Tom Cruise overstimulates zombie Katie Holmes

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In Touch Weekly has a funny story about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. It’s all about how Tom is “showering” Katie with attention “in an attempt to hold her interest”. In other words, he’s over-stimulating his robot, and she needs to recharge. I should say this too – by almost every other report, Tom and Katie are fine and enjoying their time in Boston. While I think for a brief moment a few months back they might have been having problems, they seem pretty solid now. Katie genuinely seems happy (and not quite as zombie-like) on all of her Boston outings with Suri over the past few weeks. Anyway, here are some excerpts from IT’s story:

As their third wedding anniversary approaches in November, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are trying to make their marriage work.

While jogging together, instead of simply enjoying a leisurely run, Tom irritated Katie. “He kept turning around backwards and shouting ‘Harder! Faster!’” a witness says. “She looked resentful, but he kept doing it… Katie prefers to jog alone, and that annoys her.”

Tom worries that Katie is pulling away, and it’s causing him to go into panic mode. Tom “has been doing all he can to keep Katie happy” by pampering her with shopping sprees and massages, and even had her favorite cupcakes flown in from LA.

He also spent $50,000 remodeling one of Katie’s walk-in closets at their home in Beverly Hills. “Tom is always making an effort to be a supportive husband and to keep Katie intrigued.”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition, October 18 2009]

Okay, there’s more to the story, but I just had to stop typing for a second because I was laughing too hard. One of the funniest sentences in the English language might be “Tom is always making an effort to be a supportive husband and to keep Katie intrigued.” Seriously? We’re going with “intrigued” as the feeling Tom wants to inspire? Mission. A-ccomplished. Perhaps next week they’ll say “to keep Katie startled” or “to keep Katie tormented and zombie-like” or “to keep Katie totally in the dark about Tom’s sex with men”.

Anyway, the rest of the story is more of the same. Tom has plans to take Katie to the Maldives for their anniversary – that’s where they honeymooned. He also wants to run the New York marathon with her. God, could you imagine living with him? He seems like a hyperactive child. Katie has also been spending more time with her family, and they “give her confidence”. Tom, IT claims, is worried because Katie has “become more assertive” and her feelings towards Tom “seem to be evolving”. Katie told Tom that she’s “not entirely happy” and that she sometimes misses her freedom. Katie is also questioning what Tom says and does, and “she doesn’t hang on his every word anymore and do whatever he wants.” Uh-oh. Why do I feel like Tom is less “worried” and more “scheduling an audit”? Break out the tin cans.

Here’s Tom filming some action scenes on the set of his upcoming film, “Wichita,” in Boston yesterday. Once a wrap was called Tom was “lovingly greeted by his two favorite girls and Katie’s parents who were also ecstatic about Toms daredevil moves!” Images thanks to Fame Pictures .

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36 Responses to “Tom Cruise overstimulates zombie Katie Holmes”

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  1. JayBird says:

    I really heart the 7th picture.

  2. LolaBella says:

    Oh hell, is that tongue in the header pic??!!!! My eyes, MY EYES!

  3. Kaiser says:

    Holy Flying Xenu, is that Tiny Tom about to pounce on that car like it was Zac Efron in the shower?!?

  4. maddie says:

    It looks like one of the White Chicks in the limo in the 7th and 8th pic.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0381707/

  5. Risa says:

    Jaybird and Kaiser:

    ROTFL!!!! I busrt out with giggles at work!!!

  6. Anak says:

    I don’t believe in the xenu thing. This seems a beautiful family love instead of the pitt-potty-head-drunk and the home-wrecker, which are ridiculous!

  7. Rachum says:

    Looking at the height of tiny tom in the header pic, is he on a hill?

  8. Guest says:

    Could she get any pastier??

  9. Catherine says:

    Maybe he makes the effort to keep her interest because he actually loves her. *gasp* What a concept!!

  10. Laura says:

    Again, they are in heavy jackets and suri has a light long sleeve shirt, tights and no socks. They don’t keep this kid warm!

  11. Kris says:

    Ok. I have a question about this scentence…

    “to keep Katie totally in the dark about Tom’s sex with men”.

    Now I read my fair share of gossip sites and quite often the author refers to TC’s preference to sleep with men. Now is it proven that TC ACTUALLY likes men, or is it just one of those urban ledgends that no one has proof of.

    I would love to know if there is any truth to it, seriously! And I don’t want to hear “oh you can totally tell just by looking at him”

  12. Lem says:

    those are by far the sweetest most genuine looking pictures of the 2 of them I’ve ever seen.
    BTW his pants are unbuttoned. Don’t know why I noticed. But you’d think with all the handlers and all the relatives somebody would notice!

  13. Lem says:

    “{…} and Katie’s parents who were also ecstatic about Toms daredevil moves!”

    um, eh?

  14. Kaiser says:

    Kris – It was just a joke. I have no proof that Tom is gay. I just thought it was funny that they used the word “intrigued” and I let my mind wander.

