Many people grow more conservative as they get older. They start making more money, they pay more in taxes, they worry about the messages being sent to the youths. Perhaps they grow bitter and disillusioned and perhaps one day, they find themselves watching Fox News and agreeing with that kind of propaganda. I see that all the time. But can I just say? If anything, I’m getting more liberal/socialist/progressive with each year that passes. My views on all kinds of social issues, reproductive issues and women’s issues have all gotten MORE liberal. So it is with my views on abortion – when I was in college, most pro-choice candidates went with “legal, safe and rare” and I agreed with that. But as the restrictions on abortion access grow with each hellish year, I’m like 100% that person saying we need an abortion-providing Planned Parenthood on every corner. Every single woman needs access to abortion services, birth control services and free gynocological care at every f–king level. That’s where I am now: safe, legal abortions on demand for anyone who wants them. Make ‘em free. Make birth control free too.
I also appreciate that women are still telling their abortion stories publicly. Celebrity women have been increasingly vocal about reproductive rights, support for Planned Parenthood and their own personal abortion stories. On her podcast, Alyssa Milano is the latest – she spoke about getting two abortions in 1993.
Alyssa Milano has candidly detailed how she had two abortions just months apart while in her twenties after her birth control failed. The actress, 46, revealed that when she fell pregnant twice in 1993 she decided it was the ‘right choice’ to have the procedures, as she didn’t feel ‘ready’ to become a parent and her career was just taking off.
Speaking on her podcast Sorry not Sorry, she explained: ‘In 1993, I had two abortions. I was in love for the first time, in the breathless way you can only be in love when you are young. It was huge … It filled every part of living. It was a joyful and exciting and powerful time in my life.’
Another part of her decision was due to the fact she was taking medicine Accutane, which can cause birth defects in pregnancies. She said: ‘I still got pregnant [despite using birth control]. It was devastating. I was raised Catholic and was suddenly put in conflict with my faith. … I had a career and a future and potential. And also, I suffered from sometimes crippling anxiety. I wasn’t equipped to be a mother. I chose to have an abortion. I chose. It was my choice. And it was absolutely the right choice for me. It was not an easy choice. It was not something I wanted but it was something I needed – like most health care is.’
She said: ‘A few months later I found out I was pregnant again. And once again I made the right decision to end the pregnancy.’ Alyssa, who didn’t divulge who her partner was at the time, said she has no regrets and her life would have been very different if she hadn’t of had the abortions. She said: ‘I would not have my children — my beautiful, perfect, loving, kind and inquisitive children – who have a mother who was so very, very ready for them. I would not have my career. I would not have the ability or platform I use to fight against oppression with all my heart … I would never have been free to be myself – and that’s what this fight is all about: freedom.’
Her story is her story and her choice is her choice. It sounds like she was sad about it and she had some mixed feelings and Catholic guilt, but she knew then that she was not ready for motherhood. And that’s fine – there are all kinds of emotions for some women, and utter certainty for other women and that’s exactly why it’s every individual woman’s choice.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
I had an abortion 10 years ago. My life was a wreck, my mind was a wreck, my birth control failed, it is the best choice I ever made. I would have been on wellfare to this day, and any child I had would not have a father and grown up poor and resented.
Nothing will change The Rights mind on this though. They think me and Alyssa are murderers. It is infuriating that they refuse to listen.
If your life and mind were a wreck, and you were not married to a loving man who was capable of being a father to your child, then you should not be engaging in the baby-making act. It is infuriating to me that people are so selfish, they champion as morally righteous the killing of their own offspring, which they brought into the world without a thought to anyone’s well-being but their own.
lol “baby-making act”. It’s called SEX and it’s perfectly natural and good for you! Take YOUR moral righteousness and shove it!
Yup, had an abortion when I was 21. Definitely wasn’t ready. I have two lovely kids now and am so grateful I was able to make that choice when I was younger.
Also, Alyssa looks amazing.
