown of all the ways that Ariana and Pete have interacted on Instagram. Yesterday Pete posted a photo of himself in a black cap and hoodie and Ariana liked it and commented with a little blushing smiley face. Pete also commented with a bee, heart and smiley with heart eyes on a photo that Ariana posted of a little half moon tattoo she has under her ear. (Photos of that are in the gallery.) Ariana has also been liking Pete’s IG posts for a few months. This makes me so happy for them for some reason.
As for Mac Miller, Hollywood Life has some long quotes from a source who claims that Mac was hurt and upset to read Ariana’s comments about him:
“Mac is hurt and offended that Ariana chose to trash him online. He has been struggling with a lot of personal issues before, during and after their breakup, and her strong words about him don’t feel good at all. He had been sad over their split – then he messed up with his DUI – and now this. He feels like she is just being nasty and kicking him when he is at his lowest. He hoped that she would be more classy, private or at least more respectful about his challenges after all the love he has given her. [Mac] is devastated because he was totally blindsided by the diss and expected more class from her after their split”
If these quotes are legitimate, and they’re so exhaustive they seem like it, then he clearly hasn’t taken responsibility for his DUI. That’s not just “messing up,” that’s putting people’s lives at risk. Instead of owning up to that, he’s playing the victim because Ariana was open about how hard it was to be with him when he wasn’t sober. That wasn’t nasty, she was just speaking her truth.
Photos of Pete with Ariana Grande are screenshots from her 2016 SNL monologue. Instagram screenshots via Elle. Other photos credit: WENN and Getty
Oh love Pete! And it’s such an important point. I have friends with BPD, so have been noticing how often people irl and online launch into this rhetoric that individuals with certain disorders “don’t feel real feelings”, “will never change”, “are only looking to bring you down” even going so far as to say that “they only seem human.” Happy that Pete and crazy ex girlfriend are helping bring more nuance and awareness recently.
For real, my father-in-law is a psychiatrist and so many of his patients with BPD are afraid of the stigma and people saying terrible things like, “Oh, so you’re a psycho like Alex in Fatal Attraction.” It’s just so unkind when people do that. I’ve had an anxiety disorder for most of my adult life and I can’t imagine dealing with it AND people saying I suck because of it.
I adore Pete!!! And I love what he said; as someone with my own mental health struggles, it meant a lot.
Pete has Crohn’s Disease, an inflammatory bowel disease. I do, too.
Cannibis oil can be an effective anti-inflammatory.
Mr. Delphi has Crohn’s and depression, and I have generalized anxiety disorder; CBD oil has been a lifesaver for both of us. Used in conjunction with proper self-care and traditional medications it has made life infinitely easier. So I’m right there with you, MrsWM 🙂
I love that he’s taking steps to destigmatize personality DOs in particular, as those are some of the last mental DOs many people think are okay to joke about and are extremely misunderstood. But my God, did the punctuation/not capitalizing give me a headache.
I have bpd traits and tendencies, and I also have been in the same relationship for 13 years (married now, to boot.) Yes, it can complicate things, but that’s not the same as making them impossible. It’s heartening to see how people are speaking up more about it, and about how treatment can and does help.
I like Pete on SNL, and these two seem happy so that’s all that matters.
His message was awesome! BPD doesn’t mean you can’t live a life with loving relationships and I think it’s important for people to hear that. Mental illness does not mean you’re incapable of love or don’t deserve it ❤️
He seems like a good guy, and it’s fantastic that he’s doing everything he can to end the stigma attached to mental illness.
I really, REALLY like both Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande. I love how aware they both are. I feel like the future is in good hands with young people like these. 🙂
If I remember correctly Pete’s life has been full of traumatic experiences for him starting at a very young age. His father was a firefighter during 9/11 & he watched him go into a building to save people & he never came out. 😔
From wiki:
His father was a New York City firefighter who died in service during the September 11 attacks;[9][10] he was last seen running up the stairs of the Marriott World Trade Center, just prior to its collapse. Davidson, who was seven years old at the time, was profoundly affected by the loss. He told The New York Times that it was “overwhelming” and that he would often act out in school as a result of the trauma, at one point ripping his hair out until he was bald.
I think the difference between Pete and perhaps others who have borderline personality disorder is that he is actively undergoing treatment and trying to deal with his illness.
My god daughter has BPD and despite attempts from her parents and other family members has always refused treatment. When her mother threw her out of the house, in retaliation, she hired someone to break in and steal her mother’s jewelry. I don’t think her mom was upset that she stole her wedding rings, but more that her little brother could have been at home when these jerks broke in. Her mother rightfully called the cops and had her arrested and she went to jail for a little bit. Now she seems to be on track and complying, but it was certainly a struggle there for a while. So good for Pete for coming out publicly about his issues.
I’ll admit I’m extremely biased because my ex (both lover and friend) has BPD so I’m one of those who isn’t sure a person with BPD can have healthy relationships. Maybe you have an excellent point about it being actively undergoing treatment vs. refusing it. My ex only went to therapy because it was court-mandated and he spent most of his sessions lying. I do believe of all the personality disorders that BPD has more probability of recovery but I’m still very…judgmental.