  15. KateNonymous says:

    Run the NY Marathon? Or “run” the NY Marathon? I’m still not sure Katie covered the whole distance on foot.

  16. Kris says:

    Thanx Kaiser! You rock.

  17. Eileen Yover says:

    It’s one of those rumors (TC being gay) that has been going around for so long there has to be truth to it. Rumors come and go, but the same rumor for 20 years?

  18. princess pea says:

    What can you do to a closet that costs 50 K? And is Katie really so empty that a walk-in closet makeover will intrigue her?

    It had better be gold-plated now.

  19. the original kate says:

    ok, i don’t know what a “pitt-potty-head-drunk” is, but i can’t wait to use it on someone.

  20. ccoop says:

    “What can you do to a closet that costs 50 K?”

    Turn it into a Panic Room?

  21. crash2GO2 says:

    Oh, stop with the Suri is underdressed posts! She’s wearing a polarfleece vest for heaven’s sake – do you know how warm those things are? Those of you who have or have had kids, know that their little bodies run HOT. I can’t keep blankets on my 5-year-old at night, because she starts sweating. I’m in the same house, all curled up under my blankets. She’ll play in the house in short sleeves and complain if I try to put a sweater on her, and if I insist, she will start sweating. Meanwhile, I’m in a sweater. That’s just the way they are.

  22. elvisgrace says:

    “He kept turning around backwards and shouting ‘Harder! Faster!’” a witness says. “She looked resentful, but he kept doing it… Katie prefers to jog alone, and that annoys her.”

    Katie needs to yell out, only once, “That’s what I said last night!” – no more running buddy.

    #13- makes sense…Tom has an stunt-related accident, Katie and Suri are released from the clutches of Xenu with some fat bank.

  23. Diablo says:

    This is the fakest celeb marriage I have ever seen. Katie is just a beard for Tom, who doesn’t want his gay truth to get out because he will lose his action-star audience.

  24. Bodhi says:

    God, she really is the WORST actress!

  25. jabberingaway says:

    oh so what, they are a little quirky family…we can all agree, he is one hell of an actor.

  26. Anah says:

    Female subjectivity in a relationship is not a very good thing (maybe if the couple are both women, but I don´t know much about that)
    That marriage won´t last, unless, dear Kat, you constantly say to your hubby:1 NO ONE notices you´re wearing shoes with hidden platforms 2 everybody cares about your Scientology feelings 3 whatever you say is fine 4 you´re right, you always are.
    Look, if you don´t trust ME check what happened with Nicole! As soon as she told him that the church thing was crazy he dumped her. You have to tell him those things but you don´t have to believe it, that just stupid.

  27. Anah says:

    Kris: Tommy is creepy! Good actor but CREEPY. Does really makes a difference for you whether he´s gay or not?

  28. Todd says:

    Gay men have sex w/ men?????? So if hes gay, married to a woman and has a baby to hide the fact that hes gay makes him a great actor!!! lol So I guess it does matter!!!

  29. thepickle says:

    You need to be in your 40’s to really appreciate TC. “All the Right Moves” was on tv last night. I saw it in the theater when I was 17, and it still makes me feel sexy. TC could really whore it out to the camera. The original Manjina. That scene where he is dancing with the other hot shirtless football players in the locker room is priceless. And he really makes you feel like he enjoys deflowering Lea Thompson who looks like a dried-up gnawed on chicken leg left on a park bench. “yes Tom Cruise do me! cause you’re going to be a mega star and I’m just going to fade into obscurity!”
    Do men find him hot too? No doubt. Does he have sex with men? I suppose he does if he wants to. But I don’t believe his marriages have been shams. I think he loves his women- especially as beautiful accessories to his talents. Mimi Rogers didn’t make the cut. He dumped Nicole. Now he has his perfect love child with vapid Kate. He is the older more accomplished partner amd has orchestrated the media with his couch jumping and tongue thrusting. She may be the one to wig out.

  30. Anah says:

    I don´t think hiding who you really are makes you a good actor, it´s makes you a deshonest person, to yourself and people who loves you. If he´s gay but convinces everybody that he loves his leading lady, great! Fine by me. Your sex life concerns you and you alone. What´s make Tom a good actor has nothing to do with being good at hiding his sexual orientation. Thepickle explains why we like him very well. In fact, I like him as an actor, but off the screen, he seems to be very crazy and weird. He acts more naturally in a movie than in the real world. One more thing, many people hide treir sexual orientation, everyone can act! But doing that well, doesn´t make them good at professional acting.

  31. noonoo says:

    Kaiser that was funny….kudos.

  32. Nicole says:

    Tom has gotten a little strange off screen in the last few years or so, but there’s no denying he’s a great actor. I don’t really know what’s with the gay rumors. I know they’ve been around for a while, but I just don’t see it. And what’s with the Katie bashing? I like her!

  33. Anah says:

    Me too!I liked her, until she married this fellow.

  34. Hieronyus Grex says:

    And I thought the image of David Letterman getting down and dirty was an effective contraceptive.

  35. lennie says:

    Is that a tongue? Ewwwwwwwwwww

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