A month ago Bristol Palin’s baby daddy Levi Johnston said he’d do Playgirl “if the money was right.” No word on how that’s panned out, so Levi’s biding his time by showing us his nuts. I mean his pistachios. Well, pistachios in general. Was that dirty but still clear? Okay, so Levi’s done nothing but try to capitalize on the last 2 seconds of his 15 minutes the last six months. If he weren’t marginally attractive, those minutes would have gone by a lot faster.

Anyway, while he’s twiddling his thumbs waiting to hear from Playgirl, Levi signed on for a commercial for Wonderful Pistachio. You read that right. It requires some serious acting too – Levi’s got to saunter towards the camera carrying himself with a “my arms are too big for my body” posture, while protected by his bodyguard. Then he eats a pistachio. The narrator says, “Now Levi Johnston does it with protection.” Insert intended chuckle here __________.

The symbiosis of Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston continues apace. As Palin’s memoir rips up the charts Levi is back in a commercial for pistachio nuts. Uh, what?

While waiting for his Playgirl shoot to take place, Johnston—along with other luminaries like Vincent “Big Pussy” Pastore, Wee-Man, Christopher Knight, and Adrienne Curry—is hawking Wonderful Pistachios. The commercial says “Now Levi Johnston does it with protection.” Is that a reference to the shell of the nut? Aren’t you supposed to take those off before you eat them? Does that mean he chews the nuts while still in their shells?

Of course, Johnston’s handler/bodyguard Tank Jones in the commercial too, because he won’t do anything, including a naked photo shot, without the man. Apparently, Levi is Dumbo and Jones is his magic feather. When Tank is around, Levi thinks he can fly!

Well, Levi, we’re sure you cashed a nice check for this gig, but your slow slide into irrelevance has already started. It’s lonely at the bottom, but at least you’ll have Tank.

[From Gawker]

I wonder if Levi’s going to start helping out with his kid, now that he’s made what I’m estimating to be a cool $6,000. Sure, it’s no Playgirl, but come on… pistachios! What’ll get you more TV time than a nut that’s only useful purpose is as an ingredient is spumoni? For a while Levi was talking about wanting to be a model, and I think that’s what he was going for in this accidentally funny commercial. His walk is very stiff and concentrated, very “I am trying to walk as a buff man would walk.” Bring that to the runway and you’re golden.

Next up: cashews. Hold your breath.