At least enough people with bpd seek treatment (since they know something is wrong) that there are therapies to try. It’s still a struggle, but there is more hope for it as a result. That doesn’t seem to be so much the case for some other disorders.
What other mood disorders are you referring to… in terms of the ones you just don’t think people recover from? Btw, people never “recover” from mental illness. They’re born with it. It’s how you choose to handle it – and what resources you seek out or are available to you – that makes the difference. But it’s never a straight arrow.
BPD is heavily stigmatised so I’m really glad Pete is speaking up, and to Ariana for not being afraid to date someone with BPD. It’s not going to be easy, but that does not mean the BPD person is not worth it or all about their mental health.
I have learnt so much about BPD from the awesome tv show Crazy Ex Girlfriend.
I now have the utmost empathy for people with BPD and I completely understand that they can have healthy relationships
He had a great interview with Marc Maron on his podcast WTF. He is sweet and funny, and it made me love him a little bit more. He has a certain thing that isn’t easily definable.
Had to comment because I really love these two. I have a huge soft spot for Pete – we both have Crohn’s – and he’s been through so much. I highly recommend listening to his episode of Marc Maron’s podcast.
Ariana, for me, has done a complete 180. I loved her last album but always thought of her as the spoiled, doughnut-licking diva. Her response after Manchester was so classy. She just seems really self-aware and has a great sense of humor. I hope they have a happy, healthy relationship together.
What is going on with her picker? She knows not to stay in a toxic relationship and that she wants to be an equal, not a caretaker, yet she has now twice publicly chosen someone who is struggling with sobriety.
That he has newly achieved sobriety is wonderful ( I think it is less than one year), but I thought newly sober people are supposed to work on themselves within their new lifestyle before they get romantically entangled? Is that a wrong assumption?
Eh.
I think Ariana is “kicking Mac while he’s down” in an attempt to get him to wake up and get help. They’ve been orbiting around each other for years and I don’t think they are done with each other yet.
Agreed. It seemed more like a wake-up call for someone she still cares about to some degree than a personal jab.
As someone with BPD it hurts so much when ppl say: I’m incapable of empathy, telling the truth, feeling love, self control, etc.
If anything ppl with BPD feel deeply. So deeply in fact that its physically uncomfortable and at times unbearable. Just like with ANY mental illness, treatment is key to staying healthy and in control. Part of the problem with ppl saying BPDs will never get better, is it’s often underdiagnosed and so many mental health providers do not know how to best help or are unwilling to help. Also for many ppl, their BPD “evens out” into their late 20s/early 30s.
When ppl say, well I knew so and so who had BPD and they didn’t get better, it isn’t a helpful comment. This idea that some ppl are less worthy than others of compassion and understanding with their mental health struggles is sad and discouraging. I know I’m a good person, a kind person, a loving person. I live in constant fear of not being accepted b/c of my BPD and reading the comments just reaffirms why.
Totally agree with all your points. I have two friends (and one parent) with BPD. The ones my age or younger are all doing well, going to therapy, and lead full lives. My mom is still struggling with many things, but has also changed for the better in so many ways. When I was growing up she was often violent and unpredictable, but has since getting help been able to not only apologize but change her behavior towards me. Now she e.g. says “this is not your fault but I am feeling abandoned” rather than lashing out, and it has completely transformed our relationship. She grew up in extreme poverty with an alcoholic mother and her father abandoned her when she was three. The idea that a victim of abuse is not deserving of sympathy because they struggle with mental health after trauma is so ungenerous IMO.
And hey MeowuiRose all hugs and best wishes to you! I’m not only sure that you are capable of great feeling, but that you can use it to make both your own life and those of others richer and better.
Props to him for setting the record straight on people with BPD being fully able to maintain healthy relationships. With every mass shooting that happens, the first thing Republicans trot out as the culprit is “mental illness,” which is not only false, but sets a dangerous stereotype that people with mental illness are prone to violence.
I can’t really speak to his talent on SNL because he’s barely in it, and when he is, he’s just playing himself.
I’m very interested in the symptoms of BPD as it seems to be quite similar to, for instance, someone who might be suffering from PTSD and/or being Black and/or a woman in this society. Also seems to link to social anxiety disorder. And I wonder how much of it is caused by the toxins in our air, water and food, tbh. These chemicals change our neural patterns, shift our internal balances, desensitize our nerve endings, and cause so much damage to our bodies and how we function in the world. I’m speaking generally, yes, but it bears some consideration of the linkage between all of these. If our nerve endings are damaged and stress levels through the roof, “closeness” in all of its manifestations might become quite difficult along with perceptions of self. I’m asking a lot of questions now because the strain of life since #45 was elected has really brought a lot to the surface.
Quick google search, Anna:
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml
After reading this, I am now a fan.
I have also done a complete 180 with Arianna. She’s handled everything since Manchester with class. And I love Pete’s openness with mental illness. I’ve dealt with PTSD for many years and have just gotten comfortable with “coming out” to my friends and family. Also anxiety which manifested in agoraphobia. It’s tough. Props to him. And her for taking a chance with him.
Doubt it will last, but I ship it.