I’m just like you kaiser but I was conservative, without doing much of anything about it, up until some years ago. That’s how I was raised and that’s who my parents still are. But since having a special needs child over seven years ago and the last three years that have been an absolute dumpster fire I have gone the complete opposite way. I never would’ve thought when I was in my early twenties that I would be this liberal, never in a million years.
My view on it is once someone develops empathy – sometimes by going through very difficult situations themselves – you can’t go back to your “conservative values” blinders
I’m so happy she shared her story. I remember watching the different reactions of the women in the waiting room before my abortion. It’s not an easy choice to make, but it’s a wonderful choice to have.
I saw a woman BAWLING her eyes out when I was in the waiting room after I terminated my pregnancy.
They gave us snacks and a juice or water.
She couldn’t eat anything.
It was so hard to watch…my heart was just BREAKING for her. I had extremely conflicted feelings about my abortion (still do, actually) but seeing her made me realize how much harder it could have been.
Kitten, watching the pain the other women were going thru was harder than the procedure itself. I was conflicted bc of the existential aspect, but knew I was doing the right thing. I was lucky enough to have a support system as well. It’s been 24 years this past March. It is part of my life story, but it does not define me. Love to you ❤
Never had to face that decision but when I became sexually active I knew if there were any accidents what the choice would be. It’s a personal choice and no checklist. Each woman’s walk is her own. I appreciate and respect that she speaks about it. Women have been doing this throughout history. Thankfully, we now have safer procedures for us females.
Seraphina, same. I had a scare in college and even as I was buying the test I knew what I would do if it was positive. I was also late in my mid 20s (turned out to be job stress throwing my cycle off despite being on the mini pill) and I would have made the same choice.
Hell, I’d do it now as a married woman in my 40s. Motherhood is not my path.
I respect people’s decisions and everyone lives with their choices whether they are good, bad or indifferent. I will never come down on a woman for an abortion. It is her right to choose. This society we live in is pro-birth but they pay no attention to the quality of life after wards. And I am a devout Christian but I get very angry many preach anti abortion but then fall deaf, dumb and mute to the life the child will lead afterwards.
And motherhood isn’t for everyone. I get that too. Just like being a full time mom wasn’t for me. I want to go back to work. Staying at home with the my own kids, whom I love dearly wasn’t for me. So to each their own.
Luckily I have never had to have an abortion but my best friend had to go through hell for a medically necessary abortion and got shit from her Catholic SIL even though the fetus was DOA and it was dangerous for her to carry to term. I would have been livid. These anti choice freaks don’t even believe when its life or death. I also knew as a kid I never wanted any kids. I wasn’t even sexually active until my 20s but even then I knew if it came to the decision to be a mother it wasn’t meant for me. Even now I’m 36 and financially secure and have a partner of almost 10 years and I haven’t budged an inch. if anything seeing my younger brother raise 2 girls with tons of energy and needs, it basically cemented my choice. I would still have an abortion and I’m glad to have the choice. That’s also why I love my IUD the past decade.
I wish no one had to have an abortion.
But it should always be legal so that it can be safe.
I’ve never had an abortion.
But when I went on roaccutane at 16, they asked me 7 different ways if I was having sex (still a virgin at the time) they even took my mum out of the room and asked me again. Then they didn’t believe me. Yeah the girl with red and purple cystic acne on my face wasn’t having sex. Shocker.
Anyway they also made me sign a declaration that I understand that if I did get pregnant I understood the severe risk of birth defects. And some scary brochure to take home.
So I can definitely confirm that an abortion due to accurate would have been on medical advice.
Years ago when I was on roaccutane, I had to take a pregnancy test every month at my dermatologist’s before getting a new prescription.
So yes, I can confirm this, too.
Years ago I was advised to take this medication and I had to read all of this, too. Also, I had to wait a couple of weeks and take a pregnancy test before they would give me a prescription. If you take roaccutane and get pregnant it is very, very likely for the baby to have birth defects and an abortion is advised. (I have to add here: This was in Germany where you can’t get millions out of a lawsuit in case things go wrong.)
