Yes, the age of agency is a really big factor. I grew up in an abusive/poor home, and though I never became involved in this sort of lifestyle, I was blessed with friends who (upon learning the extent to which I was so deeply unhappy), took it upon themselves to hold me accountable. I had just turned 21 at this point, and a problem that I think is faced by a lot of people who deal with this thing is that ‘happiness’ is just an abstraction. You don’t know what it looks like, or how it feels, so you don’t even know how to pursue it. After a while, it becomes such a pie in the sky concept, that you don’t even care if you get there or not. It’s certainly a case of ‘one day at a time’, but in service to a positive goal, but just existing through the clock.

I’ve never experienced inebriation of any kind (my family would DESTROY me if I ever got drunk and I’m safely over the age of majority), so I was able to recognize the true purity and love of their intent. They also knew me well enough to know how to encourage me. For instance, knowing that I loved a certain type of hot chocolate beverage sold on our campus, and that I’ll willingly exacerbate my own sleeping disorder to punish myself under the guise of ‘doing work’ (because deciding to write a ten-page paper on synesthesia for no reason one night is SOOO important), we’d make deals. Get at least six hours of sleep on regular days, eight on test days, and after a week, we’ll get you a hot chocolate. Do if for a month and we’ll get a pie. I mean, the support was so loving and kind and I’m tearing up now just thinking of all of the things that they did for me over the course of one year.

It’s a long, boring story, but what I mean to say, is that a support system–rooted in motives that can’t suit a personal agenda– are essential. And even under the most felicitous of circumstances, it takes a lot of work from people around you, and it’s a huge task.

I just remember thinking: ‘I’m 21 now, and though I don’t really consider myself an adult–still don’t, but all of my family members are far older than me and by instinct grab my hand crossing the street and in large crowds–but I have to act like one, and treat myself like one.’

You have to have a plan. You don’t just wake up one day and remark, ‘I win at life!’ Every freedom comes with a responsibility, and vice-versa. By the time you’re 23, you have to understand that even though your family may have had a bilious power over in the past, if they still have it, it’s because you’ve given them permission to take it.

Betterment, not bleach!

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At the rate she’s going, I give her five years at the outside.

She may have lousy parents but she has to start taking responsibility for her life. She’s not a teenager any more, she’s a grown woman. She can’t hide behind “Mommy-messed-me-up” any longer. She needs to make some hard choices. If she wants to throw her life away, nobody can stop her. It’s up to her.

@ Squirtle: I don’t even think she realizes what she looks like any more. Comparing her with a two-dollar hooker would be insulting the hooker.

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Here is the Anna Nicole for 2011. I hope she cleans up her act.

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