Like Leona Helmsley, whose dog Trouble inherited $12 million, billionaire Oprah is planning on bequeathing her dogs a sum that could serve as hefty lottery winnings.

When Oprah kicks, her dogs are going to get $30 million for their care. Don’t ask me how a handful of animals expected to live less than 20 years can go through $30 million, unless they have a team of experts at their disposal daily, as if they would know the difference.

The $30 million Oprah is said to be leaving her dogs is a bargain compared to the $250 million her maybe-boyfriend of 21 years, Stedman Graham, is said to have received as a “keep quiet or else” severance package.

The Enquirer reported last month that she paid Stedman the hefty sum “to seal their split”

Oprah Winfrey’s romance with Stedman Graham has run its course - and she’s handing him a handsome gift of $250 million to seal their split, the Enquirer has learned exclusively.

After 21 years together, the two are still close friends and even vacationed together in Canada recently, but the romance is gone from the relationship and they’ve decided to go their separate ways, sources say…

Oprah and Stedman, 56, began dating in 1986 and announced their engagement in November 1992. But they never made it to the altar - and Oprah decided to pull the plug on their love affair this summer.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, August 27, 2007]

I wonder how much Oprah is leaving to her bff Gail?

While Stedman is set for life, Oprah’s pooches better watch out. Leona Helmsley’s newly rich dog Trouble is getting sued by Helmsley’s former housekeeper for biting her on several occasions.

I wonder if Oprah’s help knows about how much cash she’s leaving her dogs and if they feel like dupes for working faithfully for her ass for years and not getting so much as a mention in her will. Dogs are creatures that love you without question, but they can also live quite well off a gardener’s salary for a year, while the gardener and his family have to struggle to make ends meet.

Update: Commentors are right that I don’t know that Oprah’s help aren’t mentioned in her will. This was an assumption that might not be true.