I’m pro choice but disappointed that AM had two abortions while on Accutane. I’m on an equivalent right now and am subjected to monthly pregnancy tests despite the fact that I am required to use two forms of birth control. If you’re on Accutane and getting pregnant twice, you are not taking adequate responsibility for your actions.
She was on birth control, accidents happen. This was 20+ years ago. I doubt anybody is worried about disappointing you.
She did not take “adequate responsibility” for her actions?! How?! Says Who?! Oh, you… the one who is “disappointed” in her. Spread support, not judgement & shame, cuz no one cares if you are personally disappointed in someone.
um. she was ON birth control and it failed.
how was she not taking responsibility?
I’d just like to add that if you are TRULY “pro-choice”, you wouldn’t be “disappointed” about ANYONE getting an abortion for ANY reason. hence, “CHOICE”. the fact that you’re moralizing here about WHY she made her choice would indicate to me that you’re NOT really pro-choice, but “situationally pro-choice”, meaning you still believe there are times when woman shouldn’t be able to make a choice for herself, or that a woman wouldn’t know what was best for herself.
what about a sixteen year old who’s sexually active and doesn’t use birth control, but gets pregnant. she and her bf aren’t ready to be parents, but have no MEDICAL reason for her to abort, and they weren’t “taking adequate responsibility”. she terminates her pregnancy. would you be disappointed with her, judging her choice and why she made it? or would you understand and appreciate that SHE KNEW what was best for her situation?
The Pill fails. Simple as that. Are you disappointed in me that the Pill failed me when I was 17, and I realized I was a kid having a baby? Are you disappointed that in my 40s the Pill(s) I was taking failed twice and I had two miscarriages? Are you disappointed that I was unable to keep an IUD in my uterus because it was causing debilitating spasms that made driving a dangerous activity for me and other innocent drivers? Apart from a hysterectomy, how much harder was I supposed to try to avoid impregnanation? This has nothing to do with whatever political party you side with (please stop with the virtue signalling); I am not an incubator, and I would like the right to decide what happens to my sexual organs given the contraceptive technology that is available to women.
I was a victim of failed birth control. Twice. I chose to have my babies but there was a time where I definitely wouldn’t have, and I support a woman’s right to choose. So you can stuff your “adequate responsibility” where the sun don’t shine.
WhatWHAT? You nailed it…..there are lots of people who are “pro-choice” but it’s still based on their judgements. They want the woman shamed after it & they put themselves on a pedestal because they didn’t have an abortion and are white as snow.
It’s a pretty sick way to think & act towards other women.
FYI: Tanning beds (which an actress would very likely use) affect the efficacy of oral birth control. It’s entirely believable that AM was responsibly taking BC at the right time every day and still have it fail.
In 1993, AM was working on several projects that likely required 10-12 hour working days over the course of that year. Yeah, she would have likely needed the use of a tanning bed.
The abortion was taking responsibility.
But I am curious how many of you expressing outrage at Jamie’s comment would join me in campaigning for literally no limits on abortion.
Baby Jane- I would hope all of us would be, but it seems like a rhetorical comment on your part.
I think refers to her getting pregnant twice in the same year. If she had a steady partner and she had a medical restriction and decided not to get pregnant, she could’ve asked him to also protect himself after the first abortion. Some women are very fertile, others don’t need extra measures. I agree with being free to decide, but not about using it as a BC procedure in the regular, like having 2 or 3 in year. I think it is not a bad thing to have available, and then be double careful. just IMO.
MC2 I dunno about that, I see a lot of arbitrary designations and limitations, especially regarding the age of the fetus. And as you can see in the comment above this one, limits on how many to which a woman is entitled in an arbitrary period of time. “Not using it as BC,” and so on.
“I agree with being free to decide, but not about using it as a BC procedure in the regular, like having 2 or 3 in year.”
@entine, then you DON’T actually agree with being free to decide because, with your above statement, you’re putting a restriction on “good” reasons WHY people decide to have one. it’s not your business why. if it’s legal, and you truly agree with “being free to decide”, your involvement stops RIGHT THERE.
Pills fail. Simple as that. It happens to plenty of women, even some I know. Condoms also fail as do shots, IUDs, etc etc. Nothing is 100%.
Birth control can fail. My friend’s daughter and her husband didn’t want any children but in their middle 30’s, she became pregnant. Her IUD had fallen out. Their daughter is around five now.
interesting, I also went on roaccutane 3 times and never had to take a pregnancy test. They just told me: don’t get pregnant. 🙂 Anyways, my skin was perfect after the 3rd cylce and still is to this day, BUT it also got permanently thinner. TBH I would reconsider taking roaccutane again if I could go back in time…
I’m glad she shared her story.
I also used to be very “safe, legal and rare” or back in my republican days (don’t tell Sarandon!!!) I was more of the “exceptions for rape and incest” stance. (that was high school/early college.)
As I have gotten older I have gotten more liberal, and more pro-choice with every passing year. Someone said to me that I would probably be pro-life after having kids, and nope. Pregnancy and childbirth made me MORE pro-choice than ever before. It’s hard. It’s hard physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. No one should have to go through that if they don’t want to.
eta omg I mixed up the terms. fixed it. No idea what is going on with my brain this morning. I need more coffee.
Exactly this. Going through pregnancy and childbirth made me realize how important it is to have freedom of choice.
Anti-choicers like to talk about pregnancy and childbirth like it’s NBD (just give it up for adoption if you don’t want it be a parent, they say) but bringing a child into the world is extremely hard on your body, not to mention the financial burden that falls entirely on women. Over half of women who have abortions are already mothers, probably because they know the true cost of a pregnancy and they know the cost falls entirely on the woman.
Yes, this! I’ve always been pro-choice, but after three pregnancies and being treated like a baby incubator instead of a person by my last OB, I’m more pro-choice than ever. Pregnancy isn’t just physically intrusive, it can leave life-long complications. My friend has a prolapsed bladder from giving birth. She basically has to wear a device to keep her bladder in her body. And in addition to the physical toll, pregnancy and childbirth can have psychological implications too. It’s definitely not NBD.
I’m with you Kaiser. I’m definitely getting more liberal as I get older. It’s hard to say whether it’s me that’s changing or whether it’s because this country has moved so far to the right, or maybe both.
@Steph thanks for mentioning this. Nearly all of my friends who have had children have pregnancy/birth injuries. Like, they’re in their 20s and already can’t control their urine output. One friend has an umbilical hernia, another has ab separation that will require surgery to fix. In France, these are properly considered medical issues, but in the states these won’t even be covered by insurance. This is not even taking into account the actual 24/7 parenting that is involved.
I have become an uber liberal on issues of choice, and I don’t understand how 100% of women don’t feel the same way.
I’ve always been Pro-choice, but motherhood has definitely solidified my position and made me more hard core. Being a parent is hard. Being a good parent is exhausting. I love my kids more than anything. I am so blessed to be their mom, and I never for a second take it for granted that I was ready, willing and able to take on the role of Mother. If I didn’t have good quality sex education and a free health care system where I could easily get birth control I dont know where I would be now. If I had gotten pregnant in some of the relationships I had been in when I was younger my life and the life of that child would have been heartbreaking.
I recently had an abortion conversation with a group of extended family and they were quite surprised that I as a parent would be adamantly pro-choice. I on the other hand was quite surprised that as parents they wouldn’t realize that not everyone is capable or ready to take on the role, and we should support a woman’s right to choose.
I don’t know how I managed to continue to work throughout work throughout my last pregnancy. I was in pain from 20 weeks on, and i still have minor pain 6 weeks out.
I feel like every woman should have access to a PT or pelvic floor specialist after birth.
I had an abortion. I was newly married and didn’t want children at the time. I never regretted that decision.
Many people who commit heinous crimes against others do not regret their decisions. Thankfully, this is not the standard by which we judge behaviors to be right or wrong.
I always took the rare to mean lowering the amount of abortions by providing easy access to birth control and by providing social services, bc there are many pregnant women choose to abort bc they can’t provide for.
I get more liberal with each passing year and the restrictions on abortions makes me feel like I’m watching the handmaids tale play out in real life.
I’m fine with “legal, safe, and rare” if it’s “rare” because everyone, at every level, has easy access to a variety of birth control options and science based sex education that begins in middle school (at least!). Abortion should still be readily available to anyone who needs one, but there is data that shows when bc is available and sex ed is fact based, abortion rates do go down.
That’s how I feel and how I always took it but now I understand how some people could mean rare as in only in cases of rape or incest, and that I don’t agree with. I support a woman’s right to choose.
Absolutely, agree on all points.
I was never ultra-conservative, but I have definitely become more liberal as I’ve aged. I know that my changing views have been out of concern for what I see as an increasing lack of support for social issues that I care deeply about. One of those issues is abortion. Republicans use abortion as a litmus test, and are working hard to make it very difficult for women to even find an abortion provider. One of the reasons that women get abortions is that they don’t have the financial means to care for a child. Yet the Republicans merrily go on canceling programs that would help them. Republicans only care about children in the womb. Once the child is born they have no intention of giving the mother and the child a helping hand.
“Yet the Republicans merrily go on canceling programs that would help them. Republicans only care about children in the womb. Once the child is born they have no intention of giving the mother and the child a helping hand.”
yes, because they’re actually pro-BIRTH, not pro-life. if they were really pro-life, they’d help the woman after she had the baby.
oh, and…you know…NOT put kids in cages. 🙁
It bothers me when an abortion is always considered to be “not an easy decision for any woman”. This is wrong because there are lots who do not have to think hard about what to do in case of an unwanted pregnancy.
Personally, I do anything I can not to get pregnant. I’ve been using IUDs for almost ten years so I would not have to remember taking a pill or anything that would destroy the effects of the pill. However, if I got pregnant I’d know my choice and have zero regrets.
It was an easy decision for me. Failed birth control, mid-30s, married woman. In 15 minutes after I took the test I had an appointment scheduled, and out of those I spent 10 minutes raging at the ceiling and at my husband. Not a shade of regret or guilt since then.
Agreed. I knew exactly what I wanted to do when I found out I was pregnant in college at 21. There was no sadness beyond being upset with myself for being in the position. I called the clinic immediately.
I’ve since had 3 babies after marrying my husband. If his vasectomy somehow failed and I ended up pregnant again, that would be a difficult choice…. for me. I don’t presume to know what women as a monolith feel about unplanned pregnancies. And yes I’m even more pro choice after having kids than before because it’s no one’s business what a woman does with her body except her and her doctor.
I was 44. The IUD failed. I made an appointment. Never given it another thought. NBD.
I’ve always thought that women simply feel OBLIGATED to say that “it’s never easy” to counteract the Right-Wing narrative that women use abortion as birth control and never think twice about it. I totally recognize how it further stigmatizes abortion and allows conservatives to control and shape the narrative, but I honestly believe that’s where it comes from.
For me, it was NOT an easy decision but I completely support and would NEVER judge a woman who thought it was easy and felt relieved afterwards. Everyone’s experience is different and there is no right/wrong way to feel about the decision to have an abortion.
Yes! The only thing that makes abortion not an easy decision for women is the shame that is put on it. Who wants to go through an easy medical procedure and then be called names & labeled with a scarlet letter by conservatives?! Who would think THAT is easy on us (as a collective)? The procedure is easy, the unnecessary shame is not so easy to wipe off. Glad we are doing that here.
We can retire that ole canard about people getting more conservative with age. It happened with only one age cohort, the boomers, and not on spectacular numbers. No evidence that GenXers switched sociopolitical views with age, and the millennials, though there’s few studies, have gotten more liberal at 35 compared to when they were 18.
I really wonder what happened to the boomers. How did they go from free love and the sexual revolution to *this.*
@Algernon, PREACH. How did we get here, you bloviated, privileged douchebags??
The exception is my dad, who was always a republican until Bush the younger broke him.
I heard men get more conservative with age and women get more liberal.
People should understand-not all Boomers were liberal. Not all of them were Deadheads. They didn’t all attend Woodstock. Stop painting everyone with the same brush. The first election the oldest Boomers could vote in was 1968(had to be 21 back then)and Nixon won, remember? The ones who were conservative back then are more so now. Some moderates may have moved more right, but I’m pretty sure the really liberal Boomers still are.
I started out much more conservative (I wrote a paper against marijuana legalization in high school) and have only become more liberal as I’ve gotten older. 46 now, so Gen X. But I grew up in a very conservative area and went to college in Eugene, OR which couldn’t be much more liberal as far as schools go, so I think that had a big effect on me.
I’m GenX and from what I’ve noticed the political polls tend to ignore us. I saw one online poll where there was no generation between boomer and millennial before it reached Z and I thought “wait a minute..”. My parents were also from a generation that fell between the big two, the silent generation. But they tended to be a little more conservative than liberal and in the 60’s they didn’t go along with the changes of that era so easily. They had stable jobs and growing families in that era so it was from a different viewpoint. While my father considered himself to be a registered democrat I do remember him voting for Reagan in 1980.
The media tends to focus on the bigger generations, the boomers and the millennials. They pit the gens against each other which is unfortunate. The boomers forget that in their time they ticked off their parents (the greatest generation) and the hippie stuff was considered radical by the older gen (“don’t trust anyone over 30” etc). Now the boomers are doing this to the millennials who they consider to be spoiled and self centered. The boomers should be more worried about the generation that is currently turning 18, these people aren’t millennials, they are more tech savvy and eligible to vote. The oldest end of the millennial group is turning 40, so they aren’t the teenagers and young adults that they have been marked as.
I’ve always been liberal since the time I turned 18 in 1990. That hasn’t changed.
Menopause truly sucks, but I am so glad I can stop worrying about unintended pregnancies.
I have been pro-choice since I was a teen, back in 1993 at least 3 to 4 girls I graduated with were pregnant and one in particular was a friend of mine she didn’t abort, but certainly should have that poor child has had no future was in and out of foster care because of her drug abuse. More women should think of the child and it’s life and it’s future . I am glad more celebrities are sharing their story.
The fact she was on Accutane is no small detail. It is a very powerful medication for acne that causes profound birth defects. The FDA grades it as a pregnancy category “X”, which means that it absolutely cannot be taken at any stage of pregnancy because of the effects it has on the fetus. Initially, the manufacturer relied on the prescribing physician to assure that female patients were taking reliable birth control (which should be two methods as a precaution for birth control failure). Subsequently (in the last 15 years or so) the manufacturer set up a registration/monitoring program to fully assure that women taking Accutane would not become pregnant.
Abortion really isn’t about how to justify it or having regret or no regret as the human mind will often create guilt where none is warranted or a person will feel no guilt when a grievous act was actually committed. Abortion is also about much more than being liberal or conservative or pro-ife or pro-choice. What is meaningful and relevant is the scientific understanding of what an abortion actually is, what the abortive process is exactly doing, what the stages of human development in utero consists of on various levels and how the abortion is being experienced by the woman and the pre-natal life as these are the concrete realities involved. Abortion is about life and death so it is critical to understand all the components of it, including the scientific components and what exactly is being terminated before any conclusion can be determined. Like all critical matters, every person needs to be thoroughly educated in this before an understanding of the morality or immorality of the process can be gained. Science itself is always changing and so there are also aspects of abortion and the lives involved that are not understood as yet which is another factor in this.
I did, too, at 26. My boyfriend’s father had just died, and my bf was pulling away from me. We were also poor–I was teaching college English as adjunct faculty, he was just starting out in his career. There was no way we could care for a baby, afford a child. I’m moderately ashamed to say it wasn’t birth control failure. We jus had unprotected sex one night: I thought he would use the withdrawal method; he thought I would tell him to do that if we needed him to. I knew the minute he finished that I was going to get pregnant. I wasn’t aware of where I was in my cycle: just, in that second, I knew. It was a feeling of absolute certainty. Anyway, I’ve never been sorry–beyond just wishing we’d been more careful–and I didn’t struggle with the decision. I’ve never told my mom, though, because I think it would hurt her heart.
Things happen, don’t be too hard on yourself about not using birth control. Many of us have been there.
I am in the process of starting the same drug adult onset cystic acne (grey hair AND acne – gee, thanks!). I had my tubes tied a couple years ago and they still insisted I must be on two forms of birth control and have pregnancy tests to meet protocol. The surgical sterilization only counts as one. Every single pill in the blister pack has a “no pregnancy” symbol on it and that symbol appeared 14 times in the pamphlet I received (I counted), sometimes twice on one page. I could certainly see someone being counselled not to continue a pregnancy while on it or for the year following. Those were scary pamphlets.
hey Sleanne be prepared for VERY dry skin (especially lips, mucus membranes). Also, my skin got permanently thinner (see also my comment above). But my acne is completely gone, so it def works.
I took it too in the late 80s. I was a virgin but still had to be on the pill. And trust me like Elisa says above dry skin, my lips basically peeled off and I was always thirsty. There wasn’t a ton of interest in me sexually. (ha)
My pills even had a pregnant woman with a red cross through it on each pill back. Not at all terrifying. 🙂
But my skin cleared up and I’ve never had major flare ups in 30 years. The 8 week was totally worth it for me.
The main side effect I had was extremely dry, cracking lips/mouth area. This happened quickly, while traveling. I purchased some medicated lip balm in the hotel shop and that only made it worse. My dermatologist later reminded me he had mentioned regular petroleum jelly for this common side effect. Sure enough, that worked.
The lengthy disclaimers about the medication are indeed scary. But it did do the job for me, exactly 20 years ago.
I wish more women would share their stories to destigmatize this.
Also on a side note I think that on 90% of TV shows where there is a dilemma on whether to keep an unplanned pregnancy end with the decision to keep it, or am I wrong here?
Just watched “working moms” on Netflix, and was pleasantly surprised to see one of the characters come to the conclusion that even though she has kids she can’t have another at this time. We need more shows like this.
Shameless has done both, the “keep it” and the “terminate it”.
There were two shows in the past year or so that went the other way within about a month of each other – My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Jane the Virgin. Was a nice change of pace.
Sex in the City tackled it a bit when Miranda was pregnant. She continued to term, but Carrie and Samantha both admitted to having one or two in their pasts. I also remember the 2nd season of the Real World when one of the house mates had an abortion during the season. It was so scary to watch the other people’s reactions as a 13 year old – people making judgements of her and the decision itself.
Abortion should be legal and safe for every female in every country in the world.
Abortion isn’t necessarily a hard decision, but certainly can be a difficult process. I remember walking through screaming protesters to get to a clinic in the 90s, and no one should have to go through that. There is only one functioning clinic in my state currently, which is just a terrifying thought.
How horrible. When younger, my husband was volunteer muscle to escort women from car to door at clinics. He was efficient, he’s 6’3″ after all, but they were always afraid of crazies with guns.
That was very, very kind of your husband to do…❤️ I’m sure it helped a lot of women who were already dealing with a traumatic day.
I had two abortions and have nothing but regret.
My daughter was on Accutane and the risks were never fully emphasised to her so when she fell pregnant she was over the moon. Unfortunately it was left to her sister and I to explain the risks and to sit with her through a doctor’s appointment and then the medical abortion. It was heartbreaking. Four years later and I’m still pissed at the original dermatologist for not explaining things clearly.
I had an abortion at 28 and it was an easy choice. I couldn’t afford a baby, my career wasn’t even close to where I wanted it to be, and I didn’t have the mental fortitude to look after another life when my BF and I were still having such a hard time looking after ourselves. Being pregnant when I didn’t want to be was awful – I felt like an alien was inhabiting my body and sucking the life out of me – and I just wanted to feel like me again. Luckily, I live in Toronto, and was able to get an abortion for free, no line-ups, no protestors and they threw in a free IUD to give me some piece of mind moving forward. I never look back with regret, only thankfulness, and a resolve to fight to keep abortion legal and free for future generations.
Why would it be difficult to decide to have an abortion? Besides the fact that it is a medical procedure and most people do not like medical procedures.
I got pregnant at 25 and was on the phone scheduling an appointment with PP immediately. Never had any second thoughts or regrets. As another poster said upthread, the only regret I felt was anger with myself for having gotten into the situation.
I had 3- at age 21, age 27, and age 35. At 21, I didnt have a job where I could get benefits but I made too much for medicaid. The pill was an expense I thought I could do without, but spermicidal contraception was harder to use correctly than I thought, obviously. And theres room for operator error with condoms, too. At 27 I was married (to the guy I was with when I was 21) and had had our baby the year before. I had a difficult pregnancy and labor. I was advised not to do that again. I was on the mini-pill. It straight up didnt work. At 35, I was divorced. I was dating a guy who wanted to wanted to get me pregnant, though I didnt know that. I guess he got lucky or I got lazy… or both. I had a child who needed her mother, though, and I needed to work. I couldn’t have afforded that pregnancy- not financially or physically.
Anyway, I dont regret having terminated those pregnancies. It was the right call. But to say I *wanted* to have those abortions isnt quite correct, either. I needed them. I got them. And if my daughter ends up in any such predicament(s), I’ll make damn sure she has access to whatever services she needs. And I pretty much dont give a damn what anyone thinks about that or the choices I’ve made, especially because the people who are most likely to condemn me are the same people who wouldn’t give a single shit about my babies (if I’d had them) while being DEEPLY fucking concerned about my fetuses. Because they dont count once they’re born, do they?
I’m glad she shared her story. When a woman isn’t ready she isn’t ready, and she made the choice which was best for her and I support her choice.
The problem I have overall with the anti abortion people is they only care about the fetus, and not the child once it comes into the world. When it takes its first breath, it’s “not our issue anymore, it’s yours”. I’ve often asked them “well are you willing to support the child for the next 18 years after preventing the abortion?” and what I get in response is silence. They don’t have an answer to that. I am especially antagonistic with the anti abortion men because they feel they have the right to an opinion about women’s issues when they have no clue what it’s like to be a woman or walk a mile in her shoes.
They should be left out of the debate because for them, it’s not about saving the children it’s about controlling women.
I hate that she’s not giving correct information! Women who become pregnant on Accutane have to get an abortion because it causes horrific birth defects. You even have to sign a contract saying that.
Trigger warning:
How do I know this? Because at 21, I became pregnant shortly after being on Accutane, and both my dermatologist and my regular doctor told me that if I went through with the pregnancy, that my baby would suffer and die inside me, which could kill me, too. If he or she did make it to term, then it would be an excruciatingly painful life until death a short time later, and if somehow the baby lived past a few hours after birth, it would be millions of dollars of care while the child suffered until death later.
They couldn’t tell me if enough time had passed for the Accutane to be out of my system, so I had to make the decision to have an abortion even though I was going to marry my fiance at the time. Even though I knew that I was making the right decision, it was still difficult.
She should be framing what she’s saying in a very different way because she almost had no choice in the matter – if she wanted to be humane. I’m glad that she’s talking about it though.
Maybe it was my upbringing and/or finding out my mom had an abortion at 17 after a failed pill (my dad had gone back to Canada for a bit and she had no resources to care for a baby), but the idea of bring pro choice and extremely liberal/anti religion has always been with me. I wasn’t raised by religious parents and I think my mom resented her mom who had 6 kids and never really raised any of them on a personal level. The church just told her to breed. Lots of nannies involved. I also never liked kids. My parents know I never liked kids. I think they still see it when I interact with my 7 month old niece. She is loud and shrilly. My 3 yr old niece is finally getting to the age where we have begun to bond and she is very vocal and ahead of when it comes to speech. But I am still not in a place where I could raise my own and I’m 36. My mom was always open that if I did not want kids and something were to fail she would be the first to take me to Planned Parenthood bc no one should be forced into birth or motherhood. Also American makes parenthood even more complicated w/ their shitty healthcare, lifestyle, work ethic, lack of social programs. Its a wonder how anyone can really afford it.